labyrinth of suffering | self para | train ride
"Malia, darling, wake up."someone shook me awake not-so-lightly. Opening my eyes I blinked several times before I adjusted to the light. Slowly the face before me came into focus; the bright yellow skin and the contrasting red eyes. Pulling the cover over me I mumbled something along the lines of 'five more minutes'. Five seconds later the cover was jerked off me and I squealed. "you're already late." Again. Groaning I got to my feet and walked into the restroom. Sliding off my clothes I got into the shower and let the cold water wake me up.
I had slept for hours and I was still sleepy as I walked down the aisle towards the dinning room where I found that everyone was already gone. Not that I didn't want their company but I think I rather eat alone today. It seemed that instead of Patch getting the hangover, I got it.
I wasn't all that hungry so when Shamus walked in I was slowly sipping on my cup of coffee. I watched him sit down in front of me without a word. I was right about him not being a talkative one. I had heard that mentors were suppose to help us and so far I had not heard a single advice from him. Maybe he just needed a bit of pushing.
"Shamus, right ?" I began. "I was just wondering if you could give me some sort of advice because you know, you are the mentor."I try to state it as nice as possible. For a couple of moments he just sat there sipping on his own drink. Was this guy even going to say a word!
"Do you fight?"he finally asked, raising his eyes to meet mine. I shook my head in return. I guess one could say I was more of a lover not a fighter. "then I want you to spend some time in the fighting stations during training. Learn how to fight dirty."
It seem his strategy was fighting dirty. "I'm not a fighter, sir. I couldn't take anyone on. Isn't there any other way I can win the games?"
"You're small, use that. No, you're going to have to learn how to fight." he stated again as if he was a broken record machine. I guess he saw the look of despair on me because he then added. "I'll teach you if I have to."
"Sir, I don't think you understand. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to survive."
"and how do you think you're going to survive and make it out? By hiding out, that only last so long. What will you do when you finally have to fight someone to the death."
I didn't respond. I didn't have an answer for that. Thankfully Stardust entered the room saying something about how we had finally arrived at the Capitol. Everyone stood up and went to watch the capitol come into view but not me. I remain frozen in my seat, Shamus words echoing in my head. I didn't want to kill anyone but I also wanted to live. Would I take someone else life just so I could live? I remember Edens words; "You have a heart, your rational, you always do the right thing. Let that be your strength. Don’t lower yourself to everyone standards, instead show everyone you are not like your family. "
I remember reading somewhere that life was like a labyrinth. We spend our whole life stuck in it, thinking about how we'll escape it one day. But the sad part is that we never do it. We use the future to escape the past.
Right now I was stuck in the labyrinth of suffering and whatever choices I made in the next few weeks would decided if I was stuck in it forever or if I made it out.
I hope I make it out.