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Jul 16, 2025

Austerlitz, New Mexico (Kendall Roy x reader)

Request

A/N: I am so sorry it’s taken me a million years to get this out. Please forgive me :’(

Summary: You hoped showing up to the PR family therapy session might convince Kendall to attend and maybe discuss everything that is going on. He showed up, just not in the way you expected…

Word count: ~5.5k

Trigger Warnings: 18+, she/her pronouns, AFAB reader, ANGST, addiction/alcoholism, relapse, break-ups, shitty family dynamic, every warning that already comes with Succession (please let me know if I missed any)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Succession characters. I do not claim to own any of the Succession characters. I do not own any pictures used nor do I claim to do so. (I did use one scene from the show verbatim so I did not write the dialogue for that scene, only the descriptions attached.)

Always appreciate comments, likes, and reblogs :)

Your car pulled up just behind Shiv and Tom’s in the immense driveway of Connor’s ranch, and it was not the first time you noticed that you were the only one who had driven yourself. You took a moment to stare out at everything from your seat, mouth dropping open as you looked at all the sand-coloured buildings clustered inside the compound. Willa was standing at Connor’s side as Shiv and Tom exited their vehicle, but she was looking in the direction of your car, smiling and waving at you. You returned it quickly, your heart warming up a little after the chaos of the past few weeks, and you took a deep breath in.

You liked Willa, despite all the hubbub surrounding her and Connor’s relationship. She was sweet, and coming from a humble background yourself, you understood that money and love intertwined a lot more than rich people believed. She had never been mean to you in all the time you’d known her (contrary to other members of the Roy family) and if nothing else, you guys could always talk about theatre or movies. Though you might have been around longer, you were quite sure the Roys still looked at you the way they looked at her, so it couldn’t hurt to gather an ally or two.

Before leaving the car, you took a moment to pull your phone from its holder and open it to check for any messages. Anything from Kendall. But just like every hour of the past three days, there was nothing. He had left your message informing him that you would attend the family gathering and hoped he would join you to perhaps promote some healing had been left on read. It was quickly hitting you as you jumped out of the car that maybe this time you had been a little too naive and optimistic where the Roys were concerned. How could you not have learnt your lesson?

“Hey!” Willa greeted excitedly, coming over to wrap you up in a hug before gesturing at someone to get your suitcase out of the car and plucking your keys from your hand to give them over. “How was the trip?” She asked, half-dragging you towards Connor and the door where Shiv and Tom were offering him their pleasantries.

“It was good! Really nice actually, I had forgotten how much I loved to drive,” you sighed, smiling brightly at her. As you walked up to the little group, you smiled at Connor in greeting.

“Hey,” he nodded at you, smiling softly in return. “How are you? All good?”

“Yeah, good, thanks. This place is amazing!” That made Connor smile even brighter, wrapping his arm around Willa as she moved toward.

“Thank you, thank you, put a lot of work into it.” He sighed as if he had done it all himself but you were quite sure he had sat on his ass in a penthouse in New York while an entire team decorated the place for him after his impulse purchase.

“Hey Y/n,” Tom greeted, hands in his pockets as he nodded in your direction.

“Hi Tom, how ya doing?” You asked, gently punching his arm as you smiled in his direction. You could see Shiv side-eyeing you, her jaw working a little as she offered you a tight smile and nothing more.

“Doing good, doing good,” he nodded, and then Shiv began to walk towards the door and he hurried after her. You stared at the house for a moment, taking a deep breath in, and you felt Willa thread her arm through yours before following the siblings and Tom.

You had noble intentions in coming to this event. Though Kendall had been locked in a serious battle with his father over the past few weeks, you could see the toll it was taking on him. Despite how much he now claimed to want to take his father down, you knew he still craved his position in the family. He was all bravado, but the child that had always been desperate for approval from a family of emotionally unavailable people was never far behind the facade.

Though you and Kendall had been together for a little over a year now, and you had gained more experience with the Roys than you would have liked, you had hoped that this little trip to Connor’s ranch and the family therapy session might actually lead to something. Perhaps the feud had been a wake-up call (however unlikely it seemed).

But now Kendall had been MIA for the past three days, ignoring your calls and texts (the only sign of life being that you could see his location change on Find My Iphone), and the sight of Shiv’s ever-present disdain for you only seemed to kill the positive notion you had once held about this.

You took a deep, steadying breath as Willa led you over the threshold, chatting a little about the preparations that had been made for this event.

