#withanie

[exposuredrag]

So #excited to #play with my #official #tammiebrown #paperdollbook #withanie #dragrace

[actuallyadhd]

I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) when I was a kid, but I think maybe I was told that people grow out of it when they’re in their teens, or maybe I was confused because even after the diagnosis I kept getting dragged around to various doctors to see what was wrong with me—because if it really was ADHD, then they’d stop with all that, right? So I’m 26 now and I thought for a really long time that I didn’t have it. I thought: maybe I had it in third grade, but I’m better now—I’m just f’ed up in some other, indescribable way, that makes me lazy and unable to do anything productive with my life, and sad and scared that I’m going to fail at everything ever, and anyway I was never hyper and I can pay attention just fine when it’s interesting enough, so clearly no attention deficit!

Well…I’ve had a really hard time the last year, and I started doing research on various things like depression and anxiety and also by chance ADHD (started following your blog!!), which as it turns out describes me EXACTLY, once I look a little deeper and do a little self-reflection. I talked to my doctor about starting Wellbutrin, which I took in high school. Since then I’ve felt a lot more motivation, and I’m doing well in some ways, but I’m still really distractable, and more than that I NOTICE that I’m distractable now. I think the wellbutrin is helping me be more aware of myself, as well as with my motivation, but I wonder if it might help to be on a stimulant too. But I’m nervous to talk to my doctor about it, because I’d told her that I wanted to take the wellbutrin for anxiety—which I do have, probably because I have a lot to be anxious about, what with never having anything done that needs to be done and also the fact that human interaction is terrifying. But I think mostly it’s helping my ADHD. ANYWAY, so she is unaware that I was given a diagnosis of ADHD (as the last time I spoke with her, I didn’t think I had it), and while wellbutrin is not an abusable drug, of course stimulants are, and I don’t want to be like “here have my twenty-year-old diagnosis and also can I have some controlled substances?” Also, I know that sometimes stimulants—such as caffeine—can make me feel really like crap when I take too much (that is, when my tea habit gets the best of me…), and I’m nervous about the possibility of a bad reaction, too. And I think about therapy, like CBT maybe, but…it’s expensive and I think I need a referral from my doctor but again I don’t know how to bring it up to her…it was hard enough being like “I am depressed or anxious or something else maybe but please help!!” and now I want to go BACK and tell her MORE?? Ack! But I feel like I’ve built up some momentum in dealing with this issue, and I don’t want to leave it as it is—if there’s something out there that can help, I want to find it.

I don’t even know what I want you to do here; this is ridiculously long and is practically my whole life story and I’m sorry if it’s done the wrong way, or whatever; I just wanted to tell someone who knows a little about ADHD and maybe get their feedback. Anyway. Thanks. :)

[Do talk to your doctor about this. Go in with your documentation from your original diagnosis, if you are able to access it, and simply say something like “I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was little. I haven’t been getting treatment for a long time now. I’ve noticed that the Wellbutrin is helping with my anxiety and depression, which is awesome, but it’s not really helping with most of my ADHD symptoms. (List symptoms here.) I am wondering what my options are, and I’m also interested in accessing cognitive behavioural therapy and ADHD coaching if you know how I can do that.” Your doctor may need you to be reassessed (they’re like that sometimes) before she can recommend or begin treatment. But putting it this way makes it clear that you aren’t just looking for drugs and hopefully that will help her understand that you’re looking for help with the problems you’re having now.

It also makes sense that your difficulties would become more apparent as you age. Life demands change over time, and the more demands we have placed on us the more our symptoms come to the fore because we’re under more stress and that makes it harder to manage our symptoms.

-J

Followers, do you have any thoughts?]