#wrythoughts

[ultrabrutal]

I have always visualized us marveling at picturesque paintings in fancy places; and shaping-playing with smoke of cheap cigarettes when we are broke but little did I know I was your second choice. You would come and put me high up in the sky and suddenly disappear like thin air Leaving me with my mind and thoughts I would question my appearance and everything about me even my existence I was so blind I didn't see you fading away It was like I was your five-minute-break cigarette; you would easily put me out after lightening me up every time I was the sun lightening up your days but you were in love with nights and galaxies and stars and I am so sorry but I desperately hate you.

[ultrabrutal]

I suppressed a bitter wry laugh when I glanced in the mirror; winged eyeliner, a fiery red lipstick and the most delicate outfit I have But then another laugh escaped my lips; Is this how I'll mock everybody, including myself ? Is this how I'll deceive everyone ? By my glowing loud laugh and my carless outgoing self ? Is this how I'll pretend that you didn't crush my lungs with the weight if your words, that I didn't let you cling to my bones like the smoke of the cigarettes you always had on you ? Is this how I ignore the dark grey clouds overhead in my room, that is so full of your smile and just the bad version of you I loved ? And is it how I forget your sparks, that instead of lightening our way, they burned us down ? You were the piece of art I so desperately wanted to finish but suddenly I woke up and it was gone and sometimes I find the leftover paint I used in the piece and then I can't ignore the ache in my soul, the stingy tears, the memories of you that creep at the corner of my mind and the overwhelming emotion that I can't contain, the unbearable raging anger no one can fathom But in fact this is how I will make me hate you, this is how I will survive without causing any harm.