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I feel like I was just given the tarot card The Tower by life right now.

#vague vent #the tower #life is shit #x;v

Syst;V

I am calm

Things are fine

I played beatsaber for a while...

Actually relaxing (as i play expert one handed)

Grant it, it makes my tremors bad and i hate sweating... but everything is calm.

Im sorry about my earlier freak out.

#X;V #syst;v #venting tw #venting #beatsaber thank you #i am sweaty and shakey but i am calm #everyone is still slightly arguing but they've calmed down

OK just saying I am ultimately confused by the conundrum of Seth.

He is an asshole.

He's still mean and rude but just a bit dialed back.

I guess he's trying to be better...

but like, this.... hm... creature is just confusing.

He apparently loves art and drawing.

I mean he has six arms so

He just made me stay up until almost 5 am to finish drawing art.

I am going to fight him in my head space.

I had plans to go to a mental health group just to check it out (which is a massive step for me) and now I might not wake up in time. hdiuwehpfwehf I'll metaphorically kill him. (in a loving way)

lmao he said gross when I typed that

#syst;v #X;V #syst;Se #system #did osdd #actually did #osdd #did

Sometimes I forget people read my fanfction and enjoy it. Then when I talk to them they're really happy and Im just ??? Why do you like my things? I suck at shit? My writing is awful

#writing #drawing #creative writing #x #X;V #scp #scp fandom #fanfics #fanfiction #just a little bit of self hatred #just a sprinkle #a dash #i dont understand #why #why do you like my things #this isn't directed at anyone specific #it's just in general #i suck as a person #i cant adult correctly #Im stuck in a hell hole with no chance of leaving #i just lost my prescription health insurance #my parents don't respect who I am #im afraid to even tell my own mother about being diagnosed with autism #im afraid to tell her anything about systems because she'll just say some stupid shit #i have 2 irl friends and i feel so alone here. why do i need to feel loved and wanted by someone #i dont want to be where I am anymore but I'm stuck #this kind of hopelessness...#it makes me not want to exist anymore #I wish my sister didnt die. that way i would have never been born #but here i am

Happy post-Ed Balls day

#ed balls #X;V

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