Do you know why vv shut down? I've been absent for Ages.
I don’t know firsthand because I left the server after being officially reprimanded for “chat policing” for sending this message suggesting that dogpiling a minor is bad:
but yeah, pretty much everyone knows the VV server has been shut down now. I don’t know the “official” reason why but it coincided with the owner being accused of tracing art, and a bunch of people “defending her” by being transphobic to a 19 y/o by making fun of their chosen name. so. yeah. that might be why it shut down? I don’t know if there are more internal reasons, but these apparent external ones have been covered in depth by @nuwuhorizons
and also to the ex-mods that have been trying to stop anyone talking about this by pseudo-threatening them? don’t try me with that shit. just don’t.
Are you doing okay what with all the VV stuff that happened? It seemed like you and Mina were close
Hey hey, thanks for the worries anon! Mina of mvcreates/Violet Vineyard and I were properly talking as friends for only a few months quite a long time ago. Emotionally I’m completely fine, but I do have stuff to say and I do want to help document things if any of it is useful in any way. A lot of it will be dry because it’s just documenting, but some of it will be “juicier” I guess, and I’d like to corroborate some of the things my friends are saying. I’ll put this under the cut for people who don’t want to scroll through all this and/or have no idea what I’m talking about and want to keep it that way!
You guys can check @nuwuhorizons‘s blog to see what exactly is going on and I believe they’re also reblogging some things others who were members are saying. The case of people dogpiling a 19-year-old trans person and making fun of their name is on the blog (post here, wayback machined here).
I can corroborate a bunch of what @rrrawrf-writes (post here, wayback machined here) and @gingerly-writing (post here, wayback machined here) have said. I backread through the interaction that Ginger talks about in her post (of course not the DMs, but the interaction itself).
I know some people may be confused about why Ginger only has that one screenshot of what she said and may not see that as full evidence, but Violet Vineyard had a super strict “don’t screenshot and post anything” with lots of scary looking legal stuff attached to it policy and, well, Ginger can’t be sharing stuff without anyone’s permission if it’s just the message she herself sent, but they’d have grounds to take god knows what action with what backing against her if she posted something else. But, well, for what it’s worth, as someone who read through that conversation a little after it happened, it was certainly a case of dogpiling and left a bad taste in my mouth, and it strikes me as really odd that the mods would try to shut someone down like that.
I haven’t really been doing stuff in writeblr lately as you can probably tell from my blog, but yeah, Mina herself and a lot of people in that particular friend group of hers, as Lisa mentions, have just disappeared off Tumblr. I can also attest to the dogpiling tendencies and this Mina Is Always Right tendency, and the fervor with which people would defend her.
I was honestly never close enough to Mina to be in that friend group. She and I were only really talking to each other for a few months over a year ago. I don’t think I was “writeblr-y” enough to fit in with them. I was also not super active in that server. I didn’t post much about my wips because I in general don’t think I really post a lot about them. Therefore I didn’t get like, massive benefits off of the whole “network” thing, but I’d reblog some stuff when I saw it. I was probably most known for posting pictures of my plants, lol. And I would occasionally hop in to talk briefly about kpop with like, one person? (They went by Kay and their url was like, lvcrezia? lvcrezias? Something like that.) In fact, probably the last thing I ever said in that server was a super quick conversation about Red Velvet’s “Monster” music video around the time it dropped.
In fact, for the sake of being super transparent/establishing credibility, and for documenting purposes, I’ll list all the non-plant-pictures and non-kpop conversations I can remember actually participating in. Some of these will lead off into bigger topics, and I’ll specify those. But first, a word.
