A New Experience
With my approximately eleventy billion dollars in Facebook and Tesla stock, I will con persuade venture capitalists to give me bags of silver. I will buy an exclusive island in a fjord once owned by an infamous Damascus steel smuggler. I will convince the very hottest Valkyrie and Viking warrior influencers to come shoot a scintillating video of swimming in crystal clear ice-cold waters, snorting herring directly off of each other’s bare chests, and downing horns of the finest mead, for which they will generate buzz with a coordinated social media posting of a simple, single steel grey tile. It will be a three-day festival of the finest Chainmail artisans, welcoming you into their shining, glimmering world of Swarovski and Byzantine weave in the company of Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Cate Blanchett, Jaime Alexander, and other genuine Asgardian notables whom I swear have already been booked. Exclusive posh, fur-lined, warm and comfortable yurts will be available, with luxurious longhouses available for those who pay premium and they exist, I swear. Also, a treasure hunt. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you…WYRE FESTIVAL.