Obsession or love
They all got it wrong. Carlos cannot not think about how they all got it wrong. It being Oscars' dynamic, their dynamic really, but mostly they got Oscar wrong. Carlos may seem biased, but he likes to think he is not, especially because he knows he himself is a hotheaded guy, so yeah it is honestly an objective way of thinking. Oscars' fans seem to think he is the next Raikkonen with a cool demeanor, when he is actually a very good Schumacher in hiding. He is all, but a chill, nonchalant guy Oscar is not.
Actually he may be, but not when it's about Carlos. Because when it's about Carlos it's scary how quickly his eyes darken and his jaw clenches. Whatever the topic may be, the reaction is the same. If Charles mentions a lunch they did not got together, but Carlos promised him they'll see each other soon, the blond cannot help the way his fingers move to form a fist and when he catches himself the nail marks are already deep in the skin. If it's Lando who speaks then it's worse, because usually the lunch, the dinner or whatever did happen and then the jealousy is very visible if you look at Oscar at that moment. Usually no one does, except Carlos. Sometimes he'll feel a pair of eyes on him or even a chill air will crawl to his spine. It excites him and it scares him. Not like sometimes it scares him. It scares him that it excites him.
It's all so primitive to feel the need like you belong to someone, but the blood flows faster when the spaniard thinks like that. Especially when it's Oscar. It's not like he and Oscar are together, he just gets jealous whenever someone else has Carlos time or attention. Actually Carlos doesn't know that because they never talked about this weird thing between them. Actually there is nothing between them, they did not have a date, ever, did not have sex, didn't even kiss once. All that is between them is this unspoken want. And Carlos can't lie, it's from both sides.
At first Carlos didn't pay much attention to Oscar, just occasionally greeting each other and a polite smile. That until they were at a party and he caught Oscar multiple times looking straight at him with impossible dark eyes. He thought it was because they touched each other on track that day. Slightly. It shouldn't even matter, he then saw the way his eyes burned with hatred. But not towards him. Towards Lando who was like usual handsy and like half on Carlos' lap. Well maybe they fought or whatever. But it didn't stop there. Oscar who was not a big party guy kept coming to them, never spoke to Carlos and always looked at him. Who was he talking to, watched everyone who passed him and even when he was far from him he could see the occasional jaw clenching, fist forming, eyes darkening and an air of danger emanating from the younger. It did not scare Carlos. Maybe because it was not towards him or maybe because he liked it. Still, no one acted on it. That untill.
It was Saturday, which means quali. It was the Spanish GP and of course Carlos could not not hope for the best. He qualified 3rd, so the hopes are high, but Charles is on pole and he knows what comes next. If Charles somehow doesn't have some problems, then Ferrari will never allow him to overtake. That assuming he passes the McLaren in 2nd. Which is Oscars'. Well he could dream about Oscar and Charles taking each other out, but the delusion will not help him win his home race. And so he absently answers the questions they ask him in the interview and tries to ignore the staring he gets from Oscar, as he has more to think about now. Of course the Ferrari asks to bring a 1-2, with Charles on top position. And he gets it, he should've qualified higher if he wanted the strategy around him, but realistically speaking, that team does not ever think about him first, even when starting higher, so not much to loose there.
It's Sunday when Oscar approaches him and stands near for the hymn. It may have been Lando's place but he doesn't have the time for that, he needs to focus on the race in front of his home fans, his whole family, he dreams being the next Spanish driver to win at home following his idol.
- Don't worry, Carlos, it'll be a good race. - tells him Oscar stepping off the platform and before Carlos could even process what he said, the younger had already took off. Usually one would say good luck ar something similar, not that. What a weird guy really.
- Thank you. - Carlos says to Oscars' back and he could swear the Australian heard him, even if he was already far, because he stopped in his steps and slightly turned his head before taking off again. Really weird.
Carlos has a plan from Ferrari, pass Oscar, take 2nd, bring 2nd home. Nice strategy, it really concerns him how he is not surprised that even his own garage does not favor him. The race starts, he starts well, the same as Oscar, he thinks of passing him at turn one, he has the inside line at T1 but immediately is T2 where he has the outside so it's a little tricky, but manageable. He watches Oscar in front of him, visualises the trajectory blinks and sees Oscar take Charles out. Not brocedes level dramatic, he knows how that looked, had a front row seat, but still very efficient. Oscar still in front of him, but with damage, he needs to pass him quickly, before Max closes on him and before the red flags. He was only near Oscar for a fraction of a second but he still could feel the younger's eyes on him, didn't even need to see them, couldn't even, the visor was down. And then he got it. Don't worry, Carlos. Oscar took Charles out deliberately. For him to win. What a freak. Fuck, this guy is not normal. A gifted win again, many would say, who cares, a win is a win. A home race win is even better. He manages to bring it home in P1. Race winner. Max is in second and Lando in third. Oscar retired the car on lap 13. He celebrates, of course he does. All the Spain is looking at him, but on his mind is one single boy. He celebrates with his garage, Charles there, very good teammates style. He hears the stewards decided it was a racing incident, because "Oscar lost the control over the car", and really very hard to believe even if he wasn't the spectator in first row at this theatre. So yeah. He celebrates, invites the whole grid to a friends' club. He sees Charles and Oscar talking, the latter almost not paying attention. Well at least the brothers are still friendly. He parties wild and feels a pair of eyes on him at all times, but doesn't care much, even gives him a whole show of dancing with many partners. And then the feeling disappears and it's lonely. Sees Oscar leaving, and when it's your party you can do whatever you want, even leave early. Especially if he is after some explanations.