Everyone was already gathered in the kitchen that evening when Shiv arrived back, but there was nothing particularly happy or family about the atmosphere after the horrendous day. Everything was tense. The bodies and the air, thick and stiff with unresolved anger and words left unsaid, little artificial ‘hey’s’ and ‘hi’s’ going out.

Logan sat at the kitchen counter, Marcia stood just to the side of it and Tom leaned on the marble across from Logan. You, Willa, and Connor had taken up seats at the table just to the right of the cooking area, and you pressed your hand to your mouth, chewing on the skin as you watched Shiv walk over and accept a polite kiss on the cheek from Tom.

“You’re late,” Logan called out, gruff and frowning. Tom attempted to wrap his arms around Shiv but she was quick to pull away after the kiss, not even bothering to dignify her father with a response.

“So, what happened with the, uh, fake therapy? Any pretend breakthroughs? Any good performances?” She asked, looking over to where you, Connor, and Willa sat. Connor, head resting on his hand, shook his head.

“Nothing. Our therapist died,” he sighed. Shiv’s face pinched into a confused frown as you dropped your head with a sigh, shaking it.

“What?”

“Metaphorically speaking,” Connor added.

“He smashed his teeth out in the pool,” Tom explained, pursing his lips a little.

“Oh my god,” Shiv exclaimed, turning to face her fiance.

“Freud would have had a field day.”

“Where you been?” Logan asked, not having removed his eyes from Shiv since the moment she entered. You hadn’t ever seen him without a frown on his face… Shiv shook her head a little as she spoke, looking a little exasperated.

“I was meeting about a prospective job,” she huffed, glancing between Tom and the kitchen counter.

“With your father’s enemy?” Marcia asked, staring right at Shiv. You felt your stomach clench, hands pressing a little harder to your mouth. You wanted to look away but you just couldn’t. Shiv simply shook her head, turning to Tom.

“Okay, I’m going to go to bed,” she told him, offering him a pursed-lip smile and a pat to the arm as she began to walk past him.

“I keep an eye on things, Siobhan. I keep an eye,” Logan spoke ominously, following her with his eyes.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She turned swiftly back, moving to the counter across from Logan. “I mean, I had a meeting. You do whatever the hell you like, on everything, forever…” you could see the anger bubbling just under her skin.

“Why don’t we chat this over in the morning?” Tom interjected, hoping to soothe the building conflict. The lava in the volcano was beginning to bubble.

“And he has to hear it from his so-called friends, on the phone, dripping poison in his ear?” Marcia added, looking between Shiv and Tom. You dropped your head, shaking it as you clenched your eyes shut. You desperately wanted to just yell at Marcia to shut up, to not get involved. It was bad enough between father and daughter, she didn’t need to go adding onto it. But just as she finished speaking, there was a banging at the windows. You jumped in your seat, looking to where you could now hear yelling.

“Fami-ly therapy!” You could just make out Kendall’s outline outside the window. His palms were bright as he banged out a beat against the glass, his grin wide as he pressed his face there.

“Kenny,” Connor sighed, looking at his brother through the window. You straightened up in your seat, a different kind of anger now beginning to boil inside you.

“Fam-ily therapy!” Kendall continued banging against the window, “fam-ily therapy!” as you all watched. Connor got up, walking over and motioning at him to go around and enter through the door. You could see the exasperation on his face but you were rigid in your seat, your heart pounding and your hands beginning to clench at your sides.

“Hey, hey, hey!” He called loudly as the door opened. You could see Logan shaking his head, his mouth pursed in disappointment under his moustache. “What up, motherfuckers!” Kendall sauntered into the room, smiling wide. You frowned as you watched him, noting the slightly spaced out look in his eyes. “Sorry I’m late. What are we arguing about?” He asked, walking up past Marcia to the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with him?” Logan asked just as Roman walked through the door, pointing towards Kendall. Roman simply shrugged a little and raised his hands in surrender, his face drooping with exasperation. He turned to look at you where you sat at the kitchen table, forgotten to the side like a shadow. He raised an eyebrow as he saw your clenched fists and the stormy look brewing on your face, but chose to remain silent. Though he loved to antagonise people, he thought it wise not to touch the chaos-bomb you seemed to represent.

“Oh, where do we start?” Kendall responded loudly, looking around at everyone. He smiled in your direction, bright and almost manic but you simply continued to stare at him like everyone else. You had a feeling on what exactly was wrong with him at this moment and you were quite sure that this was your last straw. “I’m off my nut, folks. Off my fucking nut.” Kendall slammed the fridge door open.

