It felt like history was repeating itself for both of them.
Part of the Whatever Tomorrow Brings series.
Based on an ask I got for Route 66, but make it WTB.
-x-
Chapter 1/2 (chapter two will be posted in the coming days)
Words: 2.8k
Warnings: Mentions of injuries, hospitals, blood.
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut
October 2013
Aaron had barely slept, an ache in his stomach that had started the evening before keeping him awake most of the night. He’d laid next to Emily for hours, fitfully catching what felt like a few minutes of sleep at a time as she snored lightly next to him, her hand pressing into his shoulder.
He slips out of bed as soon as the sun rises, early even for him. He smiles when Emily grumbles slightly as he gets out of bed, and he leans down to kiss her forehead. He winces sharply as he stands back up straight, a quick, stabbing pain momentarily leaving him breathless.
He gets ready slowly, deciding to forgo his usual coffee when he gets downstairs, knowing it likely wouldn’t do his upset stomach any good. His head was starting to be a little fuzzy, leaving him in a bit of a daze. Everything around him seemed slightly off, like he was behind glass.
He grimaces as he drinks a cup of Emily’s tea, hoping it would settle his stomach a little, something his wife swore by whenever she felt unwell. He sits there as the rest of his family wake up, hoping he’d feel better by the time they come down to join him.
Aaron can hear Emily upstairs, already in Amelia’s room helping the little girl get ready. Their voices muffled by the closed door of Amelia’s bedroom and its distance from the kitchen. Despite how terrible he felt he smiles at the sound of his family, his foundation in his worst moments.
The woman he had loved for so long now he didn’t know how it felt to not love her, their two young children who were the best bits of both of them. Jack, who was away at college now, was a mixture of the three people who had raised him. Fierce and kind and stubborn, something that Aaron was sure would make him a good doctor, a career ambition he’d had since he was young. Born out of watching his mother become sick.
Aaron often thought of the time he’d been apart from them. The fourth anniversary of them being reunited was coming up, and time had not completely healed those wounds. He could still remember how fiercely she had hugged him outside their old house, the way she had cried when she thought he was dead.
He knows they'd never be completely free of it, of the damage that time had done, but it had brought them closer together. A new version of them emerging from the ashes of the old one.
He feels another wave of pain through his abdomen and decides to take a painkiller, standing and reaching for the cabinet, again ignoring the increase in his pain as he does so. He pulls out the ibuprofen and takes a couple pills out of the bottle. Quickly returning it to its place as he hears his wife start to descend the stairs.
“Aaron?”
He swallows the painkillers just as Emily walks into the kitchen, Amelia on her hip, both of them dressed and ready for the day.
“Morning sweetheart.” He says, smiling, hoping he was successfully covering how he felt, not wanting her to catch on to it and inevitably worry.
“Morning, you were up earlier than usual.” She replies as passes him on her way to the kitchen counter, kissing his cheek as she does so, and she places Amelia onto one of the stools there, groaning slightly as she adjusts the weight of the little girl in her hold.
“You, little miss, are getting a bit too big to be carried like that.” She says to the four year old as she lets go of her, sighing slightly as Amelia grabs the sleeve of her shirt.
“No, Mommy.”
“Mommy is staying right here, ok?” Emily says patiently, managing to untangle the small fingers from her clothes as she smiles at her daughter. “I’m just making breakfast.”
She turns to Aaron and raises her eyebrows, expecting the usual look of smugness on his face. Amelia was going through a very clingy phase with her, and no one but Emily would be able to calm her down. It was making life harder for the rest of the Hotchner family whenever she was away on a case, but she couldn’t say it didn’t warm her heart when her little girl ran towards her and wrapped her arms around her in a fierce hug when she got home after a few days away.
Aaron usually gently teases her about it, a small smile or a raised eyebrow in her direction whenever their daughter refuses to leave her side, but this morning there was nothing. His usual mirth at the situation was replaced by a slight pinch between his eyebrows, a tension in his jaw.
“Are you ok, honey?” She asks, her concern deepening when he flinches slightly when she touches his back, as if he hadn’t been aware that she was there. “You don’t quite seem yourself.”
He nods and smiles at her. “I’m fine. Didn’t sleep too well.”
It’s not a complete lie, and he hopes that some more sleep after his lectures would make him feel better. He can tell she doesn’t believe him, that she knows him too well to know when he is lying to her, so he changes the subject, turning to Amelia instead.
“What do you want for breakfast, sweetheart?”
She smiles at him, a look in her eyes that had always got her and Emily whatever they wanted.
“Lucky Charms.”
Emily shakes her head. “Amelia, you know that’s a weekend cereal.” Amelia pouts at her and crosses her arms across her chest, “Don’t look at me like that, it might work on your dad, but it doesn’t work on me.”
“Yeah,” Aaron says, a slight smirk on his face, “because Mommy definitely doesn’t give in and read you more than one story whenever it’s her turn does she?”
Emily scoffs and playfully pats Aaron in the stomach as she reaches past him to get a bowl, but he winces and she frowns. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Em. I’m fine. Stop fussing.”
It comes out harsher than he meant it to, pain and a need to just be left alone making him irritable, and he sees her raise her eyebrows, her own annoyance at him taking over her concern.
“Fine.” She says, placing the bowl back down, smiling at him in a way that lets him know she was pissed off, before she turns back to Amelia. “How about, I take you to school and we go on the way to that cafe we like?”
Amelia nods enthusiastically and shimmies down off of the stool, putting her hand out for Emily immediately. “We can get donuts.”
“We can share a donut,” Emily corrects, her annoyance at her husband not completely making her forget about her rules for week day breakfasts. She turns back to Aaron, “can you get Theo to school? I told him he has 10 more minutes before we’ll get him out of bed.”
“Of course,” he says, his gut twisting in a different way to how it had been all morning, guilt settling there and unsettling him even further, “Em-”
“It’s fine Aaron,” she cuts over him, leading Amelia out of the kitchen, “you don’t want to talk about whatever is clearly going on.” She flashes him half a smile. “I’ll see you later, ok. I’ll let you know if we get a case.”
She’s out of the room and talking to Amelia again, the soft tone she reserved for their children as she converses with the little girl.
Aaron sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration.
It was going to be a long day.
___
He somehow makes it through the morning, time moving like syrup as he drags himself through his routine. His concentration waning as time went on, a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his wife, telling him to just go home, that he clearly wasn’t well.
He pushes through. Making it from his office to the academy, the journey a blur, telling himself he’d go home once he did his lectures, sleep off whatever bug he’d seemingly picked up.
As Aaron waits for the students to file into the room he suddenly starts to feel worse. His hands and feet start to tingle, a numbness he’d only felt once before taking over. Memories of laying on the floor of his old house, bleeding out onto a rug that Elizabeth had bought them, hitting him quickly.
He clears his throat to cover a shaky breath, smiling tightly at the students in the front row who look at him strangely.
Something was wrong. He needed to sit down for a second, clear his head, and then he was sure he would be fine for the next hour or so. He’d go after that, call his doctor, whatever this was clearly more than the bug he’d spent all morning convincing himself he had.
“Are you ok Agent Hotchner?” One of the students asks, one of the brightest in his class.
“I’m ok.” He clears his throat again, closing his eyes briefly in a last ditch attempt to clear his head but it doesn’t work. “You’ll have to excuse me for a moment.” He says, the slight shake to his own voice not lost on him. His head was pounding, a headache coming on so quickly it leaves him breathless.
He steps out from behind the lectern and feels unsteady, his legs collapsing underneath him. He hits the ground, the last thing he hears before his ears start to ring is someone yelling that they were calling for an ambulance.
His eyes drift shut, and he thinks of Emily.
___
Emily couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. A sickeningly familiar sense of dread crawled beneath her skin, threatening to overwhelm her.
Aaron hadn’t replied to her texts. As soon as she’d dropped Amelia to school Emily started to feel a little guilty for how she had been with Aaron that morning. He was clearly unwell, something he couldn’t hide from her - clearly forgetting that she could read him like a book. He was always irritable when he was sick, worse than their children most of the time, and she was mad at herself for reacting.
He usually replied, no matter what. A hangover from when Foyet had attacked him, panic always pulling her under when she couldn’t get hold of him, a fear she could never shed. He always replied, even if it was just a cursory response, something to let her know he was ok, that he would respond properly when he could.
He wasn’t cruel enough to punish her like this, aware of exactly where her mind took her. She only had to close her eyes to see his blood on their old floor, to feel the weight of a tiny Amelia in her arms.
To remember how it felt to live without him, to forget the feeling of his hand in hers.
Something was wrong.
“Emily.”
She jumps slightly, on edge and not expecting someone in her office. She looks up to see Penelope standing in front of her, a concerned look on her face.
“Pen,” she clears her throat, tries to dislodge the fear that had crept up it, “everything ok?”
“We have a case, an amber alert.” Penelope says, furrowing her eyebrows. “Are you ok?”
Emily nods, the look her friend gives her telling her that she doesn’t believe her.
“I’m fine.” She says, “get the team ready, I’ll be-” she’s cut off by her cell phone ringing, the name of Amelia’s school flashing across the screen, “It’s Amelia’s school.”
“Oh,” Penelope says, “I thought Hotch picked them up.” She looks at her watch, and sees it is well past the usual pick up time.
“He does.” Emily replies, answering the phone and ignoring the slight shake in her hand, her panic well and truly taking over, bubbling up in her veins and burning her from the inside out. “Emily Hotchner.” She answers, her married name slipping out without thought.
“Oh Mrs Hotchner, it’s Rebecca from Amelia’s school.” The woman on the phone explains, her voice perky, out of sync with what she was saying. “We’ve tried contacting your husband but we can’t get through to him, and Amelia is still here.”
Emily curses under her breath, flashing a look at Penelope before she stands up, looking at the time on her watch. “I’ll be there in about 30 minutes. I’m so sorry about this.”
“That’s ok, Mrs Hotchner,” the woman replies, “we’ll keep her entertained for you.”
Emily exchanges pleasantries with the women thoughtlessly, not aware of what she is saying until she hangs up. She looks back up at Penelope.
“I need to go get Amelia, I have no idea where Aaron is.” She stops in her tracks. “Shit, the case. Can you-”
“I will ask Morgan to take charge for now, and update you when you get back.” Penelope says, smiling at her. “You go get that delicious little girl of yours.”
“Thanks Pen.” Emily says, a tiny bit of relief in her chest for the first time all day, a sense of peace that the other woman was always able to instill in her.
It’s extinguished the moment she gets to her car and her phone rings again, the name of Theo’s school staring back at her.
___
She tries calling him twice before she gets to Amelia’s school, trying for a third time as she pulls into the pick up zone and gets out of the car, letting the call go through to voicemail this time.
“Aaron,” she breathes out, standing at the door and pressing the buzzer, waiting to be let in, “I don’t know what is going on but please call me back.” She taps her foot in an attempt to dispel some of the nervous energy coursing through her, her phone buzzes, and she looks at the screen to see an unknown number is trying to call her, “Look, I’ve got to go. But please call me, I’m worried.” She hesitates for a second, her throat feeling thick. “I love you.”
She hangs up and takes a deep breath. “Do I somehow have a mystery kid I don’t know about that he forgot to pick up?” She murmurs to herself, answering the new call before it can ring out. “Hi, Agent Prentiss speaking.”
“Hi, my name is Alex, I’m calling from Saint Sebastian hospital. I need to speak to Emily Prentiss.”
Emily feels her chest get tighter, her breath stolen from her. “Speaking.” She chokes out, looking through the window on the door to see Amelia walking towards it with her teacher, the little girl laughing at something she couldn't hear.
“I’m sorry to tell you that your husband was brought in not too long ago by an ambulance, and he’s about to go into surgery.”
“Oh my god,” Emily stutters, unable to cover the shake in her voice even if she wanted to, “what happened?”
“He has some internal bleeding, the doctors think it is from an old injury, given the scarring to his abdomen.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Emily says, looking back to see Amelia was almost outside, that she only had seconds to pull it together. “Thanks.”
She hangs up quickly, taking a shaky breath as the door opens, and steadying herself as Amelia throws herself at her, her arms tight around her waist, her face pressed into her stomach.
“Mommy!”
Emily dislodges her briefly, kneeling down so she was at the right height to hug her daughter properly, needing it more than the little girl did in that moment.
“Hi sweet girl.”
All she could think as she breathed in the scent of her daughter's shampoo, smiling apologetically at the teacher standing in front of them, was that it was happening again.
She might lose him again.
___
He doesn’t know where he is, his mind fuzzy. His brain not complying with his desperate attempts at trying to remember the last thing he’d been doing.
“Aaron?”
He freezes when he hears the voice. It had been so long since he’d heard it he’d forgotten what it sounded like. Lingering at the edges of his memory, never quite able to grab it, always just out of his reach. The moment he hears her say his name it all comes flooding back, hitting him like a wave. He turns to look at her, and his breath catches in his chest.
“Haley?”
She smiles at him, the same smile he sees on his eldest son’s face all the time. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”
i love amelia so maybe super funny and fluffy amelia-centric fanfiction? aaron stressing about something she said/made
Absolutely will always take the chance to write about Amelia.
This has some fun fluffy stuff, but also a bit of angst and hurt/comfort because of who I am as a person, and a very big helping of Girl!Dad Hotch.
-x-
All Nighter
Words: 2.7k
Warnings: Bullying, teenagers being mean
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut
Let me know what you think!
April 2022
Aaron loves his daughter. He knew the moment he held her for the first time, her arrival into the world as unexpected and chaotic as she would later turn out to be, that he would do literally anything for her. But he hated watching her grow up.
It was much harder than watching the boys get older. Not through a misogynistic lens, his little girl was half Emily afterall and more than capable of taking the world on, but because he often found himself simply not knowing what to do. And Aaron hated not knowing what to do.
When it became clear that his wife would be away the night Amelia was hosting her first sleepover he panics.
“You’ve got to reschedule.”
Emily turns from where she is packing her overnight bag and sighs at him, a haphazardly folded shirt in her hands.
“Aaron.”
He closes the gap between them, coming to stand next to her at the end of their bed, and he takes the shirt from her hands, folding it neatly before putting it in the bag for her.
“How is it you’ve made it to your age without learning how to fold clothes properly?” He asks, a smile on his face as he continues to sort her clothes out for her.
“Why would I need to when I have you to do it for me?” She replies, pressing a kiss to his cheek as she wraps an arm around his waist, leaning against him. “You’ll be fine Aaron,” she says, returning to their previous conversation, “it’s one night, and there's only 3 of them.”
“Three teenage girls, Em.” He implores, putting the final item in her bag for her before turning in her embrace, his arms coming to wrap around her. “That’s unknown territory.”
She pulls back from him, an adoring look on her face that was just for him, the same one he remembers from when they first started dating all those years ago.
“Honey, you do remember what you used to do for a living, right?” She asks, her hand coming up to run through his hair, more grey flecks showing up at his temples everyday.
“Mom, Dad.” Amelia’s voice calls from the hallway, interrupting her parents' conversation.
“In here, Mills.” Emily replies, smiling up at her husband and winking at him. “You’ll be fine, Agent Hotchner.”
“Are you two being gross?” Amelia says from the other side of the open door, seemingly not daring to walk in.
