time: 3:00am location: triton’s car park availability: closed for @wolfesque
when he first smelt the fire, saw the flames - soren thinks of his mother. maybe it’s whatever’s currently in his system doing the opposite of its job of making him forget, but he thinks of her for the first time in nearly four years, thinks -
thinks of burning cars and burning houses, thinks about how he mourned for his damn car more than his mother for going up in flames; thinks about how she deserved it, but not him.
i didn’t deserve it and it’s the first time soren acknowledges the idea; i don’t deserve this and god, he can’t just keep on plastering bright smiles in front of cameras and at parties like this; eric’s unseeing eyes and the whites at the centre of the flames a reminder that try as he may to pretend otherwise, something akin to devastation follows in his wake.
“i’m so tired.” soren says, voice ragged when the other man finds him still in the empty car park, hours after everyone else had left. “I can’t - just... what’s the point of this?”
(he doesn’t say of what, but he thinks carter knows)
his hands shake as he lights yet another cigarette - a bad habit he’s getting from jack - nodding to the almost-empty bottle next to him in a silent offering - a bad habit he’s always had - and soren knows he’s a mess right now, knows there’s red in his eyes and he doesn’t bother trying to hide his falling composure anymore, at least not around carter.
“bet the augery had a good laugh over all of us tonight.” breathe out. inhale again. “probably not too far off from eric, enjoying watching all of us squirm.”