TO ANY OF THE FORMER MODS WHO MIGHT COME AFTER ME FOR SAYING THINGS ABOUT THE SERVER, SINCE THIS HAS APPARENTLY HAPPENED TO OTHERS: The server is deleted, and so is the text of the whole “contract” (yes, really) that people had to agree to in order to join VV. I remember that the agreement made sure we didn’t post screenshots publicly, but other than that I genuinely do not remember the text and I have no way of referencing it to keep in line with it since the server is deleted. I do not remember if documenting things like this is against anything I have agreed to, I have no record of the agreement, and I have not been notified of any place to access a record of the agreement before the server was deleted. If my post is some sort of violation, you cannot hold me accountable for rules that I am unable to follow, and I would greatly appreciate not being targeted with empty threats shrouded in scary legal language. If you have any point of contention with what I have said, feel free to take it up either publicly or privately. Please do @ me if it’s specific to me; I’m not really the vagueposting kind. If any of you want me to delete this post, you will need to provide actual proof of the agreement that I made by joining Violet Vineyard, and you will also need to prove that the rules were not edited after I agreed to them. If any of them were follow-up rules not from the beginning of the server, it’s possible that I did not see them and therefore you need to provide proof that I agreed to those, too. In addition, since image editing is what set off this avalanche in the first place hence we’re all aware that there’s software that allows us to edit images and pass them off as an original thing, you’ll need to provide proof that any screenshots/images are undoctored. Furthermore, since the rules have been deleted with the server, as the method I used to agree to follow them, you must prove that my agreement is still valid, since it seems to me it’s been nullified since it’s, well, gone either through deletion or kicking me out alongside everyone else. Tl;dr you don’t scare me lol.
Anyways, back to a list of the non-kpop, non-plant-pics, non-my-wips-promo conversations I can actually remember:
On January 5, 2020, the server had a conversation about Roshani Chokshi’s book The Gilded Wolves. I can give the date because during/in the aftermath of the conversation, which I talked about the book in, Mina DMed me quickly. (This was also the last time Mina ever directly contacted me.) I’ll talk about this later.
In February 2020 I believe I quickly mentioned getting concert tickets.
Either early this year or late last year I think I posted some stuff about landscape photography, with some photos of the beach.
I believe I posted a couple fashion pics at some point?
Back in May 2019 I got some kinda weird asks about Violet Vineyard and I think people were talking about that, and I assume I participated since I was the one who received the asks. At that time VV was like a super new server and didn’t really have much as far as the issues we’ve been talking about go, so I defended it. (I’ll be talking about this later.)
Probably in June/July 2019 people in the server had a discussion about Black Muslim characters and representation, initiated by me for one of my WIPs.
I think we talked about South Asian sweets at some point???
I believe in April/May 2019, there was some stuff in that server reagarding “drama” with Castor who at that time went by the url pilipalea that I honestly don’t remember much of. Castor was never in VV, but I believe they were in a server with Mina at some other point. There was something about grammar and proofreading?? (I’ll be referencing this soon as well.)
I helped someone with their computer science homework at some point.
I asked for r&b music recs at some point either late 2019 or earlier 2020.
I’ve also talked about ethnic clothes I think.
We’ve talked about Hindu nationalism and how awful it is.
I think we’ve talked about tone policing and how woc are often portrayed as “aggressive.”
We’ve talked about health/fitness and exercise.
I recommended Jade City and some other books I’m a fan of in there.
Probably talked about Bollywood movies at some point.
The fact that I can remember probably most of my conversations that lasted more than like, one message in there is, I think, a pretty good testament to a) me having at least a kind of decent memory and b) I wasn’t participating in the server so regularly that the conversations kind of blend together. I know this is all kind of long and dry for anyone who’s here for drama purposes lol, but I did want to establish that I’ve been in that server for quite a while and that I wasn’t monitoring it heavily; in fact, I had it muted very soon after joining it.
I wasn’t super close to anyone that I’d met through VV. People who are friends that I still regularly contact who were in VV with me, I had met through other servers and other interactions on Tumblr. I’ll disclose right now that I have been longtime friends with Ginger, Lisa, and Eff (@time-to-write-and-suffer), who have all come out against VV, and that we are in our own servers with people from writeblr. Ginger and Lisa were both in VV, Eff has never been.
Okay, back to maybe “juicier” stuff.
