Its been years since I've thought of that name. Years more since I actually associated myself with it. I thought that she was in the past, yet here I am.
We arrived in Wyrmshoals yesterday. As we approached the city, I told the others about Sicarius's bounty. They took it better than I thought they would. Part of me was afraid Arslan would just try to claim it, or that Aliana would panic at travelling with a criminal, but they all stood by me. That's the first part of whats led to my current mental state.
It was good to see Wyrmshoals again, despite everything. Of all the places in this world, its the most like home. If I ever get the chance to settle down, I think it'll be here. The smells of the markets, the canals weaving everything together, the sounds of the crowds, and the salt in the air; there's no place in this world I'd rather be, on the surface or underwater. Drae used a spell to modify my scales and fins to be blue as a disguise, and Artie lent me his cloak. They're good friends. Better than I've had in a long time.
We entered the city mostly without incident, but Drae did manage to introduce the guards to philosophy. She (I'll get to that later) asked one of the guards where the ocean ends. I swear, I saw that poor man's mind explode. It was kind of beautiful really. Weird to think Artie, Ulrika, and Drae have never seen the ocean before coming here. Even when I've walked forests and mountains I've always had the ocean in the back of my head.
Haverson's face at sight of me was a thing of beauty; we haven't seen each other in years. He gave us a booth, and I told the others the truth. All of it.
It was painful. Gods above and below, it was painful. Hard to describe... I'd thought about those memories a lot recently, but not actually about what was in them.
When I was done, they all reacted differently. It was hard for me to read some of their emotions. Artie seemed horrified by what happened to Haluk. Drae was kind about it all. Arslan offered to help me kill Sicarius; that was unexpected. Ria stayed quiet, but that's normal for her. Ulrika was quiet as well, but again, normal. Aliana jumped straight into trying to fling her political clout around, try and get my name cleared.
They brought me to tears, though I tried to hide it. Besides Haverson, no one has shown me kindness like this since Haluk died. I can't believe I threatened to kill Aliana in the past. She's been nothing but patient and kind, and now that she knows I'm a wanted criminal under her own mother's law, she's standing by me all the same.
After all that was done, we had a chat with Haverson. I gave him a gift of the Aqueln wine. I owe him literally everything I have, so that wine was the least I could do. He told use about some kidnappings that have been occuring in the city. Every one of them Aqueln. He also mentioned that the bounty hunters have stopped looking for me at his inn. Those two little facts together... I have a horrifying suspicion as to why these Aqueln are vanishing. I hope I'm wrong. I pray I'm wrong.
We began investigating with a Captain, a contact Haverson has. He killed two of the pirates in front of us (Artie pointedly watched the ocean instead), and then showed us to a smuggler who could potentially take us to the pirate's cove.
I can summarise the smuggle as 'ew'. A somewhat lecherous criminal who treated murder as a business deal and gave Aliana possibly the single most disturbing look I've seen in my life, and I've met Yagram. We worked out a 'deal'. We'd guard his warehouse for the night and kill anyone who tried to break in, and in exchange he'd ferry us to the cove. We'll split the loot 60/40.
A few hours later we'd negotiated an arrangement with the Thieves Guild. They'll ignore the smuggler's buildings for a week, and in exchange we don't do anything to them. In short, we lose nothing, no one has to die, and the smuggler gets screwed over. Win win win.
After that, everything went wrong. The others drank. They got up to some odd things, but none of that matters, because Drae drank her wine. It wasn't wine.
This morning, when we woke, Drae was different. Very, very different. Sane. Her insanity wasn't natural, wasn't due to an injury, its due to a fucking spell. That Cultist, that monster of a cultist we met back in that farmhouse has stalked her for years, and tried to make her 'his perfect bride' by breaking her mentally with madness. The wine alleviated it, temporarily.
That poor, poor girl. She seemed sweet and innocent before because she was sweet and innocent. These monstrous things she does sometimes; its not of her own volition, its because she's had this psychosis forced upon her by a bastard Cultist who deserves a fate worse than that which the gods can bestow. I can't even begin to imagine what I'd do to him if I had the chance... murder's too good. Maybe some kind of perpetual healing and fire feedback loop? Or a means of freezing his blood nonfatally, but permanently? Or maybe I could reverse the process and leave him gibbering in the dirt instead?
Kachina, stop. No. These thoughts aren't who you want to be, remember?
Regardless. Drae has been living as a man these past years as an attempted disguise. Clearly it hasn't worked. She's been travelling to Bournerock to try and cure herself. I've made her a promise while she's still lucid; I will do whatever I can to help her break this spell. Even if it takes decades. No one hurts my friends. No one.
After that, I made a suggestion; that we take a day in the city to do mundane things. I was still broken up inside about everything I'd spoken about the previous day; I'd had vivid nightmares again. The old ones. Haluk's body with his blood slowly dancing in the water around him. Sicarius's face contorted with laughter. Mum and dad hugging me as they sent me off to the surface. Between myself and Drae, I knew we weren't in a fit state to fight pirates that evening, so we arranged to postpone it and just relax.
I started to say I wanted to buy new clothes, and Aliana leapt, quite literally, at the opportunity. She dragged me out of the Scaled Fish and towards clothes shops faster than you can say 'stereotype'. Drae tagged along as well. We relaxed, chatted with the shopkeeper and each other, and got some new outfits. After that, I showed them the cities street food.
My god I missed squid. You can't get squid anywhere on the surface except this city, I swear.
After that, just started a new enchantment and chatted with Aliana back at the Fish. And I realized something.
I was happy. Relaxed. Myself. A day where I wasn't travelling for the sake of my own neck, or fighting for some cause under a nebulous title, more a figure than a person.
And so, I've made a choice.
I'm done running. I'm done being afraid of Sicarius, of hiding from my past. I thought becoming Viatori could be a way to deal with it, and for a while it worked. I was happy, but I was on eggshells. That fear, in the back of my head, always. Just look at how I reacted to Aliana! That's not how I want to live out the rest of my days.
And remembering my family; I want them to stay my family. Viatori and Kachina don't have to be two different people. I won't let Kachina die. Because when she's dead, what's left of her brother, mother, or father? A stranger born on the surface. I refuse to let that happen. I'm going to take what I've learned as Viatori, and use it to set my life back on course.
I don't have a plan. I don't know what to do. All I know is this. I'm going to clear my name. I'm going to see Sicarius and his pet assassin pay for what they've done one way or another, and I'm going to be a free woman.
It starts with the pirates tomorrow. I don't know where this road leads, or how hard it will be to walk, but its the road I choose.
