#willowelijah

[willowelijah]

[willowelijah]

Headdesking - Remus Lupin/OC

Read the rest

Summary: Follow Remus Lupin bury his head in various pillows as his friends tease him about a crush he’s developed on the girl they recruit to assist them in their mission to become animagi.

Content warnings: Swearing. Some angst.

Chapter 5: A Sleepy Compromise

When the boys and Lily came in from the rain and made it back to their common room a while later, Remus didn't stop to enjoy the warmth of the fireplace like the rest had hoped to. Instead he dashed straight up to their dorm room.

Although thoroughly perplexed, the rest of the boys followed closely after him, leaving a confused Lily behind.

As they entered through the doorway Peter closed the door behind them and they turned to witness Remus slam down on his bed, front first, with his face falling into his pillow. He proceeded to let out a long and dragged out cry of frustration to the audience of his friends' raised eyebrows.

"This is so strange." Sirius breathed out with his eyes plastered on the boy on the bed.

"He notoriously never has crushes!" Peter filled in with just as much of a confounded note to his voice.

James dragged both his hands through his hair, this time in a more distressed fashion as he also took in the scene. "It was bound to happen sometime." he sighed and put his hands on his hips.

"I just never imagined it like this." Sirius gestured at Remus' state.

They carefully approached Remus' bed, stepping over piles of clothing, scattered quidditch gear and discarded school supplies on their way.

"Hey mate..." Sirius said as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "You may have made an absolute fool of yourself in front of her..." He peered behind at the other boys with a barely suppressed grin. James covered his mouth with his fist, doing his best to stifle a chuckle and Peter looked straight up at the ceiling to keep himself from laughing too.

Remus looked up from his pillow for the first time, only to give Sirius a murderous scowl. When Sirius caught sight of it, he quickly added, "But don't let that rattle you! You'll do better next time!"

Remus tucked away his scowl and sat up slowly. Still his shoulders hung unenthusiastically and he avoided looking at any of his friends. Instead he fiddled with the pillow in his lap.

"Actually if we're judging by previous experience he seems to do pretty poorly every time." Peter remarked.

It amazed Remus how much of a natural talent his friends had for speaking out in the most insensitive manner possible at any given moment.

When he thought back on all the stupid ways he had acted in front of Hazel in the past week he was overcome with self-loathing once more, and resorted to slamming the pillow against his face this time and letting out a long groan.

"That's true." Sirius said. "For a girl you have a crush on, you seem to like offending her a bit much." he pondered aloud.

Remus dropped the pillow. "I don't like offending her." he snarled. Then as an afterthought he added, "...and it's not a crush!"

But his friends didn't look convinced. James was especially unconvinced, and he made it known with a pointed huff before sitting down on the bed. "Regardless, you're going to have to cut it out if we want her to continue helping us."

Remus grudgingly agreed. He put his pillow down on the bed and laid his head down on it. Knowing that there was more coming, he curled up and waited with heavy eyelids for them to go on.

"We're going to have to establish some rules." James sighed out apologetically, like it pained him, yet was inescapable.

"We can't have it that every time she's around, you turn into someone's jaded old uncle — shitting all over everything we're trying to do." Sirius asserted.

James nodded in agreement. "Sure, she's been a good sport so far..." he began.

"Tolerated a good deal of your pessimism." Peter filled in while shaking his head disapprovingly.

"...but eventually even someone as mightily tolerant as she will succumb to your efforts to repel." James proceeded to give Remus a pointed look, which he chose to evade, side glancing down instead onto the details of his pillow.

"So, promise that you'll be nice?" James asked.

"Fine." Remus muttered, eyes not meeting any of theirs. It was an easy thing to agree to. He wanted to be nice to Hazel. He just didn't particularly want to be around her. It just so happened that when he was forced to be, he had to invent other, more creative ways he could keep himself at a distance.

"He's also going to have to stop crapping all over the plan, and actually help." Peter reminded the whole room. "Because it really is quite a good plan, and we need to go through with it."

Sirius beamed at the praise. "It's brilliant, isn't it?" he chimed in.

"One of our best." James confirmed.

"He just needs to get it in his head." Peter said and nodded toward Remus, who was half present at best at this point.

Everyone went quiet, and Remus took note of the fact that they were done hyping up their idea and now all that was left was for him to agree to their term. They all peered at his puffy face and glazed eyes. He only grimaced in response.