“No,” Emily replies, taking a step away from her husband as Ameila walks in, still dressed in her pyjamas, the time considered early on a Saturday for the 13 year old, “why do you always ask that?”
“Experience.” Amelia deadpans. She looks back and forth between her parents and the packed bag on the bed before looking back at her mother, crossing her arms over her chest. “Are you sure you have to go Mom?”
Emily can’t help the laugh that peels out of her, and she rolls her eyes. “You’ll both be fine. Now can we please have a nice breakfast before I hit the road for the next 3 hours?”
“Of course, love.” Aaron says, placing his hand on her lower back. “Pancakes?”
He can’t help but feel happy at the look of joy on Amelia’s face, a flash of the little girl who once thought he was the coolest man on the planet peeping though.
____
He orders the girls pizza, which he thinks earns him some favour from them, although Amelia still looks at him like he’s grown a second head when he sits within earshot of them to grab a slice himself.
Her eyes meet his, the same dark brown eyes that his wife had, and silently begs him to leave. He picks up one of the plates and a couple slices, purposely avoiding the one with lacto-free chest he ordered for his daughter.
“I’ll be in the home office if anyone needs me.” He says, and Amelia rolls her eyes at him, and he can’t even figure out what he’s done wrong. “Help yourself to whatever. There’s soda in the fridge. Snacks in the pantry.”
He goes to leave but turns back around. When asked later by his daughter, he wouldn’t be able to explain why he said it, the words sounding wrong even as they left his mouth.
“And if you need any there are tampons in the bathroom.”
“Dad.”
His soundtrack out of the kitchen is laughter, and he considers staying in his office for the rest of his life.
____
“You offered them tampons?” Emily asks, incredulous and laughing, her voice soft over the phone as she makes fun of him. “Oh, honey. She is going to kill you.”
“I panicked.” He says in an attempt to defend himself, still somewhat traumatised by being home alone with Amelia when she started her period 6 months ago. “I was just trying to be helpful.”
“And that's what you thought of? Tampons?” She asks, still laughing, and he wished beyond anything that she was here with him. Not just because he felt like he was in uncharted waters in his own home, but because he missed her whenever they were apart. Everything seemed duller when she wasn’t there to enjoy it with.
“It would be great if you stopped laughing at me at some point.” He grumbles, no real heart behind it.
“I’m sorry, love.” She says, sobering up slightly. He can hear the scratch of the bedding she’s in, the cheap sheets of the hotel room that she will no doubt complain about when she’s home. “It is funny though. I would have died if Dad had said something like that to my friends.”
“Em-”
“But you know it makes you a good dad right?” She interrupts, and it stops him in his tracks. He can hear her smile through the phone as she continues. “An excellent dad even. Do you know why my dad never had the chance to embarrass me like that in front of my friends?”
He shakes his head first, despite having a good idea of what she was about to say, before remembering she couldn’t see him. “No.”
“Because he didn’t care enough. And I never lived anywhere long enough to have friends that would want to sleepover.” She says, and suddenly he missed her more than ever. Wanting nothing more than to pull her into his arms. “If anything, our ability to embarrass Amelia as much as we do is just a sign that we’re killing this parenting thing.”
“I love you.” He replies, because there is nothing else he can say, no other response that seems appropriate.
“And I love you too.” She replies. “You’re going great,” she says, like he’s half way through a marathon and on the edge of giving up, “just maybe don’t mention any sanitary products for the rest of the time they are there.”
He rolls his eyes. “I won’t. Now, tell me how today went.”
____
“Your Dad is hot.” Chloe says, taking a handful of the popcorn in front of her, her eyes meeting Amelia’s.
“So you keep saying.” Amelia mumbles under her breath, uncomfortable with the conversation that had been going on most of the night, always circling back to the same comment.
“It’s true.” Samantha chimes in, smiling. “He is. So is your mom.”
“Ugh, guys. Please.” Amelia says, feeling her cheeks start to burn. “Can we please talk about something else?”
“I mean your brothers are hot too.” Chloe says, a smirk on her face. “Even the one your dad had with someone else.”
“That’s not really what happened.” Amelia mumbles, rolling onto her side as her friends carry on talking.
She was trying. She was really trying to make friends at school, her mom’s constant concern that she was lonely driving her to essentially insert herself into a friendship with Chloe and Samantha. They were nice enough, most of the time, but Amelia still felt slightly on the outside. It’s why she’d suggested the sleepover, a thing she knew lots of people at school did, and both of her friends had been keen to accept.
As the evening went on, she wondered more and more if it had more to do with the odd moment they’d see her dad rather than spending time with her.
“Are you sure Jack is the one with a different mom?” Samantha asks, her voice breaking through Amelia’s thoughts. She rolls her eyes, grateful that they're all lying down, the promise to fall asleep several hours ago fake, but she bites anyway.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the rest of your family is, like, insanely attractive, especially your mom. And then there’s you.”
Amelia feels like she's been kicked in the gut, and is pleased the room is dark, only lit by the time, 3am, blinking on her alarm, as tears flood her eyes.
“I’m sure.” She says, grateful she seemed to have at least picked up her mother’s ability to keep her emotions in check. “I’m tired guys, I think I'm going to go to sleep.”
She rolls over, curling further into her bedding, and wants nothing more than for the morning to come.
____
Aaron can tell something is wrong over breakfast, the fun and enthusiasm he had noticed rolling off of his daughter the night before nowhere to be seen. He assumes it’s the late night they’d had, the girls' attempts at whispering filtering through the house until the small hours of the morning.
After Chloe and Samantha leave in the early afternoon, collected by their mothers, Amelia goes to the living room, curling up in the corner of the couch with her favourite trash show on the tv. Aaron can tell she isn’t really taking it in, the real housewives of some city he doesn’t care about arguing on the screen, his daughters usual enjoyment of it absent.
“You ok, Mills?” He asks as he joins her, sitting on the edge of the couch as he passes her a soda.
“Yeah,” she replies, taking the drink gratefully as she sits up enough to drink it, “just tired.”
He doesn’t believe her, not for a second, but he knows she’ll tell him eventually. The bond they’d always shared was different now she was older, but still there. Much like Emily she’d always open up when it felt right to her. So he sits there, trying to understand what the women on the tv were arguing about, and waits her out.
“Dad?” She asks tentatively after a while, the minutes ticking by without him counting them.
“Yes?”
“Am I…ugly?”
His head snaps so quickly towards her he’s sure he’s given himself whiplash. “What?”
“Forget I said anything.” Amelia says, her arms around her knees as she tucks into herself. “It’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid, I’m just surprised.” He replies. “Of course I don’t think you’re ugly, sweetheart. You’re beautiful.”
Amelia scoffs. “You have to say that you’re my dad. I don’t even know why I asked.”
“Amelia,” He says, reaching out and putting his hand on her knee, “you’re beautiful.” He repeats, a soft smile on his face. “You’re your mother through and through.” That gets a small smile in return, so he continues. “Honestly, sometimes I think she cloned herself somehow. You’re her double.”
She laughs slightly. “I guess.”
“It’s true.” He implores. “And even if it wasn’t you’re still beautiful, sweetheart. You’re kind, and thoughtful. You’re smart. You’re everything.”
She shakes her head, and he sees the unshed tears in her eyes. “You can stop now,” she chokes out. “You’re embarrassing me.”
Aaron smiles back because he knows she doesn’t mean it. “What’s brought this on?”
“Something Chloe and Sam said, it doesn’t matter.” She says, and he opens his mouth to speak again but she interrupts him. “I really don’t want to go into it, Dad. Can we just sit here and watch tv?”
He relents immediately. “Of course.” He sits back properly, and can’t help the love that blooms in his chest as she leans against him, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder. “But you’ll have to explain what’s going on.”
“God you’re useless.” She jokes, and he can almost hear the way she rolls her eyes. “So, Kyle and Kathy are sisters.”
____
Emily doesn’t get home until after he’s gone to bed, but he waits up for her. He looks up from his spot in bed, his reading glasses perched on his nose from where he’d been reading his book, as the door to their bedroom opens.
“Hi.” She says quietly as she closes the door behind her.
“Hey love.” He replies, putting his book down and placing his glasses on top of it. “How are you?”
“Tired.” She replies, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I’ll get ready for bed then I’ll be back.”
He listens as she moves around their ensuite, her bedtime routine as familiar to him as his own was, smiling when he hears her humming to herself as she washes her face.
She climbs into bed next to him, leaning against him as they both sit up against the headboard.
“Missed you.” She says, settling into his side.
“Missed you too.” He replies, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her temple.
“How was last night? I checked in on Amelia and she was fast asleep, she must be exhausted.”
“It was fine.” He says, but she knows him, and his body tenses, and any hope of keeping this from her until morning dies as quickly as it came to life. She pulls back enough to look at him.
“What is it?” She asks, her eyebrows knitting together. “Oh god, you didn’t somehow bring up sex did you?”
“What? No.” He replies indignantly, before sighing. “You’ve got to promise not to lose it.”
She pulls away entirely. “You’re worrying me.”
“Chloe and Sam were…mean to her.” He says slowly, calmly. Much more measured than how he actually felt, knowing his wife’s firey protectiveness for their children needed nothing from him to make it more intense.
“What?” She asks, anger already seeping into her voice. “What did they say?”
“She wouldn’t tell me at first,” he says, his fingers trailing up and down Emily’s arm in a fruitless attempt to keep her calm. “But they asked if you were really her mom,” he pauses, watching how her frown deepens, “because you’re so much prettier than she is.”
Emily, for one of the first times since they met, is briefly speechless. Her mouth hangs open slightly as she processes what she’s been told.
“They said what?” She seethes, and she only stays sitting down because he holds her there. “Those little bit-”
“Before you continue, do remember you’re talking about 13 year old girls.”
“Aaron,” she says, looking up at him, her eyes full of sadness and anger, “I’ll call them what I want to call them. That’s horrible.”
“I know, baby.” He says, running his knuckles down her cheek. “And you aren’t wrong, but we need to handle this the right way for her. That doesn’t include you stampeding into the school tomorrow and yelling at them like you’re currently planning on.”
She sighs. “I know. Is she ok?”
“She’s better now. We had a chat about it, she doesn’t seem as upset as she was.”
Emily tries to smile at him but it trembles a bit, her emotions when it comes to their children never as easy to cover as the rest.
“Teenagers are so mean.” She says, smiling at him when he wipes a tear away and doesn’t say anything. “She’ll think about that for a long time. I know I did.”
“Then we’ll just have to remind her that they are wrong.” Aaron says, pulling her into his side again.
She snuggles into him, wrapping herself around him as best as she could. “I miss when she was little,” she admits, “it was easier then.”
Aaron smiles into the top of her head, falling in love with her a little more at how similar they were. Their fears the same, even after all this time.
“I know, I miss it too. When she used to think we were cool and wanted to spend all her time with us. But she’s turning into an amazing young woman,” he soothes, kissing her hair, “even if she does enjoy inane nonsense like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”
Emily gasps, pulling back to look at him, indignation in her eyes.
The final chapter of this addition to the Whatever Tomorrow Brings universe.
I realised yesterday that this brings the entire WTB series to 199k words. Which blows my mind. Thank you so much for your continued love of the series and this particular version of the Hotchners. It means more than I can ever say!
--x--
Words: 6.8k
Warnings: Minor character death, a lot of discussion of grief
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut.
Let me know what you think!
December 2008
“This sucks.”
Aaron can’t help the laugh that escapes as his wife complains, not even attempting to cover it when she glares at him.
“This was your idea.” He reminds her, his smile not fading for a moment as she scoffs at him.
It very much had been her idea. Theo had started to ask about seeing Santa at the mall all the way back in October, the 6 year old deeming the end of his and Emily’s shared birthday as the official start of the countdown to Christmas. It’s how they found themselves on a busy Saturday standing in line at a mall to meet Santa. Jack was about as enthusiastic about it as Emily now was, the teeenager only showing coming along at all because his brother had asked him to.
Apparently, Emily wasn’t the only Hotchner who couldn’t tell Theo ‘no’.
“I’m almost 7 months pregnant Aaron, I’m clearly not in my right mind.”
He knows there isn’t a safe way to respond to that, so he’s momentarily grateful when a teenager dressed as an elf comes out to explain that Santa was taking his lunch break and would be back later.
Emily groans, her hand coming to rub at her lower back, the almost constant discomfort she felt making itself known.
“Em?” He asks, his hand coming to rest on her bump, smiling when he feels their daughter move under his palm.
“I’m ok, I could just do with sitting down.”
“Why don’t we go find somewhere to sit? And I’ll bring you one of those milkshakes you love.”
She stares at him, momentarily narrowing her eyes, usually a warning that he was about to be reprimanded for coddling her, but she softens almost immediately. A smile on her face that was as beautiful as the first time he saw it.
“That sounds really nice.”
“Can I go see my friends?” Jack asks, his boredom clear. “I’ll come back in an hour I promise.”
“Of course, honey.” Emily says, smiling at him, and laughing when he bounds off without a second glance.
“Let’s find you somewhere to sit.” Aaron says, his arm around her waist as they walk away from the line. It’s not long until they find a bench not too far away and he leans down to kiss her. “I’ll go get that shake, and I’ll meet you over there ok?”
“Thanks, love.” She kisses him, smiling against his lips when he pulls away, taking a few paces away from her and Theo. “Aaron?”
“I know, extra peanut butter cups, extra whip cream.” He says without even turning back, speaking just loudly enough for her to hear him over the constant din of the mall.
“You ok, Mommy?” Theo asks, his wide eyes looking up at her. His concern for her made her heart swell in her chest, her little boy already so aware of the people around him.
“I’m ok sweetie.” She smiles at him, pushing hair out of his face. “Do you want to come sit down with me whilst Daddy gets me my shake?”
He nods enthusiastically, always happy to spend any time with her, and he walks alongside her to a nearby bench. She takes an eye off of him for a second as she sits down, sighing in relief as the pressure on her sore back eases off immediately. Her hands come to rest on her bump, rubbing over the material of her coat. Her irritation at the loudness in the mall was already subsiding, and she knew she owed her husband an apology.
“You are proving to be trouble already, little miss.” She says affectionately, smiling when she feels a kick, almost as if the baby was responding.
“Is this your first?”
Emily turns to look at the older woman sitting next to her on the bench, her eyes fixed on Emily’s bump, and she smiles and shakes her head.
“Our third. This is Theo,” she turns to look at where her son should be sitting next to her and he isn’t there, “Theo?”
Her attention is immediately diverted from the kind stranger as she stands, frantically looking around, no sign of her son in sight.
“Theo?”
He was gone.
_______
Aaron sighs as the person ahead of him in line orders what he thinks must be the most complicated milkshake of all time, wanting nothing more than to get back to his wife as quickly as possible. He was worried about her, always anxious about how she was feeling, and had been since she had passed out in this very mall only a few months ago, this pregnancy much harder on her than her one with Theo had been.
He’s about to step forward as the woman who is in front of him moves aside, but an announcement comes over the tannoy stopping him in his tracks.
“Attention all patrons, this is an emergency announcement. We have gone into an immediate lockdown. Please listen to all directives from the security staff.”
“What does that mean?” The woman to his left asks, looking worried as the staff member hands over her shake.
“It probably means a kid has gone missing,” the server says, sounding almost bored, “it happens at least once a month.”
