#xhias

[ai-qa]

"Sometimes I dream of home," - https://www.patreon.com/posts/105092929

"even if it's a home I only saw once."

help me stay off the streets: http://patreon.com/ratte / http://ko-fi.com/ratte

prints: https://www.inprnt.com/profile/silasagnostos/

[ai-qa]

We Go North

The sound of whispering on the other side of the wall woke me and I slowly blinked my eyes open.  I looked up to the shattered window of our sleeping area to see it was still dark outside.  Shuffling came through the curtain door, the muffled thump of feet against the hard cement floor and that notable soft grind of pulling bag strings.

"We're gonna have to get the kids up soon," Sura said quietly.

"Soon ain't now," responded a busy Riv.  "Want 'em to sleep as much as they can."

I sat up and quickly shook my head to wake myself.  We'd been looking forward to this day, to the point the past several days were a blur.  It's strange how slowly time passes when you have something to look forward to, but once you're there it's like no time passed at all.

Through the murky darkness I looked down to my hands, firm and scuffed from chores, and a small smile creased my lips.  How funny it was that I'd find a sense of belonging among those who lacked their own.  I thought back through all Xhianei and I had gone through, from fleeing home with Parana to crossing an ocean, to getting turned away from our destination, and finally ending up here.  So much happened in such a short time.

"You think you have enough?" asked Sura.

"Hopefully it'll be, but might be a bit tight," Riv answered.

I missed my mom.  I missed Parana.  I hoped everything, everyone back home was doing okay, and that the wrench in my mom's plans wouldn't cause too many problems down the line from here.  Though displaced, both Xhianei and I were safe and hopefully that would still count for something.

Looking just beyond the end of the bed I saw Parana's bag on the floor.  I had already packed everything away the previous night so it was closed up nice and tight, ready to carry.  Something about this didn't feel quite right, though, so I leaned forward to grab its handle and pull it over.  Undoing the zipper I gently reached my hand inside, feeling around for-- ah, there it was.  I pulled out the envelope that Parana had given me back at the shipyard, and pinching the side I could still feel the contents.  I stared at it for a moment, quickly glancing over to a still-sleeping Xhianei, before placing it on the floor beside me and repacking my bag without it.

Pushing the bag aside I stood up and gave a long stretch before bending back down to retrieve the envelope.  Reaching out I slowly drew back the end of the curtain to see Sura and Riv sorting through miscellaneous things and packing the necessities into bags by candlelight, the burning wick smell reminding me of home.  A quick look down the hall confirmed we were the only ones currently awake.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward, clutching the envelope tightly.  Sura must have heard me because she turned around pretty fast.

"Oh, hey Xhias," she said through a yawn.  "D'you need something?"

"Um, well, I was...actually wondering if you both had enough."

"Ah, don't worry about it," Riv assured, though his voice gave a hint of uncertainty.

"Just...I have this from home," I said, offering Riv the envelope.  "My mom gave it to us for Huot, but...yeah.  I don't know what's in it, I never opened it, but I've held onto it in case we needed it.  If it'll help, I...I'd like you to take it."

Riv just stared at it, unmoving and eyes were wide with disbelief.

"Please take it," I said.  "I want to help."

He looked from the envelope to me, then back to the envelope.  Slowly and hesitantly he extended a hand to accept it, opening the folded side to examine what it held.  I had never handled money before so I didn't know what was in it or how much it was worth.

"I-I'm sorry if it isn't much, I don't know anything about money, but I thought--"

The both of them knelt to my level.

"Xhias, are you sure you want to give this to us?" Sura asked.  "That's very thoughtful of you, but..."

"This...ain't a small amount," Riv said, voice cracking.  "Don't want to take this unless you're absolutely sure."

"Our mom gave that to us for our care, and I think this is what she would want," I blurted.  "Just...please take it."

The two of them stood there, stunned, as a moment of silence hung in the air.  Riv put the money back in the envelope and stowed it away in his pocket before they both reached forth and hugged me tight.

"You've no idea how much this means to us," Sura whispered.

"...Thank you, Xhias," was all Riv could say.  Those three words carried a fullness to them I couldn't quite explain.

