#wordsfor3am

[wordsfor3am]

It's irony at it's finest

You would get mad at me, and call it stupid, the cuts on my thighs, and yet here you are, "self-destruct at any moment."

You would get upset as I told you I wasn't happy and didn't know why, and yet here you are, depressed that you left me.

You would always get mad when I would give my attention to my friends, and yet you can't ever get his.

You left the best thing you had, the person who would chase you through hell and back, to chase someone who won't even give you the time of day.

You would never want anything to do with my touch, and now that's all you can think about from him.

You are depressed now, when you called my depression sickening when we were together.

You told me not to worry about him, and fucked him 4 days later.

You can't stay sober long enough to miss me

It's ironic because you fell so fast for him, yet are still thinking of me.

It's ironic because you asked for all of the pain you are feeling. And I know how you love the pain.

You always did, darling.

[wordsfor3am]

I told you so

You said you'd never leave

You said I'd get tired first

You said we'd go together for the rest of our lives

You said I was your one

You said I was your only

You said we'd get married

You said we'd have kids

You said a lot of shit

I said you'd leave first

And all I have to say now

Is I told you so

[wordsfor3am]

While I was sleeping

You grabbed your coat and your keys, and looked at the door. I cant pretend to know what you thought, or when you stopped wanting me, cause last I checked I was all you wanted. I guess I became too much for you and you found someone else. All I can think about is how worried I am as to if you are safe. Its not my worry anymore I presume, but that won’t stop me.

When I woke up and saw the empty bed you left me in, all I could think was “I told you so”

I wont go looking for you, but the light will always be on, and the door will be unlocked for you. Come home if you feel the need to.

[wordsfor3am]

And i guess i fear for the future.

When people say you shouldn’t fear anything, especially something you cant control, that just makes me more anxious. That makes me more worried, because i am afraid that what i want isn’t what i have. Or maybe, what i have is exactly what i want, but its not meant to be. Im afraid life wont be as pleasant for me. Of course i will make it, but maybe it wont be anything like id ever want. What if it all just burns to the ground, and i have nothing to remind me how to be happy. No token of remembrance, or way to get out, back to that happiness. What if it all leaves me in a flash, and i am left with nothing; no motive, no love, no life to live. Will i be happy with my work, or will that be a disappointment as well?

I fear the future for what i will bring to it.

[wordsfor3am]

We were a puzzle,

Put together by a little kid too excited for his own good. Didn’t know the difference between two perfect pieces and two holes. Stuck them all together; they looked like a good match. Little did he know he was wrong. Didn’t know till the end of the puzzle, but at least he fixed it. We went our separate ways but haven’t found home yet. Two different sentence thought to be two for each other but in the wrong context. We were a sloppy puzzle put together before we knew what we wanted to be in the end. We don’t even go to the same puzzle anymore.

[wordsfor3am]

And I still think

That maybe we have a chance. I know it’s been weeks since we were there but now you’re here and I’m sorry. And I still think that the words we spoke can’t just fade away like they meant nothing. And I still think that the most important thing for us is time, to work things out and to talk But you never talk to me anymore. They know more about what we were than I do because you never see me eye to eye And I’m sorry that when I see you I just want to embrace you but it wouldn’t help you’d just run off And I’m sorry that I just miss your touch and maybe not even you, just your embrace Maybe I’m not sorry, this is how it needs to be. You and me not together, and the story ends like that. I’m sorry I get angry more than I should but you do too, don’t lie to me. I’m sorry that two and two didn’t work out for us And I’m sorry all the time you seem to have wasted will never come back It wasn’t a waste for me. It wasn’t a waste for me. It was the best thing to have happened to me. I didn’t want it to be like this or turn out this way.

Most of all, I’m sorry it turned out the way we both swore it wouldn’t.

[wordsfor3am]

And it seems to have always been

That when I text you, you never answer. It seems to have always been, that when I call, I go straight to voicemail. When I ask for your help, you’re ,now, never there, and I’m sorry that it turned out this way for you to leave me in this cold world alone. I’m sorry it has come up the way to seem that you hate me. But how can you hate me when last month we lay up in each other’s arms laughing so hard we cry, having the time of our lives. How can you hate someone who you loved so much; we’d spend hours on the phone and texting. We’d spend hours with each other; we never stopped thinking about each other. When did that change? I just noticed that your eyes never shined as bright when looking at me as they did looking behind me; at her. I noticed your touched was never as meaningful, as it was when you grabbed your jacket to leave; to see her. I noticed your kiss wasn’t as gentle when you kissed me, as it was drinking from the bottle. You faded away from me, and I saw it, but was blind because of love. To me, it was my fault. To me, I just needed to be better for you. Then you left. When I needed you most, you left me crying on the bathroom floor. Now my body lives off of more alcohol than it does food. My body cries more then it sleeps. I don’t feel right without you, and if I ever need help, I know you will never pick up. But if you ever need me, feel free to call. I’ll always be there for you.

[wordsfor3am]

And I fell in love

With the way she sleeps. I fell in love with the way she laughs. I fell in love with the way she breaths, after she laughs, or after she cries, and when she sleeps how short her breaths get. I fell in love with the way her lips part when she sleeps sick. I fell in love with her little snorts in her sleep. I fell in love with the way she fakes a smile for everyone else, but yet when she looks at me I see her face light up. I fell in love with they way she looks around to find something in her hand. I fell in love with they way she picks at her fingers when she’s not okay. I fell in love with they way she holds me, and they way I fit into her arms. I fell in love with the way she looks at the night sky, like she belongs up with the stars because she does. I fell in love with they way she loves nature, but never gets to looks at it. I fell in love with her eyes, and her smile. I fell in love with her half messed up hair, being in a slept in braid. I fell in love with the little things, but most of all, I fell in love with how she fell in love with me.