Mina had always positioned herself almost as this “tumblr mom” type. She’d reference her age a lot, which would contrast a lot with how a significant portion of the members were much younger and, I think, set up the dynamic of people looking up a lot to her and always coming to her defense. After all, we’re talking a bunch of passionate kids who’d found a writeblr network. And the server definitely seemed “legit”; I myself was pretty impressed with just how tightly organized everything was, and like I mentioned, there was fancy legal language to ~protect their rights~ and whatnot. Mina herself seemed so accomplished with so many talents: she’d post her writing and artwork, I believe she’d made a couple pieces of music, she’d work out and keep in shape, she had a seemingly wonderful loving relationship with her husband, she was active in research fields professionally and as an outbreak responder, and she, of course, had a significant online presence as a “big writeblr.” I remember when she’d started blowing up, so soon after her blog had been created, because of her prolific content and friendly persona. People, especially younger ones who had no other writeblr support group, looked up to her and trusted her. And the nature of the server was to shower everyone in praise, so Mina found herself on the receiving end of quite a bit of it. Mina would also actively boost and review other writers’ content, genuinely engaging with it and providing feedback, support, and valuable resources.
Mina also had a tight-knit group of adult friends. Some of them I believe carried over from pre-VV times (incuding CJ of typewriter-jade if I’m remembering correctly, who made fun of the trans person’s name in the reblog chain in the link to nuwuhorizons’s blog), while some were made afterwards. They would act super friendly and familiar with each other, which I think contributed to a lot of people falling into this little “friendship” super fast. They were also authority figures and role models, and tended to agree with each other, so everyone just went along with that.
These factors, I think, heavily influenced the dogpiling tendencies. People were eager to defend their community, where they’d found so much love and support for their work. Minors would go along with adults in conversations. When someone said something, others would enthusiastically support them. And people were just so into each other that I really couldn’t keep up, which is probably why I didn’t participate too much. People became just super fast friends and the server was so large and so seemingly “professional” and structured in how it was made. I think people just kind of assumed everyone in there was great and their friend who could be trusted deeply, when in reality that’s just impossible if there are like, 100+ members. Meaning if something minorly negative happened (like on that literal eleven-year-old’s blog), everyone would come in to say something to demonstrate their emphatic loyalty, even when it became excessive for something as small as an ask game done wrong.
This happened with the Gilded Wolves discussion as well. Someone stepped in to say that the way Gilded Wolves coded its antagonists as this shady secret society of people was antisemitic, and everyone joined in to rip the book apart without having even read it. I joined in the conversation to state that I didn’t see it that way, since that shady antagonist group was very much coded as white Christians (their names are all French Christian names) and were colonizers (meaning making them this shadowy group of powerful and evil people was accurate) and one of the protagonists, who is Jewish, is opposing them and antisemitism is portrayed as horrible, and that the book had had (if I’m remembering correctly) Jewish sensitivity readers and multiple Jewish book reviewers really enjoyed and recommended it. Then Mina stepped in to say that multiple Jewish journals she followed rated the book highly and recommended it meaning the accusation of antisemitism clashed heavily with what a lot of other people thought, and that since me and the other person who was saying the book was antisemitic were the only ones who had read it or were familiar with it in any capacity, it wasn’t fair for everyone to be judging it like that. It was like she’d flipped a switch: people were suddenly much more “reasonable” and “fair” and willing to give the book a chance, just because she’d stepped in. (As a quick note, I don’t remember exactly whether Mina stepped in first or if I stated my opinion first. I also want to mention that Mina DMed me to state that the person who accused the book of antisemitism had expressed some Zionist sentiments in the past and to say that maybe their take on the book could have come from Islamophobia with them maybe assuming obviously ethnic name of the author was a Muslim name. The Zioinist stuff is something I can’t actually speak on since again, I have no access to the server anymore and I don’t remember that person’s url. This was the last time Mina DMed me or I her.)