Both of them stood up slowly, something behind me catching their attention.  I turned around to see for myself.  Saffron stood at the mouth of the hall, arms folded and leaning against the wall with a small sly smile on his face.  His eyes met mine and he gave a slow nod, his smile growing bigger before turning around and disappearing down the hall.

---

We got the rest of our stuff packed and ready before waking up Connor, Harley, and Xhianei.  As a parting gift Ulimi had sent a large bag of food back with Riv on his last day, some of which became our breakfast.  As I took another bite of my sweet bun I looked over the place I'd called home over the past few weeks.  It was weird but it hung a little heavy in my heart to know this was probably the last time I'd see the place, even if it were just a storm shelter.  I couldn't even imagine how the others felt, Riv especially.  Despite that, many smiles and happy stories were still told during breakfast, sharing perhaps the few good memories we all had from our respective origins.  The more I heard, the more interested I grew in where everyone came from and the more excited I became to see more of the world around us.

...I never thought I would feel eager to see the world again after my dad, after the foster home.

"'Kay then, everyone ready?" Sura asked, looking us over.  "Everyone fed and got their stuff to carry?"

"Looks like it," Saffron said as he slung a bag across his back.  "It's not like we have much more than we arrived with."

Both Sura and Riv gave a little chuckle as they packed away the rest of the food in another bag.  A small jab at my side alerted me of Xhianei trying to hand me a pencil and a piece of paper.  I took a look at the paper, smiled, and signed my name alongside the others' before she took it back to pin to a wall.

I picked up my bag and took Xhianei's hand as we all walked down the hall and up the stairs for the last time, stepping out into the chilly, salty air of the world above.  Once we walked to the outskirts Riv waved his hand to say he'd be a minute.  Curious, I followed him to one of the cliffsides.  He hopped up on a fallen stone and squatted, looking out east.

"You okay?" I asked, stepping closer and taking a seat by the stone.

"Ah, yeah, sorry," he said, chewing on a splint.  "Just...you know, lot to take in.  This place was my home, it and Huot're all I know."

"Worried?"

"That's a word."

We sat in silence for a moment, just looking out to the starry sky.

"I'm glad you're with us, you and Xhianei," he said.  "Sorry things in Huot didn't work out, but kinda at the same time I'm real glad they didn't.  You're good kids, nobody deserves that fate.  Happy I could help in some way."

"Where do we go from here?" I asked as he tossed the chewing splint somewhere.

"North," he said.  "From what Ulimi showed me there should be towns on a trade route north of here, and with the money we've got they'll be willing to let us come along.  Keep goin' 'til you're where you want to be."

I looked down toward my feet and thought about what lay ahead.  Riv hopped off the stone and looked down at me with an arm outstretched, those pale eyes evoking a feeling of calmness.

"We're all goin' together, nobody left behind."

I looked at his hand, then back at him, and accepted, getting back onto my feet.  Side by side we made our way back to the group.  All together, we took our first steps north.

---

Mom,

I'm sorry that things here didn't turn out how you planned.  I know it wasn't something you could foresee and we really did try to make it work, but I guess things here had something else in mind.  If you send for us, I don't know where we'll be, but I hope to see you again.  We love you and miss you dearly, you and Parana both.

But don't worry about us, mom.

We'll be alright.

--- ---

Thanks for reading.

[ai-qa]

Reflections

As soon as he saw me he quickly turned away again as though looking for something.  I took a few steps closer to overhear some mumbling, cursing about something under his breath.

I remembered what Saffron had said the previous night, how the hat helped to darken his eyes for the sake of those who had to look upon him.  Saffron's story filled many gaps I hadn't known about and pieced together a much larger, more complete image of those around me.  I held my arms close to me and closed my eyes.  A harsh, cold and salty breeze swept between us and without thinking I let out a small gasp of surprise from the chill, catching Riv's attention.  He looked back at me for but a moment before hopping off the broken wall and removing his jacket.  He stood before me, looking away and saying nothing, offering his jacket.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked.

