You know those days where so much is going on? People are asking a million questions…. Half of them the same..That spreadsheet has been opened since 9am that morning only to see =sum(….. ? Your breathing sounds like you are coming up for air every 5 minutes! Aaarrrgghh my shoulders are lifting as I think about it.
Then there is that one poor sucker that cops a whiff of your agitation. That full welcoming smile is now barely half a smile. You respond with short answers with such a bite, your ferocity could tear their soul right out of their skin. If the conversation is not going in your favour ......ohhhh the glare you fire their way…. Have you ever noticed or felt that your whole persona has changed at that point?
Ummmm I caught myself doing that the other the day. I felt self righteous and embarrassed at the same time, I also felt angry with myself. I quickly thought… You think they think you are always a bitch? Do you think it’s obvious you are under a lot of pressure? How the hell are you (team leader) going to shake their negative perception of you?
Soooo on the flip side as embarrassing as it is I'm glad it happened because it reminded me that not all people are intentionally annoying and not all people are straight up nasty. It made me think the next time I crack a comment back at someone that is being high strung or rude, how about I turn that comment in to a question "Is everything ok?" "Should I come back later?" "I sense you are having a tough day, I'll drop this in an email and come back later".
Majority of people aren't out to get you, I am pretty sure there is something else going on. I mean, if it is happening every day then ok maybe they were born with an XYBITCH chromosome....But before you tap that shoulder think about how their day is going.
Tips on how to be approachable when you don’t feel like being approachable:
1. Count to three before you turn around. If you need longer, politely reply with one moment I just need to finish something and breathe in and out (normal breaths) and count (mentally) to five whilst doing something at your desk.
2. When you face them ask them to grab a chair. There is nothing more intrusive than someone towering over you when you already feel smothered by the day. Having people at the same height invites a calmer atmosphere.
3. If they they have asked these questions before. Smile and blink, this stops you from blurting something out. Proceed to ask them if they have this written somewhere. If they respond with a no, ask them to get a pen and paper and write it down. Or type in an email whilst they are sitting next to you. This stops you focusing on their (what you think at the time) incompetence. Also the next time they ask you can politely point them in the direction of their inbox. And last but not least, by asking them to do this you have created an action linked to the topic so next time they try to remember the answer to the question the action should pop up in their brains. Think of it as an action trigger.
Whether you are being that person or you are at the brunt of that person there needs to be a common ground of understanding.
1. The person approaching you would rather have the answers in their head so they can move onto the next task. They don’t want to be in the unknown as much as you don’t want to be bothered.
2. The person who is being an ass. They are showing a sign of vulnerability. You will be winning points if you show them you understand they are having a hectic day, Those earlier questions are a great way of gauging.
3. If the question or discussion is not urgent, send the person an email. If they don’t respond within half and hour you have full permission to approach them. When you approach them, do so with the above questions.
With this top of mind I am going to try and play nice tomorrow.
Would love to see how you guys go! feel free to comment or email me at [email protected] or private message me on Tumblr or Facebook at Identifyyou
Peace x