#wulfden

[beowulfs-booty-call]

So like I got tagged by @da-victoes for some selfies and it's not 6 but my dudes think of it as a progress pic! I finished my workout at the gym and I have an announcement: Your boy has Bara Tiddies™ It's official. I'm this close to my dream of being able to lift 20 malamutes and or my friends piggy back.

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“When it comes to fighting, I count myself as dangerous any day as Grendel… Although he does possess a wild strength. No weapons, therefore, for either this night: unarmed he shall face me if face me dares.” - Pg. 47, Beowulf (Seamus Heaney)

So, here’s that Vent doodle I was talking about, as well as some work in my sketchbook. I thought it’d be great to illustrate the scar I have on my shoulder out on a design somewhere, and my illustration of being Beowulf was the perfect idea…!

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1 13 15 30

Had to listen to Studio Killers for this ask because I can just feel the maturity for this one.

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Imagine, me and someone at a café somewhere. Maybe the city, maybe their hometown, maybe even my own spot.

The place is warm, the weather is slightly cold, but not too cold you can’t wear just a flannel and jeans (Wow, Beo, real easy subtle there.) but we just sit inside this real cozy cafe, its all old school, there’s jazz by George Benson playing like this

We’re locking eyes, me and them. The drinks are warm, but they’re not scalding, I’m writing in my little travel journal about the place, about the atmosphere, so on, maybe even doodles of the person. 

There’s light jokes strewn here and there, there’s nothing stiff about it, there’s fingers graze across mine on accent, and we both recline back out of fluster and second hand embarrassment. The person and I both apologize, but I tell ‘em I don't mind, it was warm. Slowly, we put our hands together and we can't get them off, we’re holding hands together, sipping our drinks and just talking about life, our hopes and dreams, the good stuff chai lattes were made for. 

The song’s picking up pitch, they know I’m tapping to the beat as the rain starts coming down. It’s light, it’s cool, and I’ve no umbrella with me, just me, my backpack, and my wallet/keys/phone. I gesture out to the rain, they nod.

We don’t know where we’re going, but we take our drinks and dash out in the rain like children. The song’s stuck in my head, like some big montage in a musical number, we hit up merchant shops, gemstone and oddities stores, my eyes bug out when I noticed a skull box or a cursed mirror for sale.

The entire me and that person don’t let go of each other’s hands, they’re stuck and we don’t give a damn. I roll up my sleeves to buckle down to nab us something to eat but its just comedic, I flip up, the person can’t help but laugh because I messed up an order (like I ordered chicken but the person brings a lobster dinner fit for two) and things are okay, I’ve nothing on my calendar or scheduled so it’s an adventure. 

And we end it at midnight, watching the stars and moon, my flannel’s all roughed up from some of the coffee they drank, and my shirt’s beginning to smell like them, because we’re cuddling on the grass on a hill overlooking the moon and clouds. My collars all wrinkled, I have a smudge of food still on my cheek that’s smudged off, and my ears are all red. 

We whisper sweet little nothings to each other, and its a big old debate whether or not to really get up. When we do, though, it’s still the fact that the night’s here and people have to sleep.

How we get home, no one knows, but we do, wether by truck or train. And we part, the person and I, maybe a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek, but I feel something slipped into my pocket, or in my hands, or even when I leave I check for my keys and find something.

A little thing to remind myself of that date, maybe the receipt of the cafe where someone scrawled “You two look great together...!” or maybe a trinket from a shop.

All I know is, I’d never forget being someone’s adventure that day, or being someone’s travel partner.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

I actually didn’t think there was the LGBT until about a good well number of years back. Yes, I knew about drag queens and other themes of the LGBT com. and such, but man, when I was younger I was fostered on the “You’re going to hell if you like the same gender or want to be the gender you felt you should have been born as” and Ironically when around the same time I became a witch, I realized the community was there.

You see, I knew about the community, but not as the official term, much less, the community was more than few people. It was terrible feeling that way, because I was in the closet for so very long. It was terrible being yelled at for crossing my legs or accidentally saying, “Well, I think you look good, so, I like you like that.” to some guy in high school and having people gawk at you, or being called a woman by my own father because of my voice and because I gestured with my hands.

My sexuality was questioned a lot, because, I was rather vague about myself, I had my interests, and while I had my life in front of me, many times I felt alone because of it. Was there people who felt the same way as me? Were there others who felt it was fine falling in love with a man or woman?

Are my feelings valid?

I made the mistake of believing there weren’t people out there who supported my life or my being, because it was so easy seeing how we were treated because of it. We had the episode of the Golden Girls where Blanche’s brother was gay and he was the butt of a few jokes, but also Blanche’s rage until Sophia stepped in, we were and are the butt of jokes at times, including on tv and cartoons in implications, but we were there. And it hurt. I felt it was awful how we were restricted for being who we were, and I felt worse for really thinking there wasn’t people who wasn’t like me because of the way I feel about people.

