New beginning
Well. This is my first time actually posting something myself. There is quite a big chance nobody will even read this. But I felt it could be motivating to just write down what my plans are. In the last year I’ve not been in control over my eating, especially my bingeing. It got completely out of hand. Almost two years ago, I decided I really needed to lose weight. (I was, and am now, very overweight) I’m ashamed of how far I’ve allowed it to get. At that time, i lost about 35 kilos (77 pounds). i was so happy that i could do it. I felt so proud of myself. I wasn’t nearly finished, but it was a good start. After some time, people began to worry. One of my best friends kept watching what I ate at party’s etc. Afterwarts, she would always tell me to eat more. I honestly very often took that as a compliment. But it may also have triggered moments in which i stopped caring about how much I ate. I began bingeing. I felt so disgusting and completely out of control, it was afwul. And the worst thing was, it kept getting bigger and more and more extreme. I definately felt like I HAD to eat all that food, like there was no choice. Also, my depression got worse. I started having more suicidal thoughts, because i felt like a giant failure. The feeling of having no control is so horrible. I could not eat a thing for 7,5 days, and feel great. But after that, I would collapse and binge. The terrible feeling afterwarts, it’s so dark.
But right now, I have decided to end this. i’m getting so sick of it. I’m in my thirth week of university, so a lot of new things have turned up in my life and right now, I’m desperate to lose the weight again, and then some. But i want to try to do it in small steps. I’m not very good at setting realistic goals for myself, but we’ll see about that. I am going to give it my all. I know i should be able to do this. I think I should make an end to this very uninteresting story. Sorry about that. Just in case anyone reads this, you can always message me if you want :)
