WIZARD REVIEW: THE ICE KING
Welcome to Morgana's Wizard Review, where I analyze fictional characters of the wizardly, sorcerous, witchy and magic nature and see how hard they fuck. Today our canidate will be that frost moanrch of the Ooo, Simon Petrivok AKA the Ice King,evil thwarter of finna nd jake, pricness stealer and a lainpilled babygirl.
WISDOM
The Ice King is often shown as scatter-brained and his plans are often not well-thought out, he captures princesses that do not even like him to sate his loneliness. Despite this he does have rare insightful moments and later in the series begins to understand his role in things.
2/5
INTELLIGENCE
The Ice King is somewhat of a "man-child" at a glance, despite his mild helplessness in some situations, he has been shown to be talented on the drums with implications he knows how to play multiple instruments. Despite his sick ass golden hat causing him to lose many memories, he has still acquired some magical artifacts such as the demonic wishing eye and ghost pouch. In addition to this he is a scholar of fridjitzu, branching out from his seemingly innate magical prowess.
3/5
ZENITH
We see the ice king at the height of his power very early on in the series, his arc is not about an ascension in power but one of vulnerability. The crown is shown to keep his body from deteriorating in old age and could even be considered strong physically as well as magically in certain scenarios. He only seems to get weaker in the form of being metaphorically de-fanged, the only true strike to his power being digestion from a literal god.
5/5
ARCANA
Ice King is what we call a Specialist, a tried and true cryomancer, and he is very potent in this art, having the ability to extend his senses throughout his realm and even influencing the animals that dwell in ice and snow. It seems this icy expertise extends to other frozen arts that he has picked up as well such as the aforementioned fridjitzu. Though he has a focus on ice magic, he is no one-trick pony, and seems to have a knack for charms and illusions as well as the ability to detect spirits using his "Wizard Eyes". It is also shown that he has immunity to extreme heat conditions and hypnosis. So in spite of his hard lean toward ice and snow, his tertiary spells and abilities are quite powerful rather than being a typical mage's sidearm or obscure tool.
4/5
RECLUSIVENESS
Ice King is a classic wizardly recluse, he has such trouble in romance he needs to kidnap girls to even talk to them, and his closest friends he met because they were beating him up for said kidnapping. He is often surrounded only by minions that do not speak the same language as him and he lives in a tall, far-away mountain, a natural wizard's tower. Despite this start he does begin to warm up to people, only to return to his reclusive ways once he is completely free of the crown's magic. In spite of his isolation and reputation, he is not sagely or hermetic, he is not this way by choice but simply an evil fucking loser, and we respect him for that. It seems not only his magic is innate.
3.5/5
Dignity
This is one quality Ice King lacks, he is not airbrushed-on-the-side-of-a-van material. His coolest and most confident is in the opening of the show. Despite how cool and powerful his crown is it sometimes looks like a paper crown a child might make from construction paper, and his baggy tunic and garish and plain. His plots often require him to stoop to schoolyard trickery and forced marriage not for political reasons, but out of simple loneliness, the ice king lacks grandeur, he wears bandaids on his penis wenis. He is only cool because hes an epic wizard that plays the drums.
1.5/5
And the total score for the Ice King this wizard review is...
3.16/5
The Ice King is an alright wizard, his magic is strong and he is a potent and authoritative figure, but he is the pure definition of "it gets lonely at the top", this man's conquests are unsuccessful if they do not involve prostrating himself, reconciling, atoning. Being a powerful mage is somehow at odds with him being a fulfilled individual. He is at the limits of his power when we first see him, his only room to grow is to embrace being a lame ass old man, the antithesis of the lich (as in the occupation, I do not know what comparison I can make to the titular necromantic archmage of Ooo who usurps Simon as the baddest mana-slinging motherfucker in all the realm) who seeks to become sick as fuck and avoid being old at all costs. I honor this pursuit and am glad to see him happy eating oatmeal in his shitty house, but alas in wizarddom he allows himself to be easily outclassed to gain this inner peace.
Did you enjoy this episode of MORGANA'S WIZARD REVIEW?? Give it a nice comment or like, and maybe send me an ask for a request to review one of your favorite wizards (or witches or mages or sorcerers or warlocks or spellblades or whathaveyou) other characters I plan on covering in future episodes include;
Patchouli Knowledge from the Touhou Project series
Jafar from Kingdom Hearts and the Disney TV Programme "Aladin"
Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White
Gerald of Rivia from the Witcher VideoGame-Book-Netflixs
Flemmeth that milf from the dragon ages
