Another portion of Cenozoic that I needed to jot down immediately (coughs procrastinating on the 2nd chapter coughs)
Anyways dazai and chuuya interaction. Fluff. Angst. Stuff, idk im tired. ~1.6k words
Thirty minutes to midnight. The sun had long since set, and the air dipped into something chilly. He didn't know how he ended up like this, standing in the aisles of a gas station store, the only thing open 24 hours of the day. The one calm in the fucking calamity of his school work. Fluorescent lights buzzed above, and pop music dated nearly a decade ago played from some speaker he couldn't see. The machinery hummed as colors of blue, white, and red spun in the result of human creativity turned capitalism; a slushie machine.
Chuuya had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket, one eyebrow dipping down as Dazai messed with the whirring handles of each flavor.
“You're drinking straight patriotism if you keep doing that.”
Chuuya commented, half amused as he watched the semi-liquid layer together like immiscible chemicals in Dazai's clear plastic cup. Blue, white, and red.
The bandaged man snorted with that damned grin of his, finishing off the layering with a cherry flavored icee. Holding it up to the light, he examined his concoction,
“Do you think it'd turn me dutch?”
That got a laugh from Chuuya, if a laugh could be considered a little snirk and smile.
“You? Going Dutch? I'm not surprised.”
“Hey!”
Dazai pouted, but it only left Chuuya's grin widening just a bit more,
“I'll have you know I am a true gentleman - how about you grab a slushie. I'll pay.” Dazai offered as he shifted across the aisle and grabbed a plastic lid from the counter.
Chuuya rolled his eyes, glancing between Dazai and the machinery, expression falling back to neutral. He thought about it for a second, watching the spinning, artificial flavors rotate around.
“...you're serious?”
He questioned without certainty. Eyes landed back on Dazai, suspicious if this was another joke of his. This bastard wasn't the charitable type. Not to him at least.
“When am I not serious?” Dazai retorted, stabbing a straw into the cup as he turned to look back at Chuuya.
“When are you ever serious?”
Chuuya snorted, shaking his head and it left Dazai with a small, amused hum. He leaned against the counter now, back pressed into the matte countertop. His eyes scanned Chuuya once before back to the machinery,
“Hurry up, I don't have all night.”
“Yes you do, dick. You wouldn't have asked me to join you for a ‘walk’, if you didn't have all night.”
Chuuya scoffed, though shuffled on his feet to grab one of the cups presented. His eyes landed onto the swirling red color, the noise of the machine almost humming in tune with the noise of a song in the background.
It clunked to life as he held the cup underneath its nozzle, watching as it drooled out what he could only assume was a healthy dose of red 40. It collected together, and his hand released the worn handle as the whirring stopped, and he was left with a cup that made his palm cold. God, he hadn't had one of these in forever.
He turned on his heel, facing back to Dazai who was already absently sipping on his drink. Who knew someone with all the money in the world still held bad habits in purchasing things? He rolled his eyes, stepping to the side of Dazai to try and grab a lid from the rack behind him.
His hand hit Dazai's side. Chuuya blinked in confusion, eyes narrowed as he glared up at Dazai. Bastard still had a smug look to him. He'd purposely stepped in the way.
He darted to the other side, only to find the bastard following his movements, blocking the way to get a lid.
“Move, damnit!”
Chuuya huffed, annoyed. Dazai seemed all the more amused, saying nothing as he sipped the drink. A blood vessel inflated with pressure along his forehead.
Another dart to the original side, and there that blue-coated dickwad was. Chuuya nearly smacked Dazai out of the way, until a gentle hand settled on his side, keeping him still while standing in front. His eyebrows narrowed, and Dazai only leaned back.
Ugh.
He knew what Dazai wanted.
Chuuya's cheeks held a red tint as he leaned forward also, setting the cup down to the counter while his chest pressed against Dazai's. A noise similar to a growl left him, yet his eyes never left his. It was an odd tension… one he always got when Dazai made moves like this. He knew what the other was trying to do. He wanted to rile Chuuya up. He could feel the edges of Dazai's exhales against his chin, and his heart hammered in his chest. Dazai was warm against him, and for a moment, he thought about wrapping his arms around his waist. He shook the thought quickly from his head. Eventually his other hand extended past the brunette’s side, finally grabbing a lid and straw.
Leaning back as soon as he could, Dazai's smug expression didn't change in the slightest. Only pleased and amused. Chuuya rolled his eyes, dragging his slushie cup away from the other, and stood a minimum of two feet away from the brunette as he settled the lid on.
Damn bastard.
A cheeky snicker left Dazai in watching Chuuya avoid him so actively after the stunt, and he pushed from the counter, another sip lowering the height of the slushie, the blue quickly being swept out from under the white layer.
Chuuya only huffed as he stabbed his own straw into the cup, and gestured his way to the front register,
“C'mon, go be a gentleman.”
He goaded with a sarcastic tone, another small snicker leaving Dazai as he tucked his free hand into his coat's pocket and turned on his heel.
“Oh, don't worry Chibi, sugar daddy Dazai is here.”
“I'll choke you out.”
Dazai retorted with a laugh, and Chuuya's teeth grinded together, following after the bandaged bastard.