“Oh my god,” Connor sighed quietly, wincing at the bang from the fridge.

“Like all the papers said,” Kendall perused the shelves of the fridge before turning back to smile at his father. “Your dreams have come true,” then he went back to the fridge. “Congratulations.”

Logan’s anger was obvious now, eyes wide and blazing like a bull being poked with a hot poker. You felt a little kinship with Logan Roy for the first time in your life. There was a storm brewing within you too, a hot mix of anger and frustration and shame as you watched Kendall rattle bottles of sparkling water around. Tears burned behind your eyes and a lump pressed in against the back of your throat. Logan opened his mouth to say something but Roman quickly came over and tapped him on the arm.

“Hey, just so you know, I think things are good with the launch,” Roman told him, hand moving to his face then back down nervously as Logan leaned in. “I talked to the guy…” He glanced at his father then back to Kendall who was quick to interject after grabbing a bottle from the fridge and slamming the door shut.

“He doesn’t care. He doesn’t even fucking notice,” he gestured to Logan, a bottle opener in his hand. “Dad, give him a high five, come on. He’s waiting.” He opened the bottle and let the lid fall to the floor as Logan turned to look at Shiv instead, jaw clenched and face a mix of exasperation and anger. “Dad?” You could see the wrinkles on Logan’s forehead deepen as you pressed yourself harder into the seat.

“You’d do that to me?” Logan asked, “Eavis. The one senate member who wants to fuck me ragged?” Shiv rolled her eyes as she turned her face away from Logan, back straightening. “On the same side as those animals that hit me with a bag of piss?” His tone became biting as he leaned a little further onto the counter.

You glanced away from Logan and back to Kendall as he leaned against the kitchen counter behind Tom and Shiv for a moment. Your eyes were beginning to blur with tears, your chest pulsing with pain. You wanted him to look at you, to see the way you felt written all over your face, but he simply smiled in your direction and refocused on his family.

“It’s my work, Dad. You of all people ought to understand that,” Shiv sighed, gesturing her hand at him before turning away and beginning to walk off once more.

“Work? Work?! It’s rebellion! Sabotage!” Logan spat, staring after her with blazing eyes, seething where he sat.

Kendall smiled in satisfaction as he walked over and took the seat in front of you. He paused, first leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of your head, then shifting the seat a little and sitting on it. He spatted his hand on your knee but you could do nothing but stare at the back of his head incredulously. You couldn’t even shove his hand off of you in shock. You could smell the alcohol all over him, pungent and bitter. It felt as though each heartbeat expanded your heart a little more than before, reducing the room left in your chest for your lungs.

“Oh yeah, of course, because it’s all about you,” Shiv spat, turning at the door and marching back to the counter to glare at Logan. “Not that I might be in agreement with his points about the purchases, or just maybe his whole philosophy,” she responded sarcastically, laughing a little at the stupidity of it all. The smile on her face was a cross between something manic, sarcastic, and disbelieving.

You leaned forward and gently pressed your hand to Kendall’s arm, hoping he would get the message and leave with you while Logan was distracted with Shiv, but he simply patted your hand again and continued watching the interaction between his father and sister.

“Philosophy? This is nothing but a miserable deliberate attempt to undermine my whole business strategy,” Logan spat in return, arms resting on the counter in front of him as he glared at his daughter. Kendall began to laugh, a huffing chuckle falling from his lips as he watched the back and forth. Marcia turned to look at him, mouth pinched and anger rising in her eyes.

“You don’t have a business strategy, Dad. Your whole business model is, uh, is based on seducing presidents,” his words slurred a little, his mouth moving sluggishly. “You’re a really high-class hooker,” he smirked, then he turned to look back at Willa, gesturing his bottle towards her, “no offense.”

“Hey,” Connor chided as Willa quietly returned with a quick ‘fuck off’. You almost gasped at him, eyebrows pulling into a frown as you sat frozen, watching him. You turned to Willa, reaching out to gently hold her hand but she was already getting up.

“It’s fine. My aunt’s an addict,” she spoke quickly, rounding Connor’s chair as she pushed some of her hair from her face. You frowned, wanting to get up and follow her, but she was quick to gesture her hand at you to stay seated. Connor stood up and she grasped his hand, squeezing it for a moment. “It’s been a long day. It’s been really nice getting to know you all a bit better,” and then she walked off past Shiv and Tom and out of the kitchen.