But, that mistake belied that in the end, we weren't represented as much as we are now, and still need to be. Kids need that support and representation I for one, didn't receive until nowadays because it causes them to worry, as well as mistake the heteronormative way we grow up as the be all - end all, and that scared the shiitake mushrooms out of me back then. Your parents could love you, but would they love after you finally had the guts to say, “Hey, mom and dad, remember how there’s always the notion that a man and woman need to get married? Yeah, well, I as a guy, love both genders / Men.” is the fear most gay kids would have, and vice versa for Lesbians as well. Even worse for my trans peeps who felt uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned with / wanted to become the person they wanted to be (If my language isn’t appropriate, please do tell me, and I’ll tailor it as needed by you!). Like, it’s so easy to feel alone when you were never really represented as anything but, “Oh, xyz? Oh you mean (Insert trope like Lesbians being written off / flamboyant gay men / crossdressing as a “joke” trope)” And you get put off by it so much you try thinking, “maybe I’m wrong” or “Maybe, I will go to hell, because this is bad.” And it’s not. At. All.

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

I somehow knew this was coming so, *Cracks knuckles* let’s get to it, Sailor Style™ :

I’m a huge Sailor Venus fan, so, I pride myself on being able to love many people and “types” of people, of both guys and gals. 

Guys: BIG. THICC. MEN. 

LIKE

GIVE ME YOUR HAIRY, BIG, BELLIED AND SKINNY AND EVEN BUFF MEN WHO NEED SOME LOVING AND I AM HERE. 

I love thicc guys because, well, I love the idea of having someone bigger than me on some aspects. That said, I’m kinda a big guy myself at 178 pounds and at 6′2 (I believe is the last I scaled myself or an inch off) and I also don’t mind someone smaller so to speak. Really, I’m the sort who falls for all kinds of men, because, I seriously love boys. 

But I also love guys who know about themselves well enough too. I’m the guy who wants to share himself in a relationship. Not in the sense that I’m making it all about me, but in a relationship, imo, you’re sharing both of yourselves in it. Interests, love, commitment, it’s all there. I want to grow as a person and lover, and I want to share that growing person with someone. If you can’t handle that, you’d best find someone else, unfortunately. 

Also, Daddy types are my thing too, I’m leaning onto the archetype too, lol, but that’s a different story all together. My thing is, if a guy is big, bonus points, he got a belly? Extra points. He got abs and or pecs to die for? He’s got me all the way there. Hairy? Love it. No hair? Just as nice. 

Scared no one likes their body because they’re “too” (Skinny, big, etc etc) I’ll kiss them fears away. Confident in his life choices or isn’t as much and wants to better himself? Sign me tf up.

He can pay for my college ed because I can satisfy him? Fuck me up then.

Also like, jocks and bodybuilders are also kind of a thing for me with the way I train, but my guy, consider really nerdy guys who are like, big gentle giants and are really BIG and like dogs. Yes.

Pretty boys just don’t do it for me though.

They just don’t.

Girls: Really, I just love girls who are girls. Women are already kinda amazing on their own, so, like, the bar isn’t set up at all because in general I feel like if a girl is ready to share herself and sharing myself with her, we’re really fine.

If someone can match me in terms of books / literature, I give bonus points, but I just love girls who are confident in themselves. Like,

“I can make the fucking world burn, but you’d be damned if you cross me.”?

Yeah, I’m their biggest fan.

Really. Big women, small women, girls who read a lot, girls who exercise a lot, it doesn’t really “matter” per say because in the end, I know that I really do like them just being, well, themselves. It’s vague af compared to guys, and I apologize for that, but I lean more to guys, and girls wise, I’m more into the type of girl who can rock the world, and me, to the very core. So, when it comes to girls, I’m more submissive because I simply like girls who could really take me for a spin so to speak. (Plus I’m weak for women who could legit you know, suplex a guy.) 

Realistically, strong women, girls who have no problem with a little meat on their bones or rolls on their bodies (We all have em tbh), really romantic girls.

Like, Allura is a great example of the type of girl I’m into. She’s strong, she’s intellectual about the galaxy and in the world as a whole, but she’s got purpose. Make her chubby, and she’s still the same Altean princess who can kick ass. Make her buff, and she can literally squat using the Paladins. It doesn’t change that I’d admire her still.

Apologies if it’s not more defined...!

Non Binary: Really, I can’t say per say, but really, both genders apply too. Like, if you are big, small, tall or short, it doesn’t matter. I’d still love someone who’s confident in themselves. It’s hard really explaining my types, because, I have never really organized them, so much as think of them. But, I’ll still fall in love with your scars, your rolls, your arms, legs, everything some way or another. I really do pride myself over that fact, small as it may seem to some.

