ঔঌ.⟢ - " the end of us both, " . // . clownswag
୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ . ☆ as the world caves in , matt maltese
-- art creds ♡ ♡ ♡
// . Spoilers for Whitepine Finale . \\
warnings : gore , death (major) , fire , internalized homophobia ,
-. . . ! summary : what i think happened inside the house when it burned down....
/t a g s / . mlm , wp ! clownswag , angst ,
-
Ash couldn't move.
Not his hands, not his legs, not even his head.
It hurt all too much, all he could do was drag his eyes open to look where he was.
How did he get into the boiler room?
Ash looks straight above him. He can see the bright blue sky, except now it's covered in smoke. He can't tell the difference between the fire and the blood in his vision. He can't tell the difference between the smoke and the clouds.
He had fallen multiple floors. How was he still alive?
He wished he had died on impact.
Ash tried to cough, but his throat just stuttered weakly. He could feel blood bubbling up in his mouth, and he couldn't do anything about it.
He felt blood dripping from his nose and down the side of his face. He felt tears mix with that blood as they ran down.
Ash blinked, a tear running down to his ear.
Fire raged around him, dancing at the corners of his vision. What would he die from first, the flames or the fall?
Ash didn't want to die. He didn't want to die alone.
He tried to sit up, only a little bit, and fell back to the floor, biting his tongue as to not scream. He could already hear too many screams, he didn't want to add to the mass.
He glanced down at his own body only to wish he hadn't.
Ash was covered in rubble, planks and ash and steel pinning him down. A steel pole, what had probably once been a part of the roof or the walls, pierced through his gut. His leg was crushed under a log, and said log was on fire.
Ash cried out in pain as he tried to shift. He was stuck, and no one was even there to see him die.
Ash didn't want to die alone.
Then he heard the click of shoes; they sounded leather, but with a steel bottom or tip. Ash only knew one person who wore such footwear.
Ash looked to his left, where the footsteps were coming from, and saw someone. Someone just as trapped as he was down here.
Clownpierce had stopped dead in his tracks, staring down at Ash, the one last thing that blocked him from getting to the stairs.
Ash knew he was in the way of the exit. He had noticed the first step right next to his head. Ash locked eyes with Clown, purple eyes meeting red.
Ash had always admired how Clown had always upheld a mysterious identity. He never took off his mask, but now the mask was cracked and gone.
Clowns hair was ragged and burnt, as if something had exploded in his face. His mask wasn't much better, the once ebony white being stained black with soot. Half of the mask had been broken off, the edges sharp and highlighted in the light of the fire.
Clowns face wasn't much better. It was burnt, skin tearing and peeling and covered in burns. There were scars, some old and some new; some reopened. One of his eyes was visible, wide and horrified by the sight of Ash.
His eye was the color of a ruby, or similar to the red of the fire. Maybe a mix. Ash remembered the one time he had accidently caught a glimpse of his eyes. They had once been full of intelligence, and at the moment Ash had seen them, embarrassment.
Now they held no spark, only the reflection of the fire burning and Ash’s own eyes.
Ash opened his mouth. He wished he could tell Clown he's sorry. He doesn't know what for, maybe for how he's blocking the way. Maybe because Clown has to see him like this. He wasn't sure.
He closes his eyes, he already knows he's going to die. He may as well not curse Clown with watching Ash try to plead. He lets out a choked cough, trying to ignore the metallic taste in his mouth.
He waits for the sounds of footsteps again, to open his eyes to see Clown running up the steps to hopefully a way out.
Ash opens his eyes when he hears Clown begin walking forward. Clown stops right beside Ash, staring down at him.
Ash wished Clown wouldn't pity him, wished he would just step over him and escape. He wished Clown wasn't just going to stare. He knew he was going to die, he wished that Clown wasn't here to see it.
And yet, Clown does not move. Instead he drops to his knees beside ash, hands hovering over his gut. His eyes are now filled with tears, full of grief and regret.
Ash tries to speak, but no words come out. He weakly mouths the words in his mind, “What are you doing?”
Clown meets Ash's eyes at the question, not speaking. Clown hesitates for a second before actually touching Ash- on the shoulder. Ash lets out a whimper of pain, feeling pathetic that Clown is seeing him slowly die.
Clown finally cracks a bit of emotion other than shock, face twisting into a look of despair.
Ash just meets Clowns eye, not even trying to speak this time. Ash knew he was going to die. Now Clown knows too.
Ash glances back at the stairs, trying to signal to Clown to run. Clown does not budge, instead taking Ash's face in his hands.
Ash keeps his eyes on Clown, face unmoving. He's never seen Clown so stricken down. It would break his heart- if it hadn't already been shattered.
Clown's face goes from sorrowful to almost calm, and that's what scares Ash the most. He knows what that face means. Ash curses Clown in his mind, for being so stubborn.
Clown scoops Ash up into his arms, hands and arms trembling. He holds Ash tightly, wrapping him in a hug.
Ash's head is limp, but pressed against Clown's shoulder. Over his shoulder Ash can see the fire, red flames licking and destroying everything they touch. Ash couldn't look behind him, but he knew from the heat on his back they were surrounded by flames.
Ash could feel blood pour down his crouch and inner leg, the pole through his gut shifting as it presses against Clowns gut as well. Ash lets out a choked sob, tears running down his face.
He glanced beside him and could see the side of Clowns face. The burns didn't make him any less pretty. Ash felt so tired.
He opened his mouth to speak, blood sputtering onto Clowns shoulder. Ash wanted to say something. He knew he didn't have much time, but he didn't know what he could say.
Ash closed his eyes and began to think.
What did he want his last words to be ?
Ash opened his eyes again and stared at Clown out of the corner of his eye. Men weren't supposed to love men. That's all Ash had heard all of his life, and he's sure Clown had heard something similar.
That's what he was told were the rules. He was told it was a sin to love a man when he himself was a man.
Yet, when he had met Clown, when he had begun to know him and when he had befriended him, he had fallen in love with him. Ash had cursed himself. He was a sinner.
He had thought he was disgusting, but now- standing here as he feels blood pooling around his knees, that copper taste becoming even more prominent on his tongue and dripping down his chin- all he felt was regret for never saying what he had wanted to all this time.
Now Ash knew exactly what he wanted to say to Clown, what he wanted his last words ever to be.
He opened his mouth to speak once again, this time pushing through the pain in his throat.
He was going to die, so if he was he’d let his sin burn in the fire along with him.
“i love you,” Ash's voice cracks, and at first he's unsure if Clown hears him from how quietly he has to say it.
Then Clown holds Ash tighter. He can no longer see Clowns face, but the way his shoulders start shaking tells him everything. Ash just smiles sadly, vision getting darker. It doesn't hurt as bad anymore, and Clowns arms are so comforting.
“I'm sorry-” Clowns voice comes out as more of a whine, full of regret, full of unspoken words and grief. “I'm sorry I never told you, I'm sorry I can't save you, I'm sorry-” Clown pauses his rush of words. He pulls away to look Ash in the eyes.
Clown breaks down at the look of ash, pulling him in for one last hug. One last embrace. Ash can see parts of the roof collapsing over Clowns bloody shoulder. Ash can see the fire closing in on them.
Most importantly, Ash can see Clown out of the corner of his eye.
As Ash closes his eyes, he hears one last thing from Clown. As Ash feels his body going numb, as he feels his consciousness slipping through his fingers, he hears Clown crying his last words to Ash.
“I love you too,”
-
thanks 4 reading :3 _.+⟢
happy whitepine finale everyone . . . <3 !
------- << ao3 vers !