- Leaving so early, Oscar? - he sees the boy outside the club, clearly trying to order a cab. Carlos can't lie and pretend the boy isn't pretty, especially in the dim lightning of the moon that accentuate every feature on Oscars' face and the way he looks at Carlos makes wanting him so easy. Really he could say he never craved much attention, untill he felt what it's like to have 100% of it from a person and now he needs it like it's air.
- Yeah, mate, long day. - a flat tone and again this nonchalant gimmick, Carlos doesn't believe in it one bit. Especially when he could see the way the boy looked when Carlos danced with Lando a little too close to a very sexy song. Actually he looked not so much angry as defeated, and that may have made Carlos take action. Because Oscar doesn't suit that expression, he is a winner, he is world champion material, he does not suit defeat, Carlos needed to make him feel like a winner again. And what the boy wanted more is right in front of him.
- Want to go to mine? - the boy looks taken aback but only a fraction, like if he doesn't respond now he loses the chance. - I have a nice place nearby, we could chat a bit more. - Carlos approached the boy and they are now barely centimetres apart, he could see the flushed pink cheeks and the dark eyes, not the colour, just the expression. And oh boy, how he wanted to always have this eyes on him.
- Wouldn't some people miss you? - no flat tone this time, but Carlos thinks that Oscar couldn't pretend to not care when asking about that. He does get jealous pretty easy. Possessive. All the time, and it's not like he is insecure, just craves what he thinks he cannot have. But he can have him actually, the younger just doesn't know that yet.
- Eh, they saw me already. Plus we really do have things to talk about. - the younger was not surprised, clearly he waited for Carlos to acknowledge him some way or another for what he did today on the track. Drivers don't do that. Usually.
- Sure, then. - the drive was really short, awkward not so much, some tension yes, but really mostly silence. They arrived quickly and Carlos guided him to the right apartment.
- Can i get you something to drink? - asked Carlos while turning on the lights, he could feel Oscar scanning the apartment in something, and knowing him, he most likely searched for another person's belongings in the apartment. And yes, again this feeling of belonging to gets the best of Carlos. He likes it. Likes it better that it's from Oscar. - It's an Airbnb. My place in Barcelona is too far from the track, but it does feel nice to live at least one race weekend not in a hotel. - explained Carlos while he got to the kitchen, he took a beer from the fridge and when Oscar nodded, brought the second one and placed it in front of him on the kitchen island.
- Don't you want to ask me why i did it? - Oscar looks at him and waits for Carlos to put the bottle down so that he could answer him. Because Oscar, thinking back to it, feels like he just did the stupidest shit ever, anyone could watch closely to his hands and see that he did it deliberately, and that despite it being only his second year in F1, that mistake is stupid even for a rookie. He feels stupid, but somehow cannot bring himself to think about it for more than 1 minute, because he remembers Carlos smiling at his home crowd form the top step and nothing really matters more than that. And isn't that concerning.
- I know why you did it. Knew for some time. Waited for you to act on it. - Carlos studies the way the boys' face changes with emotions, at first surprise, then confusion and then doubt. Because Oscar thought he hides it well. He has another one coming then if he thinks like that. All that obsession and need for attention from the older is hard to hid.
- And...it doesn't scare you? - the younger looks from under his eyelashes, head a little down and waits for an answer, Carlos isn't cruel, he needs to spare the younger from going too much in his head. Well, yeah the boy is a little weird, and very obsessed, and gets jealous easy and has a scary look to his face sometimes, but no one treated Carlos that way, no one placed him before everyone and everything else, so who is Carlos to judge the boys' ability to love...in his own way. Carlos does not love him. Yet. But he feels like he can. For now the thinks the boy is verry pretty and needy and he loves that.