He just continued to look away and keep quiet, only responding by shaking his offering to keep my attention.  I hesitantly reached out to accept the jacket, putting my short arms through the sleeves and wrapping it around my back.  I was puzzled by the lack of any zipper or buttons, but it was still warm and carried a scent reminiscent of bread.  Once I accepted his offer Riv started walking back to the broken wall.  I think he misunderstood.

"Thank you, but actually, I...I was hoping I could talk to you," I said.

He stopped mid-stride and slowly lowered his foot back to the ground.  A few seconds passed before he said anything.

"Ain't got my hat," was all he said, his own discomfort showing through his voice.

"You don't need it," I said, trying my best to be reassuring.

He stood in silence, stiffly, unwilling to budge.  Something about him seemed...sad, perhaps even vulnerable.  Was he really this concerned with my fears?  Had I really been so thoughtless?

My feet moved on their own, stepping slowly closer and stopping just behind him to his left.

"...I'm sorry," I said, looking up at him.

He turned his head slightly toward me.

"...What?"

"I'm sorry, Riv."

"...Saffron didn't set you up to do this, did he?"

"No, but...I did need him to show me how unfair I've been all this time.  I didn't realize I...I had been doing the very same thing others had done, both to me and to you.  I was bothered by things that didn't matter and never even gave you a chance when you helped us so much.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry."

I rubbed my eyes with the sleeves, trying not to cry.  Riv put his hand on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.

"You'd come around when you were ready.  Saffron's a good kid who doesn't like when people don't get along.  Not surprised he talked to you."

He reached up and over the wall to grab his club, an object of which I'd been wary, and I took a small step back.

"Just so we're clear, this ain't meant for you.  I get it's scary - that's kinda the point - but this is to protect those important to me, and that includes you."

Important?

"What is it for?"

"Corruptions, people tryin' to hurt us, those kinds of things.  You ain't on that list, so try not to worry about it.  The most you might ever deal with it is learnin' how to use it."

He started walking away, taking a few steps before I took some of my own.  Hearing my footsteps just behind him he paused briefly, turned his head just slightly enough to see me, and then continued on his way as I followed.  Before I knew it we were on a quiet walk around the back of the ruined town, heading toward a path of old steps leading to the sea below.

"Saffron...told me a lot about all of you, if that's okay," I said as my feet met the sand at the bottom of the stairs.

"Prob'ly felt it was only fair given what we know 'bout you, so not surprised any," he responded.

We both walked a short distance along the small beach before stopping and looking out toward the open ocean.

"...He told me a lot about you, too."

Instead of a normal response I received an uncomfortable smile and downcast eyes.

"...You're why everyone is here, right?"

"...Unfortunately."

"'Unfortunately?'"

"Wish I could give them more than this, more than a storm bunker in some forgotten, abandoned town.  I wish I could do...more than I'm able.  They're all good kids who deserve more than what life gave them...so much more...and I just--"

"Riv?"

"--I just hope I've helped make their lives a little bit worth living."

"Are you okay?"

"...I have to be, Xhias."

"They know you work hard and try everything you can, both you and Sura.  Saffron...told me all about it, just how hard you both work to keep everything, everyone safe and happy together.  Everyone here really loves you and appreciates what you've done.  I'm sorry I didn't see these things myself until now.  Thank you...for everything you do."

I looked up toward Riv.  While he didn't speak, the tears welling in his eyes said everything.

A moment of silence crept by as he thought through my words.  I took the time to reflect on everyone's shares, how when they had nothing but each other they still pushed forward and kept each other going.  I never realized how remarkable that was.

"Do you think the people from Huot will try to find you?"

"Dunno.  They definitely have reason to given what I did, but not sure they'd care enough about dilute kids to come after 'em, especially out to a place like this.  Prolly happy enough we left, but it's that uncertainty that kills me."

"How did you know about this place, anyway?  From what Saffron said it was like you knew about it before you all came here."

"...This was my hometown."

"You...lived here?"

"...Back when it was a place to live.  Got destroyed by a line of bad storms and a tornado back some twelve years ago.  The bunker's there for that reason, though there was nothing left after the storms were over.  People lost their homes, some lost their lives.  I lost my mom and therefore my home.  Got sent to Huot since, well, not like it's far.  Been there since."

