Yesterday
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. I cried a lot. I wish that I could control my crying, but I just can’t. When I get started, the floodgates are open. People don’t know how to deal with it, so they try to get me to stuff it all back inside, not realizing that it’s probably the worst thing I could do. If I don’t get it out, it’s just gonna pop back up later, so I’ve got to get it out of my system.
It was a rough day; we had to cancel one of our trainings because our contact couldn't come up with the resources we needed. This resulted in me being taken to task by Europeans all day long. I don’t blame them, they were expecting to hear about a training they were scheduled to attend the next day- and it was already late into the evening the day before.
I saw the edited version of the film that we plan to submit for the WinterFilm contest. Yeah. I don’t love it. Visually, it’s very appealing. I think the acting is good and the editing is good too. I’m just not fully comfortable with how the subject matter is treated. It’s a dark comedy, really. I just think it’s a pretty serious subject. It might be the music, it seems too lighthearted. Meh. I might have overreacted yesterday, though. I knew what film we were making. But my feelings about this are important and valid. I’m not mad because really, in my role, I have a very limited amount of input and I know that.
Chris hit the nail on the head with one thing he said- I don’t feel like I’m in a position to say no to any projects right now, because I need the experience. Someday I’ll be able to choose my projects more carefully and maybe say no when I have strong feelings about a script. I do need to get out of my comfort zone because some of the best films out there make you uncomfortable. I need to stop worrying so much about how other people are going to react to it.