Experiences
New experiences are everything.
Take me to new places, show me new music, new people. Musician does that.
But he also feels me like no one ever has. Indulges my every sexual thought. Make my everything feel melted with the thought of you touching me. Show me what it’s like to have someone appreciate every part of me. To put me in the spotlight.
How whiskey brings out everything. How it’s burn down my throat is all truth, uninhibited.
Deep breaths...the sensation of blankets on my feet and that stubborn loneliness...
I am depressed...it’s so hard to admit. I feel it every day since he left - or rather, when we agreed to part. It was the right choice though...right?
The whiskey makes me feel as if I am embodying the waves hitting the shore...”follow me, follow me down...”
I know I should be stronger. Be my own partner, but sometimes I miss having someone to take away some of the burden. The hardship and encumbrance.
Am I strong enough? Who the fuck knows.
Do I drink too much? Feel too alone?...All the time...
I like the idea of someone saving me, but we all know that’s unrealistic.
I think I fucked up the majority of the time and I guess I’m okay with that.
Sometimes...most times, I don’t feel anything at all. Just a numb, empty shell of a body. Desperately wanting to be aware and present like I once was.
What happened? Did the world break the shit out of me? Fuck that.