"I'm...sorry.  I don't know what to say."

"Sometimes things happen.  Sometimes the things that happen ain't fair and there's nothin' we can do about it except move on, 'specially something like weather."

"I hope I'm not making you upset."

"Nah, just...a lot to think through.  There's always a lot to think through."

I thought back to some stranger parts of Saffron's story, things only Riv could answer.

"Um...who is Celadon?" I asked.

"...The foster home had rules for us non-pure kids.  One of those was adopting a different name to sort of separate us from where we came from.  Seemed to me it was to make us forget who we were.  Celadon was the name they forced me to take.  We all had one, but Saffron's the only one who still uses it.  Dunno 'bout Harley, if that was her name before or after or what, but I guess it don't matter."

"...Are you still worried about Harley?"

"Every day.  Been trying real hard to fix the damage that...person caused.  She's been openin' up more and actin' more like her old self again instead of going quiet and hiding away.  Hate knowing she won't be completely the same, but...she can still be happy and live a normal life even with that behind her.  I'll do whatever I can to ensure that."

Another sharp, cold breeze blew past us.

"Riv, did he...hurt you, too?"

Riv's ears flattened and he turned his head away, but from where I stood I could see a solitary tear running down his face.

"...Yeah, he did.  A lot."

"I'm sorry, I--"

Riv reached out and pulled me closer, snug up against his side as his hand carefully grasped my upper arm.  With one arm he held me tightly, saying everything with nothing.  I rested my head on his ribs and we both stood there for a while, silently watching the shallow waves lap along the shoreline.

"This is something that stays with you forever, even with a lot of help and understanding.  Didn't mean to make it weird, just...I'm glad you both never stayed there.  So, so glad."

I said nothing, just continued to lean on him and watch the ripples of light on the surface.  Several minutes passed, but it felt like time stood still.

"Anyway, it's late," he said, releasing me.  "I need to make rounds and you need to get to bed."

We both turned and headed back up the stairs, up the trail, and back to his post.  I gave him back his jacket before making my retreat back to the bunker.  For the first time we both looked at each other directly and smiled, giving a silent nod before we parted ways.

[ai-qa]

To Bridge a Gap

The days which followed were...strangely normal.  Or, I guess what I thought normal would be like, at least compared to how life had been up until now.  Despite being so far from where we'd spent our lives we felt a lot safer and more at-ease, taking up various household chores to better function as a family unit instead of a bunch of runaways.  That wasn't too hard or far from the usual, though-- we mostly just took care of ourselves and each other even back at the foster home.  Everyone had some weight to pull and, honestly, it's not like there was a whole lot else to do out in the middle of nowhere, in a destroyed and forgotten town.

Connor handled simple tasks like collecting waste and adding to the compost.

Harley helped with food preparation, dishes, and laundry.

I mostly foraged, but did other small jobs asked of me.  I also helped teach Connor and Harley  things like reading and basic math if I had the time.

Sura did a lot, like cooking, laundry, and making and mending clothing.  We didn't really have much to our names, maybe a couple changes of clothes each, so we appreciated that there was someone around who could fix what we had and make more of what we needed.  She helped with a lot of other jobs the little kids had, too, if they needed it-- dishes, food waste, those kinds of things.

Riv, well...we didn't see him a whole lot.  He slept during the day so he could keep watch over the place at night, keeping any eye out for foster home staff and any possible hostile corruptions that might come through.  In the early evenings he would forage for things Ulimi might need and set off for Huot in the dead of night every few days, making what money he could and coming back with food from the shop.  He didn't like me helping him forage for things, saying "I don't want my problem to be your problem" or something along those lines.  He'd do what he could to spend time with us anyway, both he and Sura doing their best to ensure we felt safe and cared for.  He took his work around here pretty seriously, though we could tell it was stressful.

We didn't want to be here any longer than we had to be, so he worked hard to pull together what money and goods he could get to make the venture north that much easier.  People do what they can with what they have, and we weren't exempt from that rule.

