#writing from memory

[lynxtu]

Max0r’s Incorrect MGSV summary from memory

This was all written without rewatching the video during the process of reciting

Metallic Gear Sold V is a game that premiered in theaters in 2016.

Written by His Day Old Coat Jim Mom.

And like the developers, I did not finish the game all the way.

This game follows the chronicles of Large Manager after his mercenary army was blown up by the Iluminati, led by Emo Jim Carrey’s the Mask.

Tasked only with revenge and the rebuilding of his private army the Chief of Considerable Size must face the supernatural in order to prevent The Son of the Mask from being made.

But the biggest challenge of our Hefty Captain is waking up from a coma, a battle which he struggles with for nine years.

Until now...

You start to wake up from your coma and the nurse freaks out.

She goes to get your doctor and he’s just like

“No problem bro we already know what’s wrong with you.

You’ve got enough holes to make a SpongeBob cosplay.

You also have more brain damage than Logan Paul.

You would have an arm, but there was like a famine eight years back.

I don’t know why you’re freaking out.”

Due to being in imminent danger from the Illuminati you decide to redesign your face  by turning up the sliders as far as they can go.

This produces a half-spring abomination who loves Fortnite.

“Just look how beautiful you are!”

[Doctor dying, kicking Snake out of the bed and Quiet aiming a gun at him]

“Bitch I wanna piggyback ride- OH FUCK”

“She’s doing the crab walk but do not worry I have a PLAN”

“AAAAGH!” [Sunburnt Assassin“Quiet” defenestrates herself]

So this pyromancer named Ishmael comes and picks you up,

only he doesn’t help you.

At all.

He just WATCHES.

[Insert Sped up Snake flailing his arms while crawling, making tables and trash cans falls]

“Bro what′s taking you so long?”

After flopping around you stumble into a floating kindergartener by accident then DIE.

“You ever seen Fantastic Fucking Four It’s a great movie take my word for it don’t watch it just take my word for it” “My enemies have activated this watering mechanism I am once again foiled by my enemies’ geniuses”

You hide after escaping from the Human Torch

YOU’RE GOING TO BRAZIL

It turns out the Illuminati’s after you and they ain’t taking chances.

You try to hide in a crowd which is a genius maneuver.

And the Human Torch shows up again for no reason-

[I don’t even know what the Man on Fire says here]

“Take this!“

“You bitch you fucking stupid what did I say”

[Man on Fire explodes, Ishmael shoots a sprinkler]

“Holy shit my enemies are fucking geniuses how could I’ve predicted this-“

Then you leave the building.

The stealthy way. [Snake shoots guards from behind]

But not before having the way being blocked by a psychic child

...

“Why the fuck are you guys all holding your guns sideways that doesn’t make you look cool at all-“ [Interrupted by Gunfire]

“Alright fuckers I see how it is,

I guess I’m just gonna have to sit here and

fart really, really, loudly

so you’ll stop shooting me.”

[fart reverb and more death]

“You’re fucking next Snake I see you hiding in the corner like a baby bitch come the FUCK out.”

You then get an astonishing 4 seconds of gameplay before cutting to the next scene

“Oh what the fuck now?!”

AAAAGH!

[Windows “:(”]

[Tank backs up, seemingly retreating]

“Now Snake, it’s just me and you-!”

[Tank rams the Man on Fire and Snake exits the building]

“I’m getting real tired of throwing up, Snake!”

[Man on Fire Explodes, Snake wakes up]

“Now Snake not a single thing can interrupt us-”

Playtime’s up!

“Get in!”

“Oh you’ve fucked up now Snake”

So you drive away poorly.

Very poorly.

[Venom Snake unbuckles his seatbelt, and falls]

You get out of the wreckage and your friend Ocelot shows up and is just like 

“we gotta gooo”.

You travel through multiple oceans to Afghanistan on horse without even asking a single question.

“You think robot arms come for fucking free, Snake? You’re my bitch now. I brought you here to rescue like an angry guy  he’s got one arm or something go get him, dude.”

The year is 1984 and the Soviet Union has invaded Afghanistan

and it’s up to Giant General to put and end to their plans

Я люблю Советский Союз YA lyublyu Sovetskiy Soyuz (I love the Soviet Union)

“AAAAAH AAAAAH!”

Does anyone wanna continue this?

Do it from memory don’t do it while watching the video that’s cheating

[1-1-s1ay-2-2]

When my dad left, my older brother was pushing 18 years old...so he kind of left, too...but he stayed with dad for a bit, then married his high school girlfriend. I missed him. I missed my dad the entire time I was growing up. I’ve actually missed him my entire life. He’s gone now. Passed some time ago. I’ve never ever stopped missing him. It’s been nearly ten years since he passed and my heart is still so heavy with the memory of him and wishing he was still here and I could see him just one more time.

[jayjaymellencamp]

The one part I can remember from an old poem -- on how C. and I became soulmates

Like two chimpanzees, grooming each other, We picked at one another's souls

[cuhe]

Joey: The best thing to happen to acting since... Sliced bread

Chandler: ahh Sliced Bread... Made a wonderful Macbeth