Sometimes I Feel Like I’m Being Pulled In So Many Directions (Irondad Fic Exchange 2019)
Summary:
Peter knows he did poorly on his final, and he feels bad enough. Then May finds out. Peter doesn't know how to handle all the pressure of being a normal high-school teenager on top of trying to balance the responsibility that comes with being spider-man.
Thank fully he has Tony Stark and May Parker to keep him in check- and comfort the stressed teen along the way.
Notes:
Hey guys! Ok, so rant coming:
I poured my heart and soul into the two pics that I did for the Irondad Fic Exchange. I spent so long outlining and writing and re-writing the two works that I signed on for. I tried to craft them for the enjoyment of the two wonderful people that I was writing for. Then someone came onto my last fic and called me "Laughably stupid". I just.. I don't understand pointless hate. I'm all here for constructive criticism. But blatant hate on something that was a gift for someone else is just... not okay. So, if you have anything rude to say, keep it to yourself. All you are doing is discouraging me. It was quite hard for me to build up the courage to post this after that. So, please just be positive.
The prompt I chose from Whimsicalethnographies was "May grounds Peter for something non-Spider-man related and Peter sneaks out to the Tower, cue co-parenting." I hope they enjoy this fic! I loved writing it!
also the title and the line in this fic that follows the name of the title are from the BBC show Merlin, which everyone should watch!
Warnings: Mild Depictions of a Panic Attack (Nothing too serious, but take care of yourselves babes)
Tags:
@irondad-fic-exchange @whimsicalethnographies
Peter had felt sick for the past three hours. He had done really, like really bad on his Chemistry mid-term. He had been handed the results and he felt hot tears pricking in his eyes. Peter had ignored Ned and MJ the rest of the day, hiding behind exhaustion and his hoodie. Peter knew May was going to kill him. Ever since she found out about his extra-curricular activities, she had insisted he could continue as Spiderman as long as his grades and mental health didn’t suffer. He had been able to maintain a fairly solid mental health situation, I mean sure, most of the time it came from him just pushing back all of his real feelings. But, up until now his grades hadn’t suffered. Peter had been able to do keep up his schoolwork and web-slinging, but last week had been a huge arms bust, and Peter had gotten so carried away that he had completely failed to realize that he had his chemistry midterm coming up. He had thought he could have scraped by with a C, but Peter got the test back with 1 point above an F. He had passed, barely, but his entire grade was going to be trashed.
Peter rushed out of school the second the bell sounded, finding the nearest ally and slipping into his Spidey gear. “Good afternoon, Peter.” Karen’s familiar voice greeted him, and Peter sighed.
“Hey Karen.” Peter began swinging his way to the top of the building.
“Peter, you appear to be in distress. Would you like me to call Boss?”
“What? No- no, Karen I’m fine. Just, just mute.” He would deal with this disaster later when he needed to. Peter heard someone yelling in the distance and all thoughts of his stress went away.
Peter moaned deep in his throat as he slipped in through his window. He could smell May’s tragic cooking coming from the kitchen as he tapped the spider emblem on his chest. He tossed his backpack onto his bunk and slipped out of the uniform. His right shoulder was killing him, but he knew the strain would be healed in about an hour, so he ignored it as he pulled a Midtown sweater on.
Peter looked down at the test peeking out of his backpack. The infuriating D- making him want to scream. He rolled his eyes and left the room, finding May standing over the stove and stirring burned rice. Peter grimaced as he popped onto the counter, munching on a grape.
“So, I’m guessing you want me to order our usual?” May just huffed, turning to Peter and pushing her wide-frame glasses up on her nose. She began sniffing and made a sour face.
“What I would rather you do, is shower before you come into my kitchen after spidering around Queens!” She exclaimed, tossing her dish towel at him with a grin on her lips. Peter caught it as he slid from the counter, hands raised in defeat.
“Alright, alright. But I expect Martin’s Thai to be on their way with our order by the time I get out!” He quipped back before slipping back to his shower. The second the door closed behind him; Peter felt a tension release around his shoulder. It had become too normal for him to have painted a mask of being “okay”. May thought he was handling everything fine, but Peter knew he had just perfected the art of faking it.
The heat of the shower on Peter’s sore muscles had him sighing. It was little moments of peace like this where Peter could catch his breath. It took him longer than normal to finish his shower, and when Peter slipped into his pajamas his stomach growled. Okay, so the single grape he had eaten wasn’t enough to curve his hunger. He was really hoping the Martin’s was already here.
Peter ducked out of the bathroom, using his towel to dry out his curls. He passed by his room and tossed his towel without looking in there, on his way to the kitchen, when May cleared her throat. Why is May in my room? Peter turned back around, sliding into his room before his feet froze on sight. May was sat on his bed, Chemistry test in hand, and an unreadable expression on her face.
“Hey, May- Uh”- She held up a hand, mouth in a grim line.
