#why so dramatic

[debnwftgsb]

[eleukos]

not my smoke alarm going off at 5 am for committing the awful act of turning my space heater on

god forbid i try to keep my tootsies warm

my cat zoomed so fast and afterward IMMEDIATELY climbed into my lap. i just registered him as an esa but i think i'm actually his emotional support human

[fakeasmr]

Gymnastic dance routines will introduce you to orchestral covers of songs you would never dream of

[teatimewithgiles]

Ok, Giles

[vlindervin7]

the cullens are back

[wabadebadooblr]

Sophie from the future looks very happy wow

[thirsty-x1]

a lot of people in twtr are closing/resting, how bout you? are you gonna leave us too?

No. I've been thinking about it, and I don't want to.

In a certain way, I've been contemplating this outcome for the last past few weeks since I'm quite a pessimist, but still had a tiny bit of hope.

It hurts me, saddens me and makes me feel incredibly annoyed and frustrated, but if I'm honest, I want to go on.

Sad story time: writing has always been my outlet for everything since I was young. As I grew up, I got discouraged from it. When I was 12, I got depression. Not weird considering the things that were happening at the time, but it sill lingered. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. I pushed writing aside, since I felt like everything I did was terrible and there was no use in trying.

In September, 2019 a friend of mine introduced me into X1. I was like "ah yes, nice nice" but later I started investigating. I used to be an uniq stan back in 2015 but as I lost contact with them, I kind of drifted off to other groups. I tend to listen to soloists without really knowing who they are and in 2018 I heard Woodz. I fell in love with his music but still wouldn't really look much into it. Rambling through X1 profiles I found out Seungyoun "also known as Woodz". Oh? Oh???? I went bat shit crazy.

I started watching produce and stanning them immediately. Biased and not really a nice, cute typical story but it is how it is. As I watched them and their content, I fell in love a little more with them. Now you see, I stan many groups because I lose interest easily so I go hopping from one to another. Last group that I ulted was iKON in 2016, so imagine my surprise when I felt way too many emotions for X1.

Somehow, I started considering writing. Just for them, because they inspired me. Because they had awaken something. I tried many times to start a blog, delete it, open again, delete it, post and regret so delete again. Still, I felt happy when writing, so I decided to swallow up my fears and continue. I opened a blog, I posted I waited. I posted again and waited. I posted again and waited. Little by little, people started to come, to give a like, sometimes reblog, others comment and even requesting. I felt validated, I thought for the first time that maybe I wasn't that bad, that I should keep trying.

I'm still 20, this blog is barely two months old, I still have mental health problems but everything is so much better. So, so much better. I found something I enjoy doing, that makes me happy, and when you spend ten years wondering why nothing fills you up and everything feels meaningless, it's a big deal.

I don't want this feeling to stop. I don't want to stop supporting them, or to go. This is my own personal story and experience with them and I choose to keep doing it. For now, at least. I don't know what I might feel in a few months, so I can't promise anything, really, but I want to try and go on. For them and for myself, honestly. I want to do it for me too.

Now!!! This is just me!!!!! I'm not discrediting anyone who wants to take a break, or leave, or simply can't continue. Everyone has their own pace and their own way to deal with things. To content creators: don't push yourself. Anything you choose is good. Mental health first, please.

God this is dramatic as fuck, I could have just answered "nah, imma keep going" but wanted to give them credit for awakening my passion again.

I might take a few days but I really want to keep this blog, keep interacting with you and support each other. I don't know. A half-written Seungwoo one-shot is waiting for me but I don't know if I'll finish it today.

Anyway, I'll keep writing and keep supporting the members even if they are not X1 anymore.

[tonystarkstan]

I don’t get the urge to cut my hair whenever I’m having a crisis. no, I get the much more damaging urge to delete every picture and app on my phone, block everyone, and cut all ties with everyone permanently.