***

I stared at Saffron throughout his story, my eyes wet from all this new information.  I really had no idea about any of this, just some very subtle behaviors and cues.

"Like I said," Saffron sighed, "Riv is why we're living in some old deserted town ruins and not in a large house back in Huot...but there are far worse things than being homeless.  I'd rather be out here living in a basement than living in that...person's house again.  I think I speak for everyone here."

"...What Sura told us...makes a lot more sense now," I muttered, hugging my knees.

I thought back to Xhianei and how the doorman treated us in kind.  Were there really people like that in the world?  If she got hurt like Harley did I'm...I'm not sure what I would do.  Could I even do anything?  They were a lot bigger than me.  I would probably just make it worse if I tried, but I couldn't just...not do anything.

"I do understand that the people here probably look a lot different than what you're used to, Xhias," Saffron said, scratching one ear.  "You came from an entirely different region and adjusting to this is hard.  We're not new to that kind of thing and we want you to feel welcome and accepted here, but you'll also have to give a little more of what you receive."

I thought about it briefly.  Had I really been so unfair all this time?  I guess that was a dumb question, mulling over how standoffish I had been these past few weeks.  I hadn't meant to be rude or unjust, and honestly didn't think those things made the impact they had.  The realization brought tears to my eyes.

"I don't want...to be like my dad."

"Ah, I don't think you could if you tried," Saffron uttered through an understanding smirk.  "Some things you just have to learn.  It's when you refuse to learn that it becomes a problem.  An appearance is just an appearance: Clothes are just clothes, jewelry is just jewelry, hair is just hair.  More importantly-- his eyes are just eyes, just like yours are."

With that said Saffron stood back up to his feet and stretched, taking my plate from beside me.

"I'm getting up anyway so I'll take this back with me," he said, turning away to head back.

"Saffron, I...did you..." I wasn't sure how to word my question.

"...No, I wasn't," he looked back.  "I appreciate your concern.  Connor was never out of sight so he wasn't, either.  Sura and I were too old upon arrival."

"...What about--"

I could see a grimace begin to spread across Saffron's face before he turned and walked away, ears flattening and saying nothing else.  I slowly turned to face ahead of me once more, holding my knees tightly as my ears sagged with strange, heavy emotion.

I had a lot to think about.

---

Night fell quickly, and before I knew it the rest of us kids were sent to bed for the night.  Each went to their respective rooms, Xhianei following me to ours.  The both of us flopped onto the straw bed, ready to sleep after a long day.  It was nice and cool outside so we made use of the makeshift blankets.  It didn't take long for Xhianei to pass out but I found myself just staring up at the ceiling, tracing the moonlight against the hanging tarps and wires.

Down the hallway I heard the hushed voices of Riv and Sura saying their goodnights.  The quiet flap of the curtain falling cued the familiar slow shuffle of footsteps down the hall before disappearing up that far flight of stairs.

I laid there trying to figure out what to do.  I looked over to Xhianei passed out next to me before looking back up to the ceiling.

...Okay.

I took a deep breath and sat up, scratching my head before rising to my feet.  Carefully, I reached out for the curtain in the doorway, pulled it back, and looked down the empty hall.  Even with all the people down here, hardly a sound could be heard as they slept.  I slowly, quietly made my way down the hall and to the base of the stairs leading outside.

For once I acted without thinking, ascending the stairs as quietly as I could manage and gripping the metal railing to keep myself steady.  It wasn't long before I arrived at the top, pushing past one last curtain and stepping into the outside world.

A short distance away Riv sat atop the remains of a wall just staring out across the field, club in hand.  He seemed too focused on his survey to have heard me coming.  I stopped a couple yards from where he sat.

"...Hey."

His ears perked and he turned just enough to look back at me, those eerie, bright eyes meeting my own.

[ai-qa]

Uneasy Does It

Just outside the doorway was the thud of something soft hitting the floor.  Sura stood up, stretched, and looked back down to the both of us.

"Just a minute," she said with a smile before turning back around and heading out of room.