I wrote all that out because I think it illustrates a few things. Firstly, a good example of the tendencies of people going with the flow of things even when it led to dogpiling/drastic conclusions. When I say they were really trashing that book, I mean it! Secondly, it demonstrates the willingness of everyone to go along with what Mina said. Third, it shows that Mina was capable of stepping in to prevent dogpiling (and, seemingly, she would, at least if her beliefs aligned with the opposite of whatever incited the dogpiling) and that people would listen to her and actually change their minds.
Whether or not Mina supported something was pretty important. Of course, it was her server, so she was definitely allowed to run it how she saw fit, but she would very swiftly pass judgement on things and everyone would just comply. One time, I think there were more than one different threads of conversation happening in the general channel of the server. Jess suggested making a second general channel to allow for other conversations, as is common in a lot of servers, including ones I’m in and moderate/own/have some power in. I don’t remember if I supported that suggestion or if I only backread that conversation, but I know at least one other person agreed. Mina said that as an older person (she’d very frequently bring up her age) she thought people could just wait for their turn in a conversation and didn’t even consider trying it out. Other mods, I believe, backed her up and said no to the second general conversation channel. I remember being a little confused as to why nobody even considered trying a member’s suggestion to make the server more easy to participate it and help provide additional structure/support how big it was, and why it was shut down because people could just wait for their turn, when clearly the general channel was getting overloaded before our eyes. But Mina didn’t see the need, so therefore nobody else wanted to do anything about it, and nobody ever mentioned it again, I think. I know this is a super minor instance lol, but I do think it illustrates something about the behavior in the server and how it was run. It’s not like other channels weren’t added based on need; one was created for the 2018 elections, one was created for talking about race in June during the height of BLM protests having news coverage, I’m pretty sure one was created for talking about the coronavirus. So, the mods were watching conversations and responding as they saw fit, they just wouldn’t field this request, for some reason. Obviously conversations getting muddled in a general channel isn’t as significant as major political events, antiblack racism, or a pandemic, but these channels were made to improve the server experience and likely to prevent these topics from completely overloading other channels, so, well.
Okay, the Castor/pilipalea stuff and dogpiling. I’ll say this stuff now because Castor has opened up about it (here [wayback machined] and here [archived in a google doc]), so I see that as permission for others to comment on it. If I’m remembering correctly and looking back at the right things, there was something about Mina giving advice on a grammatical error to one of her mutuals, or something asking if her mutuals wanted grammatical advice? Castor vagueblogged, presumably about that, and talked about classism in expecting good grammar from people, which is a valid issue, but seemed misapplied to this instance of someone consenting to receive advice on grammar/syntax/mechanics, if that’s what the vagueblogging was about. I reached out to Mina to let her know that I thought someone was vagueblogging about her, and she told me about past conflicts with Castor. I also reached out to Castor over DMs to ask what the vagueblogging was about, because you genuinely never know; classist prescriptivism is harmful and bad, and so many people on Tumblr are in so many different circles that similar topics may come up coincidentally. Castor wasn’t clear with me either about what the post was targeting and skirted around naming names.
At this point, looking back, it still seems to be that it was about Mina, especially considering that Castor had previous history with her and others in her circle. Mina was irritated by the vagueblogging (who likes being vagueblogged about?) and also informed me, all the way back in April 2019, about this past server drama that Castor mentioned. It seems to me that it stemmed from a misunderstanding: Mina and I believe other mods noticed another person using Castor’s PSDs without credit. Mina checked with Castor about whether people should be crediting them for PSDs and Castor said that, yes, they wanted credit; you can see this interaction in the screenshot Castor linked on their post.
This is where the accounts of what happened diverge: Mina expressed to me that she and the other mods weren’t very harsh since they’d seen that Castor’s friend had credited Castor in the past, so they just wanted to remind Castor’s friend to give credit, without knowing that Castor’s friend had permission to use the PSDs without crediting. I was told that Mina and the team of mods were professional in their handling of this; Castor has stated in their post that the group was extremely harsh. Since I don’t have any screenshots or exact records of what they said before I was in contact with Mina, I can’t comment, so I’ll withhold judgement on that. According to Mina, she and the other mods had not been very vocal about this crediting/PSD stuff, and very few people knew about it, so it did seem like Castor had attacked Mina out of nowhere.
