Daunting Doctor’s Visit
Summary: going to the doctor’s had never really been a fun idea to you, it wasn’t a good time. luckily Bucky’s happy to be your plus one when you have your yearly physical packed with everything you’ve been putting off for a while.
Words: 3,112
Warnings: takes place a doctor’s office, mentions of blood work, pap smear, medications, birth control, other medical issue, inaccurate descriptions of medical procedures, inaccurate medical advice.
Your foot wouldn’t stop tapping, the rest of your body was still but your foot was moving fast. You had your bag over your arm and your jacket on, ready at the door and anxiously waiting. With the way your arms were crossed you could see your watch, counting the seconds until the following minute, doing the math to know how fast you needed to get there.
“Sorry,” Bucky ran down the stairs, the entire old house creaked, “sorry, the fucking call went longer than expected, I really-” “Tell me in the car please,” you pointed at the shoes you had laid out for him to literally slip into, “we really have to go.”
“I got you,” Bucky had his shoes on in no time, opening the door for you and linking his arm with yours, “we’re not going to be late, it’s alright.”
The doctor's office wasn’t exactly paradise on Earth, there had never been a moment at the office where you were scarred to the extent that you swore never to come back; it just made you extremely uncomfortable. You were going for a yearly physical and also a pap smear, blood work, and a talk about your medications. Normally you’d wait until everything pilled up so you could make one trip and forget about it for the rest of the year.
Bucky drove with one hand on the wheel and the other holding your hand on the center console, you had told Bucky early in your relationship about being on birth control and other meds to help with your mental health, and the moment you realized he was the one was when he started to pay and pick up your birth control for you. Never complained about it once and even made sure you took it, the same with the other meds.
“We’re not going to be late,” he said at the red light, “nothing to worry about.” he looked over to see your head down, trying to focus on your breathing, “good deep breathes, babe, really good,” the hand that was holding yours was brought to his lips.
“Can you hold my hand during the pap smear?” you whispered.
“I can hold your hand the entire time if you want,” he squeezed your hand, “I don’t care if I’m sitting on the examination table with you or awkwardly reaching across the room, alright?” you nodded and the light turned green, Bucky kissed your hand again and drove forward.
There had been times when you’d talk to your mom about being tired too often and she’d randomly spring it on the doctor, they’d ask to take blood and you couldn’t exactly say no even though you were not prepared for it in the slightest. When you were first put on birth control was not for sex at all, your dad was still livid at the idea of a high schooler taking a pill like that.
You could feel the judgement of the other people in the room, everyone was looking at one another as they tried to figure out what was wrong with someone. There would be times when old people or children would openly stare at you, with no shame at all when you sat there on your own. Nothing was wrong with you, you either wanted to switch medication or needed to get a vaccine but it felt like people had other ideas about you.
“What if they think we’re pregnant?” you asked as you sat in the parking lot, not ready to get out of the car yet.
“So what?” Bucky faced you, having already unbuckled you and himself.
“They’ll think I’m a slut for having a kid so early,” your hands rubbed together, “they’ll think we’re trying to get rid of it.”
“Babe,” Bucky leaned forward and made you look at him, “you’ll never see these people again, I promise you that. And if you do?” a smile graced his lips, “they won’t recognize you, they’re not going to point you out at the grocery store at the girl who went to the doctors that one day in the summer, alright?” his hand cupped your cheek, “I know it’s scary, but I believe no one will pay any mind to you, I won’t let go of your hand,” his lips pressed against your temple, “I promise.”
“Okay,” you whispered, “let’s go.”
You sat in the waiting room after checking in, you had Bucky’s hand in your lap to trace and fiddle with. You’d clean out the small bits of dirt from under his nails, or gently run the pad of your thumb over his nail bed. Your eyes were heavily focused on his hand, the veins and his knuckles, there were so many things to trace and count you simply didn’t have the time.
“Babe,” Bucky whispered, “they called you.”
You stood and so did Bucky, following you to the back and into one of many rooms. The doctor quickly joined you, shaking Bucky’s hand. “I’m Dr. Reaya, a pleasure to meet you.”
“You too,” Bucky smiled and sat with you on the table.
“Okay, so,” she flipped through the pages, “how about we get the pap over and done with, how does that sound?”
“Good,” you nodded and immediately picked up Bucky’s hand.
“Are you nervous?”
You didn’t respond, shutting your eyes tightly to prevent any tears from slipping through. Bucky never talked over you or for you, he was good about letting you have your voice. But he knew when to pipe in, “she’s nervous about everything.”
“It’ll hurt more if you’re nervous,” she pulled the straps down for your feet, “if you could take your bottoms off and lay back on the table, placing your feet in the stirrups that would be appreciated.” she left after that, giving you both a moment.
