“Do you really love me?”
The stars glittered against the clear, black surface of the lake. Grass prickled Remus’s skin as he turned around to face Sirius. His grey eyes held spiralling universes in them.
“More than you’ll ever know,” whispered Sirius.
Remus reached out to kiss him, but pulled apart as Sirius pointed up at the sky. ”It’s starting,” he whispered excitement tingling in his voice.
It seemed like frozen fire was travelling through space, leaving a shining trail behind. Like the stars were raining, falling on them. Like the universe was falling apart, each woven thread coming undone.
It was like nothing Remus’d ever seen before.
Mouth parted in awe, he hastily turned to Sirius in excitement, only to find Sirius looking back at him, with the same love in his eyes that set flames in Remus’s heart.
Suddenly, Sirius’s lips where on his, and in a blur of passion, they were against each other, almost like the universe really was falling apart.
~~~
“Do you really love me?”
A heavy tear fell down Sirius’s cheek, as a harsh croak escaped him. Remus’s eyes landed on the giant bruise on his cheek- from where James had punched him.
But that was nothing compared to Remus’s gnawing flesh, with lacerations larger than life barely holding together at the seams. What did Sirius expect? It was dangling fresh meat in front of the wolf before snatching it away.
“I- I’m sorry- you have no idea-”
“No,” growled Remus. “You have no idea. Know what would’ve happened if I managed to kill Snape? If your fucking plan had succeeded?!”
Sirius shook his head weakly and cautiously, cold fear pooling in his eyes.
“Forget being expelled, I’d have been put down! Like the fucking beast I am!”
A loud, horrified gasp escaped Sirius, and he flinched back in terror, gripping the table with his white knuckles. His lower lip was trembling, and his face was paler than before.
“No- no- that- please- no-”
“Yes. And that’s what you don’t understand, isn’t it?” Remus took a heated breath.
“I’m- I’m so sorry-” Sirius managed to stutter out through gut wrenching sobs.
“You don’t really love me. You never did,” spat out Remus, as if the words were poison.
“That’s not true,” whimpered Sirius in a wavering, broken voice.
“No you don’t.”
“I- I-”
“You’re just like your fucking parents.”
~~~
“Do you really love me?”
“Of course I do!”
“Then leave,” spat out Remus brusquely, voice scraping against the walls of the shack.
Chains dug in deeply against his wrists, and bloodied streams of dirt lead up to him struggling against himself. A loud, guttural wail escaped him, echoing through Sirius’s body. Sirius shuddered, tears pricking his eyes.
“You need the pack!” Cried Sirius, pulling fingers through his knotted hair.
“I need you to get out!”
Remus heaved a little, blood falling from his lips which he spat away. He trailed a broken nail along his shaking legs. He whimpered quietly, tugging harshly at the chain pulling against his foot.
“I’m staying,” muttered Sirius, more to himself. “I’m staying.”
“You stay, and we’re over.”
Swallowing thickly, Sirius stood confidently. “I’d rather end it than leave you alone here.”
“Fuck, Sirius just get out!”
“No! Don’t you understand?! I love you, and I don’t fucking care if I get hurt! As long as you’re safe,” he added softly.
“Are- are you- fuck it’s starting!”
His screams wracked the building, and the walls seemed to shiver with Sirius, who hastily transformed into a dog. The last thing he could see was sharp, bloodied teeth, before the wolf’s claws carved through his arm.
Gritting his teeth and howling loudly, Padfoot tried to lick the wound, edging to the back of the room and staring cautiously.
The wolf was different now.
~~~
“Do you really love me?”
“I can’t believe it either,” deadpanned Sirius, bursting into laughs. “Why d’you think I don’t?”
“I don’t know,” shrugged Remus, a lump hanging at his throat and his eyes glassing over.
“Moony, hey Moons, what happened?”
Sirius crouched next to Remus, who was cross legged on their bed. He dragged a finger over the Gryffindor poster that hung from one of the posters.
“It’s- I mean- we’re leaving this place soon, aren’t we?” Remus’s voice wavered in a way that broke Sirius’s heart.