Being able to lift me over her shoulders and bench press me or squat is a huge af bonus point award for both / all genders tbh.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

Know you’re not alone!!!I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!

Don’t be like me feeling icky because people told him being gay / bi was “Icky and sinful UwU”. Don’t be me who stayed up at night feeling like throwing up because I felt if I dreamed of falling in love with a man, I’d burn in hell. Don’t also ever feel guilty for looking at a guy or gal, and thinking, “Damn, I’d totally love to wake up in the morning next to them.”

(We can’t prove hell really exists, so, don’t also be indoctrinated to that idea either, kiddos.)

 And, don't ever feel that you are gross because you are different. Celebrate it instead and be you when you’re able to, even if it’s online only, or even alone only. Those small celebrations are what makes life worth it.

Also, do find others who are LGBT too, because it HELPS, even if they’re only allies, being able to talk about things are all you need to worry at times, you don’t have to be out, but to your friends who understand? That’s a big relief imo.

Also, because I’m in one myself rn, don't be afraid to subtly express yourself the way you want to. Fashion wise, it’s slightly easier, words, “eh”, but if that means you watching a good LGBT repping show at night with earbuds, don’t even think a second thought and you tell me how it was.

You watch those shows that make you happy, and you do the same, but make sure to always look over your shoulder, always have a tab on yourself, and never give into the pressures people place on you. Never give the pressures keeping you back any chance. Online may be a safe space for you, maybe, the only one there is, but know, later on in life, you will be free to finally be you, and when you do?

I’ll be so proud of you. So, if you can’t be yourself outside the computer, don’t fret over it. You’ve a right to vent out to someone, much less, a therapist or even on your blog, but do right to yourself. If that means cutting off some people, do it. If that means not supporting their beliefs, by all means.

+ Don’t ever, ever, ever try to deny yourself if you really know yourself. You are your best friend in that scenario, because if you’re like me, you don’t really have anyone else near you or in front of yourself. So take care of yourself. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. And do not ever think for one second that you don’t belong or you don’t deserve to exist or live because you feel you are comfortable with someone of the same gender, or because you feel you should be yourself but haven't had the opportunity to do so because of society / your parents / other toxic stuff. 

Instead, do your best, take it all in, cry if you can or want to when you’re alone, and push on and be the best fucking you there’ll ever be. Because honeys, if you can’t love yourself, who the hell is gonna love somebody else without some real self love? So be proud, be you on the inside, and keep on fighting till you’re away and ready to be you. You’re gonna be a wonderful person when you’re away from all this mess some day in the future. And I can’t wait to see the person you become / are, that day.

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@girafari-g-irafarig replied to your post: 

you're turning into a lil thot before my very eyes im so very very proud

Honestly, I learned from the best. Glad to make you proud, I’m now debating to go for a leather jacket, suspenders over skinny jeans and nothing as a top as a Look™. Pfft

But honestly, I’m gonna have to recall when you told me to be a cam slut over my selfie LMAO.

[beowulfs-booty-call]

“I knew of him from his young days; His aged father was named Ecgtheow, to whom Hrethel the Heat gave his only daughter…” - Hrothgar, Crown of the Scyldings

Kay, so, I finally decided to put the hero worship for Beowulf into show and started drawing myself as I saw him. Which, was well, me. Beowulf was what helped me when I was younger struggling to find my identity as a person since high school, and even though everyone thought it was torture, the story spoke to me more than I’d like to admit.

I bought a new sketchbook in memory of my Grandpa, in order to hone my art skills like he’d told me to, and so that when I was thinking of any good ideas, for me to jot down in it, and this was the first thing. 

Though I may not be Geatish, or Germanic, that never mattered with Beowulf. He was a man, a warrior, a hero, and a king all wrapped up in one. I struggled a lot to be like that. And in so doing, I ended up taking up the name Beowulf for myself to be called. It was something, well, is something I can’t ever think of as a mistake, because here I am now. This is only a head sketch, and yet, I’m going to do as best as I can, as a person, as a hero in training and so on. In life, that’s all you really can do. So...

Look forward to more updates later on, I hope this old paragraph may have had an impact on you like it had on me rereading it twice over.

[beowulfs-booty-call]

So I splurged and bought two of @wulfthat 's WulfPack sticker (This one is the bigger one, I got the small one coming along the way) AND GOD ALMIGHTY THESE ARE GORGEOUS GOD BLESS YOU, MY DUDE, YOU ARE DOING SKULLGIRLS JUSTICE!

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I’m going to sleep, here’s a supportive Wolf Boy who’s hoping you have a great night tonight!

[beowulfs-booty-call]

See the world and bask in it's beauty. Each and every thing, big and small, shares a part of it. Even you. Live with that knowledge well.

Journal entry #4; Signed, Beowulf