#will clean later

[bangtancity]

"I told u to stand by me" Do u remember guy?! 😂😂

I don’t know if you mean- do I remember you, double laughing face anon, or the quote from Jackson- but either way I’ve got it!

Reblogging it now!http://marktuon.tumblr.com/post/89162579945/got7-a-story-3-jackson

Please feel free to send in more ask me things. Here’s the link!

http://bangtancity.tumblr.com/post/154918505366/send-me-a-wordphrase-and-ill-reblog-a-got7-post

[bangtancity]

tweedle dee and tweedle dum! (got7 post)

reblogging it now!

If you want to know what this is about- check out this link!

[ma-trix]

Anchor

..as expected, same old shit as before, here to haunt me again like it always does. oh and kevin told me a good metaphor today that he had about his similar situation that really paved the road for some new perspectives. so, I built off of it (stubborn me always trying to understand the meaning behind everything).

--she's like an anchor, you see--she ties my heart down into utter and complete immobility. this morning my heart felt like a quickly sinking anchor, heavy and violently plummeting, and I just.. couldn't find the will to pick it up. I feel unable to move forward to a new pier and settle myself down because the chain attached to this anchor on my heart only runs so long before it stretches to its limit. I see the pier I want to go to in the foggy distance; I know where I want to go but I'm being chained to my past. the ship can't set sail until I muster the strength to pull myself out of the ground. I've been gathering my crew to help me get the job done but sometimes I fear that it's not enough. I can't stay grounded with someone I want to be because I have a cumbersome weight that sits behind next to her. I guess these are the feelings literally lying "deep under the sea." on the surface I've already accepted the fact that it's the obsolete past and it doesn't bother me and up there the stinging has been assuaged and I've moved on. but recently I think I've found a new shipmate that may be the person I need to pick this here anchor and get myself to my destination.

but in complete honesty, fuck my stubborn heart, I want an adventure. I think the fact that it has been an overall negative day stacked on top of new information about her (in which I would have never wanted to hear) was told to me.. just made me break a bit.--thus this text post

in reality I'm truly an extremely (dangerously) self destructive person in terms of dealing with adverse situations that deal with my emotions. more often than not I lose control of my mind which I always find to make matters much, much worse than they were. but I get over it, you know.

only to be reminded again.

I admit I occasionally unrealistically think of her once in a while and ponder upon the possibilities of romance--the worst being when I think about what might have actually happened before with past boyfriends--but that in truth means nothing and shouldn't mean anything to me anymore. yeah it hurts like fuck, yeah it pisses me the fuck off, but I just have to live with it and not let it influence my future decisions because I know I'd just be wasting my time if I did. do you think of my now and then? I guess it doesn't matter anymore. it doesn't matter to you so I don't know why it still does to me.

but this new shipmate gives me a completely different perspective on myself and who I am. really reminds me of who I really am (10x better than I'll allow myself to think most of the time). I feel like I can really be myself and it makes me genuinely happy that I've been given another silver lining. I feel comfortable I in my own skin and for the first time I don't feel the need to chase someone to be in first place. for the first time I feel on the same playing field with someone and giving and taking is at balance. there aren't insecurities or boundaries. it's like my map has been opened to the whole sea and I just have to remember that it's there for me to access and explore.

and in truth this isn't all to get over you or some bullshit reason. I just think it's just time for me to grow up and do me for me.

to share that with someone, well.. that's an adventure.