“Save it. I’m not going to talk about it right now, because I know I would start yelling, and I don’t want to have to apologize for that.” She took a deep breath and stood up. “Do your homework, finish all of it. Study for whatever you need to study for, I’ll bring your food when it arrives.” She turned to walk from the room and Peter huffed.
“So, you’re just going to ignore me, then?” May laughed, in a way that made Peter know that she did not find the situation funny.
“Peter, you hid this from me. You know our deal, and you lied to me. I’m not ignoring you; I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do about this. I’m still learning how to do this whole parent thing, so a little grace would be very appreciated!” She stated, her hands flying in exasperation. Peter felt his nerves grating against one another, and he should have kept his mouth shut, but he had never been very good at that.
“You’re right. You’re not my parent. So, I made a bad grade, alright? So, let’s just forget about it, it won’t happen again.” May was fuming at this point, Peter knew the nonchalance that he had laced into his voice was really driving her crazy, but he couldn’t seem to care.
“Peter. Benjamin. Parker. I did not sign on for this. I was thrust into having you. And I would never change that, but I am still learning. I don’t have Ben anymore, and he was always so much better at this than I am. I give you more freedom than you know what to do with, and you’re still a kid. I can’t expect you to know how to handle yourself. No kid your age should have this much responsibility. For now, no internship, no spider-man.” Her voice was firm and Peter was fuming at this point.
“Well I’m just sorry that this all got thrown on you! But you can’t take away the internship and you can’t take away Spiderman! They’re all I have!” May recoiled.
“Don’t you dare think that I am mad that you’re mine, but you are mine and you will behave! I don’t know how long this will last, but you best believe yourself that there will be neither of those things until you get yourself together. And I am here to help and to talk, but you have to take responsibility for your actions.” With that, May strolled from the room, shutting the door behind her and Peter ran his hands through his hair, anxiety crawling up his throat. What- how- what was he going to do if he couldn’t be Spiderman?
Call it a lapse of judgement or teenage stupidity, but Peter pulled his mask on, activated his web shooters and peeled the window open. He climbed onto the fire escape and leapt to the building across from his.
“Karen, tell Mr. Stark I’m going to use the lab tonight.” The AI obliged as Peter began his web-slinging to the tower. The crisp breeze of the night air on his body helping to zone him in, and he imagined all of his stresses being left on the ground behind him.
The tower came into sight and Peter zeroed in on his window. He feet connect with the top panel, and the second the trapdoor closed behind him peter pulled his mask off, leaving him right next to a private elevator in his pajamas. He pressed the call button and waited on the “ding” that was so familiar to him.
Peter hopped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the lab before he put in his pin. Very few people had access to the lab. Tony, Peter, Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper. That was it. Peter leaned against the glass wall of the elevator, his heart still pounding. The anxiety he had been feeling all day was slowly clawing away at his heart and he felt like he was going to throw up.
Peter made it to the lab, and he sighed, before standing by his table and running a hand through his hair. He felt tears pricking at his eyes, the safe place around him having Peter wiping at the tears.
He pulled up the new web formula he had been working on and began to mess with the equations and holographs on it. He let himself get lost to time. Peter was so caught up on working on the tensile strength and the weight of the new formula that he didn’t realize Tony was in the room until he heard the man clear his throat.
Peter turned suddenly; eyes wide. “Mr. Stark! You have to let me know when you’re behind me!” The boy’s anxiety began to race again. Tony just scoffed, looking at the work on Peter’s table.
“What, your Peter Tingle stop working or something?” Peter grumbled out something about how Tony wasn’t seen as a threat and to stop calling it his tingle!
“Yeah, well- on another note, what are you doing still here at three in the morning?” Peter’s head whipped up, fear clutching his heart. Holy sh- May is going to kill me! “If you are currently thinking about the wrath of May Parker, then you’re on the right trail. I got the most interesting phone call from her.” Tony said as leaned on the table across from Peter, who suddenly found everything but look at his mentor interesting. “She calls me, freaking out, before explaining to me that you weren’t home, your suit was still on your bed, and that you had been in the middle of a big argument. She tells me she woke up to get water and found your room light still on at 2:30 am and went to check on you. And that’s how I get a call, waking me out of the little sleep time I do actually get. And May, May tells me the most interesting thing. You aren’t supposed to be here. And she wants to know why I allowed you over the tower when you’re royally grounded- which is news to me by the way. So, you have-” Tony looks at his watch. “Five minutes to explain yourself before Happy gets here to take you home.
Peter takes a deep breath, his heart pounding. He turns his face away from Tony, wiping at the tears forming in his eyes. Angry at his emotions for slipping.
“It’s nothing- I just got a bad grade. I shouldn’t have snuck out.” He began to pack his stuff up, before standing, but a hand pushed his chest, forcing him back down onto the seat.
“Nope. Explain better. Since when do you forget about a midterm?” Tony is concerned, Peter knows that, but he doesn’t want to open this can of worms. But Tony’s eyes don’t leave his, and Peter sighs. There is no way out of this.
