He’s died before. He remembers the cold, the blackness, the mind-numbing terror that gripped him. He remembers the realization that his end was nigh, and that he would leave this world alone. He remembers the consuming despair, the anger, the grief. He remembers the pride, that his sacrifice might have made a difference, the acceptance that he would be forgotten with time, the grim solemnity as his eyes closed for what he had assumed would be eternity.
But he also remembers the value of his death being robbed when the Soviets denied him his mortality. This was nothing like that.
This was dying on his own terms, and no one, no one, not even the EMTs Evelyn was frantically shouting for, could take that from him.
The bullet had passed right through him. He’d taken it for her, had shoved her to the ground right before the sniper squeezed the trigger. He is a creature of sacrifice, always willing to give up his own life, if it means someone he loves might live to fight another battle.
It’s funny how history has a tendency to repeat itself.
For now, he coughs a spray of crimson, and it stains her sleeve as she gathers him into her lap, the heel of her palm pressed firmly to the gushing wound. It’s futile, he tries to tell her that, but she doesn’t listen, she damns him to the ninth circle of Hell and tries to convince him she wasn’t worth it.
A gore smeared hand rises to brush hair away from her eyes, he knows she hates such soft sentimentality, but he’ll be dead soon, so he risks it, “Shut up.” His voice comes out weaker, and shakier, than he intended, and he clears a globule of blood from his throat, trying not to asphyxiate, “I love you, okay. I waited too long to say so….but fuck it. I’m dead anyways.”
He doesn’t laugh, but he offers a horribly self-satisfied smirk, and his eyes flutter shut as he sputters to draw in a breath. Bucky doesn’t fight the tug, he eases into the blackness. Fuck it.