“We’re going to stay together,” said Sirius, trailing a finger over Remus’s tear stained cheek. “I promise, I’ll never leave you.”
“What if you find someone better?”
“No one, and I mean that Moons, no one could be better than you. You’re everything, better than this world, better than this universe. You’re more than I could ever have asked for. I love you.”
Another tear fell down Remus’s cheek, gently wiped away by Sirius’s soft thumb.
“Are you sure?”
Sirius chuckled. “I’d be in Azkaban before I stopped loving you.”
“You’d be in Azkaban within three years of leaving this place, I’ll bet.”
“Oh we’ll bet, all right,” chuckled Sirius, moving over Remus’s body.
They fell down on the bed, smiling against each others’ lips. Sirius’s hands travelled through Remus’s hair, and he kissed him passionately, like there was no tomorrow.
~~~
“Do you really love me?”
“Where were you?”
“I asked if you really love me.”
“I asked,” repeated Sirius heatedly. “Where were you?
“Don’t you trust me?!”
A hitched breath stuck in Sirius’s throat, and his eyebrows furrowed further. He threaded fingers through his sweaty hair.
“Why? Don’t you trust me?”
“I do, it’s just- I’m not allowed to tell!”
“Why not?”
“Dumbledore’s order,” muttered Remus defeatedly. “I wasn’t even supposed to say that. But fuck, it’s all I can offer in this stupid war.”
“What?” Sirius’s eyebrows shot up, and he suddenly stood from the old, dusty sofa they were sitting on. “He’s asking you to use your lycanthropy or something?”
“I- no.”
“You’re lying.”
“Why can’t you fucking trust me?!”
Remus got up too, anger fueling his tired, injured and bloodied body.
“Because you keep disappearing half the time, and fuck knows where you go every transformation!”
“Dumbedore asked me to! You think I’d do this out of my free will?”
“Then tell him not to,” said Sirius earnestly. It took all Remus had it in him to keep from screaming and falling into Sirius’s arms. “I’ll come with you!”
“I- he’s done so much for me,” said Remus desperately, on the brink of tears. “I can’t just take it for granted, can I?”
“You paid him, right? You studied well, right? And he said it was a gift, right?”
“Yes but-”
“No. You’re going to go to Dumbledore, and we’re going to tell him to get his head out of his-”
“Fine, fine, I’ll do it now.”
“Now. I’m coming with you,” said Sirius, grabbing a cloak off the stand and walking out.
“No- no, it’s okay,” muttered Remus, his voice breaking. “I’ll do it myself.”
“Promise?”
Sirius’s voice was so tender.
“Yeah,” replied Remus, putting on a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I promise.”
“I love you.”
Remus couldn’t bring himself to return it as he walked away from Sirius for what could’ve been forever.
~~~
“Do you really love me?”
Remus stared up at the ceiling of their flat. No. His flat.
The emptiness sunk in, carving a hole inside Remus. One that ached inside, tore apart his barely beating heart.
“Did you really mean it?”
His voice was remarkably steady, hiding bleeding hope and pain that stretched through his heart,
“Did you mean it during the meteor shower?”
Remus closed his eyes, biting his lip to hide the pain. He could taste blood, crimson and metallic. Like the chains.
“Did you mean it when you apologised?”
Maybe that was the start. Maybe Remus shouldn’t have been so fucking desperate for love. Maybe Remus should’ve used his fucking brains.
Remus loathed himself, kicking the chair harshly as pain erupted through his leg.
“Did you mean it when you stayed?”
Remus couldn’t help his voice waver, as his eyes glassed over and his heart burned painfully.
“Did you mean it when you promised to stay with me forever?”
A harsh, bitter chuckle stung his throat.
“You really did go to Azkaban. And leave me. I fucking hate you!”
Remus screamed, tears pouring down his face as a gaping hollow feeling tore him apart from the inside. It physically hurt- worse than any transformation, and he fell to the ground in pain.
“I fucking hate you!” He screamed, knowing the lies that he weaved.
Bloodshot eyes met the picture of the Marauders watching the meteor shower. His white knuckles gripped it tightly, and he felt sick.
“Did you really love me?”