“Here,” he held out his hand after you took your bottoms off, he placed them on the chair he had brought up to the table before sitting on them. “You’re alright,” he whispered and helped you to get under the sheet.
“May I come back in?” the Doctor asked, and Bucky answered for you.
“Can I hold your hand?” you whispered as the Doctor and another nurse walked in, they were preparing for the examination and didn’t hear you.
Bucky didn’t verbally answer, all he did was take your hand into his and brought it close to his chest. He was watching you tentatively, but he hid it well.
“Alright,” the nurse began, talking you through everything, “you’re going to feel a slight cramp…” her voice trailed off, “please try not to stiffen,” her voice sounded as though her brows were pulled together and her tongue poked out of her lips.
“Hey, look at me,” Bucky hushed, “remember how we first met?” he smiled, “at the party?”
“Yeah,” you grunted out.
“Can you tell me?”
Natasha had left you to hook up with a guy, you were proud of her. After that horrendous dumping by her Ex, you knew Steve would treat her right, maybe for more than a night. The only issue was that you were left alone at a party you weren’t invited to, these were Natasha’s friends and it was obvious. It was like you were invisible in the backyard where smoke and laughter filled the air.
You stood off to the side with a classic red cup in your hand, slowly sipping it and looking around for someone to talk to, anyone really. These people were frat boys who didn’t make the cut, people who brought the high school to university to make sure they kept living their glory days for as long as possible. The girls acted like in every movie out there, the cheerleader who ran the squad, all yelling over one another to get someone’s attention. It was weird to see them all be so passive, preaching about feminism while pulling up old ugly photos of people they barely knew. Natasha wasn’t like that but somehow accepted it.
“Are you dissecting them with your eyes?” two guys approached you, “I don’t think it’s any fun to stand and watch the party, there are guys trying to convince everyone to jump in their pool.”
“I’m guessing you two want to hide from the awkward no?” you laughed as you took a sip of whatever was in your drink.
“Precisely,” the other one spoke, he was handsome and quiet. Long brown hair sat perfectly in his face, enough to cover his features but not enough to have him shake his mane out so he could see better.
“I’m Sam, this is James.”
“Nice to meet you,” you reached out and shook their hands, “I’m waiting for my friend.”
“Who?” Sam asked, shifting his weight and getting more comfortable in the conversation, it seemed he actually wanted to stay and talk.
“Natasha,” the moment you said her name the two boy’s faces lit up, they looked at each other with the widest smiles; only to be described as boy smiles.
Sam reached out and grabbed your shoulder, but only James noticed your slight flinch. “Is she with Steve?”
“Yeah-”
“Yes!” Sam yelled, also causing you to flinch back. “He’s been going after your friend forever, changing how he walks to classes, stalking her Instagram, this entire party he’s been hyping himself up to talk to her.”
You felt comfortable, “it was probably Natasha who made the first move.”
“I also agree,” James laughed, “she seemed headstrong and my boy was-and still is-shit whipped for her,” they both started laughing.
“I’m y/n by the way,” you smiled.
James’ lips slightly parted, “sorry, completely forgot to ask, we’re so caught up in our friend's sex life recently it’s been getting in the way,” James quickly shot one eyebrow up, his hand was going to your shoulder to either playfully punching it or squeeze it to apologize but he caught himself, awkwardly moving the hair out of his eyes.
“Nice to meet you,” Sam said after looking over his shoulder, “I’ll see you around, y/n.”
“Likewise,” you smiled and waved, James didn’t leave. You just stared at him before sipping your drink, breaking and fixing your eye contact rapidly. “Sorry,” you whispered.
“What are you sorry about?” James smiled, he wasn’t holding a drink so his hands found the pockets of his jeans.
You were known for apologizing for no reason, “I-sorry-I do that sometimes, nothing is worth apologizing over but it fills the awkward silence.”
“I see,” James smiled and looked around, “look, I wanted to come over because you looked very scared, I’ve been sober all night, do you want me to drive you home?” he pained through a smile, “and I know it’s not ideal to have a man who you don’t know, have no proof that he’s sober, and has only talked to you about your friend’s sex lives-” you both laughed a little more, “-I know it’s not your first choice, I can even pay for an Uber if you want.”
“I don’t know,” you looked down into your cup.
“I don’t want to like…kick you out, that’s the last thing I want,” he stepped closer, “but I also know exactly how you feel in the sense that you don’t really know anyone and you’re standing off in the corner, it’s boring and lonesome and maybe you don’t like me and just want to go home, who knows,” he shrugged, “you seem like a girl with too much on her mind, I want to help ease that.”
“Why are you so good at that?” You whispered into your cup, fighting back the stupid childish tears that were forming. Why was crying so easy when alcohol was in your system?