What I can say is that the VV members were certainly quick to respond to the grammar vagueblog, and that if I’m remembering correctly, readily jumped to Mina’s defense. I distinctly remember that one VV member specifically asked whether it was about Mina in a reblog. This happened pretty early on in VV’s existence and I believe was the first major “drama” that VV got embroiled in. Looking back, I do think it was fair to be critical of Castor’s post. But this was also the first look at the tendencies people had of getting embroiled in the fervor of any perceived slight against a member (in particular Mina).
I noticed this again when I received anons that were sort of bitter about VV’s existence in May 2019, way before VV had gained the reputation that it has now. People were very quick to respond with hostility and slightly amplify the anger expressed by other members, and little by little things got really out of hand. I can totally understand being upset and irritated, since the asks were kind of unwarranted and the sender did apologize if I remember correctly. But there was a huge outpouring of vicious language from a lot of the members, and this was, I think, the first instance of proper dogpiling in VV, especially since it was an easy antagonist; the sender was out of line, and they were totally anonymous.
These were the only two instances of going to bat for VV that I ever participated in. For the other things, I either only backread or missed them completely. While they don’t really paint VV in a super bad light, not like the dogpiling of an eleven-year-old that Jess mentions in her post, it did give me a pretty good idea of how VV handled controversies.
I’ve mentioned some of my theories of why this dogpiling/toxicity happened. I’d also like to add that Mina would often send concise, decisively-worded statements about things. I think this may have come across as final-word judgments to a lot of people, so they would take that as the last say on a certain matter and escalate in severity of their response from there. And like, you should trust your friends and take what they say in good faith. But you still need to be thinking critically and considering your response, especially when you haven’t known someone for very long. And this, I think, was a big source of toxicity in the server. There were just so many people responding to the same issues and aligning their beliefs, and they’d build off each other and create an environment where these kinds of responses were okay. Plus, VV was always portrayed as a tight-knit family when not everyone knew each other and not everyone was active (as is totally normal for a massive server), so this also contributed to people wanting to defend each other all the time. And I don’t think the mod team did an adequate job of shutting it down, despite the veneer of a structured, sort of more “professional” space.
Okay, now onto the art stuff.
Disclaimer, I don’t draw digital or physical art. I was always aware that Mina was certainly at least using references for her work. In some cases I could even pinpoint which pictures were used, like one where the faceclaim was Ranveer Singh. I also received fanart of one of my characters that, of course, looked very similar to the faceclaim. It certainly was clear some tracing had happened in that picture because of the level of detail in the chikankari embroidery, but like…..it’s free fanart, chikankari isn’t copyrighted, and that embroidery is super difficult to draw anyways. What I was not aware of was Mina apparently tracing images and using them to advertise for commissions, which is something I do not condone. I also know my photography and photo editing tools, so I was aware that there was some filtering/editing going on. I’m not sure if Mina traced and didn’t disclose it for commissioned art.
Okay, now the server shutting down stuff!
I was completely unaware of the dogpiling/transphobia stuff happening in the server because I had it on mute. I only found out about all this two days ago. I received the message where everyone was @’ed about VV’s “migration” off Tumblr and that the server would be shut down. I can confirm that the concern was about mirror sites and that the server did discuss these mirror sites as a big intellectual property issue. I didn’t know people wanted the server shutting down to be kept so secret, and I honestly cannot think of a reason why; I feel like if those mirror site concerns were serious, people would be trying to spread the word on writeblr? So I think that people are right to be a little suspicious of the exact reason for the server’s closing.
I think I should mention also that people were pretty much always friendly with me on VV. I met a bunch of cool people, and Mina was always kind and supportive with me. @radley-writes has echoed similar sentiments here (wayback machined here) and here (wayback machined here) while being critical of the environment in VV.
