Do you think Julian and Emma have a unhealthy and maybe toxic relationship? There was this moment in my re-reading of TDA that made me realize that Emma was kind of scared of Julian - it was last year so I don't remember that well, but maybe it was Julian's trick on Nightshade? Or some other calculated move - and wanted to put some distance between them but couldn't because she was too in love with him. In that moment I was so freaked out because you're not supposed to fear someone you love and her feelings remembered me of mine when I was in a toxic relationship and felt the same—the uneasiness of seeing someone you love for what they are - a bad person/a not so good person for you - but at the same time being unable to leave them because you're already too attached, so you make excuse for them and their actions. And this is not me going against Julian's character - I've grown fond of him in reading TDA for the first time and despite his faults he's one of my favourites - but I couldn't stop thinking that he didn't deserve Emma. Too many lies, too much manipulation and possessiveness on his part. Emma seemed almost a victim of circumstances to me.
Yes, at least unhealthy in some aspects. The same really goes for all the romances between any of the main characters in any of the series. Personally, the crux of the matter is that the characters have no real identity outside of their (prospective) all-consuming romantic relationships, and the major part of that problem with romance is precisely the deep devotion that turns easily into codependency. Intense infatuation and desire is portrayed as desirable love that in reality neglects other areas of life as well as relationships outside of the romantic one.
Emma is unable to make a decision or act for her own good or even according to her own wants because the devotion and loyalty to Julian always outweighs what she needs. It’s decided by Clare to portray it so, to depict Emma almost as an enabler to support Julian and shield him from consequences of his own harmful actions that might cause Emma to distance herself from him. Instead of acknowledging that very apparent side of it—as is the proud continuous tradition of the narrative enabling the unhealthy coping mechanisms and skewed personalities and actions of its main male characters—Clare seems to be thinking that she is portraying something else here.
By Clare’s own word, Emma was unnerved by Julian’s ruthless scheming, and that Julian in actuality ended up turning Anselm Nightshade to the Inquisitor for what they wouldn’t have usually even bothered to deal with to that extent. It is a disturbing moment for Emma when she actually realizes the lengths Julian will go to keep his family safe. But instead of letting Emma deal with the side of Julian she apparently had no idea about, the capability of him “sacrificing” his morality and manipulating people, Clare ignores the implications (the sudden change in perception, the foreignness of someone you thought you knew completely, and what all that means as to the already existing feelings) and hitches her to Julian’s side because of her “love”. The revelation has no true or longer-lasting effect on Emma’s feelings for Julian and thus prevents him from taking any accountability or having to adapt to Emma seeing him in a new way.
Here problem boils down to the fact that there is no other outcome than them ending up together, so why do the work and explore more naturally arising issues between them—i.e. Julian’s behavior having a profound effect on Emma and changing her worldview on something she had trusted and thought she had always known—when they can be solved by Emma not really minding Julian’s scheming because she loves him so much and thus cannot distance herself from him. The whole dark magic pizza is such an idiotic and juvenile thing that it drowns out the underlying implication in the scene.
Clare's writing already suffers from flat and one-dimensional characters. When these characters begin the process of becoming a romantic couple, and especially once they do, they lose personal identity and independence. The couple functions as a unit, are always written going everywhere together and doing everything together to the point of parabatai seeming useless when all you’re going to do is fight battles with your romantic partner instead. Individuality is sacrificed in favor of portraying the same type of all-consuming love in each series. Decision-making is entirely influenced by the other of the romantic pair. Any unhealthy or even toxic aspect is only momentary, caused by some circumstances not under your control, and does not reflect the character’s true self.
Obsession is masked as passion when the romantic couple essentially becomes emotionally fused together. The narrative, especially in that scene with Julian and Emma, filters out the very apparent flaws and potential hardships in favor of this fantasized romance bordering on codependency. And sure, given the history of the characters, that could well be the angle Clare wanted to approach their romance from. In the case of Emma and Julian, they have a war trauma and a deep fear of being separated from each other, having both lost their parents in very tragic ways. Julian's obsession with keeping his family together requires a lot of secrecy and scheming, which in turn leads to his environment being very (consciously) isolated from "outsiders". How could Julian possibly be able to form healthy, trusting, and secure emotional bonds with anyone else when their circumstances and, mind you, Julian’s own choices—ridiculously artificial and engineered for angsty purposes without any proper basis but nonetheless—essentially force him into isolation where he can obsess over his family and idolize Emma without interference?
Julian has no one else but his family and Emma. He doesn't want anyone else, and he doesn't trust anyone outside of them. Yet the outcome just isn’t honest to what Emma experiences throughout the developments in the story. Neither does the writing portray credibly how this kind of attachment turned into obsessive love eventually balances out into healthier and more stable kind that all of the romances in the series supposedly are. All of this to say because I don’t think Clare would admit to any of the main romantic relationships being unhealthy or toxic—maybe having hiccups and unhealthy moments because the characters have hiccups and at times are unhealthy themselves as well, the same tired old “no one is perfect” reasoning everyone already knows—because the romance the main characters have is portrayed as the desirable one.
Readers are supposed to root for Emma and Julian, just like we were supposed to root for Clary and Jace, for Tessa and, I suppose, Will, despite that even those romances were exactly the same brand of the all-consuming, intoxicating, and obsessive love. Each of these female main characters cannot function as an individual or act from their innate selves (because they barely have any to begin with considering bad characterizations) but instead they focus their thinking, decisions, and overall behavior around their intended romantic interest. The main female characters in the relationships are incredibly male-centric. Though, for example, while Clary and Tessa do not cosign many of the things Jace and Will do in their self-destructive ways, they do support them and shield them from any true consequences of that behavior having any effect on the relationship between them.
These heroines always, always, always yield to these lame-ass male characters whose behavior warrants no devotion from girls they’ve just met and barely know. It is just another manifestation of taking the hard choices away from the characters and the repeated theme where the heroine is not really the protagonist rather than the observer of the amazingness of the male protagonist.
Perhaps the most central problem I see here is that the way romantic love is presented is very romanticized and overemphasized, especially to the detriment of platonic relationships. The type of romantic love here ignores a lot of obvious problems and problematic behavior on the grounds that nothing could tarnish the readers' image of the ultimate passion between the main characters. And again, that's exactly why a very false narrative is formed that doesn't acknowledge or even seem to notice those issues. I've never subscribed to the way Clare portrays romantic love in her books. It's repetitive, always the same, and always only between the characters Clare likes the most. I feel nausea from boredom every time I read how the Herondales usually only love once, and really deeply and super seriously (even there we got to introduce hierarchy to romantic love).
When TDA begins, Julian hasn’t had any meaningful relationships outside of his siblings and Emma. Emma, on the other hand, has had a romantic relationship with Cameron Ashdown. I feel like Cameron was thrown in there as her ex-boyfriend for two reasons: to have more experienced female protagonist in terms of intimate life contrasted to Clary and Tessa, who had never dated anyone before their prospective partners, and to underline the strength of Emma’s true feelings for Julian and why she could not make it work with someone else. Otherwise Cameron was such a miniscule part of the series that I may need a magnifying glass to see his relevance.
All in all, there is generally a larger issue at play where the romantic relationships and their portrayal in the series is concerned. Clary and Jace embodies most of them, but as said, Emma and Julian’s relationship does carry out many scenes and unhealthy vibes that go completely unchecked.