Aaron would later not be able to explain it, how he immediately knew. His whole body freezes on the spot, realisation spreading through him like ice as he hopes he is wrong. He turns and leaves the store immediately, ignoring the server shouting after him as he all but runs back to where he had left his wife and son.
As soon as he spots Emily talking to a security guard, her arms wrapped around herself as she talks, her desperation clear from a distance, he knows he’s right.
“Emily?” He makes it to her side, his hand coming to her shoulder. “What’s happened? Where’s Theo?”
“I don’t know,” she exclaims, “I turned around for a second, that was it and he was gone. He was right next to me.”
“Sir,” the security guard gets his attention, “are you the boy's father?”
“Yes, he’s my son.” He replies, tucking Emily into his side, able to feel how she was shaking against him.
“Do you have a recent picture of him?”
“Yeah.” Aaron reaches for his wallet, fumbling slightly as he opens it, and he pulls out a picture of Emily and Theo. It was from their last birthday, Theo sitting in her lap, both of them wearing matching birthday hats that he had insisted on. “Here.”
The security guard takes it and nods his thanks. “We’re searching for him as we speak, and we will keep you up to date.” His eyes flick to Emily before he looks back at Aaron. “If your wife would be more comfortable there we can take you to the control room.”
“No, I-”
“That sounds great.”
Emily and Aaron speak simultaneously and she looks up at him, fire in her gaze as she frowns.
“I need to look for my son, Aaron.” She seethes, her eyes shining as she forces her words through her teeth. He can see her control on a knife's edge, hanging in the balance as she takes in a deep breath.
“I know that, sweetheart.” He holds her hand and links their fingers, his thumb tracing over the pulse of her wrist in a pointless attempt to calm her. “But you’re upset, and you’re in pain,” he says, his spare hand coming to her lower back, massaging the tension that was always there as if to prove his point, “if we go there and wait they’ll bring him to us the moment they find him, ok?”
She stares at him, her lips set in a firm line. Aaron can see her walls going up, how she practically wills herself to not cry, her eyes darkening because of it. She nods sharply and he turns to the security guard, allowing him to guide them towards the control room.
Emily never lets go of his hand.
_______
The minutes feel like hours, dragging by as he watches the clock in the room. Obnoxiously loud as it ticks, drowning out the whispered conversation of the staff around them.
Aaron and Emily were sitting next to each other in uncomfortable chairs, pulled as closely to each other as possible. He had his arm around her shoulder, and she had a hand pressed against her bump, as if the movement of their daughter was the only thing keeping her grounded.
She wasn’t speaking, staring straight ahead at the door they had been led through, waiting for their son to appear. Aaron didn’t want to push, didn’t want to force her into a conversation that she didn’t want to have, so he let her take the lead. Silently waiting for her to make the first move as he always had.
“This is insane.” She says suddenly, standing with a speed that he thought had long since abandoned her at this stage of her pregnancy. “I should be out there. He’s probably scared, or looking for me.”
“Em-”
“And don’t tell me it’s ok,” She exclaims, turning to him as he stands up too, “none of this is ok. Our son is missing Aaron. I do the job you used to, I know the stats just as well as you.”
It was one of the many curses of their careers, the burden of knowledge. How they knew without thinking of the limited timeframe they had to find Theo before his chances of coming back halved. That without hesitating she could name three or four cases she had worked, that she had made the decisions on, that involved children no older than their 6 year old.
“Dad? Emily?”
They turn to see Jack barging into the room, stopped in his tracks by one of the security guards that had been assigned to them.
“Excuse me kid, you can’t be in here.”
“It’s ok,” Aaron calls over, “he’s our eldest.”
The security guard nods and lets Jack pass, the teenager running over and coming to a stop right in front of them.
“I heard them saying Theo’s name over the tannoy, what the hell happened?”
Emily takes his hand and guides him to sit down in the chair Aaron had just vacated, sitting back down herself as she gently explains the situation to Jack. Aaron pulls up another chair and sits on his eldests other side, pouring out whatever comfort he could.
_______
It’s only 34 minutes after Emily last saw Theo that he’s carried into the control room by a mall cop, a sleepy and confused look on the little boy's face, but it felt like an age.
“Oh my God.” Emily exclaims, standing up as quickly as she could and making her way across the room, meeting the cop in the middle.
“I think I found something that belongs to you.” The cop says kindly, a reassuring smile on her face as she transfers Theo into his mother’s arms.
“Oh my sweet boy.” Emily holds him tightly, pressing kisses into the side of his head, barely registering it when Aaron and Jack make it to her side. Enveloping her and Theo into a group hug. “Where did you go?”
“There was a toy store.” He explains, lifting his hand to Emily’s face, his tiny fingers catching a tear. “Mommy sad?”
“A toy store?” Emily asks, looking at the woman who had handed her back her son. Aaron and Jack stand back, although remain close by. Aaron’s hand on his wife’s back.
“He fell asleep in the pile of stuffed animals at the back, it's why he didn’t hear anyone calling his name.”
Emily chokes on a shuddering breath, holding Theo even closer to her for a moment before pulling back enough to look at him. “You never walk away from Mommy, Daddy or Jack remember? We were scared when we couldn’t find you.”
Theo nods, tears flooding his own eyes when he realises how upset his mother is, his chin wobbling as he sniffs.
“Sorry Mommy.”
Emily blows out a breath and Aaron hears how it catches in her chest, how she’s barely holding on. He watches how she shifts from foot to foot, the additional weight from holding Theo putting pressure on her back that she’d never admit to.
“Come here buddy.” Aaron takes Theo out of Emily’s arms, resting the boy on his own hip. “Let’s go home.”
_______
Aaron walks into his bedroom to find his youngest son alone and fast asleep in his bed, passed out on Emily’s side as if it had been a normal day. The ensuite door clicks open and he turns to see his wife emerging in an old t-shirt of his and a pair of sleep shorts. She smiles at him but it’s shaky, her eyes swimming with tears she’s held back since the moment he found her alone and scared in the mall that afternoon.
“Em-”
She’s in his arms before he can finish speaking, her face pressed against him as she sobs, finally letting everything out. He holds her tightly, as closely as he can with her baby bump in the way, his hand rubbing up and down her back.
“Come on, baby.” He says, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Let's sit down.”
He guides her to the bed and they sit on the edge together, her gathered into his arms as she continues to cry.
“Aaron,” She cries, her voice thick with grief, “that was…I was terrified.”
“I know,” he kisses her temple again fiercely, holding her closer as she grasps at his polo shirt, “he’s ok though. He’s sleeping right behind us. We all made it home.”
She nods, drawing in a shuddering breath as she pulls away to look at him, “I just kept thinking about all the things that could have happened to him,” she laughs slightly hysterically, wiping tears from her cheeks, “I was worrying my son had been kidnapped and he was sleeping in a toy store.”
“Em,” He says gently, cupping the back of her head, “any parent would have jumped to the worst case scenario. And when you consider what we do for a living…”
He drifts off, unaware he’s crying himself until she reaches up and delicately wipes her thumb under his eye, her skin as impossibly soft as it always had been. He captures her hand and holds it to his cheek, turning his head to kiss her palm.
“We’re all ok.” She says, resting her forehead against his. “Although I might not let him out of my sight for a long time.”
Aaron laughs. “Me neither.” He kisses her, as gentle as the hand at the back of her head. “We should sleep.”
Emily nods, kissing him once more and pulls away from him, letting Aaron help her off of the bed despite the fact she claimed she didn’t need it.
He quickly busies himself, getting ready for bed in record time. When he leaves the ensuite he sees Emily is now in bed, Theo having curled up against her the moment she laid down, her hand on the little boy's back.
“Emily.” He’d brought Theo in just to fall asleep, with every intention of returning him to his own room before they settled down themselves.
“I know, I know. Just tonight.”
Aaron smiles at her as he climbs into bed, leaning over Theo to kiss her, his palm coming to rest on her stomach.
“Just tonight.”
_______
April 2025
Aaron’s phone rings the second he turns it back on after he gets off the plane, his wife’s name flashing across the screen. The photo he has set to her contact one of her and Amelia that he had taken at his daughter's 16th birthday only a couple of months ago, their matching smiles beaming at the camera, their arms wrapped around each other.
He answers immediately, fear climbing up his throat.
“Em, is everything ok?”
“You’re home right?” She asks, desperation tinging her tone. “You’ve just landed?”
“Yeah I’m home sweetheart, or at least I’m at Dulles.” He says, walking quickly towards baggage collection, apologising silently as he almost walks into a woman in his path.
“Can you come right here?” She clears her throat, and he knows her well enough to know she’s trying to stop herself from crying, choking back the emotions she has told herself she can’t afford to have. “Aaron, she had a stroke this morning.”
He curses under his breath, stopping in his tracks for a moment. “Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry.”
It was slow at first, the change in his mother-in-law almost indiscernible and easily put down to her getting older. Then she started to forget things, where she had set something down, or a name of a friend she had known for years. Emily had picked up on it, her usually sharp mother, never one to miss an opportunity to make a comment about her daughter’s choices, was subdued, not quite herself. They had known the diagnosis of Alzhimers was coming before the doctor said it, not that it made it any easier to bear.
Almost a year later and Elizabeth was living in a nursing home, a fate she would have considered the worst of all when she was lucid, all of them visiting her as often as they could. It was one of the reasons he had been resistant to go on the work trip he was returning from, not wanting to leave his wife alone in case this very thing happened. She had convinced him to go, her kiss soft against his cheek as she said goodbye to him only 3 days ago. He was suddenly more grateful than ever that he’d got the earliest flight possible, the whole day still ahead of him.
“Please get here as soon as you can I…” she drifts off and he can picture her, biting her lip to stop it from quivering, “I don’t want to be alone”
He spots his suitcase and manages to grab it one handed, checking his watch as he settles it back down on the ground.
“I’ll be there soon, about 45 minutes.”
“Ok.” The relief in her voice is palpable, like he was the balm she needed. “I’ll see you soon.”
_______
It’s over an hour later when he finds his wife sitting in a chair outside Elizabeth’s room. Emily has her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.
“Em?”
She looks up at him, blowing out a breath as she stands, relief visibly filtering through her body as she steps towards him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. “Hi.”
“Hi love.” He holds her just as tightly, the tremble in her hands telling him everything he needed to know. “I’m sorry it took so long, I should have known that with the DC traffic it wouldn’t be quick.”
“It’s ok, you couldn’t help it.” Her voice was even, controlled. Every syllable forced out. “It happened about 20 minutes ago.” She pulls back to look at him, her face tight. “We should tell the kids. Amelia stayed with Jack and Sara last night because I was here, he text to say they took her to school this morning. Theo will want to come home.”
“I’ll worry about all of that, sweetheart.” He kisses her forehead. “Do you want to go home?” He runs his hand through her hair, tucking some behind her ear, “You look exhausted.”
“They said I could stay for as long as I needed,” she tries and fails to smile at him, “is it ok if we sit here for a little while?”
“We can do whatever you need.”
_______
“Dad?”
He turns around to see Amelia standing behind him in the doorway to the kitchen, tears shining in her eyes. Jack had picked her up from school, the news they had all been anticipating for months as clear as day on his face when he met her in the guidance counsellor's office.
Aaron sent Emily to bed the moment they got home, not under any allusions that she would sleep, but in the hope that she would at least rest. When Jack and Amelia arrived, Theo on his way from college, he’d been wrapped up in a fierce hug by his daughter immediately, her tears against his chest as she demanded to see Emily.
She’d been indignant at first when he softly explained Emily needed a bit of time, knowing his wife well enough to understand how she processed these things. Memories of when her father died overwhelming him, lessons learnt the hard way about trying to make her work through these things in the way he thought was best. Amelia had relented eventually, placated by her older brother gently suggesting she sat with him in the living room to wait for Theo.
“Yes, sweetheart?” He abandons his task of making something passable in preparation for dinner later, sure they’d end up ordering in anyway.
“Do you think Mom would be ok if I went up to see her now?” Amelia has her arms wrapped around herself. Since she was born she’d been Emily’s double in every sense. From her striking looks to her wilfulness, the way she fought for what she considered to be the right thing. There was a lightness to her, something Elizabeth had always said reminded her of Emily when she was just a bit younger than Amelia.
He hoped life and circumstance wouldn’t rob her of it whilst she was still young, like it had done with his wife.
“I think she’d love that.” He replies, smiling at his daughter. She crosses the room to hug him quickly, already gone and out of the kitchen before he could properly return the embrace.
_______
Amelia hesitates as she gets to the slightly ajar door of her parents bedroom, taking in a deep breath before she lightly knocks, not wanting to disturb her mother if she had fallen asleep.
“Come in.”
The quietness of Emily’s voice takes her aback for a moment, freezes her in place as she tries to think of a time she had ever heard her sound like that. Before she can think about it too long, knowing she would only start crying again if she did, she opens the door enough to slink through.
Without a word she climbs onto the bed and lays against her mother, her head coming to rest on Emily’s shoulder, her arm across her waist.
“Hi Mom.”
“Hi sweetheart.” Emily rasps out, wrapping her arms around her teenage daughter. “Are you ok?”
Amelia nods against her, snuggling into her mothers embrace slightly deeper. “Dad said you were napping. I thought I’d join you,” she sniffs, trying to hold back her own emotions, “it beats napping in calculus.”
Emily lets out a dry laugh, briefly tightening her hold on Amelia before she settles further into the bed.
“Just this once, I’m going to let that slide.”
Aaron finds them half an hour later fast asleep and curled together in bed.
_______
Theo makes it home in time for dinner, hugging each member of his family tightly as he walks into the house. He comes in, his arms laden with bags of chinese food having picked it up on the way.
They sit and eat together, the air tinged with a sadness none of them could ignore, all of them taking Emily’s lead in making small talk. Afterwards they move to the living room. Emily and Aaron sit close together on one of the couches, and for once none of their children say anything or protest when she leans into her husband, seeking comfort she wasn’t quite sure how to ask for yet.
Conversation about Elizabeth comes naturally, all of them sharing stories about her as they grew up. Emily stiffens next to him at the mention of her father, Jack regaling Amelia with a story about when he taught him how to play video games.
“Are you ok sweetheart?” He asks quietly.
“She always missed Dad more than she would admit.” Emily says in place of a response. He doesn’t miss her wiping a stray tear from her face. When their eyes meet Aaron flashes a smile at her and he squeezes her hand, his support silent but never wavering.
“At least they are together again.” Theo says, his lips set in a firm line, his sadness undeniable. There was something else lingering there, something that Emily thought felt a little too close to guilt.
“Poor Grandpa.” Amelia deadpans. Her eyes widen as her whole family looks at her and she realises she has spoken out loud.
Emily is the first to laugh, and the rest soon join in.
_______
“Mom?”
Emily turns to see Amelia standing in the doorway to Elizabeth’s office, her sweater pulled down over fists, something she always did when she was nervous. It stretched out the material, driving Aaron nuts whenever he did the laundry, lamenting why they bothered buying her nice clothes when she would almost instantly ruin them.
“Hey sweetie.” She replies, turning away for a second to wipe the tears from her cheeks hoping Amelia hadn’t seen them. “Are your dad and brothers almost done with the living room?”
They were sorting through Elizabeth’s belongings, the task feeling almost overwhelming. She hadn’t lived in her house for several months, but Emily had never been able to go through it all when Elizabeth was still alive, the very thought of it feeling wrong.
