#wrestlestuck

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Wrestlestuck headcanons

These need some serious help, so please help me out with these.

John: Heir to the dynasty: his dad was huge in the NWA before he retired to be a businessman. Picked up the Burning Hammer as a finisher in Japan (where he’s super popular) but normally sticks with chained suplexes. Babyface 24/7. Doofy as hell when he tries to be dramatic, low key dramatic when he doesn’t. Goes off script constantly.

Dave: Still wants to be in Japan. Was in the Bullet Club for a while, still Twitter Bros with Kenny Omega. Trolls everyone. Tried to join The New Day as the Token White Dude, but turned down because a tag team quartet is stretching it a little. Kept at it for weeks, leaving Xavier trombone mixtapes. Fights like a heel, acts like a face. Shills Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff tee shirts in the ring. There is no script when he’s around. Just let him loose and hope creative can keep up.

Jade: Wrestles EVERYONE. Women? Sure. Dudes? Hell yes. Had the intercontinental title for three months and planning on reclaiming it. Utterly terrifying as a heel, stays face 99.95 percent of the time. Power plus insane flying makes her a goddamn spectacle in the ring. Can’t pick a single finisher.

Rose: Currently acting as John’s manager. A hardcore technician in the ring. Has a tendency to use moves that are technically banned. Body slammed the Big Show once, pulled out her back and every muscle in her arms, still says it was worth it. Eloquent as hell. Amazing psychology. May or may not be in possession of a cursed lucha mask.

Jane: Sweetest heel ever. Powerhouse. All about that Argentine Powerbomb. Bi icon. Crowd loves her even when she’s being nasty. Shares recipes on her Instagram. Entered first in Royal Rumble, was eliminated 36th.

Roxy: Kayfabe hacks the AV systems every week. Actually hacks them every month or so. Has the best entrance music out of the crew. High flyer, practically weightless when she gets going. Never shoot on her - light or not she has a right hook that can floor anyone. Shaking a rep as a spot monkey, giving some incredible matches.

Jake: YOU GET A BROKEN TABLE, AND YOU GET A BROKEN TABLE! Very old school, uses a back drop as a finisher. Great psychology, great technical skills. Still gets remembered mostly for BREAKING ALL THE THINGS.

Also, SBURB = SHOOTFIGHT Bravo Universal Regulatory Body

[zeemczed]

REBLOG THIS WITH A HOMESTUCK CHARACTER YOU LIKE.

I will give you the WRESTLESTUCK equivalent's finishing sequence.

[zeemczed]

4/13 WRESTLESTUCK HEADCANONS

Previously: and also previously, and way previously...

Dirk has hopped from NOAH to All Japan to New Japan and back. He is the antithesis to most company men in Japan, which has brought with it his own reputation for "unpredictability". He's literally just going where the people he wants to fight are.

Eridan WANTS to be MJF. Alas, he gets too much X-Pac heat to be MJF (and Vriska has that archetype locked down). He claims his finisher is the Shining Wizard, but it's usually not enough to do the job, and a hasty Spear afterwards does it.

Feferi and Meenah are a Chairwoman/GM combo. However, they aren't a Babyface-And-Heel duo. They're the "Reasonable Authority Figure" and "Batshit Insane Authority Figure". Feferi pushes for rules that make sense, Meenah pushes for bizarre deathmatch stipulations.

Equius has a reputation for BREAKING THE GODDAMN RING. Enough said.

Nepeta is a monster who has only been defeated by her greatest weakness: comedy hijinks. She is a silly kitty underneath it all... and on top of it all... soooo... yeah.

ASK ME FOR MORE WRESTLESTUCK HEADCANONS, I'M DOING THIS ALL DAY FOR 4/13 AND ALSO WHENEVER AFTER 4/13.

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Yet More Wrestlestuck Thinks

Vriska is MJF. Like. Literally, MJF's arc is her arc. She is the Peoples' Scumbag.

Terezi's BLIND JUSTICE schtick is basically The Shield compressed into one person, but crazier.

She is also the SHORTEST WRESTLER TO CHOKESLAM A BITCH, even if she's gotta get on the turnbuckle to do it.

Tavros = Kenta Kobashi. Dude's knees got turned into JELLY, how he's still wrestling is anyone's guess.

Gamzee was a regular on Juggalo Championshit Wrestling for a while. The Floppiest Weirdo that you'll Ever Be Terrified Of.

Karkat = Tommy Dreamer. The dude can hang with the best of `em, but he will never, ever, ever win. Unless it's suitably ironic or he rolls a perfect roll of 0 on the d10,000,008 of Fate.

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RANDOM WRESTLESTUCK THOUGHTS

Dave has 49 masked alter egos. He does not change any part of his outfits for these alter egos and wrestles exactly the same. They do not provide ANY reasonable doubt as to his identity, and one of them is literally "Dave Strider In A Squid Mask". They were all introduced (and arguably retired) in the span of a single storyline. Only 12 were used in the ring, everything else was used in promos. Rose (having a masked alter ego that may or may not involve LETTING ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS COPILOT HER BODY) was originally irritated at the angle, but it grew on her quickly.

Jade is goddamn terrifying in the ring. Not in a "no one is safe" way but in a "shit she can do everything" way. She is the total package. Period.

Jane wants to go the Paul Heyman route and become a manager/authority figure eventually. Once she gets sick of dishing out Argentine powerbombs. Which might be never.

Karkat is like Tommy Dreamer, in that the guy will never catch a break, but after they let him on the mic he became an absolute fan favorite. He is the king of the rant promo. This will never save him from staring at the lights.

[zeemczed]

I have ridiculously strong headcanons for a pro wrestling-centric Homestuck AU and I'm not sure what that says about me.

[exquisite101]

I am the game and I want to play. #homestuck #becnoir #jacknoir #wrestlestuck #soverignslayer #3spooky5me #2spooky4me

[exquisite101]

The session Has truly started now.... Time to play the game. #homestuck #becnoir #jacknoir #soverignslayer #baddog #wrestlestuck