#wysty's thoughts

[wysteriaisapenguin]

So Broken's korean name is "The Voice of the Despair". Very fitting for him if you ask me. But then that begs the question..if Broken is despair, does that mean Stubborn is hope?

Well, this post comes to mind when I think about Stubborn being hope:

A stubborn kind of hope is to never give up, even if it kills you. No matter how many times the Razor skewers you...no matter how hard you try to fight the Beast that wants to devour you...no matter how many times you die to the Fury as she explodes your body into nothing but gore...you refuse to back down. You get back up again and again and again. You're not giving up until you defeat the Princess, your one and only Adversary.

Your hope is bloody and violent. You keep holding onto it until you finally prevail. And despite all the pain and suffering you've endured from it all...

You are still there. You are still you.

[wysteriaisapenguin]

Cold when he sees Skeptic or Smitten in their respective Grey Chapters: Oh, I can make them worse~ <3

Paranoid when she sees Skeptic or Smitten in their respective Chapter 3s: OH GOD I MADE THEM WORSE

[wysteriaisapenguin]

So you know how in the Sexyman tournament for Cold, my Cold was called "The Grey"?

Ever since then, I've been picturing the Greys as Cold's old aunties or grandmothers. Despite everything they've been put through because of him, they adore him in some strange way. Burned Grey is very gentle towards him and smothers him with sweet words and warm touches, hoping to melt his frozen heart. Drowned Grey is stern towards him and disapproves his apathy, but relates to the bitterness and yearning he's been hiding. Whenever Cold is not with the other voices, the Greys look after him. It's a very unexpected kinship and he doesn't expect forgiveness from them, but he doesn't mind their company either.

[wysteriaisapenguin]

I know it’ll never happen, but imagine if we can get Smitten in Cage.

We get our ‘Happy Ending’ after letting Prisoner cut her own head off. We’d then wallow in regret, thinking how things would have been different if we had trusted her and opened up to her a little more. So when we decide to slay ourselves, we remark how we will do better to save the Princess in our next life.

Once we wake up in Cage, Smitten will proudly declare that we are on a “road to redemption”. Skeptic is, obviously, pissed off by the circumstances he is placed in and Smitten tries his best to calm him down so he can reason with him. Skeptic gets on Smitten’s case for only relying on his emotions rather than thinking logically, but Smitten points out that his fellow voice’s own bitterness has clouded his judgement. (Compared to the other voices you get in Cage, he is notably more patient with Skeptic.)

Smitten claims that our distrust and cynicism had caused us to close off our heart from the Princess, which not only prevents us from connecting with her but also has us continuing the cycle of hurting each other. So this would be our last chance to break out of that cycle and leave our prison together. Lucky for him, Hero is on his side too! At this point, the heroic voice had enough of Skeptic’s attitude too.

If we decide to not take the blade and successfully free Cage’s head, Smitten would be so overwhelmed with joy that he will make you hold her head up high and spin around. (Equivalent to kissing Thorn) He will also prevent you from dropping Cage’s head right before you leave the cabin, claiming it is “cruel and blasphemous” to consider such a thought after going through all the effort to save her. Once we leave the cabin, Smitten will declare we have finally found the true “Happy Ending” we’ve been searching for.

[wysteriaisapenguin]

Hey hey, it’s been a while.

So much things have been going on for the past month and it’s been pretty hectic: my job becoming far more stressful, my computer breaking down and getting repaired, and several tax troubles. But the most important thing that's happened is that I'm officially living independently now. My mom has moved out so she can live with my dad again. I'm really thankful for her and I sincerely hope she'll be happy wherever she is now.

Though I can't help but feel like a part of me is gone. I knew this was coming when the year began but...now the year's almost over and it finally happened. Now it's just me living on my own. I don't know if I'll even be able to take proper care of myself...but hopefully I'll learn how to little by little. It's another step towards adulthood for me.