Connor was left standing by the table as Tom called out a ‘goodnight’ to Willa, her response coming quickly as she left. You stared after her, the urge to cry beginning to hit you a little harder. You, like Willa, were about to reach your limit. You tried again to tap at Kendall’s arm, but he simply held your fingers tightly for a moment then let them go, not even bothering turning to face you.

Connor sighed and gazed at the floor once Willa had left, shaking his head but keeping his eyes on the ground as he spoke.

“I got to say, I feel a little bit used today, Pa,” he finally glanced up at his father as he finished speaking, nodding his head a little, but Logan was already scoffing and shaking his head.

“For fuck’s sake, not you too,” Logan grumbled, turning away on his stool.

“Where we are, and all that’s happened, and then even tonight, you have to go off and work?” Connor huffed, gesturing with his hands as he spoke, watching his father with a drooping, disappointed expression.

“I made some calls. Jesus. Can’t you wait?” Logan responded, frowning at his eldest, one arm draped over the back of his stool.

“Can I wait for you to finish a few calls?” Connor asked, mouth turned down and eyes sad and knowing, as if he had been here a million times before. Again, the urge to stand and comfort crawled upon you. Your brain willed you to go to Connor, to at least gently pat him on the back and tell him not to listen to Logan, but you were frozen to your seat, watching everything happen with wide eyes. “Yeah, I think so, Pa.” He smiled sarcastically, scoffing a little, glancing about as you were sure he tried to fend off tears. “I’ve had a bit of practice,” he added, shaking his head a little and pursing his lips.

“Connor,” Marcia reached out as Connor moved away from the counter, turning back to the table.

“Quite a bit,” he huffed.

“Connor, your father has been busy dealing with these two traitors,” Marcia argued, instantly coming to Logan’s defence as she gestured at both Shiv and Kendall. Not for the first time you were hit with the desire to tell Marcia to shut up as you watched Connor sit back down in his seat, facing the table this time. You looked at him, tried to meet his gaze, but he continued staring at the tabletop.

“Disagreeing with Dad is not treason,” Shiv responded quickly, glaring at Marcia as Tom moved to stand a little closer to her.

“Mm,” Roman hummed sceptically, “but trying to make one of his biggest enemies president is kind of a ‘fuck you’,” Roman interjected, arms crossed as he leaned against the cupboards behind Logan, swaying side to side a little as he gazed at the ground.

“Oh hey, Dad, Dad,” Kendall called, slumping a little in his seat as he fiddled with the bottle in his hands. You closed your eyes and let your head drop a little, pressing your hands to your face as Kendall spoke. “I like those stories you planted about me. That was…” he huffed a little, bringing his index and thumb together in a sign of ‘well done’ and nodding, lower lip pouting out. Logan simply sighed and leaned against the back of his stool a little more.

“You forced my hand,” he responded, not an ounce of remorse on his face. Shiv threw her hands up, staring at Logan.

“There it is,” she added triumphantly.

“Yes!” Logan whirled on her, “and he’s fucking lucky that was all. What you kids do not understand, it’s all part of the game,” Logan lectured, holding his hands up in front of him as he moved his eyes between Shiv and Kendall.

“Oh, it’s all part of the game,” Kendall repeated, mouth wide open in an exaggerated smile as he hopped up onto his feet. “Come on everybody,” he lightened his voice, imitating a children’s show host, “it’s a rootin’-tootin’ super fucking fun game for all the family!” He exclaimed, moving a little closer. “Step right up!”

You watched Roman watch his brother, a look of disappointment crossing his face as Kendall hopped onto the counter next to the fridge. You watched Shiv just stare at Kendall with a blank expression and you saw Tom frown a little as he averted his eyes to the marble counter in front of him. You wanted nothing more than to hug Tom at that moment. You two had entered this family about the same time, had built a certain kinship with each other. If anyone would understand how you felt in that moment, you were sure it would be him.

“You run towards politics to prove that you’re your own man,” Logan continued, not sparing Kendall a second look as he returned to Shiv, Tom coming to stand by her and resting a hand on her shoulder. “Fine. But that’s not principle. You’re scared to compete. You’re marrying a man fathoms beneath you because you don’t want to risk being betrayed. You’re a fucking coward.”