“Everything you said to keep is all boxed up.” Amelia says as she walks further into the room, looking around her grandmother's office as she joins her mother at the desk. “How is it going in here?”
“Well she certainly wasn’t up to her old standard of filing in the last few years.” Emily says, indicating the piles of paper she had emptied out onto the desk. “This will take a few days to sort through. I did find this though.”
She hands over the picture in her hands, the photo from her own high school graduation feeling almost too heavy as she passed it over.
“Oh wow,” Amelia says, taking it in, smiling as she looks back at her mother, “you look so young.”
Emily laughs, despite the situation. “I was young.”
“Was Grandma not there?” Amelia asks, frowning, seeming to notice for the first time that it was just Emily in the photo, her smile the tense one she recognised from the rare occasions when her parents argued.
“No.” Emily answers, taking the photo and putting it in the pile of things to keep. “Her and your grandfather were both busy.” She forces a smile, the pain she felt all those years ago still so present, rising up like bile, burning her from the inside out. “They sent one of the house keepers though. She took the photo. I didn’t even realise your grandmother still had it, she never was the sentimental type.”
Amelia bites her lip and shakes her head. “It’s hard to imagine her like that, she always came to all of our things. She even came to my graduation from pre-school and we both know that's a load of crap.”
Emily puts her hand on Ameila’s shoulder and squeezes it affectionately, trying to reassure her.
“She loved you all so much, becoming a grandmother changed her. I’m glad your memories of her are good ones.”
Amelia throws her arms around Emily suddenly, almost knocking her over. Once she regains her balance she holds her daughter back just as fiercely, her own tears brought on by the ones she could feel coming from the teenager, her face pressed against her neck.
“I’m sorry she was such a bitch to you sometimes.”
Emily laughs, it catches in her throat, as she holds her daughter closer. Her usual reprimand for the cursing nowhere to be found.
“It’s ok, Mills.” She says, running a hand up and down her back. “My relationship with her was...complicated.” She swallows and blows out a shuddering breath as the emotions swell up in her again. “It was hard.”
“Mom?” Amelia says, burying her face further into Emily’s shoulder, her grip tightening in her sweater.
“Yes?”
“I’m glad our relationship isn’t complicated.”
Emily nods, and she presses a kiss to the side of Amelia’s head. “Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”
_______
Theo offers to help Aaron make dinner, the two of them alone in the kitchen, working together in silence. The only two Hotchner’s who had ever shown any interest in cooking, Amelia and Jack both showing the same level of disinterest, and lack of skill, as Emily always had.
“Dad?”
Aaron stops what he’s doing, taking his eyes off of the pasta he was cooking. This was his wife's favourite meal by a mile, and he was cooking it purely in the hope it would convince her to eat something substantial, her appetite diminished over the last few days.
“Yes Theo?”
“Is Mom ok?” He asks, turning properly to look at his father. “Obviously she isn’t ok, who would be, but she’s acting so weird.” He picks at his cuticles, torn up by a mix of grief and stress over his final year at college. “I don’t know how to help.”
Aaron smiles at his son. Since he was young Theo had been so attuned to other people's feelings, always thinking about how to help. It was one of his best and his worst traits, his kindness having been used against him in the past.
“She’s handling it as best as she can,” he explains, “she just needs time to process it in her own way.”
“But she’s sad,” Theo replies, clearly frustrated. “I tried to talk to her about it earlier but she just acted like everything is fine.”
“Yes. She is sad.” Aaron confirms, rounding the kitchen counter to put his arm around him. “But she needs to do this her way. It doesn’t mean she loves you any less.”
The look on his son’s face, the slightly blush that appears, tells him that he has hit the nail on the head. However Emily had gently rebuffed Theo earlier had upset him, somehow convincing him that the bond they’d had since he was born was shifting.
“I know this isn’t the time,” Theo says, a smile on his face as he shrugs Aaron’s hand off of him, picking up the knife he had abandoned earlier, “but it really sucks that you can both read behaviour.”
_______
Emily steps out of the house blowing out a breath as she takes a seat on the porch swing, the first moment of peace she felt like she’d been afforded in days. She just wanted a moment. A moment away from all the condolences, and rose tinted stories about her mother from the people that claimed to have known her.
Funerals were one thing, Emily had decided. Wakes were another thing entirely.
Her reprieve is almost immediately interrupted, the sound of the front door opening what felt like only seconds after she sat down shattering her alone time.
“Mom, I brought you something.”
She looks up to see Jack standing in front of her, two steaming mugs in his hand with one offered out to her. She takes it from him gratefully, smiling as she smells what's in it.
“Hot chocolate.”
Jack nods as he sits next to her. “It’s always been our thing,” he says as he takes a sip of his, “although I put a little something extra in it, I thought you might need it.”
Emily can’t help but laugh when she tastes it, the generous pour of whiskey Jack had added to it biting at the back of her throat.
“Thanks honey.”
They lapse into silence, both drinking their hot chocolates and listening to the sound coming out from the house, the number of people in there still overwhelming to Emily.
“She would have hated this.” Emily says eventually, turning to look at her son. “She would have said ‘Emily, I haven’t seen any of these people in years and now they’re here saying painfully nice things about me.’” She smiles as Jack laughs at her impression of Elizabeth and then she looks back down at her mug. “She’d be right of course, no one ever really says what they mean at these things.”
“I remember the first time I met her,” Jack says, his smile not quite reaching his eyes, “it was at Mom’s funeral.
Emily chuckles dryly. “Did I ever tell you she flew in especially for that?” Jack shakes his head in response, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “I don’t think I realised it at the time, but looking back I think she used it as an excuse to check in on me. She never was one for just asking how I was.”
“It's hard isn’t it?” Jack asks after they lapse into silence again, his eyes meeting Emily’s. “Losing a mother.”
She nods and reaches out to grab his hand, squeezing his fingers in between hers. Unbearably sad that this was something her eldest could relate to.
“Yes. it is.”
_______
Aaron finds her sitting on the floor of their home office. She’s got a pile of paper on either side of her, more in her hands, and he watches for a moment as she sorts some onto the piles.
“That can wait until morning, love.” He says gently, clicking the door softly shut behind him.
“I just want to get this finished.” She replies not looking up at him, her control clearly about to snap.
Aaron sighs and walks over, joining her on the ground, ignoring the protest in his knees and back as he settles next to her. He silently takes some of the papers from her hands and recognises they were from the file Elizabeth had labelled as ‘important.’ Emily had been going through it slowly, seemingly unable to bear doing it any quicker. He silently starts to look at what he had in his hand.
In amongst the documents, lodged between paperwork for the house and medical insurance he spots a photo. Aaron pulls it out and he hears the intake of breath from his wife as the image comes into view.
It was from their wedding, a candid Emily always claimed she hated. Aaron remembers the moment as if it had just happened, the time that had passed since disappearing into nothing, as if the photo was a live image. Dave had been doing his best man speech, an inappropriate story made Emily turn to look at Aaron, nothing but joy and adoration on her face.
The same picture once hung on the wall of a house they used to call home.
She draws in another shuddering breath and he hears it rattling around her chest, catching on the grief she had hidden there. She takes the photo from his hands and wordlessly puts in a pile of things that she has deemed worthy of keeping.
“Are the kids ok?” She asks, her voice wavering. He can see it, how she is standing on the precipice of grief that she had held herself back from since he found her sitting outside of her mother’s room.
“They are ok. They’ve all gone to bed.” He removes the remaining papers from her hand, setting them down next to her before he takes her hands, linking his fingers through her shaking ones. “Jack and Sara are staying tonight, apparently I have to make breakfast in the morning.”
“Good.” She clears her throat and looks down at their joint hands and he sees the first tears fall from her lash line. He reaches up to the desk behind him and grabs her a tissue, and she takes it from him, a twitch of a grateful smile at her lips. “I love that their only memories of her are good.” She says, shaking her head slightly at herself as more tears cascade down her cheeks. “That they’ll remember her as the formidable, but well meaning grandmother they grew up with, but…”
She looks at her hands in her lap, a balled up tissue wadded between them and she trails off, unable to finish speaking. Aaron puts his hand back over hers and links their fingers together, giving them a gentle squeeze.
“But what, love?” He asks, using his spare hand to tuck some hair behind her ear, flecks of grey showing through the dark brown locks. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”
She chokes out a laugh. It catches on a sob and she nods, looking back up at him. Her eyes red rimmed and streaming, her lower lip trembling.
“I hate that their version of her is so different from mine. That she was able to be like that for them.” She roughly wipes away tears from her cheeks as if she is angry at herself for even thinking that way, let alone saying it outloud. “I know she loved me, I know that, but she never showed up for me like she did for the kids.” She holds back another sob and it feels like a knife to his chest, his heart caught in a vice. “And it means she was always capable of changing, she could always have been like that. But I just wasn’t enough.”
The final bit of her resolve snaps and she covers her face with her hands, sobbing in earnest. Aaron pulls her to him, his arms banding tightly around her as he soothes a hand up and down her back.
“She was my mom Aaron.”
“I know, sweetheart.” He ignores his own tears as they fall into her hair, the sound of her distress having always been too much for him. “I know.” He rocks her gently on the floor as she cries against him, soothing her with words he knows she doesn’t hear.
He’d seen this coming. But he also knew her well enough to know she needed to do it this way, needed time to adapt and wear a mask of strength, time to protect those around her before she thought about herself. So he allowed her the time to process it, to try and make sense of it all in her head.
So he waited. Patiently in the background, waiting for the first crack in her armour to appear, knowing it would come like it always did. And then he was there, ready to help her figure out where to put all the pieces when she fell apart.
“Let's go to bed,” he says against the top of her head when she calms down a little, her grip on him not loosening, “you need some sleep.”
“I need you.” She says against his chest, her voice cracking.
“I’ll be right here.”
_______
Emily wakes up in the morning alone in bed, but can hear her family downstairs, the house alive with noise like it hadn’t been in years. She sits up and sees a coffee on her nightstand, a note from her husband leaning against it saying she could join them when she was feeling up to it.
She’s downstairs without a second thought, greeted with the sight of all three of her children and Aaron in the kitchen, all of them bickering over something she was sure was inconsequential if the look on Sara’s face was anything to go by.
“What’s going on here?” She asks, amusement on her face as they all stop as if caught out doing something they shouldn’t. For a moment she’s being stared at by the matching eyes of her youngest son and daughter, and those of her eldest and her husband, before they all speak at once.
“I said I should choose breakfast because I live here all the time.”
“Amelia is being unreasonable.”
“I really missed Dad’s pancakes, the food at college sucks.”
“Nothing sweetheart.”
She looks at them all again, an eyebrow raised as she smirks. “Well, it’s been a long time since we all argued before breakfast.”
She makes her way into the kitchen, shaking her head slightly as Amelia continues to argue with her brothers about the benefits of waffles over pancakes, and walks over to her husband.
“Morning.” Emily says as she wraps an arm around him.
“Morning love.” He kisses her gently, smiling against her lips when their children all make a noise of disgust. “Are you ok?”
She leans against him, taking in some of his warmth, and for the first time in days she’s honest, because no matter what she’s lost, and what she’s never had, she has this. Her family. And that is all she would need, no matter what tomorrow brought her.
Warnings: mentions of infertility/fertility treatment
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut!
Let me know what you think <3
December 2001
She loved the holidays.
He had always been indifferent to the time of year, memories of his childhood too vibrant to ignore. Images of his father sat in his armchair drinking, the lights of the Christmas Tree shining off his vacant gaze, his mother pretending she didn’t see it.
Emily changed that, like she had done with so many parts of his life. Her joy was infectious. She told him stories about how she had celebrated all over the world throughout her childhood, saying it was the only time of the year her parents acted like parents. Taking time out of their busy schedules to spend time with her, even if it still felt like it was mostly for show, diplomats roaming through their home at the annual holiday party.
Aaron remembered the first year they were together, how she came alive in the winter. The usual apathy he felt for the short days and long nights was replaced by a pull in his belly when he saw the snow reflected in her dark eyes. A smile he could never cover when she pulled him outside into the cold, using the chill as an excuse to stick closely to him, their joint hands buried in his coat pocket.
This year was different. Her smile did not quite reach her eyes as they went through their usual traditions. The hormone medication she was on was setting her on edge, everything sharper than usual as her body prepared itself for the treatment she was having between Christmas and New Year, and the transfer in the first week of January. She was emotional, unable to keep herself tightly in check outside of their home like she usually could. He kept spotting moments when she’d drift off, inevitable worries that it wouldn’t work again clear on her face.
He couldn’t stop thinking about last time, the failed round of IVF they had lived through in the summer. The way she had barely been able to look at him as yet another test came up negative.
Emily didn’t want to talk about it, not in any depth, her fears simmering just below the surface, obvious to anyone who cared to look. She was pushing on like it was a normal year when it was anything but. She spent a bit too long choosing the tree like she did every Christmas. She insisted she could get the decorations out of the attic by herself, like she did every year, ultimately relenting and asking him for help. All the while he acted as if he couldn’t see the underlying sadness, or the way her hand would drift to her abdomen when she thought he wasn't looking.
“Are you going to help?”
He snaps out of his thoughts only to look up at her, her corner of her mouth twitching upwards as she continues to hang ornaments on the tree.
“Sorry, love.” He says standing up, walking up to her. She laughs when he stands behind her, his arms tight around her as he kisses her shoulder. She hangs the decoration in her hands on the tree before she turns in his arms, her smile somewhat dimmer than usual, the blinking lights from the tree making her shine with what he knew was more than the happiness she was trying to portray. Aaron wished for nothing more than to take her sadness away, the melancholy that had settled into her bones and taken residence in her smile.
“You’re not making this any easier, Aaron.” She says, an eyebrow raising at him as she wraps her arms around his neck. “You’re supposed to be helping.”
“I am helping.” He replies, leaning down to kiss her. “I’m motivating you to decorate the tree.” He kisses her again and she chuckles dryly against his lips as he pulls away.
“Your motivation seems an awful lot like distraction to me.”
“Good.” He smiles, his hands trailing up the back of her sweater, his fingers tracing the clasp of her bra. She seems more relaxed than she had been in days, and he takes it as his chance to say something, to check in with her. “You need distracting.”
“I’m fine, Aaron.” Tension immediately returns to her body, making her stiffen in his arms.
“Em.” He says firmly, with so much love for her in his eyes it makes her look away, her already frail nerves on edge. His unbidden affection that usually made her feel light, like she could float away with nothing but a dimpled smile and the sparkle in his eyes that only she saw, made her feel heavy. His love settling somewhere in her chest, constricting her lungs, all of her insecurities bubbling up and threatening to drown her. “You’ve said that so much the last few days that it's lost all meaning.”
“Please.” She replies, her voice cracking, far too close to begging for her own liking. “Just leave it.”
“No.” He says simply, his refusal making her eyes snap back to his. “We need to talk about it. I can feel you pulling back, turning in on yourself.” He cups her face, his thumb tracing over her cheekbone.
“Aaron,” she blows out a breath, leaning her forehead against his, “all we’ve done is talk about it. I just want something to feel…normal.”
