#whodfcares

[paristtexas]

natureza morta / dead Poet’s Society ☕️ 🖌#earlyaf #naturezamorta #notapainting #whodfcares #morning #dawn #cold #tuesday #vscocam #vsco https://www.instagram.com/_lhasa/p/Bu5bKJeFNuR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=p398ikti63wx

[whodfcares]

My First Tinder Experience

Yesterday I finally gave up resisting to it and made an account. I was reluctant at first; at a point, scared. Once you’re in — you’re exposed and the Facebook login it’s prove of it. Yet, I accepted being thrown to the wolves, and let me tell you, I quickly got addicted to swiping left! I know, I know — I’m shallow. 

Everything was running smoothly, me occasionally sweeping right and again, me occasionally being matched and with it — the sweet validation. None of them initiated a conversation but i felt relief by it, somebody sweeping me right was more than enough for me! Again, shallow. 

But then, one out of the three matches I had, messaged me and I simply freaked out. I don’t know what got into me, I took a very long shower and left him unanswered for about fifty minutes. When courage hit, I opened the app and saw what he had messaged me: “Hey”... Okay now, what am I supposed to answer to a “Hey”? A “Hey” back? Naah, that’d be too easy and uncomplicated. I should google it. So I did, and after much search I replied: “Hey, sorry I took this long. How are you?”. Argh, I suck at this! Still, in less than an hour he asked for my WhatsApp a.k.a. my number. F**k. I was shaking. I felt feverish the all time I spend taking to him, and then it hit me  — anxiety.  

Once I gave him my number it all went downhill. For starters, he voice-messaged me, wow. Then, he told me he wanted to make a call with someone. I promptly and politely refused, saying I wasn’t comfortable with it. Who is really? Talking to someone you just met at midnight? At this point, I didn't feel any butterflies in the stomach, as a matter of fact, I felt sick to the stomach... I was on the edge of a “throwing up meets about to cry” moment. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever feel “normal” around a guy with the slightest interest in me but rushing things up the way he did surely won’t help.