You felt your own mouth drop open as you watched Shiv’s lips part and Tom snap his head to face Logan. You could see the hurt flash in his eyes, the anger too in the way he clenched his jaw a little. You pressed your hand to your mouth as your breaths became heavy. You could see Tom’s face begin to droop a little with hurt, and you almost stood then, almost walked over to Tom and told him to leave with you at that moment.

“Wow,” Shiv breathed out, shaking her head in shock as she began to walk away. “Wow, you are just beyond…” and she stormed out of the room, leaving Tom behind as her eyes began to redden and her mouth trembled. Logan stared after her, and Tom stared at him, lips parting a little before he snapped his head to the side and quickly followed Shiv out of the room.

“You know… I was born lucky,” Kendall added mock-sagely, nodding his head, “I’m a lucky person, I realise that.” He smiled at Logan, “and you’re so fucking jealous, aren’t you?” He grinned as Logan rolled his eyes and looked away from him, not even bothering to acknowledge his existence. For the first time you felt like Kendall had said something worth being said in this entire sordid affair. “You’re so fucking jealous of what you’ve given your own kids. You can’t handle it, you c- you can’t work it out.”

Logan stared at a spot in the distance, and you held your breath, gnawing on your lip as you sunk further into your seat. You just hoped that at this point you wouldn’t be noticed or brought into the conversation. You had tried enough to get Kendall to leave, to go with you so you could speak, but the attempts had failed and now you were stuck here.

“If I had spoken to my uncle like that…”

“What? Hm?” Kendall interrupted, jerking his head out a little. “What would evil Uncle Noah do?” He mocked. “Calling your daughter a coward ‘til she cries? Big man.” And Logan was up from his seat, storming towards Kendall. You did gasp this time, jolting in your seat as Marcia quickly intercepted his path, hurriedly calling his name as she gripped him by the arm. He simply shoved her out of the way, slapping at her arms as she both fell against a chair and tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t be deterred. You stood quickly, almost jumping to try and help stop Logan. You were sure, however, that if even one of your fingers had touched him he would probably have chewed you out and then sued you for all you were worth, so you were stuck in your place, standing by the table, trembling in shock as frustrated tears began to leak from your eyes.

Kendall continued to smile as Logan slowly closed in on him, their faces mere inches from each other. Kendall looked into his eyes, a barely-there smirk stretching his lips as he calmly swung his legs a little.

“You are a fucking nobody,” Logan stated slowly, pointing both his fingers in Kendall’s face with each word before turning away, grumbling ‘fucking nobody’ as Kendall’s smirk widened. Connor watched from his seat before dropping his head and staring at the floor, a silent breath whooshing from his nose.

Logan stormed away, grabbing an apple from the basket on the counter and taking an aggressive bite before walking out. Kendall made a ‘yeesh’ face before taking a long sip from his bottle.

The silence that followed was heavy. You could feel it sitting against your face, feel it pressing at your gut. You trembled where you stood and the involuntary motion ended up forcing you into action. You reached up with your hand and swiped haphazardly at the tears as you shoved your chair back with your legs and pressed your lips together so tight they throbbed with pain. Connor turned to look at you, eyes widening a little as if he had forgotten you were there, and Kendall finally looked at you for more than a few seconds. You threw up your hands, the frustration hitting even harder now, biting and painful in your limbs, hot tears continuing to fall from your eyes as you glared at Kendall. This was the first time that you had truly felt hatred for him… it made you feel sick on top of everything.

“I’m done,” you bit out angrily, your entire body shaking as you rushed through the kitchen and into the hallway that led to the rooms upstairs, taking two steps at a time.

The smile on Kendall’s face dropped as he stared after you, and Connor stood with a groan, shaking his head and sighing. Kendall left his bottle on the counter and went after you, albeit much more slow and sluggish.

He tried three rooms before he found yours, though the aggressive thumping and rustling should have been a clue. Your suitcase was open on the bed, two shoe bags already thrown in , and you were by the closet, quickly pulling things off of hangers and piling them into your arms. Your hair was a mess, flyaways sticking up in all directions, and your face was splotchy and shiny. Your eyes were so puffy that you almost looked like you were squinting and he could see you shake with sobs as you pushed each empty hanger forward.

A stray thought hit him that you looked beautiful. He was a little dazed and slow from the alcohol, and he blinked aggressively to try and focus a little, but his eyes trailed over your figure. You were wearing a pair of baggy jeans, the really nice ones that were way too long on you but made you feel good, and a cream coloured sweatshirt with some simple design on the front. He had seen you in that same outfit a million times but it looked particularly sweet and homey right now after being rumpled throughout the day.