He wants to argue with her, tell her that the sorrow in her eyes makes him ache, but he doesn’t. Instead he nods, moving so he can kiss her forehead before he pulls away, cool air replacing her in his hold as he reaches behind him and pulls a small wrapped gift from behind the couch cushion.
“This is for you.” He says, handing it to her with a smile on his face. She takes it from him, her smile genuine as she tears the paper, revealing a glass christmas ornament for the tree. It was in the shape of a snowflake, rainbows of light bouncing off of it as she held it in her hand, letting it swing slightly.
“I love it.” She says, as she looks up at him.
It had become a tradition during their first Christmas together. They weren’t living together, not officially, and she had wrinkled her nose in distaste at his poor excuse for a tree on a rare trip to his apartment, their time usually spent at hers. Aaron had tried to pass it off, explaining that he wasn’t even sure why he had put the tree up in the first place, his excuse that he barely spent any time there anyway. Two days later she had let herself into his apartment, a smile on her face and a quick kiss against his lips, laughing at his confusion at her being there so early, his morning barely beginning. She pulled a small gift bag out of her purse and handed it to him, insisting he opened it immediately. It was a sparkly thing, shaped like an icicle, and she had rolled her eyes and taken it from him, walking past him to hang it on his tree.
Every year since then they bought a new decoration, usually completely mismatched from the others, and they hung it on the tree last. A finishing touch that they both found simple joy in.
“Do you want me to hang it up?” He asks, taking the wrapping paper from her hand and disposing of it for her.
“Well you might as well, you haven’t helped with the rest of it.” She replies, mischief shining in her eyes as she winks at him.
She had made his life more magical since the moment she had stepped into it, and he was determined to do the same for her this year.
________
They were curled up on their couch, Emily’s head in his lap as his hand trails through her hair, It’s A Wonderful Life on the tv, when the idea comes to him.
“Come on,” He says suddenly, breaking the silence they had settled into, the hand that had been trailing through her hair landing on her back, encouraging her to sit up, “we’re going out.”
Emily lifts her head out of his lap and sits up next to him, his hand on her back slipping down to her hip. “What? Aaron,” She sighs, tucking her hair behind her ear, “we’re watching a movie.”
“We’ve seen it hundreds of times, and will no doubt watch it hundreds more.” He cups her chin and pulls her in for a kiss, stamping his affection against her lips. “It’s your favourite.”
“It’s our favourite.” She corrects, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Sorry, our favourite.” He stands up, turning back to her and offering her his hand, pulling her to her feet as she takes it.
“Where are we going?”
“That’s a surprise.” He says, laughing when she frowns at him. “Come on, you trust me right?” He tugs her closer, his hand coming to rest at her waist.
“Fine.” She replies, “But we’re starting the movie from the beginning when we get back.”
“Whatever you want sweetheart.”
________
He knows he has made the right decision the second they arrive, her smile widening as he pulls the car up as close as he can to the winter markets in downtown DC.
She excitedly pulls him by his gloved hand, both of them wrapped up warm against the winter chill, as they go from vendor to vendor, her eyes lighting up as the live music around them almost pulls the sadness out of her. They share a hot chocolate as they wander the streets, and
happiness rolls off of her almost as obvious as her warm breath against the cool air.
“Thank you.” She says, smiling at him fondly as her gloved hand cups his cheek. “I needed this”
He pulls her slightly closer, his hands meeting at the small of her back. “You don’t have to thank me for loving you sweetheart. It comes naturally.”
She rolls her eyes, her smile widening at him. “You really do say the cheesiest shit sometimes.”
Aaron joins her in her laughter and leans in to kiss her, the tip of her nose cold against his cheek. They get lost in it, in each other, only breaking apart when someone disgruntledly brushes past them. They both laugh when they remember where they are and they start to walk down the street, Emily’s hand finding his before he manoeuvres them to his pocket, seeking additional warmth beyond their gloves.
They walk in silence, finding comfort in it and in watching the other people around them, the joy of the holidays almost as obvious in the air as the winter chill. Aaron looks at Emily and catches her looking at a family, a woman walking in the opposite direction with a bundled up baby strapped to her chest. He sees the smile on her face falter slightly as she looks away, her eyes downcast.
He thought of all the things he could say, all the reassurances that the family she had seen would be them next year, walking these same streets with their own baby, but he knows that’s not what she needs. She just needs him, his unwavering love and support no matter what the next few weeks would hold.
“We’ll be ok, Em.” He says, squeezing her hand in his. She looks up at him, a soft smile on her face. “No matter what happens.”
Her smile wavers a little, but she nods, bringing her spare hand to grip his tricep, anchoring herself closer to him.
“Yeah. We’ll be ok.”
__________
December 2002
Emily wakes alone, groaning as she rolls over in bed, her arm hitting cold sheets next to her instead of her husband's chest. She sits up muttering to herself under her breath when she sees the time.
3.23am
She turns on the lamp on her nightstand and she looks over at the bassinet on her side of the bed and sees it is empty. The usual flash of fear runs through her, a momentary concern about where her son was, before logic sets in, knowing he would be wherever her husband was. She gets out of bed, pulling on Aaron’s bathrobe that she had taken ownership of as she leaves the bedroom to seek out her boys.
She pops her head into Jack's room on her way past, the young boy fast asleep in his bed. As she clicks the door closed behind her she smiles, able to hear her husband’s voice floating up the stairs. She walks downstairs quietly, the noise of her feet against the hardwood dulled by the sound of the socks she had stolen from Aaron.
He’s standing in front of the tree, the lights back on after she switched them off on her way to bed earlier. He’s swaying side to side slightly, Theo against his chest, looking impossibly small in comparison to him. His voice is still gentle, and if he notices her entering the room he doesn’t show it. He turns slightly, so Theo is facing a specific part of the tree.
“This one is the first one ever that Mommy gave me,” he says pointing to the icicle ornament with his elbow, one hand firmly on Theo’s back and the other under his bottom, “she just walked straight into my apartment and gave it to me.”
Emily watches as Aaron kisses the top of their son’s head and she feels love for them both swell in her chest, making her lungs feel cramped with it, forcing out a breath. Aaron turns to look at her, a smile on his face before his attention is back on their baby.
“Mommy loves Christmas, but not as much as she loves you.” He kisses Theo’s head again and Emily finally closes the gap between them, joining them both over by the tree, her arm wrapping around Aaron’s back as she looks at the little boy in his arms, his wide eyes seeming like they were looking at the bright lights of the tree. She’d always loved Christmas lights, the way they shone, the extra radiance they brought thrilling something deep inside of her.
They had never looked as beautiful as they did in her son’s dark eyes.
“Is he ok?” She asks, her hand resting over Aaron’s on the infant's back. “You could have woken me up.”
“He’s ok, just wouldn’t go back to sleep after I changed him.” Aaron answers, kissing his wife as she looks up at him. “I thought you could do with the rest until he needed feeding next.”
“He does seem to hate sleep doesn’t he?”
“He loves you. He wants your attention all the time.” Aaron says, handing the baby over as he started to fuss with his mother being so close but still so far. “Not that I can blame him.”
Emily laughs as she settles Theo against her chest, the way he immediately settled against her making her protest die in her throat.
“I got you something.” Aaron says, drawing her attention back to him. A gift he seemingly pulled out of nowhere in his hands. His smile widens as he looks at her. “Shall I open it for you?”
She nods her response, her hand rubbing up and down Theo’s back as she watches Aaron open the gift, unable to hold back her gasp as the ornament was revealed. It was round, a tiny reindeer painted onto it, the words ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ written on it in a fine print.
“Aaron…”
“We didn’t get a chance when we decorated the tree.”
They had let Jack do the majority of it, the young boy patiently sitting on the couch as Aaron untangled the tree lights and put them on, letting his eldest son loose the moment he was done. Jack had been struggling, the knowledge that it was his first Christmas without his mother hanging heavy in the air. Their usual traditions blended with his, Aaron taking him to look at the neighbourhood lights because Haley always used to, the smile on his face as he hung the ornaments sporadically worth every thing that felt different.
“It’s lovely.” She says, her eyes flooding with tears, her emotions still all over the place from having a ten week old and not very much sleep. “When did you get it?”
He smiles sheepishly as he hangs the ornament on a nearby bare branch. “I actually got it a couple years ago. Hid it in my sock drawer ever since.” He turns back and sees how her smile has faltered, her eyes filling with the guilt he recognised all too well. “Oh no sweetheart,” he pulls her into his arms, Theo nestled between them, “I just never gave up hope, that's all.”
She does cry at that, tears spilling down her cheeks that he wipes away with his thumb.
“I love you so much.” She says, smiling against his lips as he leans down to stamp a kiss against them.
“I love you too.”
__________
Going to the markets was her idea this time, seeing the melancholy on Jack’s face as the days passed, Christmas Day looming right ahead of them.
It does it’s job, his smile returning for a few hours as he convinces Aaron to buy him all sorts of candy. Aaron insists he stay close by, his hand in his son’s as they walk together, the atmosphere around them soothing something in Emily’s soul.
It had been a hard year, harder than she had expected when it began. Haley’s sudden reappearance, Jack in tow when Emily was so sure she’d never have a child of her own. Life had changed in an instant and it had kept changing. Looking back, even though she knew they still had so far to go, she was grateful they were starting to come through. Jack was starting to be a little brighter. He was a doting older brother to Theo, always asking her how he could help. Aaron was slowly coming back to himself, the distance Haley’s appearance had put in between them closing, the love that had never left somehow stronger.
Emily presses a kiss to Theo’s head before readjusting the hood of his snowsuit, ensuring he was keeping warm. She turns to her husband and smiles, her eyes briefly flicking to Jack who was happily walking alongside his father, eating cotton candy that was sure to keep him up past his bedtime.
“Of course he’s sleeping now.” She jokes, her gloved hand coming to rest on Theo’s back through the baby carrier she was wearing. “He refuses to sleep in his bassinet in our nice warm room, but strapped to my chest in the middle of a busy Christmas Market out in the cold? Sure.”
“He’s in his favourite place.” Aaron says, unable to stop the way his smile widens as he looks at his wife and youngest son. “We both know he’d crawl right back inside you given half the chance.”
She grimaces, swatting at his shoulder affectionately. “Just for that you can get up with him in the middle of the night.”
“Emily?” Jack asks, interrupting Aaron’s retort.
“Yes sweetie.” She says, a smirk on her face as she looks past her husband.
“We should do this every year!”
_____
December 2027
“Dad. Hurry up.”
Emily laughs, turning to look at her husband next to her as Theo looks back at them, his arm linked with his boyfriend’s as they walk ahead of them.
“Yeah, Aaron. Hurry up.” She says, her laughter not even disguised as he raises an eyebrow at her.
“I’m not as young as I used to be.” He says, readjusting their granddaughter on his hip, the almost 3 year old grasping at his winter coat. Jack and Sara were ahead of the group, enjoying a few childfree moments.
“You’re 64 Aaron. Not an old man.”
He turns his head to the little girl. “Do you hear this Charlie? She’s making fun of me.” He pokes her in the belly, making her giggle.
“Don’t turn her against me!” Emily exclaims, her arm linking through his spare one. “You’re already the favourite.” They carry on walking, following their sons and their respective partners through the streets of the winter markets. “It just doesn’t feel right.”
“What doesn’t?”
“Being here without Amelia.” He answers, his lips set in a firm line. “I hate that she’s not here.”
Emily squeezes his arm, her heart constricting in her chest. Amelia was in Australia, working in a bar to make some money and taking every opportunity to tell her parents stories about all the creatures she had seen in her time there, each more horrifying than the last. She had made the decision not to fly home for Christmas, nerves all over her face as she told them when they FaceTimed. They had told her it was fine, holding their own feelings back, wanting her to do whatever was best for her.
“I miss her too honey.” Emily says. “She’s having a Christmas in the sun. You know she hates the cold.”
“I know.” He replies, sighing. “It’s just…she’s my little girl, Em. And she’s on the other side of the world.”
She knows there isn’t anything she can say to make it better, so she kisses his cheek instead, and as they walk they point things out to Charlotte, the little girl's eyes full of wonder as she takes it all in.
They get to their favourite vendor, the place they have bought hot chocolate from for years, and Aaron hands his granddaughter back to Jack, the little girl immediately settling into her fathers arms.
Emily and Aaron stand next to each other, their hands linking together as they wait for their drinks to be made.
“Do you remember the first year we did this?” She asks, resting her head against his shoulder. “Feels like a lifetime ago.”
“It was a lifetime ago.” He says, turning his head to kiss the side of hers. They stand and watch their sons, smiling as they laugh together, Jack mocking Theo for something he had said. “We got old.”
“Speak for yourself.” She scoffs, she lifts her head to look at him, and her smile fades when she sees the lingering sadness in his eyes. “Honey, cheer up, we’re speaking to her on Christmas Day.”
“Yeah Dad, wasn’t it always you who said we can’t be sad at Christmas.”
They stop in place at the sound of the familiar voice, turning quickly to see the beaming face of their daughter, miraculously standing in front of them as if she wasn’t supposed to be thousands of miles away.
“Amelia?” Emily asks, tears already gathering in her eyes as she lets go of her husband's arm, the gasps of surprise she can hear from him and their sons fading into the background as she takes a step towards the teenager.
“Merry Christmas, Mom.” Amelia says, her own voice cracking as she closes the gap between them, throwing her arms around her mother.
“What are you doing here?” Emily asks, still holding her tightly, unwilling to let go as if she was going to disappear.
“I wanted to surprise you.” Amelia replies, her voice shaking. She pulls back from Emily, both of them close to tears.
“How are you here?”
“Aunt Pen picked me up from the airport, she said you were here so I had her bring me.” Ameila laughs, wiping tears off her own face. “You’re predictable. We do the same thing every year so I knew I’d find you.”
Emily laughs, although it sounds more like a sob as she places her hands on her daughter's shoulders, looking her up and down. The freckles on her cheeks brought out by her time in the sun, her smile wide.
“You should probably hug your dad before he faints.” Emily says, readjusting Amelia’s hat down over her ears like she used to when she was small.
Emily watches as Amelia bounds over to Aaron, both of them throwing their arms around each other tightly, her husband's joy evident. He was hesitant to let go of her but he did, letting her get picked up off the ground by Theo, Jack pulling her into a hug as soon as her feet were back on the floor.
“You ok love?” Aaron asks, his hand slipping into Emily’s. She looks at him, sees the same unshed tears in his eyes she knows are in hers.
“Yeah.” She answers, squeezing his hand. “I just love this time of year.”
“Oh god.” Amelia exclaims, rolling her eyes as she crosses her arms across her chest. “I’ve been back 5 minutes and you guys are already being disgusting.”
Theo laughs, linking his arm through his sisters as they grab their drinks and turn to walk away.
“Mills, they never stop being disgusting.”
Emily makes an outraged noise and lets her husband pull her along, and they walk behind their children as they continue down the street, their favourite family tradition warming them better than the hot chocolates in their hands ever could.
He’d convinced her to go. Aaron had seen her hesitation as she stood at the front door of their temporary apartment, the twitch in her fingers when Amelia almost immediately reached out for her after Aaron took her. The way she bit her lip when Theo asked her, again, if she really had to go out.
