im stressed about papers n shite prohibiting the Creative Processes (ugh how dare work get in the way of my fun) so i drew a relaxed Will while listening to songs about yearning
Kaleidoscope Spoilers Chapters 18/19 below the cut
*mentions of emotional and sexual abuse and abusive language trigger warning*
IDK MAN I JUST really wanna talk about Damien for a second.
I wanna illustrate some nuances of his character, mostly so I can say “look guys he’s not a 100% evil person without motives to be evil bc I’m not a lazy writer” but also recognizing that this doesn’t make his actions right or even excusable - queue that b99 quote “cool motive, still murder”.
If you want some insight into how Damien perceives Will & his relationship with him I’d recommend giving Without Me by Halsey a listen, it’s pretty... spot on with how Damien feels about him, especially now after the whole “you’re my boyfriend first and paladin second” bit. Like... seriously, the whole fucking song is his anthem to his current mindset. It goes along with a lot of abusive themes - which you all should know is originally not the point Halsey herself is making in the song but in this context it’s how it’s applicable.
Inside look into Damien’s head that nobody asked for in respect to this: he always saw Will as a bit of a fixer-upper project (that obviously we all know went too far) and so now he’s feeling that it was all a thankless job of sorts. But more than that, he’s not so much of a fixer-upper than someone he kinda groomed to be who Damien needed him to be, and on some level Damien recognizes that, it’s what makes him say things like “no one else will want you except me bc you’re a broken toy” etc, but this also stems from a deep seated need to keep him close, it’s all an extension of his extreme possessiveness, which I’ll get more into in a hot minute.
Another song that’s food for thought in the same tier is this stanza from Young God, also by Halsey:
“He says, "Oh, baby girl, don't get cut on my edges
I'm the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon
There's a light in the crack that's separating your thighs
And if you wanna go to heaven you, should fuck me tonight"”
It goes along with a theme that abusers have of not taking responsibility for their own actions, ‘I’m just a weapon, it’s your fault if you cut yourself on me’ sort of thing. This especially goes along with the methods that Damien uses to maintain a level of control over Will, which is something that grew more and more intense and abusive because he got too focused on controlling rather than... well anything else. It makes almost every interaction the two have some method of or display of power/domination. It’s a lot of unspoken things, his attitude which Lance picked up on, his language and choice of phrases grew associated with different hints and meanings that Will learned the hard way to know what they are simply as a survival tactic. This leads into the second half, which is that one of the tools Damien uses over him is the sexual aspects of their relationship. Why you ask?
The thing Damien craves is control. He went his whole life being subject to other people, powerless to do anything about the events going on around him, (which I’m intentionally being vague about because the specifics honestly don’t matter; b99: “cool motive, still murder” moment) and there are only 2 things that give him that sense of control: flying, hence why he’s at the Galaxy Garrison, and Will. Will because he’s a giver, he’s a people pleaser, he wants others to be happy and Damien’s never encountered that in someone before, how could he not want to keep someone like that as close to him as possible? And that’s how it all began - he needed to make sure he never left him.
As to the second part of the Young God song that I’m analyzing way too much that touches on the biggest tool Damien uses to maintain control over Will (overall) while also enabling that part of him that craves it; sex is a time where Damien is literally in complete control over Will and that’s why the sexual abuse happens more often than not because it’s easier to be in control in the bedroom due to the lack of external factors. This is why he’s, to be frank, eager to get into his pants so he can re-establish what he sees as an ultimate display/reminder of his dominion over him. Which Will knows. (as you’ll see more about in the beginning of Chapter 20). I’m sure y’all have guessed, just as Will had, especially based on his behavior since he showed up.
As you guys know, I’m an absolutely fucking SLUT for parallels, and in my eyes I see Damien and Will as very very similar people, which is one of the reasons why Will’s so terrified about becoming like Damien when he was coming to terms for his feelings for Keith because a deep part of him knows it; they both are subject to the world around them, they have no control, but they both react to that loss of control in exactly opposite ways. Keith is also the same way; unlike Will, he’s actually a lot more like Damien in his response, fighting the world for that control but he doesn’t do it the way Damien does. Keith hyperfocuses on the tasks at hand without thinking too far into the future, “accomplish the mission and only the mission” (Spoiler for Season 3: but this is SUPER demonstrative when they’re hunting Lotor), which leads him to forgetting to think before he acts, that impulsive bitch, ya know?
Then there’s that parallel between the three, and I, the parallel king, fucking n . u . t. (i’m a bit of a slut for making things all link together but with all that I’ve given y’all i think you should have some fun trying to draw the lines between the three yourselves with all this random lore I just gave you)
AIGHT THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK about why Damien is the way he is. Let’s be clear: he’s still a downright prick but he isn’t one just because I as God say that he is; he’s a character that has his own backstory and history that leads him to be the way that he is. Which is an abusive prick who doesn’t have a Zuko-shaped character arc because #not all characters can be Zuko.
I highkey thrive off of this dynamic, their personal color schemes are juxtaposing but it matches their personalities and their perceptions of the other and it just.. *clenches fist* keeps me going man
Since music is a really interval part of Will (as a character) and of the series, I’ve made a spotify playlist that contains songs I use in the series, songs Will knows and can play, and songs that highlight different parts of Will’s journey.