Some seconds after was the sound of someone losing their footing, likely tripping on something.  A couple steps followed, and then an echo from a light smack.

"Ack, what'ya want?" came an unfamiliar voice.

"I've told you how many times to stop leaving your clothes on the floor," Sura complained.  "Ya keep doing that and I'm gonna strangle you."

"Not if you break your neck first," they retorted.  "That'll prolly happen first from the looks of it."

Another slap sound.

"'Scuse me, ma'am, but this is clearly domestic abuse 'n I ain't gonna stand for it."

"Oh, shut up."

After a couple looks of confusion between Xhianei and I, their conversation hushed to unintelligible whispers.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry 'bout it," said the new person.

Before we could formulate any expectations the tarp curtain was drawn, revealing a rather tall, dark male figure.  He stood there for a moment looking down at us before squatting down to better meet our height.  I could somewhat make out the shape of some kind of club covered in spikes held over his right shoulder and a dark flat cap atop his head, shielding much of the upper face in shadow.

"So you're the kids I found passed out in no man's land, yeah?" he asked.  "Take it you came outta Huot."

Xhianei nodded, but perhaps by instinct I found myself turning my head slightly away.  The more my eyes adjusted to the light, the more uneasy I felt about him, his dirty clothes and ragged torn ear.  He seemed like some kind of scrapper, even carrying a weapon into the room to talk with us for some reason.

"Not too chatty, huh?  S'alright, still early, but I’m sure ya got a lotta questions."

Xhianei looked back to me, then back to him.  I could feel she wasn't terribly impressed with my behavior, but something just...didn't sit right with me about him.  I could get used to the others, probably, but this was different.  At least it felt different to me.

"Why did you bring us here?" Xhianei finally asked.

"Well surely it ain't the best thing a couple'a small kids sleep outside, what with the cold 'n corruptions 'n weirdoes roaming around," he answered, chewing on his wood splint.  "Figured you came from that hellhole south'a here like the rest of us.  We got no problem havin' ya both here if you do your part with helpin' people take care of each other.  Yanno, chores 'n whatever else Sura prolly already said."

"What would we have to do?" she asked further despite my silence.

"Ah, just stuff like helpin' find food or gettin' food or mending clothes.  Not askin' the moon or anything.  We all play a part here, even Connor and he's, like, four."

"We could do that, right?" Xhianei turned to me.

"...Sure." I uttered.

"Good to hear.  'm sure you'll both fit in just fine.  Got names?"

"I'm Xhianei," she said happily, turning to me a second time.

My back was hunched and my ears flattened.  I couldn't help but fixate on his eyes, which even through the shadow cast by his cap were so light and unnerving they looked almost like they were glowing.  It creeped me right out, especially with his heavy-lidded leer.

I felt a smack across my arm and looked at Xhianei, who looked right back at me in disgust.

"...Xhias." I finally confessed.

"Some interesting names, there.  Can certainly tell you ain't local."

I squinted in his general direction, though this time he picked up on it.

"Kid, believe me, y'ain't want t'be local to a place like here.  Y'wouldn't be where y'are now if everything in Huot worked out.  Much as it sucks, things go how they do for a reason."

He looked over to our bag and grabbed it with his spare arm, gently plopping it on my lap.

"Sura will show you where t'put your stuff and where you'll be sleeping.  This bunker thing's pretty big so there's plenny'a space.  Welcome to the garbage kingdom."

He then patted Xhianei on the head and stood back up, stretching his legs and stringing his club up on some cables a short distance from us.

"Now, if you both don't mind, 'm tired and you're in my room."

Without a word the both of us stood up, the bag slung over my shoulder.  We both took a long stretch before reaching for the curtain and taking our first steps around this place.

"By the way--" he trailed off as I grabbed the tarp.

I reluctantly turned my head to look back at him, now lying on the bed with one leg atop the other knee and his hands behind his head.

"I did take one'a your pastry things from the bag.  Consider it compensation for bringin' you where you won't get mugged."

No words came to me, just an unimpressed glare.

"That's ok, we have a lot we could share with the others, too," Xhianei assured, tugging on my arm.

