A Brief Inquiry Into Online Friendships
Around 2011, getting a Twitter account was seen as the cool thing to do among teens and tweens, at least according to Mary*, a sophomore at Arizona State University. “My cousin told me that it was cool to have one,” she said. “So I made an account.” Young people would use it to follow their friends’ and celebrities’ online activity. Now, it’s almost impossible to find a young person without a social media account, let alone a Twitter.
It is very hard to interact on social media with just your friends and celebrities, though. There is always a random stranger that seems to butt in on your conversations, liking or commenting on your posts. Just ten years ago, some people thought that this was scary, especially because of the influence from the phrase “stranger danger”. Although Mary’s* parents were initially unnerved by the fact that she was making friends online, they have now come to accept it. “I’ve been making friends like this for so long now, and haven’t had any problems with it,” she said. “My parents are fine with it now, especially since I’m twenty so if something goes down it’s more my issue than theirs.” After asking Mary* what she meant by “making friends like this”, she said that it was from following fan accounts on Twitter and Instagram that she had the same interests as. Still, young people have always been taught to not interact with strangers, as it could lead to getting scammed, but today, it is the norm.
According to CBS News, more than half of today’s teenagers make friends online. Almost 60% of those boys surveyed make friends via online gaming systems, while almost 80% of girls say it’s because of social media apps that they were able to connect with strangers online. Additionally, 30% of those girls claim that they have met up with a stranger that they met online. What CBS News meant by strangers though was friendship cultivated online without being introduced to each other in real life yet. But regardless, there are definitely repercussions to this, seeing as how predators now have more access than ever to the internet. “I always make sure to interact with people from areas that I know,” Mary* said. “I also make sure that we have mutual followers or friends. It makes me feel a little safer when I interact with them if they directly or indirectly know someone I know in real life.”
In today’s society, we often hear of young people meeting other young people via the internet, and creating friendships that are stronger than their in real life one’s. In fact, Lena*, a freshman at Moraine Valley Community College says that she is closer to her online friends than her in real life ones. “I think it’s because we just have so much more in common,” she says. “With my in-real-life friends, whenever I try to bring up my favorite musician or band, they truly couldn’t care less.” Considering that most online friends never meet, it is strange that some people’s relationships with their online friends are greater than their real life friends.
However, just because you become friends with someone online, does not mean that the friendship will last. Online friendships are just like regular friendships in the sense that there will always be problems with some. No one is perfect. Alice*, a sophomore at Kansas University, agrees. “A lot of the online friends when I first made my social media accounts I don’t talk with anymore,” she said. “We’ve either gotten into big rifts or we just drifted away from each other over time, like normal friendships.” Alice* then elaborated on her big rifts comment, and how one time someone who was an online friend spread malicious rumors about her and ended up ruining another friendship of hers.
From that, we can see that a lot of online friendships can also be very intense. So much so that they don’t usually go a day without talking to each other. Even group chats between multiple online friends can be consistently blown up by constant text notifications. “I talk to a majority of my online friends everyday,” Alice* said. “But my group chats are really entertaining so I try to interact with them more.”
The pure amusement factor is another reason more people have been engaging in online friendships. When you are in person with someone, there is only so much time you can spend with them. You can only say so much in person. But, online, the conversations are virtually endless, and you have a variety of people to have those conversations with. Most young people today then ask the question of what is the point of nurturing a friendship in real life, when it’s so much more effort than one created online? There are no awkward pauses, there’s no mumbling -- the list goes on. Additionally, you can always look back at texts or private messages to recall something previously said. You can’t do that in real life. You need to actually put in effort to remember something that someone said.
So what changed? What made interacting with strangers online and becoming their best friends okay? We live in a world dominated by pixels and social media. Nowadays, almost everything can be done via the push of a button on our phones. Because we use our phones so much, we gain a sense of trust for the piece of technology. Using our phones and talking to a screen is also a lot easier than talking to someone face to face. For so many young people who have a hard time making friends in real life for a variety of reasons, whether they be from anxiety or being unable to pick up on social cues, finding people to befriend online is a lot easier and even comforting.
From this, we have also seen a deterioration in this generation’s social skills and ability to speak and have real life relationships. They have started to view the world from their phone lenses and computer screens, and not from their own eyes. This then begs the question, what does this generation value more? Is it making friendships that have more meaning to you, or is it whether or not we look up from our screens?
*All names have been changed for privacy reasons
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-than-half-of-teens-make-new-friends-online-pew-poll/
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-than-half-of-teens-make-new-friends-online-pew-poll/