#whycantigohome

[survivingwithouthiddles]

Hi! There's been a very strange problem lately. I have this cafe near my place where I usually go when I want to eat ice-cream or talk to a friend and drink coffee. They usually show a movie or a cartoon on TV in there 'cause kids love that place. I've been there two times this week; the first time there was "Thor: The Dark World" on TV and the second - "The Avengers". Thanks to you I could stay calm, but I'm really worried about the kids who go there. What should I do? Love, Munchkin.

Blindfold the children. Demand to speak with the manager. Educate them. Give them a speech about the dangers of Hiddles. Make angry phone calls. Protest. Build barricades. Shut the cafe down. Demolish the street. Burn down the suburbia. Run for president.

…you know, something like that. You get the idea.

[survivingwithouthiddles]

I sincerely believe that you were in London to prevent Hiddleston from doing something terrible to the fandom, and that this week isn't even WORSE thanks only to you. What was he planning, though? Perhaps, he would have appeared in the chimney of every hiddlestoner who was bad this month or something? We'll never know.

Yeah, well... If I told you I totally did not travel to London to prevent Tom from taking down the government and replacing it with an army of Loki cardboard cutouts, would you believe me?

[survivingwithouthiddles]

Omg i am seriously worried about tumblr user 'whycantigohome' and their unwise hiddle-binge. Do you think they're alright? Are they insane? Who just runs directly into a Hiddlecane? THEY WILL NOT SURVIVE.

Oh I’m worried too, sweetie, I’m worried too…

We just gotta have faith in her strength and take comfort in knowing that she’s recovering in good hands and surrounded by good people.

[survivingwithouthiddles]

UNFORTUNATELY YOU ARE TOO LATE, I AM HEAVILY OVERDOSED, DELUSIONAL AND AM ALREADY HAVING WEIRD DREAMS ABOUT COMPLETELY NAKED HIDDLES, I CAN'T STOP TUMBLRING (IS IT EVEN A WORD) AND REALLY NEED YOUR HELP, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE, LOVE, MUNCHKIN.

JUST AS I FEARED. There is no method of fast Hiddles detox for an acute overdose, so just lie down and stay still and keep your eyes closed. The little dancing Hiddles on your nightstand is not real.

Here, hold my hand until the bad goes away.

[survivingwithouthiddles]

Hello!! I haven't been on tumblr for 2,5 weeks since I didn't want to see any spoilers. I think my real life skills' ve improved since then but now I'm back so everything'll go back to normal %) lol Anyway, I plan to spend the weekend watching and reading about everything Tom's done for the last two weeks. What should I do to survive THAT amount of Tom all at once? Should I prepare a room stuffed with pillows or something? Or get myself lots of chocolate ice-cream? Any tip would be useful!

OH GOD I DIDN’T NOTICE THIS MESSAGE BEFORE OH JESUS CHRIST THIS MUST’VE ARRIVED LIKE LAST WEEK

ARE YOU ALRIGHT HOW BAD HAVE YOU OVERDOSED ON HIDDLES BY NOW  ARE YOU STILL ALIVE CAN YOU HEAR ME I’M COMING JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE IT’S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT

[survivingwithouthiddles]

Hello, sweetheart! I haven't been writing to you lately cause I've got my Hiddles addiction pretty much under control, thanks to you. Anyway, a new problem's occurred. And it's my mom. First, she said Tom is "cute, with his curls and everything". Then, she said that a 9-year gap between a man and a woman is just perfect (I'm 23). Finally, she asked me to say hi to him on twitter from "his future mother-in-law"! I don't know where she gets this ideas. I suspect she's a Hiddles secret agent now.

Ah, so your mother is shipping you with Tom. This is undoubtedly disturbing and distressing, but mostly harmless. It might result in several awkward and uncomfortable situations, but in the long run it will actually improve your Hiddles tolerance by forcing you to practice your emotional response control and subjecting you to someone else’s Hiddles fantasies.

Your mother’s gonna make you a pro.

[survivingwithouthiddles]

You had waited for so long that when you finally got to see the trailer, a little and seemingly harmless twitch happened in your brain and now a very small area somewhere in your frontal cortex has gone dumb. I'm not sure if it's going to recover, but you're not going to need it anyway.

...........I guess.

[survivingwithouthiddles]

It's the first time I copy such a message but it's too true this time %) "When you get online I think "Yay! They're online!" Copy this only for the blogs it's genuinely true for, so that the people you love know it."

Oh my oh my oh my