#witicism

[bits-of-wit]

The “L” is just silent

[vegasmidwife]

Don't you love my early morning sarcasm? #witicism #ihaveadrysenseofhumor #wheresmycoffee (at Silverado Ranch, Las Vegas)

[rattailpanda]

Don’t be ashamed of what you’ve got hidden inside of your jacket. A knife, a pen, perhaps even an informational packet.

Do not worry too much about your golden watch or your locket. But be sure, always to keep, your religion inside of your pocket.

[rattailpanda]

I felt like a superman eating yogurt and lychee. Never had I known a joy like having lunch with Nietzsche. 

[rattailpanda]

Nature presents the man as a  creature as soft as cotton. But when alone with woman he starts to act quite rotten. 

[overlord-fire-bubble]

How To Not Seem Like A B*tch

During period:

*HOLD IN ALL THE SNARK AND SARCASM* Brain: I DON’T KNOW IT THE FILTER CAN HOLD IT. Brain: I NEED SOMETHING TO SNUFF OUT THE NOISE BOX. CAN WE FEED IT? *CONSUMES WHOLE BAG OF HALLOWEEN CANDY* Brain: IT’S WORKING. KEEP IT IIIIIIIIIN..... Period Ends: Brain: Well done, crew. We made it through the storm.

[thorette]

Things My Boyfriend Says...

Me: However many times better I am than your ex, that's how many times bigger my diamond should be.

Will: But dear, they don't make diamonds that big.

Me: GOOD ANSWER!!!!!