#will be deleted?

[gods-only-rat]

Ooc : I get turned off at the thought of being someone's second choice.

[This isn't really targeted. I don't make targeted posts that are meant to be negative. It's immature. I just despise the thought of not being someone's first option].

[at-last-i-have]

Very *Bleeping* Personal

Isn’t it strange how every few months, when deciding to stay up late, suddenly you become hyper-aware of all the past memories and feelings? I’m sitting tonight at my laptop with my small lamp on and came across a post about how to be a better friend, bringing forward all sorts of unresolved emotions.

If you care to read this, thank you, but no biggie. I mostly just want to put my words out there. 

This last January, a close friendship with two people ended. I don’t think it was sudden, there were indicators months beforehand that it was dying out. Of course, they’re easier to notice after break ups. 

I thought we were a pretty great trio, and even though they are a couple I never felt left out. I guess things change. I hate that I never had the chance to actually talk, just that the last words I heard were a string of curse words from the voice of someone who had once cared. I didn’t have the conviction to say those same words back. I am more than happy to spew them now.

Fuck you.

Fuck you for not sparing the time to listen. Fuck you for making me doubt my ability to be a decent friend. Fuck you for thinking I wanted to sabotage your relationship. Fuck you for not trusting me after so many years. Fuck you for demanding apologies before I even have the time to calm down and breath. Fuck you for never bringing up your problems with my actions in person. Fuck you for thinking I should instinctually know what bothers you. 

Fuck you for calling me a selfish friend when I have gone above and beyond to: spend time with you, stay up late for you, console you, encourage you, be your ride, help you transfer to a better school, help you move and find a place, stick with you through hard times, visit you in the hospital, share my secrets with you, and I asked for nothing in return and I never needed any apologies. 

Fuck you for turning my words of concern into words of aggression. Fuck you for getting angry at me for your relationships problems. Fuck you for assuming my behavior is passive aggressive instead of talking to me. Fuck you for making judgments about people without even trying to double-check. Fuck your condescending attitude. Fuck you for getting biased validation from relatives to end our friendship. Fuck you for creating drama when you claim you hate it.

Fuck you for hurting me when I trusted you. Fuck you for not taking our friendship seriously. Fuck you for having befriended me in the first place.

Fuck you.

[thetalonforyourhead]

btw, did you guys know (anyone from FIU?) that the panther in front of the US century bank arena has an asshole?

its a statue of a panther, anyone wondering why i would bring it up, but it seems strange, that they would commission a statue for a university and be like, yeah make it have an asshole, but no genitals. 

and it's like a gaping asshole too. it was like 3 1/2 hours ago since i saw it and im still amazed by it. 

[jeanndarc]

sudden rush of dexter feelings gdi i just want my show back

shameless was good and i adore fiona and kev and lip and carl got more lines and frank is the most detestable piece of shit i have ever witnessed and there was way too much frank in that ep and WHERE WAS MICKEY AND SHEILA and WHY ISN'T IT TIME FOR NEXT WEEK'S SHAMELESS YET sigh sigh sigh

11 eps of castle left and 2 weeks before the next new ep. think i can do it? I'M GONNA TRY

i have an 8:30 am and it's 2am and i'm feeling delusional

arcade fire is perfect and better than yr fav bye