Finally a habit that isn't self destructive in fact I'm hoping it'll be a little self-instructive It's tough for me sometimes to remember how it went Where it began and how it all got spent It happened so fast but over such a long time I can't seem to place the first roadblock of mine It's not really an amalgam or a combination All along I've well known the source of my frustration From deep inside it wells up in the dark In contrast to the light the shadows are stark Can I claim to want the demons out when all I do is hide? Should I waste time saying that I wish it when I don't intend to try? Answers are easy and solutions are many Everyone's dollar suggestions are only worth pennies The small things I don't mind but the big picture's scary The whole time I've been here I've never been wary Chasing a dream or the next big thing Ignoring the engines but wanting the wings Fuel is irrelevant if you can't leave the ground What am I living for? Just one more round? Killing myself to get to the next day Waiting for an empty one to sleep it away What is the basis for such wanton desires? All that I hope for, consumed in the fire? Perhaps it's a function of this meaningful life To look for the end of the sorrow and strife But to despise inaction and long for the struggle To search for a reason to conquer the trouble I waste so much time in waiting and looking I never stop to enjoy the process of cooking Hunger means patience and thirst means discomfort Satisfaction is fleeting and leaves me disgruntled Why in the world do I want things I can't have? If I were peaceful would it all hurt so bad? Tomorrow, tomorrow. The curse of the unforeseen. More concerned with destination than learning from where I've been It's frustrating, truly, to see the solution Only to be foiled by my own constitution Weakness. Failure. Regret as a legacy. A long road back home as far as I can see Or maybe a short one. Unexpected homecomings Tend to step in and make for shorter runnings But there's no way to know, so it's impotent guessing Making mountains of molehills and wasting energy stressing Does every detail have reasons attached? Do my random plans even have to be hatched? To rest and be content should be my only relaxation Stop allocating resources to latent imaginations Unhelpful and inefficient, tired and dull Turning violent action into an insolent lull Perhaps I should look to a more intelligent one Join my dog and go lay in the sun
