#writingsandthoughts

[sartoriahls]

You.

by Bea Custodio 3:06AM

It's you.

You're the one my heart desires, the one it's beating for. My heart has never longed for anyone else but you.

You're the person that constantly runs in my mind, the one keeping me up till midnight. The thought of you is just so lovely, and i can't stop myself from letting you run in my mind.

You're the one that my heart and mind longs to write for. You're the one i always write about late at night and whenever my heart wishes to.

You're what comes to my mind whenever that song comes on the radio, or whenever i see that artwork in the gallery we loved. A lot of things remind me of you.

You, you are the one i loved the most. Despite having the world against us, despite your flaws and imperfections. You're the one that has made me fallen in love, even though it was unlikely for me to do so.

It has always been you.

And it's still you.

[sartoriahls]

Letting Go.

It's been months since you left me. It has been months of me questioning what could have gone wrong. And in each day in all of those 12 months, the thought of you has never failed to cross my mind yet the thought of me has probably never crossed yours. Each day I had to accept the fact that the one I have loved so dearly isn't there anymore. Each day I had to accept the fact that i'm no longer part of your happiness. Each day I had to accept the fact that I couldn't bring back what we had before. Each day I had to accept the fact that the heart that used to beat for me is now beating for someone else. Each day I had to accept the fact that you're gone, and that there's no way that I could have you back no matter how much I want to. And now that this painfully beautiful year is about to end, I've decided to finally let you go and free my mind from all the thoughts of you that has kept me awake each night. They say that when another year is about to end, we must let go of our painful past and learn to forgive and forget. And that's what I'm going to do.

[sartoriahls]

IT’S FAR FROM OVER. I was just watching YouTube videos yesterday and i stumbled across this video entitled “I Jumped Off the Golden Gate Bridge” that Buzzed uploaded for their “Mental Health Week". Kevin Hines talked about his experience and his struggles. This video had a great impact on me. I didn’t really suffer any mental illnesses but I have of course had low points in my life and have felt powerless. I am aware that there are different mental illnesses and how each of it must be paid attention to but for now, I’ll be talking about depression. I wasn’t diagnosed with it, but I have dealt with some things synonymous to what someone who is depressed has felt. You just can’t tell someone “Just get better.” or “Just be happy.” People don’t get better like you and are as happy as you are. People have different challenges and struggles in life and they deal with it differently. They just don’t go “Oh, I’m gonna be happy!” after feeling depressed. It takes a lot for someone to get better and feel okay again. It takes a lot of work to pick yourself back up after being down for so long. It takes a lot of work to push the negative thoughts away and even if you have blocked them, it’s inevitable for them to come back in and break you again. My point is, having mental health issues (in this case, depression) is harder than you think it is so you have to understand people with these struggles and know that they might be going through something tough. And to those who are still struggling and are reading this, I want you to know that it will all get better, it’s far from over. I know everything has been tough for you lately and things getting better is far from happening. But I guarantee you that all of the pain you’re feeling right isn’t permanent. It’s okay not to be okay, it’s okay to feel sad but don’t let sadness take control of you. You are strong, I know you are. If you think you don’t have a purpose in this world and that the world would still be the same without you, then you’re wrong. You’ve got a lot left to live for, there are many great things in store for you and everything wouldn’t be the same without you. I’ve been in your place, I know how it feels like. But I held on and I don’t regret a single thing; you should too. You got this. All the love, Bea

[sartoriahls]

To The One That Got Away.

You left me in the blink of an eye. I’m still puzzled and curious as to why you left me without bidding me a proper goodbye and a proper explanation.

I was haunted with worries and thoughts because of you. Was I not good enough? Did he grow tired of loving me? I would cry myself to sleep each night because of the anxieties that never escaped my mind.

But were you even thinking of me? Of what could’ve gone wrong? If we could fix everything and go back to the way it was?

Maybe you’re not, maybe the thought of me has never crossed your mind.

Seeing you with another, looking happier than you do with me, why would you think of me at all, right?

But i guess we just weren’t meant for each other, maybe we were destined to be with someone else. Maybe you’ll be more happy with someone else than me. I hope you’re happy.

You didn’t bid me a proper goodbye but i will.

Goodbye for good.