#witchprophetry

[vulturepunk-archival]

thoughts in the shower this morning: what if mary was the first and only (as far as we know) human to reproduce by parthenogenesis ---> could the concept of immaculate conception be applied to species other than humans? ---> Cnemidophorus neomexicanus is a holy species ---> all miracles are scientific, all things are imbued with god (in a nontraditional and vaguely pagan sense of the word) and the world is beautifully strange

[vulturepunk-archival]

goldenrod, and the 4H stone, the things i brought you when i found out you had cancer of the bone

tuesday night at the bible study, we lift our hands and pray over your body, but nothing ever happens

all the glory when you ran outside, with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied, and you told me not to follow you

on the floor at the great divide, with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied, i am crying in the bathroom

in the morning when you finally go, and the nurse runs in with her head hung low, and the cardinal hits the window

[vulturepunk-archival]

last night i woke suddenly at three AM, read the entire wikipedia article on vivisection, and scribbled down “listening to stories as a form of vulturehood-- consuming the past and making it a part of you. vulture rules of life-- thrive on what you can scavenge. if you must eat carrion then you will love carrion with your whole soul. this is different from blind acceptance or submission. it is a choice. to live and to love is a choice.”

then i drowsed back into half-sleep and in that weird liminal space between consciousness and dreams i met someone i love who has died, and she told me to live and live and live.

then i woke up for real and wandered into the woods and found a raccoon skull and part of a pelvis

[vulturepunk-archival]

i dreamed last night that i visited her. she had three dogs and a blue sweater, and she was happy now, or at least less miserable. she told me she didn’t want me anymore. it was everything i asked for

[vulturepunk-archival]

i had a semi-religious experience and then spent 20 minutes raging in my journal at a God i didn’t even believe in before now so that is definitely a thing that happened

[vulturepunk-archival]

tonight was one of those nights where everything was so beautiful... the warm orange glow of the sun setting, and the faces of the people in cars passing by. a gravel hill by the side of the road, birds circling in the sky, certain words in the podcast i was listening to that would get caught on the rocks and i would roll them around in my mouth like hard candy. it’s all so indescribably beautiful and it wells up like a wave and fills me with something so big i can’t even breathe. i saw an iron ladder on a brick building and almost cried. 

the lights in the city were bright and blurry, and everyone was all bare legs and sleek dresses, battle-red lips and heels that hurt to look at. one girl had blisters on her achilles’ tendon and i couldn’t stop staring at it. before that, all my classmates were getting ready in the boarding student’s dorm and it felt too much like crashing someone’s slumber party so i lurked in one of the rooms they weren’t occupying. it had carefully organized CDs and concert tickets taped to the walls, dozens of drawings of faceless band members and music left playing in the background. and even though i’m not really into her bands, it was clear that the owner of the room was so passionate about them. idk. i love people so much and it makes me very sad and full sometimes

also, i bonded with a girl in my class over being non-straight & Weird, and the play was very good even though i saw a black dog skulking in the back of the stage that no one else seemed to see and it freaked me out

[vulturepunk-archival]

things from today

i slept less than two hours last night

while i was sleeping, i had an incredibly nice dream that i think was a gift from hecate (or the benevolent entity who i’ve been calling hecate). she’s been watching over me all day, i think

whenever i sleep very little i always feel clean and refreshed and pure, and sort of holy. things are brighter, and everything is connected in a way that never makes sense after i sleep. like floodlights at night.

i was thinking about how drowning people grab onto whoever’s nearest and drag them down too, and then a few hours later i came across a line in Macbeth (which, i might add, features hecate in a semi-prominent role) describing that exact concept

i saw three hawks in the span of about a minute. two flew right in front of the car, and one was just standing stock-still by the side of the road with it’s wings spread