This condition was harder to agree to. While he wasn't going to actively try and stop them, he was seriously struggling with the concept of his friends doing something this risky only for the sake of his benefit.

On the other hand, agreeing to it was the only way that he was going to get the guys to shut up, earning him the priveledge of resting his eyes for the short while he had left before the terror that this night had to offer was to ensue.

"Fine." he reiterated, but his utterance was met with a yawn, and he allowed himself to shut his eyes for a moment, figuring that his vision wasn't crucial to this activity.

Their next plea came after only scarce intermission.

"And don't, for the love of Merlin, tell her the truth." Sirius asked of him, as if pleading out to a higher power. "We know that this one's going to bother you, but she absolutely can't know that we're not planning to register." His gaze flickered over to James and Peter and the three of them mentally conferred for a moment before landing back on Remus.

His eyes were still closed; his breathing steady and deep, but his eyebrows had contorted slightly and his shoulders had tensed, making his overall complexion appear pained.

The boys referred back to each other, but neither of them exuded confidence as they took each other in.

Soon though, Remus shifted further into his pillow and relaxed his shoulders. He let out a heavy breath through his nose, like an ocean wave crashing against the shore. "Fine." he grumbled, and drifted off almost immediately. The only remnant of their conversation still in his aspect being the prevailing crease in between his eyebrows.

A sense of relief fell over the boys knowing that Remus had at last agreed to their rules.

Now that they were no longer accompanied by Remus' conscious self, Sirius wasted no time before opening up for discussion on the topic of the boy's recent behaviour.

"He obviously likes her, there's no doubt about that." he reasoned, to the nodding of his friends' heads. "Enough to get flustered when she's around, and to recoil in shame when he behaves like an idiot in front of her."

When Sirius had finished relaying all the evidence, he leaned in toward James and Peter and lowered his voice. "What I don't get is: why does he keep being so cold toward her? It's not like him at all." He looked intently between the others, the cogs in his head churning as he pondered his riddle.

James pursed his lips and looked over at the rising and falling chest of Remus Lupin. "I don't think he actually wants to get close with her." he mumbled in response.

"Why though?" Peter asked.

James already had his answer backed up, "I guess he just wants to avoid unnecessary pain."

They both looked quizzically at him, having trouble imagining what could be so painful about it.

James seized the two, wondering if they were going to catch on of their own accord or if he should just go ahead and explain it. "You know... of having to tell her."

He gave them a meaningful look, which they eventually grasped at. Sirius' eyebrows shot up and Peter let out a barely audible, "Ooh..."

"Speaking of..." James continued, "We're going to have to wake him." he concluded reluctantly.

They all fell silent and studied the sleeping boy. His body was twitching every now and again, encapsulated in a hopelessly restless slumber.

"Let's just let him sleep a little while longer." Sirius advocated most wishfully.

But despite their efforts, deep down they all knew that not much mattered. Whether he got an extra five minutes of sleep here or there, taking him away from his reality, not much could change the fact that in his woke-up state his body would have to go through a horrid transformation in a few hours. Not to mention the psychological stress of having to deal with the ramifications of his monstrous tendencies the day after.

It was inevitable.

But not entirely uncontrollable. Which was precisely the notion that served to drive them forward in their pursuit of becoming animagi.

*

Remus was walking down to the Whomping Willow, escorted by Madam Pomfrey and her lantern.

As they crossed the grounds Remus lifted his hand to see how visible his shakes were. He balled it up into a fist in a futile attempt to prevent them. But his fist still shook. As did his legs and shoulders and jaw.

Alongside him Madam Pomfrey was going on and on about all the things he didn't want to hear about.

About how he should have put on extra layers of clothing before stepping out into the night and how he should wrap one of her blankets around him, which he declined.

About how she had prepared his bed in the hospital wing to best accommodate him upon his return the next morning.

About how he wasn't fooling her and she could in fact tell that he hadn't gotten enough sleep by the ever darkening shadows under his eyes. Like rings successively adding themselves to the inner trunk of a tree with each passing year, revealing his failing efforts.

And about how she was going to leave him by the entrance into the tunnel underneath the Whomping Willow.

That one was the main topic. The one which she kept reiterating. With almost frantic remorse she focused on that very detail. As if hopeful that if she focused enough attention on it, she would find a way around it.