“Hey-”

“No,” you snapped, shaking your head, but you didn’t bother looking in his direction. “I’m fucking done.”

“What…” he breathed out, frowning a little as he walked further into the room, his arms crossing over his chest as he shook his head a little. “What are you talking about? Done with what?”

“With YOU!” You screamed, and when he returned his eyes to your face, it was blazing with rage. Your eyes were wide and frantic. Your chin was pressed out as you scowled right at him. Your breaths were loud and panting from your mouth. Neither of you said another word. You simply stood there, staring at each other, lips parted in shock and brains buzzing. You opened and closed your mouth a little, gulped, then turned away and began shoving clothes into your suitcase.

“Wait, stop-” Kendall surged forward, pulling at your arms a little to stop you from putting anymore clothes in the bag but you shoved him off, hitting him with your shoulder then stumbling back a little as you clutched the clothes tightly in your arms.

“Fuck off, Kendall,” you huffed, almost growling your anger. “I’m done with this. I’m done with the past weeks of back and forth and all the fucking feuding you’ve been doing. I’m done with your family, and all their manipulative, fucked up bullshit all the fucking time. I mean, Jesus Christ, you all sat there and listened to your father say that about Tom?!

“And I’m fucking done with your desperation to fit in with them too. How could you say that about Willa?” Your face was contorted with pain, your hands swiping at the uncontrollable streams of tears once more. “How could you possibly think that that was an ok thing to say? You do all this bullshit to fit in with them, all the time, but then you go and try to ruin it all as well by fucking around and pissing off your dad. I don’t get it!” You were almost screaming, the clothes dropping from your arms as you pressed your hands to your head, a loud frantic buzz rippling around your brain.

“And the drinking? Are you fucking joking? I was worried sick! I was fucking worried sick for the past three days because my boyfriend wasn’t calling or texting or communicating with me in any fucking way, and you were out binge-drinking and throwing your sobriety away? What happened to all the effort you put into it?” You were shaking where you stood, glaring at him through the tears. “I get why you’re so fucked up. I get it, ok?” You held your hand out, palm facing him. “But this cannot be my fucking problem anymore. It can’t be. I can’t fucking handle it anymore.

“Do you know why I’m here? Do you even know why the fuck I bothered coming all the way here? I thought I could help you. I thought this might all have helped you, but I should have known you would hang me out to dry, because that’s all you’ve fucking done since the beginning of this relationship when it comes to your family.” You were shaking your head now, going back to dumping all your belongings into the suitcase before zipping it up as your tears intensified.

You turned to where Kendall was now sitting on the edge of the desk, shoulders slumped as he stared at your suitcase. You sniffled and a sob wrenched itself from you, hiccuping and painful as you looked into his eyes, bloodshot and that dark, almost-black brown that had once been so warm and loving. You pressed your hand to your chest, fingertips digging in as if you could wrench your heart out right there.

“I can’t love you anymore,” you hiccuped out, sobbing around the words before hurrying to pull the suitcase onto the floor and grabbing your handbag. You yanked it onto your shoulder then hurried out of the room, almost running.

Kendall sat there in shock, his brain failing to catch up with everything that had just happened. He stood and moved toward the window as he heard the front door open, hands shaking as he leaned them against the windowsill and watched you hurry out into the dark. He saw the lights flash as you unlocked your car, shoving your suitcase into the backseat before sitting down in the driver’s seat. You took a moment before the car started, then you were slowly reversing and then driving out of the gate. He watched your rear lights go into the dark desert until he couldn’t see them anymore, and then he stayed at the window a little longer, staring into the black night.

When the silence began to ring in his ears, he turned away from the window and stumbled to the bed, falling onto it. He lay with his legs curving over the end of the bed, turning a little onto his side. His entire body was trembling, his breaths shallow and quivering, and each time he blinked, hoping he could somehow make you magically reappear, he opened his eyes to the scene unchanged.

He noticed one of your shirts crumpled on the bed just in front of him. He could see the red fabric, soft and worn, and realised it was your favourite sleep shirt. He clutched it tightly in his hands, bringing it to his face and closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply. Your scent still clung to the fabric, soft and warm, and he pressed it to the entirety of his face until he was almost suffocated by it.

Then, as his eyes throbbed behind his eyelids and the world spun in the dark, he began to cry.

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