"Sure they'd like it.  Ulimi makes some nice food."

"Ulimi?" Xhianei inquired.  "The man at the store?"

"Sandy-colored, short hair, twisted horns," he listed.  "That's him."

"Ah, he was very nice and the food was very good!" she chirped.

"'ll be sure to lettim know," he said through a toothy grin.  "See the two'ya later."

Xhianei tugged my arm a second time as I scowled, finally drawing back the curtain to let him sleep and finally see just where exactly we were.

---

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[ai-qa]

Quiet Panic

That was probably the hardest I had ever slept.

When I awoke it was to a...rather unfamiliar sight.  I remember we had fallen asleep outside, by some rocky cliffs and fields, but instead of the hard ground and cool grass beneath me was some kind of cloth?  My heart skipped a beat as I shot upright, turning my head in every direction as my sight sharpened and adjusted to the darkness.  All around me were walls, proper walls with some kind of tarp strung up from the ceiling, loosely covering the gist of the surface.  At the far wall was a small window, the glass broken into several jagged shapes and the blue of the early morning sky pouring through the teeth.

I looked down to both sides, spotting Xhianei to my left just like before.  Somehow she was still asleep through my panic.

"Xhianei, Xhianei, wake up!" I whispered, gently shaking her awake.

She did little more than grunt in her sleep, as expected.

"Come on, this is weird and I'm freaked out!" I said, shaking a little harder.

She finally, slowly started to wake up, letting out a big yawn and rubbing her eyes.  After a brief, hazy glance across the room she looked back to me.

"Where are we?" she uttered, groggily.

"I...I don't know," I replied.  "I just woke up and saw we were here, wherever 'here' is.  Do you remember anything?"

Xhianei sleepily shook her head before continuing her look-around.

My hair stood on end pondering the possibilities as I patted the area around us.  It was some kind of bed or sleeping pad, a few sheets of tough cloth atop a flat pile of straw.  Not the most comfortable thing, but better than the ground, I'll admit.  Behind us were even a couple of crude pillows, quite flat but again, better than the ground.  The tarps on the walls had patches here and there and the near wall held a rope and not much else.

"Are we gonna be okay?" Xhianei asked, snapping me back out of my thoughts.

"I think so?" I answered, though I was really not certain.  "If someone wanted to do something to us they would have by now, I guess."

Xhianei wrinkled her nose at the thought.  I'd probably have done the same with such a nonanswer, but it was the best I had.

"Where's our bag?" she reupped.

"Uh--"

I looked around.  Nothing.

I looked behind me again.  Still nothing.

It took longer than I'd like to admit to realize the blanket I peeled off just earlier was also not ours, missing along with the bag.

There wasn't much time to think about what might have happened before soft footsteps could be heard in the distance.  There were multiple, some faster and some slower, and nowhere to escape should we need it.  My mind was racing to find any way out of our containment as the shuffling of feet on cement grew louder.

And then it stopped.

I turned in the general direction of the noise, looking around that wall.  It took a moment to see there was a gap between the ceiling and that tarp, so they must be there--

A hand had already found the end of the tarp and begun to slowly draw it back.

"You both awake?"

---

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[ai-qa]

Only Scratching the Surface

I looked over my shoulder to where the voice came.  Saffron stood there, looking down to me and seemingly waiting for my response.  Though hard to read, something about him gave off a troubled vibe, so I swallowed and prepared for the worst.

"Uh, sure," I said.

Saffron took a few steps, sitting beside me a short distance away.  I dove my fork into the cut of fish on my plate, waiting for him to start talking.  He looked back to the rest of the group, where Sura was still serving the younger kids.  I looked over as well, when Riv came sauntering around the corner of a ruined house with who appeared to be Xhianei riding up on his shoulders.  I couldn't make out much of it from this distance, but she was stood on the ground in front of the serving area before too long.  He and Sura then took the plates for the youngest kids to a spot full of papers, probably some kind of schoolwork.  Only after Sura and the kids were situated did Riv go back to serve up his own dinner.

Saffron's ears flattened as he turned his head slowly forward.  Finally, with a deep breath, he started to talk.