His body was now aching so terribly that he couldn't keep his back straight. He was trying hard not to double over in front of her, as he knew that it would cause her pain to see it and only increase the amount of discussion of her every concern about him. As it were, it was already proving difficult to uphold his end of the conversation, and he didn't want to add to the ever ongoingness of it.

But what came next was still worse. There was still no salvation to be claimed when the large willow tree stilled and Madam Pomfrey showed him down the hole. Instead an overwhelming nausea overcame him when he looked down into it. He couldn't tell if his body was reacting to the stress he was feeling, or if it was another consequence of the slowly rising moon.

Perhaps he always felt nauseous before a full moon. He wasn't the best person to ask, as he rarely remembered anything to do with the before or after of his transformations. Even more so the pain he went through in conjunction with them — one of the few functions of his particular body that he was actually thankful for.

He turned to Madam Pomfrey. "Is it normal to feel nauseous?" he asked.

Her eyes turned anguished when she noticed the shiver in his voice. She lifted her hand to his forehead to feel for a fever, zipped up his jacket and threw the extra blanket around him, no longer minding whether he approved. All the more likely however the shiver was a reaction to the stress he was under, and nothing she could solve for.

It didn't stop the madam from trying though. He didn't expect it to. Few things ever stopped Madam Pomfrey from trying. Being her currently most consistent patient, he knew that fact very well.

He tried his best to give her a smile before fitting himself through the hole. Even though the smile came out very faint, and even though smiling in itself was stupidly disingenuous under the circumstance, it was important for him to assure her that he still could.

He stalked through the tunnel alone, fighting to not let the nausea overtake him. When he made it to the decrepit house he used the last of his energy and spirit to take himself up the flight of stairs to the second floor. He made it up the stairs before collapsing on all fours onto the creaky flooring and letting out a loud cry.

His eyes bulged and watered. He tried to force himself to sit up, disliking how inhuman it made him feel to be on all fours. But his body fought back. His muscles tensed and his body threw itself forward again of its own accord. His insides contracted and he thought he was about to heave up his dinner. But nothing escaped him and his intestines.

Instead he remained. He stared down at the floor resolutely. The water in his eyes inhibited his vision, and he wasn't sure if it was the unstable house being moved by the wind, or his conscience losing its balance, but everything swayed. Then his body transformed despite his pleas for it not to.

[willowelijah]

Headdesking - Remus Lupin/OC

Read the rest

Summary: Follow Remus Lupin bury his head in various pillows as his friends tease him about a crush he's developed on the girl they recruit to assist them in their mission to become animagi.

Content warnings: Swearing. Some angst.

Chapter 1: A Proposition

A/N: Don't expect: - Much Peter content - A fully accurate depiction of animagi-lore

*

Remus was having breakfast together with James and Peter in the Great Hall. Apart from the faint buzzing of a snitch zooming through the air, it was a peaceful moment. For the past fifteen minutes everyone had been quiet, allowing Remus to enjoy his book while eating his cereal.

Then Sirius came strutting up to them and sat down.

He leaned his head in toward the middle of the table, causing the other three boys to peer up at him under their eyebrows and lean in as well. James grabbed the snitch and tucked it in his pocket, letting his full attention be on Sirius.

"We're lucky. I was just in the library looking up the registry on animagi, and as it turns out there is one at this very school with us." he whispered.

Peter and James' eyes widened, whereas Remus merely pursed his lips. They all leaned back as Sirius swivelled around and pointed with a full finger and arm at a girl sitting at the Hufflepuff table, her eyes currently tracing the pages of a book.

James leaned forward again and squinted. "Is she reading the school's official code of conduct?"

"Looks like it." Peter confirmed.

Remus couldn't help a small smile tugging at his lips. "Hazel Pembroke." he said without thinking.

Sirius' eyes went wide. "You know her?" a pleased grin spread across his face. "Perfect."

Remus' friends all looked at him. His smile disappeared. "I don't know her." he was quick to say.

They all quieted, but their attention didn't leave the unsuspecting boy.

Remus' eyes fell briefly again on the reading girl. When he looked back at his mates next and found them still staring, he soon realised that they were waiting for him to explain himself. "We have several classes together!" he let out, a tad defensively at that. "I've just... seen her."

James raised his eyebrows and the boys looked between each other. Remus stopped in his tracks, knowing full well that in about ten seconds he would be fully blushing, and relishing in the sweet few seconds of privacy he had left.

