11) wild card: tell us how your day has been so far?
totally sweet to ask

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11) wild card: tell us how your day has been so far?
totally sweet to ask
6) Tell me about the most exciting thing you’ve ever done or would like to do.
i just rambled in my usual zen way about self evolution.
11) wild card: talk about how elliot's changed since you first made him?
here is the tea about my muse
1) Give an introduction of you and your muses!
hey the computer fan is out of control but here you go
which one is more athletic?
antonio—not that kayden isn’t athletic. they are healthy & maintain themselves well it’s just that antonio goes to the gym more frequently as a means of destress. antonio is part of a recreational baseball league & well as part of a tight knit group of lifters at his gym. he is quite emerged in the gym/fitness culture.
what bothers antonio about kayden? and how does he handle that?
their self sacrificing nature—kayden seems like they really want to make themselves a matyr or something of the like because they are always extending themselves for people or causes that antonio wouldn’t support himself. while admirable, this nature tends to end with kayden being taken advantage of & overworked. antonio doesn’t like it—especially when kayden likes being dismissive of their own issues.
he usually makes sure to check in with kayden, keen on the silent signs of stress on their body, usually taking it upon himself to be the voice saying no or enough when kayden doesn’t see to.
another quirk of kayden that tends to get on antonio’s nerves is that kayden can be a little pretentious at times—offering their help even when it isn’t needed. antonio just raises to this with his bluntness—always willing to put kayden back in their place.
How does kayden handle fear? what are they afraid of?
handling fear.
as a police officer kayden is skilled in the art of compartmentalizing—but don’t confuse this with the complete conquest of fear. they gets scared—scared shitless on some calls but it’s about putting those emotions on the back burner & focusing on the mission at hand. they signed up for the job & it came with the badge but unlike some officers they falls back onto their training. they counter fear with analytic thinking—breaking out their fears into possible solutions. for instance if their fear is getting hurt then they combat with measures of prevention or counter defense—always with deescalation.
fears.
primarily getting hurt—seriously hurt. that possibility scares them more than dying at points because at the least the monetary cost of dying is flat rate. being seriously disabled brings about a number of long term costs & kayden is uncertain if they can handle that reality. they are certain of antonio’s devotion but that is precisely the problem, as harsh as it is—they fear being helpless or dependent.
What does sincerity look like for antonio? when/why does he lie?
sincerity.
sincerity for antonio has many faces but usually it is a sheepish or stone faced—especially with kayden. not that he is afraid of being soft or tender, he isn’t or at least he says he isn’t. he doesn’t want to associate himself with the likes of his father & other macho men, who keep their lips sealed, never offer a word of reassurance to their partners ( to their children. ) antonio says fuck that old fashion tradition—in theory but unlearning that initial reservation is hard. he spent a great deal of time overthinking his emotions, hyping himself up & then chickening out.
take the first time he said i love you to kayden—he knew it a week before he said it. he spoke about—ranted about it with his friends, wrote about it in his journal—filled entire pages. don’t mistake antonio’s reserved nature for a lack of passion because he is filled with—he just has an issue articulating to those who the feelings are directed. he confessed abruptly, stumbling over his curse words & poorly rehearsed metaphors. his fingers were curled into fists as he forced the words from his mouth, with an urgency as though those were his last.
he values romance & is more than willing to let it show it’s just a lack of confidence in that delivery at times. he despises the idea of being embarrassed, of having it come out wrong. so as a result he speaks more through action than words. he speaks though his protectiveness, how his arm easily outstretches to guard kayden. his hands always seemed open to offer & to hold. he is more of a man of action than words but those words are usually earnest.
honesty & deception.
he lies most to his family—extended family. he is consider more of a shame, even after the initial appall of his coming out. the magnitude of their outward disgust & disagreement with his “lifestyle choice”—he just lies & doesn’t let them in on his romance with kayden. he doesn’t want any stress in his life so he tends to be avoidant. he avoids situations through lying, usually white lies. he doesn’t lie about anything particularly serious—seeing no need to.