“Did I-” James cut himself off, “I live here, do you want to go to my room for some quiet?” he noticed your tears, “shit, I am so sorry, y/n,” he hovered his hand over your shoulders, after a gentle nod he placed them down, “come to my room, I’ll let you have some peace and quiet.”
You kept your head down as you walked, no one paid any mind. It was too late that night for people to be alert or even care about a stranger, no one knew you were crying. James walked behind you with his hand on your shoulder, it just so happened you walked inside first. After climbing the stairs you looked over your shoulder and James walked ahead of you, taking you to his small room.
“Here, I’ll run downstairs and grab some water for you,” he smiled and quickly left.
Even in your jeans, your party top, your makeup, in everything…the moment you laid back in bed you fell asleep right away.
“There we go, all done,” the nurse said.
“That’s it?” you gasped, “it’s done?”
“The hard part is done, I’ll step outside and you can put your bottoms back on and then we can talk about the other stuff,” the nurse smiled as she followed the doctor outside of the room.
“Way to go,” Bucky leaned over and kissed you, it was like he was breathing a deep breath into your lungs, “god, I’m fucking proud of you,” he kissed your forehead next, “we’re definitely stopping for a coffee on the way home, especially if they take your blood but also for a little reward, alright?”
“Thank you,” you breathed out as you slipped on your shorts, “I love you,” the words were so casual between the two of you but in moments like these the weight of them changed.
“Love you too, baby,” Bucky kissed you again, you loved it when he didn’t ask and would just go for it, making it seem like he couldn’t hold back long enough.
The rest of the doctor's appointment was somewhat smooth sailing, they took blood and you saw the way Bucky’s brows were continuously pinched together, his eyes scanned your face probably because it lost a little bit of colour. You got one vaccine which was in and out, the last thing on your agenda was your medications.
“I feel really foggy when I take them if that makes sense,” you fiddled with your fingers as you spoke, “like some film over the way I see the world and I miss the way it was, all of my memories are happier once I compare them to the mental state I’m in,” your eyes flicked to Bucky who looked slightly upset, “and I don’t mean that I’m unhappy now, well-...” you sighed and rubbed your forehead, “I have everything I’ve ever wanted right now, a wonderful boyfriend, a well-paying job, friendships, no stress about money - I’m in the sweet spot right now, which makes me wonder why I’m not feeling ten out of ten right now if that makes sense…” you trialed off with a shrug.
“There are two ways we could approach this,” your Doctor looked at your chart, “you can either switch companies, every pharmaceutical company has a medication for you, you just might not have the right one.” you looked at Bucky and nodded, “or you can take a break with meds right now for about six months and then you can come back and we can re-access.”
“I think I’ll take a break,” you nodded.
“Wonderful,” your Doctor smiled and wrote something down.
With nothing else left to talk about you left, feeling lighter and more confident in yourself. Bucky kept his word and bought you a coffee on the way home, even getting a cookie for you two to split. He was his normal self the entire way home, Bucky wasn’t the type of guy to need to talk all the time, he was quite alright with silence between two people.
Once you were home you sprawled out on the bed, “my fucking arm,” you sighed, “that vaccine takes so much out of you.”
“I have a question,” Bucky disregarded what you said and laid down beside you, also laying on his stomach and looking right at you, “when you were talking about your happiness I-”
“Bucky, don’t,” you reached out and touched his lips, “I’m happy with you and I love you and it’s my own brain that puts a black-and-white filter over things sometimes, it’s not you, I’m fully happy with you.”
“Okay,” he said quietly, “just tell me if there’s anything I can do.”
“Anything you can do?” you repeated as you rolled over on top of him, straddling his abs, “you drove me to an appointment I could have driven to myself, you held my hand during my pap smear, you bought me a coffee, and you make me so happy everyday-I don’t think there’s anything else you can do, you’re the perfect guy!” you laughed and leaned forward, hugging him tightly.
“Alright,” he blushed and tried to hide his face, “you make me happy too,” he muttered, “really fucking happy, like, my heart beats a little faster every time I see you.”
“Shut up,” you giggled, trying to roll off of him.
Bucky grabbed you tightly and rolled with you, finding space between your legs so he could be as close as possible. Out of nowhere, he began to tickle you, he admitted once he did it to get your real laugh out. You had a fake one because you thought your real laugh was loud and ugly, not wanting to startle people. But when he found that spot on your waist you threw your head back with a cackle, trying to get him to stop.
“I’m gonna pee!” you screamed, he was switching between your neck, waist, and armpits. You attempted to fight back by tickling him but that let him sneak under your arms.
“Let me hear that laugh!” he yelled over your pleads for him to stop, once you let it out and began to really laugh he somewhat slowly down but didn’t entirely stop. His hands were fast as he moved from every place on your body, half of the spots weren’t ticklish but you were in the laughing mood-
“Ow, my fucking sore arm!”
“...sorry…”
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