#writer writering

[theinfphermit]

the funny thing about psychology is that every feeling you've ever felt is a distortion to it. officially.

[theinfphermit]

this is all we have - being people

[theinfphermit]

my apology titled alive badumtss

[theinfphermit]

magchill

the fan's cool wind

my dusty lamp's

light in my shadowy

bedroom at daytime

my scalp on the wall

left hand on right knee

looming papers

i'm ignoring

right now hehe

what do i write about chilling?

daydreaming makes me tearful

the simplicity of things i don't

have

makes my heart ache so

books i can't read

tongues i can't hear

my smoke-like energy

wafting, barely observed

sigh, and i'm too familiar

so comfy, i've known to hate it

i don't know where to start

with new

it scares me so

i skip to the end

(which i despise when peoole do)

i don't let me be useless

i'm learning to

one of my first experiences

of new people

were my bullies

i still can't help it

new is bad

new is how i graduated

after i told my family of my suicide plan

new still feels bad

new is new

that's the point, you don't know what to make of it

for me, chilling is

making my colorful poetic concept maps

funny the stuff that fills me with breathes

[theinfphermit]

#12

i put way too much pressure on myself. i have really high expectations for myself. can you tell? hahah

lol it's kinda like at some point i gotta ask do i just like not breathing or wat haha

letting myself be irrational, and out of control... hmm...

i just dont want anyone to feel unheard since ive lived that and i dont want anyone to feel as bad as i felt

and ig i assume if im standing up for once in my writing and not just completely on my knees ass up head to the floor listening to your sound waves, im automatically not hearing something or someone i should hear

i have order and control issues. 😮‍💨

...it'd be funny if it wasn't so sad

like im such a hateful quiet human. seriously. i do not believe a word that any of you say. and i just sit there.

be hatin. (hahaha x'D)

im used to being told im wrong and worthless. like it happened prolly just in the mid thirties all throughout my life but my good ol brain makes me feel like thats every second of my life. lol

like just whats the point yk

i could go crazy, ripple out.

and i think i'll still just feel sad in my core. my pointed friend tells me that its okay to do useless things actions. and like i want to believe them.

haha this is my im sad im lazy post

but idk, it still feels oddly self care somehow. hmm.

ok for the sake of a secret, i will do one smol useless thing today

kain ba muna ako o maligo hhmmmmm

:) heh

not to be all sheltered shy kid with no friends, but yeah...

like... it isn't that bad though. i'd make a joke about change rn but sigh change. *snort* idk what to say i like thinking and feeling to myself haha (>_<) <3 smh

and yk what im okay with like having trouble reconciling my flirty feelings

and my shyness :<

omg i just love the meme response i have in my mind for like the criticism i can see this my writing having [hahaha]

ok thats enough no kissing solely telling for now *slides closed curtains, for a fun pic*

[theinfphermit]

my worst trait is my cowardice.

coward > stops me from sleeping in a coma > i want to be in a coma > (T_T)

[theinfphermit]

#10

life has been spoiled saturated food lately

*stutters* do you ever feel that? do you? do you?

i miss peter parker michelle jones ned leeds liz allen and may parker

i will come back to you even if i have to bang my head through brick walls bloody to reach you

🥺❤💙💜🖤🤎

cleaning's been hard to get to but i've been getting. i've been getting. no matter how slow.

and one of these days i'm gonna start one of these numbered posts with positivity. and i look forward to it.

i'm heartbroken but life has been helping.

i like this post. it's slower and has more breaths.

i miss hannah baker :<

storytelling is picturing life, as inconvenient toys

because your hands itch and your heart explodes

tragic love ideas

and yet they're memory foam

your coma savior at 3:46 pm

when your lips are grieving and lazy

yet your eyes are too awake for anyone's own good

yes

stories are snakes and ladders

emotionally, i'm happy

physically...

i'm lost

_ _ _

that was incredibly fucking fun. holy shit.

like a punch that turns on the lights and just as quickly off

bc thats literally stories to me

greedy greedy greedy

god

who'd be better off with piñata economics imho hahaha

𝓘𝓽 𝓭𝓮𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓼.

I hope

one day

I will have a dinner party with a physicist and a poet

and no, they are not the same human

because i feel like the former's laws are meaningless to the latter

is humanity inherently formulaic?

is everything a trap?

*snorts*

...is breathing?

balloon cycles

i closed my eyes listening to your songs.

it was the only way i could feel them, really.

why must it be a trap just because it ends?

or hurts people?

i feel like pain depends

our brains are round cages where memories motives blankets and pentel pens

are escapees, underpaid guards, and worms on the soil outside

you watch behind metal as something smaller than your hand

eats shit

with everything you do not have

your eyes stain with blood

you torch the tunnel hallway

for faith

that you do not need

anyone but yourself,

and the sweat clouds

you wipe off

mark today out

calendars are arbitrary and pedantic

you are meant to slide

baking soda

frozen inferno

mail deliverer wearing a rain coat

there are different kinds of anger

throughout time

I encode them into Microsoft Excel.

I won't tell you which ones I want when.

_ _ _

do you get it? bc i feel like stories gatekeep and i want to hit them but now i write and gatekeep and i want to hit me (less than others bc i at least know what i'm keeping secret >:)