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𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽'𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓭𝓸-𝓰𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓼 ☄️🚍🪢🌌💢💀🛏

[theinfphermit]

𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼, 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓱𝓼

all the novel transformations and breaks and unexpected randoms and predictable tediousness

"I don't want to change."

𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓹 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓲𝓽, 𝓢𝓘, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓟𝓢

[theinfphermit]

the funny thing about psychology is that every feeling you've ever felt is a distortion to it. officially.

[theinfphermit]

to run away with you

[theinfphermit]

pretty grateful i feel food is nice tho 😐

[theinfphermit]

my worst trait is my cowardice.

coward > stops me from sleeping in a coma > i want to be in a coma > (T_T)

[theinfphermit]

the au na wala pa si chatgpt nung nagnervous breakdown ako ukol sa love life ko so ano ginawa ko nun?

[theinfphermit]

i hate being myself haha

[theinfphermit]

😏

[theinfphermit]

the laziest thing i do is respond to many things that happen in life, "that's human"

[theinfphermit]

WHY IS THE ADULT SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM TO NOT GIVE A FUCK?

[theinfphermit]

*stares sadly at my pile of clothes on my chair*

[theinfphermit]

the infp hermit urge to be ultron

[theinfphermit]

STRESSED PA YUNG BAKLA SA LOVE LIFE NIYA SA LAGAY NA YAN WWHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[theinfphermit]

pinapaiyak ng kuryente

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

No one else will ever delulu like me.

[theinfphermit]

shot ng alak sa bawat beses sabihin ko ang grief. but that is well, bagaman hati tayo sa pag-inom, my soil friend.

wanda, rupaul, at ang bungo ko

i want to talk [and write] about grief

how it breathes in new beginnings

kapag buhay ka, you grieve every day

at least i do

i grieve everything i didn't do but i wanted to

you leave them

you carry with you what they gave you

hahah... i kept hoping eh

i kept hoping i would never get here

i kept hoping i would die before i would ever have to reach

this place

this time

but i'm actually legitimately here

i didn't expect to be

I’m surprised when I do things I still think I can’t do even after they’re done already. (old line i wrote)

you'd think that with my choosing my own darn life, it'd feel less unreal.

but it is. a real unreal. you don't know what you want until you do, and you don't even know how much and if you really even want it while you do. I am still not expecting to be living.

I didn't expect to be here.

I didn't expect to be

I didn't expect

i grieve, actually am, wanting, and doing what i want

which is a cliche right? everyone alive hates their dreams?

but i wanted to talk about grief breathes in new beginnings

the things we grieve - they are what kept us alive even when we did not expect to be

and so, in unexpected new starts,

we automatically begin already grieving

grateful for that sensational breath. heartbroken we are not with the lives who carried us here.

as the saying goes, every ending is a new beginning

i suppose a dream could just be unexpected life that speaks to who a human is

in dreams of grief,

i expected...

that i could just listen to them more. and somehow at the same time i was the one who died earlier instead.

that was my hope

instead,

i'm talking and they're gone

i carry who carried me

i grieve living with the deaths of who i love

i grieve not being among those who died

i grieve being allowed to do what i wanted

i grieve all this feeling

all this feeling

they gave me and they're not here

grief breathes in new beginnings. beginnings are quite old, i realize now, after thinking for a long time.

i grieve being the old human who remembers who are being forgotten

i grieve how i forgot them while they were with me

i grieve them

i grieve how i'm losing, chipping them away from me, them

i grieve allowing myself to chip them away

i grieve allowing myself life

i grieve allowing them death

grief breathes in old beginnings. "we start." is an illusion. we have always grieved.

we have always grieved

us, who live even when we don't always choose it

us, who will never know how they, totally, feel

us and losing them

do you think they think of us as their them too?

us who found them even when we did goddamned everything not to choose

anything, not to choose them

us who chooses them, after

us and them

and death-with-life

you're still alive but i don't watch you anymore like i did before

i grieve that. i grieve not doing what i want. i grieve not being with my loss of you. i grieve starting... where you are not

i grieve losing you, and only having my grief of you with me now

i grieve still having you

us who found them even when we didn't always want to live

i grieve living with you

i hope i keep living and that i die with you

you saved me and made life worthwhile. i grieve living with you.

[theinfphermit]

i should really talk about the conflict in adulthood where society is people, and it's a running gag, a forever meme, that society is shitty the worst

but there comes a life period where you start taking care of people and catching them where you are supposed to

all the while full on hard core believing people are the worst

you start going into taking care of people when you've lived your whole life hating them