um...
this is the Lars fic/smut oneshot btw ahaha...
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um...
this is the Lars fic/smut oneshot btw ahaha...
Finally ending my torment and tackling the final half of my white whale…
Soukoku and their juxtaposition as a comparison of white holes and black holes
(why do I title all of my posts like they're academic papers???)
This thought stems all the way back to this post in which I explained why I think that, despite popular fandom characterisation, Dazai and Chuuya both feel the same amount. It's just the expression of those those feelings that differ. Dazai's feelings are directed inward, they swallow his heart whole in whirlpool that drags him deeper and deeper into his own thoughts. Whereas Chuuya's are an expulsion, his feelings are expelled from his body in screaming, violence, and tears (don't come for me, I think Chuuya's an angry crier).
At the time of the post and for a long stretch of time later, the words on how to explain this through the death of a star evaded me, but I believe the words have arranged themselves into comprehensible enough packages to express them now.
They both stem from the same origin, both are brilliant stars that collapsed under their own gravity (for Chuuya this is his ability, for Dazai this is his mind) yes the outside conditions aided in the collapse, but fundamentally it was a fault internally (technically running out of fuel isn't really a fault but let me be poetic about this please!)
Dazai is a black hole. He is a blot in a universe of bright stars because any light that comes close to him, he consumes. His emotions are so dense that they cause an internal collapse, his emotions go so far as to double in upon themselves, to consume themselves. To the outside eye there is nothing inside, an empty doll that exists only to hurt. When in reality everything is inside, there is such an intense concentration of feeling that wants to be released that it ends up trapping itself further and deeper into the abyss. As time goes on the black hole elongates and compresses just as Dazai recedes further and further into his own mind. One thing is certain about black holes, once you enter, you cannot leave, so surely all of that light and energy is trapped within there somewhere? Surely if he can just travel far enough, deep enough into the darkness, he can find the light of a star that started it all? Surely there is something left and not just an endless void of hurt? One day he'll find a way to explain and express everything that weighs down his mind, right?
Contrastingly, Chuuya is the theoretical mirror image of a black hole; a white hole. Where the black hole consumes, the white hole expels. Where the black hole is dark, the white hole is light. One thing I will always say about Chuuya is that he burns bright, and what could possibly burn brighter than the physical(?) concentration of pure light? Still a dense concentration, but instead of being directed inwards, the white hole is an explosion of matter, in a way even a supernova cannot rival. Chuuya is an explosion. He takes all of the pain and range that has ravaged his entire life and directs it outwards. He used it as fuel to climb higher, run faster, go further. He takes the dying star at his centre and tries desperately to make his life into anything other than a tragedy, he pushes his emotions outwards in an uncontrollable storm to ensure they don't destroy him from the inside. You cannot enter a white hole, only exit. So what can Chuuya receive? Nothing. Warmth and kindness way be consumed by Dazai's void, but it cannot really enter Chuuya's. So quick to offer assistance and service, he does not know how to receive it, he is incapable of it. So what happens when the source runs out? What happens when pain is no longer a viable fuel? Surely then he'll be free? Surely he will be at peace when there's no more emotions too large for his mind, too big for his body so they feel the need to burst from his skin? One day he'll be able to feel something without it ripping him from the seams, right?
Evidently they are the same but also could not be more different. Two sides of the same coin. If a black hole and a white hole were ever to come into contact with each other the only result could be the end of the universe. They can never meet, can never touch. But at the same time, when put together they make a singular whole.
At the end of the day the same dying star lies at the centre of both, the same core, one might even say the same soul…
Thank you @cosmopolitanalienation, you deserve at least half the credit for these mad ramblings, thank you for sharing your very intelligent and insightful post (and also this one that I only discovered now thanks to looking for the previous one to link!) about Dazai that finally spurred me into action to think about this actively. You are the best <3
me when there's a woman
Why are will wood fans on this app literally the unfunniest people in the whole wide world.
hey btw buhdaw is an asshole. They compared talking td to a dictator bc they wanted their server rules followed and said they dont care about them, ttd posted abt it recently
y yeah i heard
i hope td is doing okay 😓
I can see why people would think the Darkling loves Alina, simply because he "loved" Alina. He isn't really capable of love, but he is obsessed with her and specifically her power, and he goes out of his way to do things to make sure that she stays fixated on him. When they read it from Alina's perspective, especially earlier on, its easy for the reader to just go "oh look, a morally dubious guy giving Alina special attention" because the whole point of his character is that he is charming and manipulative and purposefully isolating Alina so that she becomes willing to do what he wants. They want to believe that if she loved him too, he wouldn't try and collar her... despite the fact that he did a lot more to everybody, not just Alina.
Also, Ben Barnes is hot (I guess), and people give hot men a pass on a lot of things
all of this, exactly b u t i read the books before news of the show came out and as far as im aware readers shipped darklina back then as well hot people definitely get a pass for a lot of things, haha look at sjm's characters :> absolute assholes who sexually assault people but does anyone care? oh nooooo he assaulted her because there was no other option poor baby :(
i made my first appointment at the psychiatrist. wish me luck on monday