- It does not, Oscar. - he places the hand on Oscars' one and looks for the reaction from the latter, who now is only looking at the hand above his likely contemplating all his life choices that lead him to this moment - I promise you, it does not and i think it is time you can show me all of it. - it certainly tempts Oscar, but he does not yet move, he feels this may still be a dream of some sort, so Carlos thinks he can help the younger, after all it is to his help he is a race winner today. He leans above the kitchen island and kisses Oscar. Briefly, then leans back and waits for the response, and when it comes he isn't ready. Because Oscar in one moment is in front of him on the other side of the kitchen island and in the next the boy is in front of him, between his spread legs on the chair and kisses him hard. Nothing like Carlos' own kiss, brief and sweet. It may or may not be called a claiming kiss, because he could feel the possessiveness from the kiss only, not to mention the hand that does not allow the older to move his head. Some would be ashamed to be claimed like that by a younger person, but not Carlos, because he feels so wanted right now, he cannot process thoughts at the moment, not even his own, so no, he does not care about what others may think.
- Is this okay? Please tell me this is okay. - Oscar said after some time, between kisses, before parting a little and holding Carlos by his face with both hands as if he could change this moment right this instant and not even listen to what he has to say - I want to continue, but please, Carlos, i need to know I won't loose you tomorrow. It's not a one time thing for me, i want you for the rest of my life, like this, or even if i never acted like that today and we got to be friends it would still work for me, just please. Forever. It will be hard for me, because i want to touch you all the time, to hear you all the time, to see you and it kills me that you are not mine, but i would prefer that to this if it means that what we do today is a one time thing. It would kill me to have you only once, i would prefer to never know you like this, than to have to forget. - the boy paused his rushed monologue to watch at Carlos' face, still holding him, but softer as if he would allow Carlos to set himself free if he wanted.
- It's okay, Oscar. - the man takes the boy's face in his own palms and kisses him lightly in the corner of his mouth. - I knew what you wanted from the start, and i want it too. Forever. I never knew i could feel this loved before you appeared in my life, and if it was like this when we barely talked, i want the full force of it.
- I am sorry if it sometimes will be too much. I often get jealous. As in all the time. And that was when you weren't even mine. Now i would just get territorial and have the need to protect what's mine. - the boy started, he could fell another monologue incoming, but Carlos placed another kiss on his lips, this one slightly longer.
- Hey, tesoro, look at me. - urged Carlos - Never, promise me, never apologise for the way you love. It is my responsibility now that I've accepted it, okay? Promise me. - and instead of promising Oscar just did what he could. Showed his love. Full force. He, with help and willingness from Carlos got to the couch in the living room and sat Carlos in his lap. He moaned just from the feeling of Carlos' weight on him, his own tights were not visible and it turned him on so much, he grabbed the olders' ass and held into it like someone was trying to take it from him. His own idea scared him. Someone else having Carlos like that so he grabbed even tighter and as if Carlos could read his mind the murmured in Oscars' lips: No one else, just you, need just you. If Oscar hadn't been hard since he first kissed Carlos in the kitchen it would have been enough to get now. Yes, thinks Oscar, mine. Mine to love, all mine. All this is fucking mine. Finally.
Some could say, this isn't love, just an obsession. And Oscar would say some could fuck off, because he knows better. He had a crush on Carlos since the first saw him, and he fell in love the moment they first interacted. The obsession? It came later. It was from a fear that he could never have Carlos like this, or like anything really, he was afraid they wouldn't become friends because of their diversities. But now when he has Carlos he cannot stop thinking that he just became more obsessed with his love, because he has the man he always loved in his arms and he needs to know just how much he really is loved. He couldn't care less about the love he will receive because in the end he always wanted to give his love to Carlos and now he has the man to shower with love.
- Are you already bored? You just went somewhere, weren't reciprocating at all. - asks Carlos with a frown and a pout is forming on his lips, and that is no good. He needs more than just tell Carlos he loves him, he needs to make him feel it. Always. Needs to make Carlos dependent for his touch, needs to ruin everyone else for him or him for everyone else.
- Never. I will never get bored with you. Never get done with you. - says Oscar while simultaneously caressing the mans waist down to his ass and back while looking in the olders' eyes. He feels privileged to have those big brown eyes on him, needs Carlos to know how much his attention means to him. He needs to know that not everyone deserves the attention he is willing to give. Truthfully he wants it all to himself.
- And you will never need someone else? - asked Carlos while kissing Oscars' neck, leaving wet marks and red dots, that will soon turn into hickeys. Carlos marking him makes him ecstatic. He will soon leave his own marks on the olders' skin, like he always wanted, but for now he likes having Carlos lavishing him with kisses. Even when it's impossible tight in his pants.
- I am only yours, always was, always will be. I promise. - he thinks Carlos is being a little stupid right now, because what else could he want if he has all he ever wanted in his arms. Like someone else could even come near this man or be compared to him. So no, he will never need anyone else for tonight and for as long as they'll live, because he can finally call him his. And he is not letting Carlos go.
These are just words, but Carlos already feels more loved than ever, so he believes them. Oscar could never lie to him, that he knows. He finally can say that he is not only looked at, but seen. So he is not letting go of Oscar either.