I know this post is like, wildly long and probably quite dry and rambly at points, but I hope it does provide some specific examples to back up some of the criticisms of VV and document it a bit better.
Thank you for reading! I’ll make sure to edit this to add stuff if I remember things/see the need.
I also want to state that my post is more a critique of the environment than anything. I’m not trying to attack anyone at all, I’m just giving an account of stuff that has happened, my level of involvement, and my own thoughts on all this.
I also want to say that I am completely open to hearing what any of you have to say. Feel free to critique/discuss anything I’ve said in this post with me. If you want to vent about your experiences in/with Violet Vineyard, my inbox and DMs are totally open. If you want to keep things confidential, I won’t break your trust or reveal your identity (unless you start idk, spouting racist stuff at me or something). If you want to anonymously tell people about an experience, feel free to shoot me an anon.
I hope you’re all having a wonderful day! I’m sending you lots of love. Take care! <3
not to like, start a whole bunch of disc horse here, especially since it’s not my place to speak really, but if someone comes to you and says “hey this thing you’re writing is racist, you should reexamine it” and your first instinct is to get upset for how they say that (i.e. “they attacked me”)......
that’s, uh, tone policing which is pretty often, what’s the word, oh yeah racist
Not to be that person and there’s a 99% chance that no one’s going to interact w/ this but...imo “supporting diversity” is a buzz term that has very little meaning and fails to enact actual social change. Anna Holmes’ 2015 NYT article talks about this and Holmes says (of diversity, but I’d like to extend this to “support” as well): “How does a word become so muddled that it loses much of its meaning? How does it go from communicating something idealistic to something cynical and suspect? If that word is ‘diversity,’ the answer is: through a combination of overuse, imprecision, inertia and self-serving intentions.” I like that people are talking about “including” (as a means of supporting) “diverse characters” (but what does that even mean? it’s okay to like...be specific about exactly which kinds of folx ur “including”) but also to include and to center are different things.
I hate the word “include” in relation to social reform as it’s reminiscent of the “shitty straight able cis white writer club” being super benevolent and “including” POC into your own normative canon. You can “include” POC/other folks without the same privileges as you and still enact a shit ton of violence and microagressions and I’ve seen a lot of that on this website and in my personal life (i.e. w/ tone-policing, centering white feelings when POC are trying to talk about their issues, etc.). You can “include” non-cis, non-white, non-able, non-straight, etc. folx in settings, say, the university, for example, and fail to provide them with the adequate resources or social support they need to thrive. Inclusion occasionally allows people w/o the same privileges as you to survive, but this is different than allowing them to succeed, feel cared for, or thrive. Centering “diverse” people goes beyond allowing them to join your tag groups or chats and extends to asking them “what do you need from me and us to feel safe and supported here?,” and committing to providing that support (as your ability allows) on a consistent basis. It means showing up for our talks and protests offline and doing the work of educating yourself on our issues because you care about POC/mentally ill/disabled/LGBT/etc. folx and our real lives outside of writing too.
I’m also very skeptical of people who claim to support — let’s be more specific — POC online and in fiction, but don’t actually support them in real life or make room for them within writing, conversation, or the publishing industry (which is still like 80% white). It’s really tiring to see a POC/LGBT/disabled/etc. person make a “hot take” on oppression and a random white/cis/straight/able/etc. person make the exact same claim and have the white person get like...9,000 notes when they could’ve just boosted the post that already existed by their friend w/o the same privileges. It makes me wonder why you as a white person made the post in the first place — especially if your post is like “I AS A WHITE PERSON AM SO ANGRY I’M GOING TO PROTECT THE TRANS AND POCS!!!! INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM TALK!!!!!! I AM GOING TO JUST SHOW MY WHITE PRIVILEGE AND SUPERIORITY IN A WEIRD FLEX LIKE THIS!!!”. I’m very skeptical of when 19347139 white/etc. people post the exact same thing a POC/etc. said and only when there is conflict that’s gaining a lot of attention.