She did have to go, despite how much she would deny it. He knew she needed some time with her friends, and Penelope and JJ had practically begged for a girls night. The 6 months Emily had been gone long and drawn out for all of them. She talked them down to dinner, not wanting to spend too long away from her family that had been so delicately stitched back together. Getting a table at any restaurant so close to Christmas had been difficult, but being the daughter of an ambassador had its advantages, and for once Emily hadn’t been hesitant to use them.
Aaron had sent her on her way with a kiss to her cheek and an assurance that they would be ok without her for a couple of hours.
He was now slightly regretting that decision, but he would never tell her. Their children were feral. Jack was in a mood. His teenage angst was out in full swing this evening, the anger he had experienced shortly after Haley’s death coming back to the forefront in the fallout of the situation with Foyet. He was hiding out in his room, playing a video game and ignoring his father.
Theo was asking where Emily was every few minutes and when she’d be back. He tried to placate his son with his favourite tv show and pizza, and it wouldn’t do. Theo was sitting in the living room, sideways on an armchair as he watched the front door intently. Aaron knew he was going to have to have a conversation with Emily soon about the attachment issues, but it was not the time yet, knowing his wife wouldn’t take it well either. That part of her loved that their son constantly sought her out.
Amelia was cranky. She still didn’t fully trust him, but things were better than they had been when she first shied away from him a few weeks ago. He knows that Emily nursed her before she puts her to bed, that it’s a treasured part of his wifes daily routine, so in the hope that a snack will help he grabs a small yoghurt from the fridge and places her in her high chair.
He feeds her, and although just under half of it ends up on her face, she does calm down a little whilst she is eating. He cleans her up, but she starts fussing again almost immediately.
As soon as Emily walks into the apartment he breathes a sigh of relief. Theo jumps out of the chair and to his mothers side, immediately hugging her.
“Mommy, I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” She kneels down to hug him properly, kissing the side of his head. She pulls back to look at him, thumb worrying over the now mostly healed cut on his forehead that he had acquired during Aaron’s final showdown with Foyet. She looks over and sees Amelia crying in Aaron’s arms. “It’s late, why don’t you go to bed and I’ll come say goodnight in a bit?”
Theo nods, hugging her again before bounding off, throwing a goodnight aimed at his father as he runs down the hallway.
“You were right.” She says, happiness pouring off of her as she removes her coat and shoes at the door. “I really did need that. Pen kept trying to convince me to drink wine even though I told her I’m still nursing.” She says with a laugh in her voice, she turns to him and the smile slides off her face as she takes in the sight of him, and he realises how stressed he must look.
Ameila tries to turn in his arms at the sound of her mother’s voice and starts to cry harder as she reaches out for Emily. Aaron transfers her with little fanfare, knowing that whatever was wrong with the little girl was something only his wife could fix.
“What's this all about, baby?” Emily says as she holds her daughter tightly, her lips pressed to her forehead as she rocks her. “Has she been like this since I left?” She asks as she looks up at her husband.
“The past hour.” Aaron says, watching as Emily gently bounces Amelia in her arms as she attempts to settle the 11 month old. “I’ve been struggling to calm her down.”
The sympathy on his wifes face makes frustration flood his veins, another reminder of something Foyet had taken from him. His relationship with his daughter was still fragile, the way she was still unsure around him a punch to the gut every time she frantically reached out for her mother. Emily looks at the high chair and frowns when she spots the yoghurt pot still sitting on the tray.
“Did she eat that?” Emily asks, her hand rubbing delicate circles on Amelia’s back.
Aaron looks over before turning back to his wife. “Yeah, she was cranky. They all were. I thought a snack would help tide her over until you got home.”
Emily hesitates. It’s fast, almost undetectable, but he catches it.
“Aaron.” Her voice is soft, gentle in a way that was usually only used on the children when she wanted them to know they weren’t in trouble. “She’s lactose intolerant.”
The memory hits him suddenly. Emily curled up next to him in the hotel room they had stayed in when they were first reunited, filling him in on anything and everything to do with the kids. He remembers her telling him that the doctors had got to the bottom of Amelia’s bad stomach, and that she was dairy free herself because she was still nursing her. She’d lamented missing chocolate and cheese, and joked it was her biggest sacrifice as a mother so far.
“I’m sorry.” He stutters, not sounding like himself as it dawned on him. “I’m sorry.” He repeats as he runs his hand through his hair.
“Aaron, baby, it’s ok.” She says, her hand on his arm. She has Amelia on her hip, one arm securing their grumpy baby to her. “It happens. I should have reminded you before I went out.”
“I should know what my daughter can and cannot eat without being reminded.” He seethes, his anger aimed at himself. He tears his arm from under her hand and takes a couple steps back. He watches as she tries to placate him further, useless reassurances on the tip of her tongue. “I’m going out.”
“Honey-”
“I need some air.” He grabs his keys from the side table and leaves the apartment before she can argue any further, the door closing a little too harshly behind him.
Emily sighs and closes her eyes. Amelia buries her head further into her mothers neck, whining as she did so.
“Oh, sweet girl. I know you feel icky.” She kisses the side of her daughter's head and rubs her back. “Let's go see what your brothers are up to.” She kisses her head again and walks through the apartment in search of her sons.
________________
She feeds and settles Amelia before reading with Theo for a bit, smiling as her son drifts off to sleep against her side. She quietly slips out of his room, well practised at the quick and silent exit, and gently closes his bedroom door. Jack gives her a small wave and a grunt when she pops her head into his room, his grumpiness obvious the second she lays eyes on him.
Emily washes her face, blowing out a breath as she takes in the sight of herself in the bathroom mirror. Any joy, any relief she felt after spending an evening with her friends had wilted as quickly as it had bloomed in her chest. The lightness that JJ’s laugh, and Penelope’s overly personal questions about Emily and Aaron’s reunion, had brought was torn away by the devastation in her husband's eyes just before he left the apartment.
Everytime they made progress, every step away from what Foyet had done to Aaron, to their family, it felt like they were thrown right back into it. Emily was exhausted. She missed the version of them that had existed before she had come home to find her husband missing and his blood staining their hardwood floor.
She wondered if they’d ever get the old them back, or if they would slowly build something better. Emily was hopeful that the move to the new house would help, that it would give them new foundations. Somehow even stronger than the ones they had before.
She’s finishing up getting ready for bed, pulling her pyjama shirt over her head, when she hears the front door open, and her husband’s familiar steps throughout the apartment. She hears their bedroom door open and close quickly. She takes a deep breath before she walks out of the ensuite and she sees him sat on the end of the bed, his head in his hands. She sits next to him, purposely keeping her hands to herself despite how much she wants to touch him, to assure him everything was ok. A slight clench in his jaw is the only indicator he has even registered that she's there. She waits him out, knowing he needs to process this himself before he’ll speak to her.
“I should have remembered.” He finally says, removing his head from his hands but not looking at her.
“Aaron-”
“Don’t.” He interrupts, finally looking at her. There are unshed tears in his eyes that make her heart ache. Thoughts about how she could find a way to bring George Foyet back to life just so she could kill him herself burning through her.
“Don’t what?”
“Tell me that it’s ok. Because it isn’t.” He shakes his head at himself. “I gave our little girl…” His voice falters and he clears his throat. “I gave her something that’s made her sick.”
“And so did I.” She reasons, and she grabs his hand. “For the first almost 5 months of her life she was getting it through my breast milk. You did it once. Give yourself a break.”
“I should have remembered.” He says, repeating himself.
“Baby.” She says, moving her hands to grasp his cheeks. “Please stop this. She’s going to be ok. She is ok. She’s fast asleep next door.” She leans her forehead against his, her thumbs stroking his cheeks. “We’re all ok.”
He starts to cry, sobs escaping him that he hadn’t set free since their ordeal had ended. Emily had been waiting for it as he processed everything at his own pace. She pulls him towards her, his head resting on her chest as she wraps her arms tightly around him, one hand in his hair as she presses fierce kisses to the top of his head.
“I’m right here.” She kisses the top of his head again, unsurprised when she can feel her own tears on her face. “You’re ok. I’m here.”
She comforts him like she does their children. With tender words and soft touches, the whispering of nonsense against his hair as he slowly calms. The grip he has on the back of her shirt loosens ever so slightly.
Aaron sniffs as he pulls back, a shaky smile on his face as she wipes his tears away with her thumbs.
“I’m sorry.” He apologies, his voice cracked and torn open by the months of repressed emotion he had let out against her skin.
“You have nothing to apologise for.” Emily says tenderly. “I’m your wife. This is what I’m here for.”
Amelia’s cry through the baby monitor visibly undoes some of the work she had done in calming him down, some tension returning to his shoulders. Emily kisses his cheek before she stands up.
“You get ready for bed, I’ll go see what's up with her.” She says just before leaving the room, crossing the hallway into the small bedroom serving as Amelia’s temporary nursery. Most of the baby's things are boxed up ready for the move to the new house. Emily smiles as she approaches the crib, Amelia already standing with her arms reaching out for her. “What’s wrong, sweet girl?”
She picks up her daughter, settling her on her hip as she kisses the side of her head. Amelia almost immediately settles, her crying quietening down as she presses her face into her mother’s neck.
“You just wanted to cuddle, huh?” Emily says, pacing the small room. “I think your dad could do with a cuddle too.”
Emily walks back into their bedroom to find it empty, but the tap running in the ensuite calms any nerves that he had left again. She settles into bed and lays Amelia on her chest, the baby snuggling down, her fingers grasping at her mother’s shirt.
When Aaron leaves the ensuite he falters slightly at the sight in front of him. Emily catches it, the small hesitation before he climbs into bed. Amelia is already half asleep, the discomfort she had been in when Aaron last saw her gone, and Emily watches the tension leave him as he sees with his own eyes that the baby is ok.
“See, she’s fine.” Emily says, smiling at him as he lays down next to them.
He kisses the top of Amelia’s head, which makes her open her eyes. She reaches out for him and he carefully takes her to settle her against his own chest. Emily smiles as she moves to be closer to them, her head resting on Aaron’s chest next to their daughter. He presses a kiss to the top of his wifes head.
“My girls.”
“Yeah.” She replies. “Your girls.”
________________
April 2021
Aaron sighs in frustration as his phone rings, distracting him from his lesson plans. Emily often teased him for his interpretation of retirement, the profiling classes he taught at the academy taking up a fair amount of his time. He turns from his computer to pick up his cell phone, frowning when he sees a number he doesn’t recognise as he answers.
“An inmate at the Federal Correctional Institution in Otisville, New York is calling you, to accept the charges please press one.” An automated voice says through the phone.
The name of the prison makes him freeze, there is only one person he knew who was in prison in New York. He presses one and puts the phone back to his ear, waiting for the call to connect.
“Aaron?” He hears down the phone, the voice on the other end of the tinny line was unsure, nerves easily showing through.
“Sean?”
________________
The rest of the day goes by in a blur and the next thing he is truly aware of is the front door opening, Amelia and Theo bursting in, both of them animatedly talking about their days.
“Hi Dad.” Theo says as he passes through the kitchen where Aaron is sitting, grabbing a snack and leaving the room almost immediately. “I’ve got loads of homework, back in a bit.”
“Hi Theo.” He says, a small smile on his face as his ever studious 18 year old is already out of the room, his mind clearly on whatever work he was assigned that day.
“Dad, do we have any antacids?” Amelia asks as she joins him in the kitchen, grimacing as she walks in with her arms wrapped around her stomach.
“Are you ok, sweetheart?” He asks, frowning, pulling her into a quick hug she only protests slightly as she walks past.
“Yeah, just a bad stomach.”
Before he can ask any more questions the front door opens again, and Emily’s voice soon follows.
“Hi.”
“We’re in the kitchen, Em.”
She joins them, a wide smile on her face as she kisses his cheek.
“Everything ok?”
“Everything is fine.” Amelia answers far too quickly.
“Mills has a stomach ache.” Aaron says, and he can’t help but smirk at the way she narrows her eyes at him.
“Traitor.”
“Amelia.” Emily says, her hand gently grasping her daughter's chin to tilt her head, sighing when she sees the hives on her neck. “You had the cheese fries for lunch again didn’t you?”
The 12 year old sighs, knowing lying to her mother, to either of her parents, is pointless. “Yes.”
“Baby, you’re lactose intolerant.” Emily chastises as she tucks some of Amelia’s hair behind her ear.
“Mom, it's cheese fries. Totally worth it.”
Emily sighs, knowing that the slight grimace on her daughter's face is nothing to do with her rebuke, but the discomfort she knows she is in.
“There is some Pepto in the medicine cabinet in our bathroom. Go take some and go lie down.”
Amelia smiles gratefully and starts to make her way out of the room before she turns back. “I’m not going to find anything gross in there am I?”
“Amelia.”
“What?” She says, throwing her hands up. “I’ve caught you guys making out way too many times not to check. I’ve been burned before.”
Emily raises an eyebrow at her. “Go. Now.”
“I’m going.” Amelia says as she leaves the room, something a bit too close to a curse word muttered under her breath.
“That girl will be the death of me.” Emily says as she turns to Aaron, his silence throughout her exchange with their daughter, the lack of quips about how similar they were, now only striking her as odd as she takes in the look on his face. His gaze fixed in the distance, not focused on anything in particular. She frowns and takes a step closer to him, placing her hand over his on the counter. “Honey, are you ok?”
He looks at her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Sean called me.”
Emily doesn’t cover her shock, her hand tightening over his. It had been years since they had heard from Sean. The supposed truce the brothers had come to in New York, when a rare family vacation had turned into a case, had fallen apart as soon as Sean was formally sentenced. Aaron had tried reaching out at the beginning, attempting to visit his brother, but it had always been radio silence on the other side.
Over time he stopped trying, his attempts at calling Sean getting further apart. His requests to go see him stopped. To anyone else it would look like Aaron had accepted it, that he simply was no longer going to be a part of his brother's life. Emily knew better than that.
“What?”
“He called from prison. He wants me to go see him.”
“Oh.” She replies, taking a second before she joins him at the kitchen island, linking their fingers together properly as she settles next to him on one of the stalls. “Are you ok?”
“I think so.” He answers, looking at her, uncertainty all over his face despite his answer. “No.”
Emily places her spare hand on his thigh. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to see him.”
She nods, squeezing his leg in comfort. “Then we’ll go.” She smiles when he turns to look at her, his brows furrowed.
“You don’t have to come with me, it’s fine. I know work is busy.”
“Aaron.” She replies firmly, leaving no room for argument as she moves her hand from his leg to cup his cheek. “I’m coming with you.”
“What about the kids?”
“We’ll be gone one night. Theo is sensible enough to look after Amelia, and Jack lives 20 minutes away if they need him.” She pulls him towards her for a kiss. “Stop arguing with me, it never gets you anywhere.”
His lips twitch, a brief smile taking over. “You think I would have learnt that by now.”
_______________
It takes a couple of weeks for them to get things lined up, so that the quick trip to New York wouldn’t disrupt their day-to-day lives too drastically.
Amelia was unimpressed when they told her that Theo was in charge, rolling her eyes at the thought that she needed babysitting, but when they come to leave her attitude fades when she sees how stressed her father was, how on edge he seems as he checks they have everything before they set off on their drive.
She doesn’t remember her Uncle Sean, she had only met him once when she was 3, and she knew enough from what her brothers and parents had told her about that trip to New York to know why she had never seen him again. Another seemingly life changing moment they went through as a family that she had no memory of, relying on hearsay from her brothers and the toned down version she knew her parents told her.