So yeah, that's why I haven't been active on my tumblr as of late and I'm sorry for that (I'm still on Discord though so no worries) Now that everything's settled down, I'll see if I can try to get back into posting regularly here. And same goes for my art. With everything going on, it's been putting me in a severe art block and it's been awful.

Thank you all so much for sticking around. Who knows where the future leads from here.

[wysteriaisapenguin]

So here's some big news: I'm moving!

In a couple of weeks, I'll be moving out to try living on my own. So far, everything's going pretty smoothly and while I am anxious about it, I'm also looking forward to see where my new life will take me.

I need to save up for moving expenses and settling in for the first few weeks, so I'll be open for a few commissions. Feel free to check out my commission info or Ko-fi commissions and reach out to me if you're interested! Ko-fi donations are also appreciated!

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[wysteriaisapenguin]

I keep thinking about Smitten’s Korean name: 상사병의 목소리 (Voice of the Fantasizer)

Based on my understanding, this name is a combination of the words 상상 (imagination) and 병 (disease). It’s meant to be derogatory, but I think it does describe Smitten well. He uses the fairytale romance fantasy as a coping mechanism to get through all the horrors he faces in the construct. But indulging in this fantasy isn’t always healthy. Yes he loves the Princess with all his heart, but his perception of her is a sweet and delicate damsel who can do no wrong, even if she is supposedly meant to “end the world”. No matter how much he showers her with praise, he doesn’t truly know her or what she really wants. He refuses to believe that his efforts to make her happy are not enough. He refuses to accept her death and the pain that comes with it. He seeks comfort in this ideal fantasy of love and can’t bear to see it be shattered by reality.

I think Voice of the Fantasizer sounds like a terrific alternate name for him.

[wysteriaisapenguin]

Thinking about Cold and Smitten but they're both into Fury but for different reasons. Cold's into Adversary!Fury and Smitten's into Tower!Fury.

Cold finds Fury amusing. He loves seeing her get so angry over him denying her the fight she desperately wants. He's curious about how much further he can push her buttons and how much pain she can inflict on him by unraveling him (you could say he's a masochist). But he eventually realizes that behind all that power and anger, Fury feels numb and empty. She wants to feel the spark she once felt but can't get it back anymore. She had lost her ability to feel...just like him. And once that realization hits, that amusement Cold had before is replaced with sympathy and understanding. As apathetic as he may be, he doesn't like to see someone else go through the same emptiness that he felt.

And I know that Smitten doesn't show up in Tower!Fury (Ok maybe he does for a split second but it's purely for joke reasons) But I remember reading this fic on AO3 called Mortality (check it out here), where the two of them interact. And that got me thinking...

Smitten is absolutely enamored by Fury. The dominating power she possesses, her beauty combined with her gory desecration, and even her poetic speech filled with hate and anger. He can't help but see her as the goddess she once was. At first, Fury thinks he's mocking her. How dare this pathetic little voice finds her beautiful even after she had been stripped from her godhood. Of course, she makes him go through the same torturous unraveling, but even so, Smitten's love is powerful enough for him to survive through it all. And once Fury stops, she sees how sincere Smitten is and not only feels bad, but also wallows that she misses the praise and worship she once had from being the perfect goddess. She feels like she is nothing...but she is still everything to him.

Eventually Cold and Smitten both realize they're into the same princess (somewhat) and find it almost baffling. Smitten questions how someone as heartless and emotionless as Cold be into someone full of raw anger? Especially after denying her everything she wants? Cold thinks how someone as naive and loving as Smitten could be into someone who wants him dead? Especially after she became a more gruesome version of her perfect ideal self? But the more they think about Fury and their feelings towards her, the more they slowly understand each other. Perhaps Cold isn't as heartless as Smitten thought he was. And perhaps Smitten is emotionally stronger than Cold thought he was. In a way, their shared affection towards Fury brings them a little closer.