I wonder: what do y’all do outside of tumblr to support POC (during tumblr drama and also through shit and violence that they encounter every day)? Have you come through for POC/mentally ill/disabled/LGBT/etc. folx in your personal life? In your community? Outside of your community? Do you only talk to POC when you need tips on writing your POC characters or do you actively support them and their work (this includes IRL stuff too if you have the ability to go)? Do you only support POC when they are palatable or profitable to you or you can get an instagram picture? Only when they expend their spoons and labor on educating you? Will you drop them when they are no longer “polite” or of use?
Anyway, these are some thoughts. Supporting folx without the same privileges as you extends beyond only posting when some other white says some shit. #sorryboutit
Anon, if you had read the post about Agau, you would have seen the last section
But here, I’ll copy/paste it for you
6. If you wish to discuss this further, I ask three things: that you’ve read this fully, that you come into my DMs instead of my inbox, and that you be as polite as you can.
If you do feel the need for my inbox, please leave it off of anon. I will never answer them publicly, I will not send people after you, and I will be deleting any anons about this.
Thanks for respecting me. That’s what you’re all about, right?
I know I said I didn’t want to talk about all that drama anymore, but people are still stirring things so... here goes.
I did not and do not have a problem with giving feedback, including constructive criticism. I have always been one to champion the importance of feedback, of listening to feedback, of growing from feedback.
The argument that arose yesterday... came out of nowhere as far as I was concerned. Someone left some feedback on someone else’s work. I reblogged saying I disagreed with that feedback as another reader with a differing perspective. Someone else said they thought it was a valid point and I said “oh i dunno maybe i’m reading too much into it but it came across kind of patronising to me.”
Me saying that... wasn’t intended to be offensive or an attack. That’s why I said maybe i was reading too much into it. It just seemed to me to be a strange conclusion to jump to (that the author didn’t know what the words meant). That was all.
And I find it interesting that everyone involved is saying I should have given them the benefit of the doubt and not assumed they meant it patronisingly but no one is saying to give me the benefit of the doubt and not assume that I was being combative and hostile in my first two reblogs. Because I wasn’t or was not intending to be certainly. I became hostile after being met with jokes, laughing at me.
Both of us are people behind a screen whose intent and tone you can’t always tell. I think both of us were taken the wrong way yesterday - they evidently did not mean to be patronising and I did not mean to be attacking. And because we both took each other wrong a misunderstanding happened that turned into this giant thing.
It was not an attack on leaving feedback. It was certainly not saying that every comment on a writer’s work has to be full of flattery. The fact that certain people are trying to paint it as that because I later got angry when I was met with rudeness and someone taking the piss out of me is kind of ridiculous to be honest.
It is very common in creative writing workshops for one person to say “X and Y didn’t work for me in this piece” and then someone else to go “actually I loved X.” That isn’t not liking critique or saying we can only say positive things... it’s... it’s just disagreeing.
And on a slightly unrelated note... I messaged the other person involved in DMs and tried to have a civil conversation. I’m not going to go through everything that was said but... I am being taken out of context and I’m not happy about it. This person is writing posts painting me to be the villain and saying that “i am confirmed to have had a grudge against them before now” or whatever.
That is not true. I do not like being lied about.
But more importantly, we agreed at the end of that conversation to just leave each other alone. From my viewpoint, a simple little thing that wasn’t intended badly on either side got blown massively out of proportion (by both of us) as happens on the internet and then we both behaved badly in the ensuing chaos.
I am happy to take responsibility for my part in it. I have apologised to them directly for calling them patronising as that obviously came across far more insultingly than I intended, and for turning it into a big thing and for the vent post. I know I am human and I make mistakes.
So I do not see, why after that apology and the agreement we would leave each other alone posts still need to be written about me trying to show that I believe things that I do not believe. Leaving it alone is supposed to mean leaving it alone.
I will leave you with the message that of course criticism and feedback is great for writers, but other readers are allowed to say that a thing that didn’t work for one reader did work for them.