But he was lucky, as Sirius soon stole everyone's attention back. "Hazel, guys. Remember her name." he bored his eyes into James and Peter. Remus could tell that this was important business to him. Anything involving doing something dangerous was important to Sirius.

Everyone nodded including Remus, despite not having been one of the ones addressed.

James looked over at Hazel. "Now we just have to go over there and kiss ass and be really nice to her and make her share all her ancient wisdom with us and devote all her time to helping us become animagi ...and to also swear an oath to do it in secret."

Peter nodded (albeit tentatively) once again, but James was still able to smile confidently.

Sirius was the first one to jump up from his seat. He began charging toward the Hufflepuff table while Peter and James climbed over the table from the other side, receiving some nasty comments from their fellow diners. Remus, on the other hand, groaned and stood up as painstakingly slowly as he possibly could.

It wasn't just the fact that he didn't want his friends to do this for him. Becoming animagi was a great risk, and hanging out with a werewolf (even as a fellow animal) was an even greater risk. But aside from all of that, something about going over to Hazel, the girl he would usually spot in class with either a book he had read and loved, or a book he would eventually come to love after seeing her read it and deciding to pick it up for himself — seemed in the moment like something incredibly daunting.

Once they had caught up to Sirius he turned to them and mumbled, "Only problem is... she's a prefect." For the first time Remus could actually spot a flicker of doubt on his friend's face at his own plan.

"Just an inconsequential little detail." James sarcastically remarked and rolled his eyes.

After that they all slowed their pace significantly. Suddenly none of the four seemed to want to arrive at their destination. Yet a few seconds later — found that they had.

Hazel was underlining a passage in the book. Remus stared at her as he sat down opposite her. Her boyishly short brown hair was sticking out from all sides, curving out on both sides at the back of her neck. Her petite figure; her large brown eyes scanning the words before her; it all made him want to get up and run in the opposite direction, while at the same time wishing she would look up and say something to him.

Just as they had all sat down though, without so much as glancing their way she shut her book and stood up to leave. She was just reaching for her bag when...

"Where are you going?" asked Sirius, dumbfounded.

After realising that she was being addressed Hazel stopped, but her bag kept flying and landed around her shoulder while she finally took a moment to acknowledge the foursome. Her eyes landed on the boy who had spoken. It took her a moment, but eventually she remembered to speak.

"It's 7:30." she answered, like it was self-explanatory.

"So?" Sirius replied and folded his arms over the table.

Hazel hugged her book across her chest. "So I have to get to class."

Sirius furrowed his brows. "Do you have class at 7:30 in the morning?" he asked, like it was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.

At this point Remus couldn't hold back anymore. He pinched the bridge of his nose and angled his head down, cringing at his friend's idiocy and hoping to Merlin that it wouldn't reflect badly on himself.

It was Hazel's time to furrow her eyebrows. "I don't. I have class at 8:00, and if I don't leave for it now I'm going to be late." she looked at her wristwatch, as if accounting for the precious seconds missed by the diversion, then looked around at the rest of the boys too and added, "In fact we will all be late, since you guys take Herbology with me."

Several other students around them were now also standing up to leave. But Sirius was not deterred. He gave her a crooked smile, "And since you take that class with us, you know that we are always late for it. Why don't you join us, just this once?"

Her eyes darted between the boys. "But if I do that then..." She trailed off, seemingly unsure of how to finish her sentence.

They all waited for her to gather her thoughts.

Her eyes finally focused on Sirius, and Remus felt relieved at not being the subject of her flitting attention. "...Then I'll be late." she finished simply.

"So?" Sirius asked once again. "Be late just this once."

"But... I'll be late." she repeated.

James stared in bafflement at the girl. Sirius looked off and sighed, although with a small tug at the corner of his lip. "Can't you be late just once?" He suggested once more.

Hazel stared off toward the exit. "I guess I could..." she pondered, sounding like it was the first time she had ever considered it.

She ended up sitting back down, but the existential crisis was still ongoing if judging by her expression. Sirius and James didn't seem to mind that detail however, and jumped right in. They began to explain their plan (leaving out the werewolf aspect) with utmost detail, all to her still vacant expression.

Remus took a moment to reflect on his newfound knowledge about the girl before him. There was something awe-inspiring about being in the presence of someone who must be so skilled and knowledgeable to have been able to complete the process of becoming an animagus.