“I- um- listen last week was just, it had a lot of Spiderman related problems, and I just forgot.” Peter shrugged, looking up. The look in Tony’s eyes making Peter realize that he wasn’t going to worm his way around this one.
“Then we need to cut back your-”
“No! Why does everyone think the solution to this is to take Spiderman away from me?” Peter finally erupted, standing up hastily. Tony put both of his hands in the air, eyebrows raised at the outburst.
“Listen, listen- I’m not talking about taking him away, I’m talking about reducing hours.” Peter just shook his head hastily, panic building.
“No, you can’t- you cant!” He gripped his hair between his hands, shaking his head and backing into the wall behind him. Tony’s face radiated concern, but the monstrous ball of anxiety that had been sitting in Peter’s chest was finally going to claw its way out, and it was going to do it viciously.
“Pete, just calm down and let’s talk this out.” Tony moved forward but Peter held out a hand.
“Stop, I can’t- you guys don’t get it!” The teen was screaming at this point, breaths short and he couldn’t control anything climbing its way out of his mouth.
“Then explain it to me, alright?” Tony sat on Peter’s work table, leaving the teen against the wall, giving him his required space.
“I just, I can’t lose Spiderman, he’s all I have! I do so much, and I work- I work so hard, and college is coming up, and school is hard, and no matter what I do, whenever I turn the corner there is always something else! May needs me, and MJ and Ned, and you, and sometimes, between bad guys, tests, paper, and saving people’s lives I feel like I’m getting pulled in so many different directions that I don’t know what way to turn!” Peter was sobbing now, his breaths choking out in harsh gasps as he slid to the ground, shaking hands wrapped around his knees.
“FRIDAY, tell May I’ve got Peter for the night.” Then, there were arms around Peter, warm strong arms and the teens just sobbed harder. “You hold too much Peter. The weight of the world isn’t for you to bear.” And Peter curled up on Tony’s side, burying his messy face into the man’s shoulder. “And, don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely still grounded, but neither May or I are ever going to take Spiderman away, but we want to avoid these meltdown things as much as possible, and if you constantly feel this pressure on your shoulders and you never take a moment for you, well it’s going to crush you, Pete. So, let us help.” Peter just cried and gripped onto the man holding him. Tony leaned his head down, placing a kiss on Peter’s head. “Let us help, kid.”
whimsicalethnographies replied to your post “So who’s this Pete Buttigieg? I’ve never heard of him before, but he...”
He’s meh. White democratic centrist who’s mayor of a town in flyover country. I’d walk over lava and broken glass to vote for him if he’s the nominee, but...meh. He has been triangulating to the center—he’s dry toast: of course you eat it if that’s all there is because it’s not bad per se, but like, one doesn’t *want* dry toast.
Hmmm, right. Of course dry toast is infinitely preferable over overripe orange, but I get your point. Who do you hope to be the nominee?
whimsicalethnographies replied to your post “I bet someone´s asked this before, but are you lactose intolerant?”
I have PLE! Lol. Mine’s not that bad though; i get it the first time I go for decent length out on my chest and right shoulder, then so long as I stay out of the sun until it goes away I’m good the rest of the summer, even when I’m bad and stay out without sunscreen. It’s such a specific, prickly itch.
Isn’t it?? Also mine will go away throughout the summer too. Actually the fastest way for me to get over it every year is if I get sunburned once because after the burn turns to tan, it doesn’t bother me anymore.
whimsicalethnographies replied to your photoset “hand to god, what is happening in here on this day”
Dude log out and look at Boswell. It looks like their bringing this into their fucking RPing. WHAT IS HAPPENING
you know you’ve really hit rock bottom creatively speaking when you have go on other people’s posts and start drama to keep your RP running asldkjagh’asl;dkgtahktf
whimsicalethnographies replied to your post “whimsicalethnographies replied to your post “just my onion but the...”
Lol, then I didn't explain it well. Like anderson was wrong about everything and every end point and every theory except Sherlock being alive.
so if you think that why do you say you kinda share my opinion? anderson was wrong about everything (the arg etc etc) apart from sherlock being alive (more is coming). where’s the middle ground?
Dude, AND that response was sent to people who never even asked about Johnlock, but other issues. FUCKY
Gross. Seriously. Once I get this fic done, I’m going to sit down to this and give it my full attention. And I’m going to send it to all of them, not just the BBC. Mark is getting his own, personalised letter, from one queer to another. No hate, but confrontation? Oh yes.
whimsicalethnographies replied to your post “soOo what do u think about the bbc complaint answers in regards to the...”
I complained about both, and have yet to receive an answer. Also their reply was very non-answery, and had some interesting wording. "Entirety of the show" and "series conclusion" etc.
yeah!!!! i thought my non-native skillz were acting up but when i read that i was kinda side eyeing the wording