A quick few taps of a keyboard to pull up the product, the cashier- young and tired- made the purchase quick, and it seemed Dazai did follow his promise. With a heavy card, one made of metal, the transaction was completed, but it left Chuuya with a stinging reminder.
A card like that couldn't be bent in half and snapped apart. It would make a metallic ring if dropped. The weight of money was clear in the simple status show of the credit card Dazai used. It left a bitter taste on his tongue.
Taking the slushie, he occupied that bitter taste with pure sugar, and moved to shoulder open the door, not waiting for Dazai to catch it behind him. He did anyway, of course. A part of Chuuya wished the barrier smacked him in the face.
The cool outside air seeped in quickly through his jacket, and his hand not occupied with the drink stuffed into his pocket once more. He glanced around the darkened parking lot, and then back to Dazai. Who was already three yards away, walking down the front of the store.
A little tsk noise left Chuuya as he quickly followed after, eyes searing into the back of Dazai's neck as he caught up. He couldn't believe he was hanging out with this bastard. Again. This was the third time this week. And it was only Thursday.
Yet, when the other kept appearing at the porch of his house, looking much like a stray puppy wanting company, Chuuya couldn't deny that going out and doing something menial or stupid would be a good break from his work.
It was silent for once while they walked, Chuuya's mouth and mind more occupied with the slushie in his hand, and Dazai kept walking in front oddly quiet. He could never guess what sat in his mind. Not during times like this. It remained an odd ode to their past, and it reminded him of when the brunette was younger. He'd get periods like this… periods of silence. Nothing happening. Just a body occupying space. Chuuya always found it unnerving, especially with those big, dark eyes.
He couldn't guess what was about to be said next, and it was only in the dim light of the sidewalk lantern that Dazai spoke again.
“Are you lonely, Chuuya?”
His eyebrow dipped down in confusion.
“The hell is that supposed to mean?”
Silence. Just a few more footsteps and the rustle of colored leaves as they fell from the trees lining the sidewalk,
“No?”
He answered, still confused. Dazai didn't look back.
“Do you know what it means to be lonely?”
Again, what the hell was Dazai on about? Chuuya squinted, as if this was some kind of game he was playing,
“What kind of stupid question is that supposed to be? It's in the title- lonely- dumbass. It means you're alone.”
Dazai said nothing more, and Chuuya only grunted as he moved to walk beside Dazai, his hand reaching up and grabbing the other's shoulder, trying to turn him to look at him.
“Dazai-”
“It means it's a feeling. Alone is the state of being, that can cause feelings of loneliness.”
Dazai started. Truthfully, Chuuya couldn't tell what his deal was. They eventually did stop, and Dazai's eyes met Chuuya's in the dim light of a street lamp.
“...why do you keep hanging out with me?”
Dazai's question came out flat toned and serious- a tone Chuuya only heard when Dazai really meant something. A look of indignation flashed across his face, along with bewilderment as his hand fell from Dazai's shoulder.
His mouth opened but no words came out. Eyebrows furrowing as his eyes danced to the side. Even he didn't know.
They say to be known is to be loved, and so I shout my soul into the wind so that maybe someone out there will listen and respond. I shout "I'm significant", though I hold significance like a zero after a decimal. In 36.07 i am the 7. Minimal, yet like chemistry, the smallest amount can make a world of difference. The smallest inch, gram, millisecond is all it takes to be history.
And maybe if I drag my feet through sand, snow, and gravel, someone will have the curiosity to follow. To find me, still paging my own path forward. Paging to claim a stake in this world where we have one chance to be something.
Actually making a writing post on here for once, woah!!
Need this out of my brain before it devours me whole:
A nice day. There was a mild wind, and the scent of leaves in the air, with the noise of rustling far within the branches of trees that surrounded him. The sun shined down, soothing the small bits of exposed skin on his hands and face. It was a nice day, for the most part.
He sat at a bench, eyes glancing over the beige grain of the wooden seat, halfway focused, halfway gone. It was a buzz in his mind, noting only the feeling beneath his thumb nail as it dragged over the wooden armrest. It was a nice day, but there was something missing. Something in his chest was gone. Something that he wanted next to him. This didn't disturb Dazai, though. It was a feeling he had long since been accustomed to.
His feet kicked out, crossing one ankle over the other, leaves momentarily crunching underneath his heel. This was what normal people did, right? Sit outside, catch some air?
It still felt... inherently wrong, though. Out alone like this... did he come off as weird? Did people pass by and think, "Hey, who's this guy sitting all alone? How pathetic." His thumb nail dug deeper into the half-damp wood of the bench he sat on. Why should he care? This was college, no one was going to judge him. Yet his mind still sat in a panopticon of his own making- years of school tormenting his mind, drilling into him that he wasn't normal. That his every action was wrong.
Whatever, his mind concluded. Still, there nagged a feeling in his chest of a need for something more. A need that sat as the only reason he kept himself alive. Connection. He knew this. But who would connect with an alien like him?
Skk fic idea I'll never write if my schedule has anything to say about it:
They're sailors. Arctic pirates maybe. But more possibly explorers. Dazai sits as first mate to the captain, and Chuuya is lower in rank. Moving through ice in order to find a proper trade route from pacific to the atlantic. Get stuck in ice. Forced proximity fic essentially. A year's journey turns to three and they need to exist around each other for that amount of time.