And she was so young. And sort of innocent and sweet looking...

"Remus, stop staring at her." James said then, causing Remus to immediately look away and for Hazel to start blushing.

After that Remus' defensive systems kicked in and he soon found himself muttering, "I'm not staring. I just don't understand why we need her."

Hazel narrowed her eyes at Remus, but she mostly looked surprised at his statement.

The boys however had all mutually tensed at Remus' snarky tone.

"Well she's an animagus, and we're not." Peter explained to try and salvage the situation.

"Yeah Remus, catch up." James joked and patted him on the shoulder. He turned to Hazel, hitching with a chuckle and gesturing at Remus as if to imply that he was the reason for it.

But Hazel wasn't laughing. "Not just for the fact that I myself have completed the spell successfully, but a large part of my family are animagi." she explained. "For us it's a rite of passage of sorts. The wisdom of how to best succeed at it has been passed down through generations of us." Her eyes singled in on Remus and she continued, "I sit on a world of knowledge about this particular spell. All the helpful tips and tricks for getting it right. I know the ins and outs of it like the back of my hand and to be perfectly honest, I'm not confident that you guys have it in you to pull it off." Her eyes drifted toward James, who was shaping his hair, trying to get it to stay put in the particular way he wanted it. "...At least not without my help." She finished, raising her brows cockily at Remus.

"I think we'll try our hand at it ourselves, thanks." Remus countered, receiving more than one dissatisfied stare from his friends.

He knew that he was destroying their plan. But he supposed it was probably fine. He was sure they could probably do it without her.

Probably.

And to be perfectly honest, the idea of being in close proximity to her more than he already had terrified him. It was definitely best they just do it themselves.

Hazel didn't seem fazed by Remus' refusal to take her advice, and she already had more ammo at her disposal. She waved her hand casually in the air, "The choice is yours. But if I were you I'd take all the help I could get." Then she placed two elbows on the table and leaned in, "...Unless you want to end up with bat-ears, like my uncle."

James' eyes went wide and his hand stopped tending to his hair.

"Or with a tail, like my grandfather." she continued, then watched as Peter's eyebrows bent in despair.

"Or with scaly elbows, like my cousin."

A violent shudder went down Sirius' spine.

But Remus remained composed. "Clearly the ancient wisdom in your family hasn't got you very far."

Peter stared dumbstruck at him. But Remus ignored him. He refused to drop Hazel's gaze.

"Like I said," she began slowly, "it's a complicated spell."

"You managed to do it, how hard can it be?" The words slid out of Remus' mouth like a reflex. But as soon as he'd said them, he suddenly found it incredibly difficult to keep eye contact with her. He looked away.

Hazel pursed her lips. Then without another word rose to her feet, snatched her bag and stomped off to Herbology.

Remus' friends watched pleadingly as she went. But no words came out of either of them. Instead they turned toward the culprit, who was presently looking down at the table in a sullen state.

He wasn't sure what had just happened, or what had driven him to act in the way he just had, but a feeling of strong dissatisfaction with himself was rapidly manifesting.

As soon as Hazel's short frame had disappeared out the door and left the now empty Great Hall, Remus resorted to leaning down and bonking his head against the table repeatedly.

"Remus." Sirius began in a matter of fact tone, yet with an underlying scathing quality. He continued, "May I remind you that we are trying to get this girl to do us a ginormous favour?"

Remus stopped bonking his head, and like the naïve boy that he inevitably was, still believed he could get away with some good old nonchalance of his misdemeanour, "So?"

Sirius was too baffled to continue his line of questioning, therefore James picked up the torch, "So — it would benefit us if you could help butter her up a little." He poked Remus' side with his elbow. "You know... instead of repeatedly insulting her." he finished awkwardly.

"Yeah. Why on earth would you do that?" Peter asked.

Instead of replying Remus made a face, with his forehead still pressed against the table nonetheless.

"You're like the sweetest person on this earth." James let out.

Remus grimaced once again.

"I once saw him apologise to a bludger while we were playing quidditch." Peter interjected.

More bonking ensued on Remus' end.

"But the one time we actually need you to be kind, you do a 180° personality change." Sirius exclaimed, finally out of his temporary muteness.

Remus sat up, but met neither of his friends' eyes. He proceeded to unenthusiastically grab his bag and stalk off before any of them could press him for any more answers.