I don’t like this feeling. I mean I’ve never been much for explaining things well but it’s like this weight pulling you by your arms and legs every day, no matter where you go. It’s these voices whispering words of hatred in your ears and you try to convince yourself nothing’s wrong, that it’s fine because everyone goes through this, right? It’s all this worrying like am I just overreacting? what if I’m pretending and don’t quite know it? what if no one believes me? It’s this fear every time you go out in public that something wrong will happen or someway somehow you’re going to mess things up, you’re going to make a complete fool out of yourself. It’s where you wake up some days and just find yourself going through the motions and you know what’s happening but there’s nothing you can really do and other days it's just a wave of emotions that come over you over and over. It’s when you find your days blending together and you’re unable to recognize reality from your dreams. It’s having no motivation most of the time but expected to bring your best to the table. It’s trying to get through a day without listening to the voices, without letting the fear control you, without showing how low you’re feeling, without falling apart. I wish I wasn’t so helpless, I wish I knew more but all I can do is sit here and say I don’t like this feeling and I don’t think anyone does.