“Please behave for your brother, Amelia.” Emily says as she hugs her daughter.
“I always behave.” She replies, rolling her eyes when she sees her mother raise her eyebrow. “Ok fine, I’ll be good.”
Aaron hugs her next, and Amelia doesn’t miss how he holds her a little tighter than usual. She hugs him back, smiling when he kisses her forehead as they pull apart.
She feels bad for her dad, knowing how much he values his family tells her how much it would hurt him to not be in touch with his brother. Amelia considers how it would feel to not be speaking to Jack or Theo, and despite how much they both annoy her frequently the idea makes her heart clench.
“Call if you need anything, ok?” Aaron says and Amelia nods before pulling him back into a hug.
“I love you, Daddy.” She says, using the moniker she dropped a couple years ago and it makes her chest fill with happiness when he smiles into the top of her head.
“Love you too, Amelia.”
________________
The drive is long, and quiet, and by the time they pull up to the prison Emily is grateful to see it. Aaron had insisted on driving and she’d let him, knowing it would ultimately be worse for him to not be occupied on the trip here. She was planning on taking over when they left for their drive back to the city, but she hadn’t mentioned it yet, knowing that he would already try and argue that point.
They get through security and are shown to the visiting room. They take a seat next to each other and Emily turns to him, trying to read her husband’s face.
“Are you ok?”
He chuckles. “Ask me later.”
A buzzer sounds and a door opens, prisoners walking out and greeting their family and friends. Towards the back is Sean. Emily thinks of the first time she met him. He wasn’t much older than Amelia was now, and already damaged by the things he had been exposed to in his young life. She remembers how he had been nervous around her, a crush on her that he barely concealed.
“Aaron, Emily.” He says as he makes it to the table. Aaron stands and hugs him, and then Emily does the same.
“Sean, how are you?” Aaron asks as they sit down.
“As good as I can be considering I’ve been here nearly 10 years.” He says, his eyes fixed on his brother. He looks at them both. “You guys have hardly changed. How are the kids?”
“I have a picture.” Aaron says, pulling out his wallet and removing the photo of his family that he keeps in there. It was taken on Emily and Theo’s birthday the year before, her 50th and his 18th, all five of them and Sara together and smiling. It was one of his favourites. He slides it across the table to let his brother look at it.
“Wow, they look grown up.”
“It’s been a long time.” Aaron says, the conversation stilted. The awkwardness cloying, making the air around the table feel thick.
“Jack is 28 now, and married. That’s his wife, Sara, in the picture with us” Emily says, trying to break the tension. “Theo is 18 and Amelia is 12.”
Aaron is staring at his brother, profiling him as he listens to Emily talk about the kids. He watches as she explains that Jack is a resident at Georgetown, and that Theo was going to Cornell in the fall. He watches as his brother listens to her stories about Amelia, their wild thing of a daughter who kept them both on their toes. He recognises his brother's expression, it’s one he perfected when they were young, a way to get what he wanted from their mother. It clicks in his head, and he wonders why he didn’t think of it sooner.
“What do you want Sean?” He asks, interrupting the conversation between his wife and brother.
“Aaron-” Emily begins to say, uncertainty in her voice.
“He wants something. That's why he asked me to come here.” He looks back at his brother, and Sean chuckles slightly.
“You don’t miss anything do you? I’m up for parole soon.” Sean explains. “My lawyer said it would be good to have someone upstanding talk at my hearing, and I don’t know anyone more upstanding than you.”
“You want me to talk at your parole hearing? That’s why you got in touch?”
Emily feels how tense her husband gets next to her, the disappointment he clearly feels at Sean only getting in touch because he needed something palpable. She grabs his hand under the table, providing the best support she can in the moment. He lightly squeezes her hand in a silent thank you.
“Yeah. I told my lawyer what you do for a living and he said it was perfect.” Sean says, missing the way his brother sighs, the brief closing of his eyes as he tries to cover his disappointment. “So will you?”
“Of course.” Aaron replies, clearing his throat as he does. “Get your lawyer to send me the details.” He turns to Emily. “Excuse me for a second.”
He gets up and walks towards the bathroom. Emily turns her attention back to her brother-in-law.
“Are you kidding me, Sean?” She says, exasperated.
“What?” Sean asks, his face screwed up in confusion.
“It’s been 9 years.” She explains. “9 years and you reach out because you want something.”
“It’s thanks to him that I’m in here in the first place.”
“You know that’s not true, Sean.” Emily implores, and she stares at him until he relents and nods. “He’ll do it for you because he’s your brother and he loves you. But when you get out you will work on your relationship with him. I won’t let you use him for this and then disappear from our lives again.”
“Are you...threatening me, Emily?” He asks, an eyebrow raised at her in a way that reminded her of Aaron.
“Very much so.” She says seriously, before she smiles. “I’d also like you to get to know my kids better.”
“I’d like that too.”
________________
When they get to their hotel in the city he barely looks around the suite they have for the night before he goes into the bathroom. Emily sighs as she puts her bag down and goes to the mini bar, grabbing a drink for each of them.
She feels his arms wrap around her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder.
“Did I ever tell you that you’re my favourite wife?”
‘I’m your only wife.” She chuckles, turning to give him his drink.
“That works out well then.” He leans down and kisses her. “Thank you for today.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” She cups his neck, and strokes her thumb over his jawline. “My place has always been by your side.” Emily kisses him quickly. “Lets go sit down.”
She leads him over to the couch in the room, leaning against him as they get comfortable. They sit in silence for a while, having their drinks whilst his fingers trail up and down her arm.
“I let him down.” Aaron says eventually, making Emily turn to look at him, a curious look on her face. “Sean. I’ve been letting him down since we were kids.”
“Honey, you know that's not true.”
“It is. I left when he was young, I left him in that house with the ghost of our father and our shell of a mother.” He says bitterly, throwing back the rest of his drink.
Emily stares at him for a second before she takes his glass out of hand and places it with hers on the table next to the couch. She settles herself over his lap, straddling him in a way that makes him raise an eyebrow and place his hands on her hips. She cups his face in both her hands.
“Listen to me, Aaron. You are not to blame for any of this. You were a kid yourself, Theo’s age, and you wanted to start your own life. You are not responsible for your parents and what they did or didn’t do. Or for the decisions that Sean has made that has led him to where he is.” She looks directly into his eyes, looking for some understanding or agreement. “Ok?”
“Ok.” He nods his agreement, and she can tell he isn’t completely convinced, but it’s enough to placate her for now.
She still wants to cheer him up, so she changes tactics, moving her hands so she’s cupping the back of his head instead before she leans down to kiss him. She presses herself closer to him, signalling her intent, she smiles against his lips when he pulls her closer, his grip on her hips tightening.
“Let's go to bed.” She says, slightly breathless as she pulls away.
Don't worry anon, our favourite chaotic family will be returning very soon.
I am working on the Route 66 of this universe, so I'll put a little sneak peek below the cut :)
He doesn’t know where he is, his mind fuzzy, his desperate attempts to think of the last thing he remembered failing.
“Aaron?”
He freezes when he hears the voice. It had been so long since he’d heard it he’d forgotten what it sounded like. Lingering at the edges of his memory, never quite able to grab it, always just out of his reach. The moment he hears her say his name it all comes flooding back, hitting him like a wave. He turns to look at her, and his breath catches in his chest.
“Haley?”
She smiles at him, the same smile he sees on his eldest son’s face all the time. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”
A mini-fic set post ITSWM. (I know I haven’t finished posting that yet but I wrote some fluff for this universe because I needed the serotonin, and thought you might too.)
Rating: General
Words: 2.5k
It happens in slow motion. Aaron watches as Theo falls from the jungle gym, landing awkwardly on his arm as he hits the ground. There’s a beat of silence, a moment where Aaron thinks everything might be ok when runs over, and then his son starts crying hysterically as he sits up.
When he sees Theo’s arm, bent at an unnatural angle, his first thought is that Emily was going to kill him.
____________
Emily feels her phone ring in her pocket for the second time in as many minutes and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She knows it’s Aaron without looking, having rejected his initial call only a minute before with the intention of calling him back the minute she was free. He never calls her at work, knowing the pressure of her job since he had once done it himself.
He usually texts her, sends her a photo of the kids as they do something adorable or slightly mischievous. Photos of Amelia smiling widely at the camera, or Theo and Jack playing Mario Kart together, matching looks of concentration on their faces. They helped, reminding her of what was waiting for her when she got home from horrific case after horrific case, that despite everything she still had her family.
She’d never tell Aaron that they also hurt at times. Tiny reminders of what she missed out on when she was away.
The fact he was calling her twice in such quick succession could only mean something was wrong.
Emily looks at the team as they deliver the profile to the local detectives. Dave catches her eye and gives her a quick nod as she lifts her phone and tilts her head down a hallway.
She answers the phone just as it’s about to ring out. “Aaron, is everything ok?”
Aaron sighs over the phone. “It’s Theo, he’s okay I promise, but he’s broken his arm.”
For a moment she swears her heart stops in her chest, panic seeping through her body at the thought of her precious little boy being hurt. “He’s not okay if he’s got a broken bone, Aaron.”
“Sweetheart.” He says firmly, preventing her from spiralling any further. “He’s in a bit of pain but he’s ok. He’s just convinced me this means we get to have ice cream for dinner.”
She barks out a laugh that catches in her throat. “That boy will do anything for ice cream.” She pauses to take a breath, her emotions still overwhelming despite Aaron’s attempts to distract her. “What happened?”
“He fell off the jungle gym.”
She frowns at this, indignation running through her veins. “Aaron, I-”
“Yes, I know you told me he has almost fallen off of it before. I can’t exactly tell him he can’t go on it though sweetheart.”
She sighs, and feels the anger leave her just as quickly as it came. She looks over her shoulder when she hears the room full of local officers and detectives start to disperse.
“Do you want to talk to him?” Aaron asks gently.
“Yes please.” She breathes out, and waits a second as she hears Aaron talking to Theo in the background, the sound of the emergency room they were in almost drowning out their conversation.
“Hi, Mommy.” He sniffs, sounding incredibly sorry for himself. Her chest feels tight at the sound of it, at the use of the name ‘mommy’ when her 8 year old had mostly been calling her ‘mom’ lately.
“Hi, sweetie. How are you feeling?”
“My arm hurts.” He grumbles. “The doctor said I could get a cast in any colour.”
“Really?” She asks, voice full of fake enthusiasm. “What colour are you going for?”
“Green.” He sniffs again, a sign that he had been crying that broke her heart. “Are you coming home?”
Emily closes her eyes, and she blows out a breath. “I can’t, sweetie. I’m working, remember? I’m in Texas.”
“Okay.” The disappointment in his voice is palpable, and it takes everything in her to not start crying there and then. Thoughts of how she could leave in the middle of the case, assign someone else as agent in charge and just go home and hug her son.
And maybe smack her husband for letting Theo go on the jungle gym in the first place.
“Emily.” Dave’s voice interrupts her and she turns to look at him, holding up a finger to show she just needed another minute.
“Theo, honey, I’ve got to go okay. I love you so much. I’ll call later.”
“Love you too.”
She smiles at that, as she has done every single time since he first said it. “Can you pass me back to Dad?”
There's another shuffle on the other end of the phone, a quick curse from her husband as one of them nearly drops the phone. “Sweetheart?”
“I’ve really got to go, I’m sorry.”
“Baby, we get it.” He reassures, clearly able to hear how sad she is, how torn she is over what to do. “Theo gets it too usually, you know you’re the first thing any of us wants when we’re sick or hurt.”
Emily nods despite the fact she knows he can’t see her, and she hastily wipes away the tear the movement drops onto her cheek. “I know, you Hotchner’s really can’t cope without me.” She jokes.
“We can get by until you wrap up the case.” He replies, and she can just imagine the grin on his face, the way it would bring out his dimples. “I’ll text when we’re home okay?”
“Yeah, thank you. Love you.”
“Love you too, sweetheart.”
She hangs up the phone and turns back to Dave, who is standing behind her still, with concern all over his face. “Is everything okay at home?”
Emily sighs as she puts her phone back in her pocket and starts to walk back to the conference room, Dave keeping pace at her side. “Theo’s broken his arm, so Aaron took him to hospital.”
Despite how neutrally she tries to say it she clearly fails, Dave coming to a stop and putting a hand on her arm. “The poor kid. We can always manage here if you need to head back.”
She frowns at him. “I can still do my job, Dave.”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “I never said you couldn’t, Bella. I just know that you aren’t going to believe he’s fine until you see him for yourself.”
“I appreciate your concern, but I am fine.” She practically growls at him before walking past into the conference room.
“Yeah.” Dave says to himself. “That was definitely said in a way a person who was fine would say it.”
____________
Emily was aware that she was in a foul mood, snapping at the team as they asked questions or every time they came up against a dead end. The need to get home as quickly as possible clawing at her throat. Photos that Aaron had sent her the night before of Theo with his bright green arm cast, and a bowl of ice cream in front of him only further deepening that need.
It culminates in her shouting at Derek like she never had before, something that made him say the ‘Hotch attitude’ was finally rubbing off on her. She threatened him with victimology for the rest of his career and then stormed out, ignoring the way the locals looked at her as she did.
She finds solace in the women’s bathroom, or at least she did right up until Dave followed her in.
“You shouldn’t be here, Dave.” She says as she briefly turns to look at him, before going back to looking at her weary face in the mirror. Sleep had not come easy for her the night before, George Foyet always making his way back into her subconscious every time someone in her family was hurt.
“Neither should you, Emily.” He clears his throat, clearly ready for an argument. “Which is why I’ve booked you a flight home.”
Emily turns quickly at that, stares him down. “You did what?”
“I booked you a flight, it leaves in two hours. I’ll drive you to the airport.”
She takes a step towards him and crosses her arms across her chest. “I can’t just leave in the middle of a case. I am the Unit Chief.”
“And you’re a damn good one, but you’re also an excellent mother. And I know that you need to see your little boy more than he needs to see you.”
Emily stares at him before nodding, relenting to doing exactly what she had been wanting to do in the 30 hours it had been since Aaron had called her. “You’re right. I’ll go. But I expect updates about what's going on here.”
“As you wish.” He stands out of her way so she can get past him and leave the bathroom. “The ticket is first class by the way, so drink some free champagne and do everyone a favour and chill out.”
Emily grimaces as they walk back towards the conference room. “Have I really been that bad?”
“You owe everyone at least one drink. I think you owe Derek a month off of paperwork.”
“He wishes.” Emily scoffs.
____________
Aaron watches in amusement as Amelia climbs onto the couch next to Theo and starts to, not very gently, stroke his hair. It’s what Emily did for all of them, Aaron included, when they were sick or hurt and Theo lets his sister do it, despite it clearly being the last thing he wanted. Watching his two year old daughter mirror her mother made his heart constrict, and he wished more than ever that his wife was here.
His phone rings and he grabs it, smiling as he sees Emily’s name and picture on the screen. “Hey, how are things?”
“I’m on a plane.” She replies, a small laugh in her voice. “Dave bought me a ticket and drove me to the airport. Took me as far as security would let him to make sure I got onboard.”
Aaron couldn’t pretend he was anything other than relieved. He’d noticed the tension in his wife during the brief phone calls and text exchanges about their son’s injury. Not to mention Theo was miserable, barely putting up with his little sister's antics anymore, and getting crankier by the second.
