And Back to Snowflakes I Go...
I am moving back home to New Hampshire in a few weeks, and honestly I am more confused than ever about what the future is going to bring me. I just am so lost about where I need to be looking, what I should be looking for, who I should talk to, how to move forward? When you are drowning, and there is no one around your only option is to save yourself, but what if you can’t swim? Well then you shouldn’t have been swimming right? Well life doesn’t really give you that option. It is really sink or swim, and I am sinking fast.
This adventure was exactly that an adventure. One that was full of ups and downs but mainly, it was just a year of me becoming complacent with my mediocrity. I have tried different things and succeeded in them, but not enough for anything to change for me. I am good at my job working in the education department at this aquarium, but half the time I am miserable. I was good at the internship I completed a few months ago (that feeling was confirmed when my superiors thanked me for my attention to detail, initiative, and drive to make sure everything was completed correctly and in a timely manner), and I enjoyed the fast paced environment that I was in, but that ended with nothing to show for it either. I am just tired, tired of nothing being good enough, tired of putting in all of this effort with nothing to show for it...I’m really just tired.
They tell you go to school, go to school and everything will work out. What they don’t tell you is that after school, in most situations at this point, you will just need to keep going to school because that first degree is never good enough anymore. Going to college does not guarantee you anything, nothing does. But, I listened I went to school, finished, and here I am. I was good at going to school, because there were people there telling you exactly what you needed to do to succeed, and as long as you put the effort in your grades would reflect that. Once you are out of school there is no one there to tell you what the next step is going to be. You will go through about sixteen years of just moving on to the next grade and doing the same thing each year, then suddenly everything changes. I know I am complaining that I lost the spoon that was feeding me, but don’t we all? There was a lack of understanding on my part, as to what was going to come next. I do take the blame for it as well, there is no one that I can be upset with except for me. Which makes it worse.
We move through life thinking we are going to do all of these wonderful things, and what comes of them? I went on a semester abroad to Australia, and the only reason that I ever did anything while I was there was because some of my friends planned excursions and were kind enough to invite me along. Again my problem with complacency comes into play. I have been telling people for years that I really want to write a book, but when it comes down to it, I never will. None of us do. I wish I could change my outlook on everything, but I don’t know how. I don’t really know how to do anything though, do I?