“What time do you get in?”
“Too late for you to even think about picking me up, I’ll get a cab home.”
He wants to argue, to go get her and tell her everything is fine, but he knows that's not what she needs him to do. She would want him here, in their home, with their kids. “Okay, just text me when you land.”
“I will. Love you.”
“You too.” He says as he hangs up.
“Everything okay, Dad?” Jack’s voice comes from behind him.
Aaron turns to look at his 17 year old son. “Yeah, Emily is on her way.”
Jack smiles at him, the same smile he inherited from Haley. “Uncle Dave sent her home?” Jack laughs at Aaron’s nod. “That’s a whole day sooner than you said it would happen.”
Aaron laughs. “She must have been in a really bad mood.”
____________
When Emily gets home it’s already well past Theo’s bedtime. As soon as she is in the house she sneaks into his bedroom and her chest tightens at the sight of his bright green cast laid on a pillow next to him. Archie held tightly under Theo’s good arm. She walks over to his bed and presses a kiss to his forehead, whispering apologies for not being home earlier into his hairline.
Amelia is also asleep. Emily sits down on the edge of her bed and tucks her in a little bit tighter and runs her fingers through her daughter's increasingly unruly hair.
Jack was still up, playing video games online with his friends. She pops her head in his room and quietly says hi, aware she had accidentally embarrassed him in the past. He throws her a grateful smile and a wave and she closes the door behind her.
When she gets to her own room Aaron is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her, and immediately stands as she closes the door behind her. She’s in his arms before she can really register it, and the lump that had sat in her throat since Aaron called her about Theo dissipates almost immediately.
Emily wraps her arms tightly around him, and presses her face into his soft t-shirt. “Hey.”
Aaron presses a kiss to the top of her head and rubs a hand up and down her back. “Hey sweetheart.”
He encourages her to get ready for bed, and joins her. Their nighttime routines are easily done around each other, years of practise behind them. Once they settle into bed he immediately pulls her into his arms and rests her on his chest.
“You ok?” He asks gently, fingers running up and down her arm.
“Yes.” She swallows against the word, and it tasted like a lie. “No. I just feel like a bad mom.” She admits into his chest, the fear that had been circling around in her head for longer than the last couple of days bursting out of her. “I know I’m not.” She says as she feels him take in a breath to admonish her, and she rubs the tension from his chest with the palm of her hand. “Being their mom is my favourite thing, but when I can’t be here when my son hurts himself...it really sucks.”
Aaron hears the way her voice cracks, and the way her body shudders when she tries to hold back the tears he had no doubt she had been putting off since he called her to tell her about Theo’s accident.
“You’re okay, Em. And so is he.” Aaron kisses the top of her head. “He’ll be so happy when he wakes up to see you tomorrow, and I’ll go back to being second favourite even though I gave him ice-cream two days in a row.”
She pushes herself up by the hand on his chest, her tearstained face coming into view. “Two days in a row?”
____________
Theo is delighted to see her the next morning, all but forgetting about his broken arm as he launches himself at her. He begs her to sign his cast, to draw a picture on it for him, and she smiles when she sees the scribbles on it clearly left by Aaron helping Amelia hold the pen.
When her daughter realises she is home she squeals and demands to be held by her mother for hours.
They watch a movie together, all of them piling into the living room. Theo chooses the movie, Monsters Inc, and Aaron levels a glare at Jack when he opens his mouth to complain.
“Breaking your arm is fun.” Theo exclaims as he sits in between his parents, ready to watch his favourite movie.
Aaron and Emily exchange a look over the top of their son’s head and they both suppress a laugh.
Snapshots of Emily and Theo's birthdays over the years.
Part of the Whatever Tomorrow Brings Universe.
Words: 2.5k
Warnings: Some cursing.
Read on Ao3 or below the cut, let me know what you think!
2002
“Are you sure you’ll be ok?”
Emily looks up from her son, just about able to tear her eyes off of her tiny newborn, and smiles at her husband. He’s looking at her expectantly, and she realises she has no idea what he said to her. Exhaustion and pure joy, and the sight of her son distracting her.
“Sorry honey. What did you say?” She asks slightly sheepishly, readjusting Theo in her arms. Aaron smiles indulgently at her, nothing but love and admiration flowing off of him.
“I asked if you’re sure you’ll be ok on your own for a while.” He says, sitting back down on the edge of her bed, his hand resting gently on her leg. “I’ll go pick up Jack so he can come meet his brother.”
Emily beams at that, the fact she has a child of her own in her arms, her son, still not quite sinking in.
“We’ll be fine, won’t we Theo?” She replies, looking back down at the sleeping baby in her arms. She feels Aaron’s hand tighten on her thigh slightly and she looks at him, a soft smile on her face when she sees the lingering concern on his, the memories of watching her in pain for so long still on this mind. “Go. We’ll be ok, love. I promise.”
He nods and leans forward, stamping a quick kiss to her lips before kissing the top of Theo’s head.
“I love you both. So much.”
“We love you too. Now go get Jack.”
Aaron stands from the bed and walks over to the door, pausing as he opens it to look back at her.
“It’s kind of unfair, you know?”
“What’s unfair?” She asks, her brows furrowed slightly.
“You just gave yourself the best birthday present ever. I’ll never beat this.”
Emily laughs and it startles Theo, and he cries out in her arms. She immediately shushes him and waves her husband out of the room before he can delay leaving any further, knowing the sooner he goes the sooner he will be back.
“You’re ok, Theo.” She says as she rocks her son gently. “You’re ok.” He calms at the sound of her voice, his bleary eyes staring up at her. “Daddy is right.” She says, lifting him so she can kiss his forehead. “You’re the best birthday present ever.”
_______________
2003
Emily wakes up to the sound of her son giggling and Aaron trying to quieten him down.
“Mommy’s still sleeping, buddy.”
“No she isn’t.” She rasps out, her voice still thick with sleep as she opens her eyes. Aaron is sat up in bed with Theo sat in his lap, held firmly in place by his fathers strong arms. Archie is in Theo’s hands, the stuffed orange cat never too far away from the little boy. Emily sits up and rubs her eyes before she quickly kisses her husband. “Good morning.”
“Morning.” He mumbles against her lips, any further greeting interrupted by their son and his excitement to see his mother.
“Mama!” Theo says, his arms already stretched out for her, Aaron’s hold on him loosening now Emily was awake. She gladly takes him, pressing several kisses to the side of the toddlers head as he settles into her embrace, his cheek pressed against her shoulder.
“Good morning, sweet boy.” She says, holding him closer.
“Sorry we woke you up.” Aaron says, looping his arm around her to pull her to him. “I brought him in here to stop him from crying for you so you could sleep longer, I should have known as soon as he saw you he’d want your attention.”
“That’s ok.” She replies, tilting her head to kiss him before she looks at the alarm clock on the nightstand. “Everyone is coming over later so we should get up soon anyway.”
He hums into the top of her head, a kiss pressed to her hairline before he gently grabs her chin, tilting her head to look at him again before he presses his lips to hers.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart.”
Theo lifts his head from Emily’s shoulder and looks at Aaron, a frown on his face that makes them both laugh, almost indignant in its nature.
“Happy birthday to you too, Theo.”
_______________
Emily doesn’t remember having many birthday parties when she was a child. They’d never lived anywhere long enough to have friends or family that they could invite. She smiles as she sees Penelope get on the floor with Theo, helping him build blocks from one of his new presents, as Derek shouts ‘helpful’ advice from the sidelines.
She’s distracted by how many people love her son, so it surprises her slightly when she feels a tugging at her pant leg. She looks down to see Theo pulling himself up on her, his fists digging into her jeans, as he tries to burrow into her.
“Up.” He all but demands, making her smile down at him. She scoops him up into her arms and settles him onto her hip, kissing the side of his head.
“It’s almost naptime, huh?” She says, recognising the signs of her son getting grumpy. She turns, planning on heading upstairs to let him lay down for a while, and she catches the look on her mother’s face. The slight rise of the other woman's eyebrows, the tightening of her lips. Emily blows out a breath. “What’s wrong?”
“I hate to say it, but I do think you coddle him a little, Emily.” Elizabeth says, sighing. “It wouldn’t harm him to not constantly get everything he wants.”
Emily stares at her for a second, proud of herself for biting back everything that immediately floods to the forefront of her mind, every comment about parenting that she has been desperate to say since she became a mother herself. She simply smiles instead, not wanting anything to ruin her son’s first birthday.
“Thanks for the advice, Mother.” She clears her throat and readjusts Theo on her hip. “I should go see where Aaron is.”
She walks off before anything else can be said.
_______________
“Is he asleep?”
Emily turns to see her husband standing in the door of Theo’s room and she nods, her son passed out in her arms as she paces the room.
“Yeah, I think today wore him out.” She answers, moving over to the crib and gently laying her son down in it. She stands over him, her hand pushing his dark hair off of his forehead like she had done countless times for Aaron over the years.
She feels her husband's arms wrap around her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder.
“You ok?” He asks, tightening his hold on her. She nods and places her hands over his.
“I can’t believe it’s been a year.” She answers. “It’s gone so fast.” She turns in his arms and wraps her arms around him.
“He’s getting big.”
She slaps his chest as if he’s been blasphemous, and it makes him laugh.
“We should have another one.” He says, pulling her closer to him. “A girl this time.”
“I don’t think that’s quite how it works, honey.” She says, looking up at him. “But yes, I’d love another one.” She rests her head on his chest and looks back at their sleeping son. “Hopefully we’ll get lucky again.”
He senses the melancholy in her voice, the memories of the pain that they went through to have their son rising through her, making her tense in his arms. He wants to cheer her up, make her feel nothing but happiness on the birthday she shares with their miracle of a son.
“I’m already lucky, I have you.” He says, smirking when she slaps his chest in mirth again, the laugh that comes with it the effect he wanted.
“You’re an idiot.”
_______________
2006
Theo was sick. The four year old was miserable as he curled up against Emily in his parents bed, Archie squished between them.
His fever had broken in the night, both Emily and Aaron were relieved it had - with plans to call his pediatrician that morning if he hadn’t felt any better. Emily presses her hand against her son’s forehead and sighs when she realises it still felt a little too warm for her liking.
Aaron walks into the bedroom, hanging up the phone as he does, a sympathetic smile on his face as he joins them on the bed.
“I’ve let everyone know.” He says, running his hand up and down Theo’s back as the little boy coughs in his sleep. “I’ve said we’ll rearrange when he’s better.”
Emily nods in response, looking at her husband through tired eyes.
“He’ll be disappointed, he was really excited to go to the zoo.” She says, her fingers carding through her son's hair.
“He’ll be fine once he realises this extends the birthday celebrations into another weekend.” Aaron replies. He reaches up to tuck some of Emily’s hair behind her ear, his thumb ghosting across her cheekbone. “Do you want me to take over? You barely got any sleep last night.
“It’s ok.” She says, shaking her head. “As soon as I try to move he’ll wake up.” She smiles at him. “I wouldn’t say no to some birthday pancakes though.”
Aaron laughs and kisses her. “As you wish.”
_______________
2009
Emily isn’t sure what woke her up at first. She opens her eyes, sore from when she had cried earlier, swollen and puffy as she blearily looks around the room. She had fallen asleep with the lamp on. The alarm clock on her bedside table tells her it's 2am, not even technically her birthday anymore, and the relief she feels is palpable. The heavy weight of spending her birthday without her husband, the first since they had met 16 years ago, somewhat lifted.
Today was just a normal day. Whatever that looked like now. 5 months without Aaron by her side and it still felt as strange as the first day. An emptiness she hated almost as much as she hated the man who had torn her family apart.
Her bed shifts next to her. She turns to see Theo next to her, his eyes wide in the semi-darkness of the room as if he had been caught doing something naughty.
“Theo, honey. Are you ok?” She asks, her voice cracking against her hoarse throat. She reaches out an arm to him and he immediately burrows into her side, his wet face against her neck.
“I miss Daddy.” He says, voice quiet so he didn’t wake Amelia sleeping only a few feet from them. “I wish he was here.”
Emily closes her eyes in a vain attempt to stop the tears that flood her eyes instantly.
“I do too, sweet boy.” She kisses the top of his head and pulls him closer. “I miss him so much.”
“Why can’t we go home?”
Emily sighs, the question she hated and had answered countless times rearing its ugly head again, cracking her heart each time her son asked it.
“It’s not safe, sweetheart.” She sniffs, lifting a hand from his back to wipe tears from her face. “We have to stay here until Daddy makes it safe again, remember?”
He nods against her neck before pulling away to look at her, his own tears renewing when he sees that she is crying.
“I’m sorry.”
She smiles at him and can feel it tremble.
“What are you sorry for?” She asks, wiping tears from his cheeks.
“For making you sad.”
“Oh, my love.” She says, her heart breaking all over again as she pulls him closer and wraps both her arms around him. “You didn’t make me sad.”
“You’re crying.”
“I just miss your dad. That’s all.” She runs her hand up and down his back. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” They lay in silence for a while, and she feels him calm down, the tension starting to leave his shoulders. “Do you want to sleep in here?”
He nods against her and she smiles, reaching behind her to turn off the lamp.
“Happy birthday, Mommy.” He says as he drifts off, his words blurring into one.
“Happy birthday, Theo.”
_____________
2020
“Before you say anything about me being old,” She starts, an eyebrow raised at her husband through the mirror as she fixes her earring into place. “I would like to remind you that you are 7 years older than me.”
Aaron laughs as he wraps his arms around her waist, a kiss pressed to her temple as she finishes getting ready to go out.
“I wouldn’t dare, baby.”
“Good.” She turns in his arms and kisses him quickly. “Sorry I was so late home.”
It was a miracle she had made it at all, the case she had been away dragging on a day longer than she had hoped. She had made it just in time, landing back in DC only a few hours before the meal they had planned for her and Theo’s birthday.
“Nothing to be sorry for, Em.” He kisses her. “We get it.”
She hums, clearly disagreeing with him as she steps out of his embrace.
“I had an interesting call before I left for the case.” She says as she organises her clutch bag for the evening, making sure she has her phone.
“Is that right?” He asks, feigning ignorance.
“They offered me Section Chief.” She raises an eyebrow at him, a smirk on her face. “Something tells me you already knew something about that.”
He throws his hands up in defence. “I was sworn to secrecy.”
“I am your wife.” She says, mock annoyance in her voice as she narrows her eyes at him.
“And as much as I love you with every fibre of my being, there are some protocols I can’t break even for you.”
She takes a step towards him, her lip between her teeth as she puts her hands on his waist.
“I don’t seem to remember protocol being that important to you when you fucked me at one of Mother’s parties.”
“27 years later and you still bring that up.”
“Mom, Dad. You aren’t being gross in there are you?” Amelia’s voice interrupts from the other side of the door, and they can practically hear the 11 year old rolling her eyes at them. “We’re going to be late. Jack is probably already there and Theo is getting antsy.”
“Mills, shut up.” Theo says, clearly also stood on the other side of the door.
Aaron laughs and steps back from his wife.
“We’ll be out in a minute. Go wait downstairs.” He replies before turning back to his wife, and leaning down to kiss her, his hand cupping the back of her head. “We will continue this later.”