"I think you're being unfair," he declared.

"Unfair?" I asked, taken aback.  "What did I do?"

"I've seen for a while now how you avoid...certain people in this group," he said.  "I don't think I need to break that down any further.  You know what I'm talking about."

He paused to cut a bite of the fish on his plate and bring it to his mouth.  I didn't know what to say and just looked aside in discomfort.

"I notice a lot of things," he reupped.  "You don't hide it as well as you'd like to believe.  Most people don't."

"...What is this actually about?" I asked, dismayed.

"We'd like you to stop avoiding Riv," Saffron proposed.

"Uh, 'we'?"

"Do you really think he hasn't noticed?  Sura has, too, for that matter."

I fell silent as he took another bite of his food.  The awkward pause felt like an hour.

"...I can't, I'm sorry."

Saffron closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with an irritated sigh.

"Just...I don't know.  Something about him just scares me, okay?" I looked down to the food on my plate.  "I thought as long as I did my work around here it wouldn't matter.  I'm not even sure what he does, anyway."

"You're not just here to work, you're here to live with us like a family," Saffron said, unamused.  "Do you know anything about him at all?"

"...Do I want to?"

"Xhias, it's a simple question," he scolded.  "Do you know anything about him, or do you not?"

"...No," I admitted, my ears flattening.

"Okay, so here's someone you know nothing about, but you're dead-set on disliking and even avoiding them for some reason?" he chided.  "How is that fair in any way?"

"He's big and got those creepy eyes and toothy grin and carries a nail-spiked club everywhere, I guess!?" I asserted, trying to keep my voice down.

"So...you're afraid of him because he looks different than you?" Saffron deduced between bites.  "You don't think that's the least bit stupid?"

I kept quiet, but the look on my face gave away my thoughts.

"Xhias, did you forget why you're here?"

"...Because my sister and I were forced out of our home?"

"I mean 'here' as in where you're currently sitting and with the people you're living with.  It was only a few weeks ago so I doubt you forgot."

"Okay, what about it?"

"Let me summarize it for you since you're being stubborn: You arrived to this region to be immediately turned away from where you were supposed to go, because of what you are...because of what you look like.  You were told this by the only one in Huot who treated you both like people instead of an inconvenience.  He told you to head north and you both did so, later passing out in an open field no-man's-land until the big scary guy you avoid like the plague brought you here where you could have some shot at something better.  Sound familiar now?"

I said nothing but just looked at the plate in front of me, now cold.

"We know about you and we know what you are, yet none of us had any problem taking you both in.  You've been helpful in your own ways and everyone appreciates it-- yes, even Riv.  He could certainly have just left you both out there to suffer on your own and we could have pushed you right back out that proverbial door the moment you opened your own creepy eyes that first morning if they were such a problem.  Except, you know, they're not, so we didn't.  We know what that's like, so why would we do it to anyone else?"

"...You know what it's like?" I asked, a bit incredulous.

"You don't know much about any of us," Saffron swallowed the last scoop of peas.  "We didn't think it was important so we didn't want to burden you with those things."

"Burden me?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Think back to the way people reacted when Huot was brought up.  I was there when Sura told you not to go back there, and that how things were there wouldn't happen here.  People don't say those things or act that way for no reason."

I picked at the food on my plate, having lost my appetite.  Something welled up in the pit of my stomach where my hunger had been and felt like a punch in the gut.  Without looking, Saffron took notice.

"There won't be any food until tomorrow morning so I really suggest eating, even if you've let it go cold.  It's definitely better than nothing and we're trying to avoid waste."

I gave a shallow nod and attempted another bite.  Saffron looked up to the yellowing sky, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath as his ears flattened again.

"Just to get this out of the way-- Riv is why we're living in some old deserted town ruins and not in a large house back in Huot."

He opened his eyes again, but they looked different from any other time I had seen them.  They were reminiscent of Sura's eyes from a few weeks ago, giving away that same strange sense of pain.  I opened my mouth to say something, but decided against it.

"I really didn't want to be the one to tell you all of this and I'm sure there are details I don't have, but I think it's time you learn...why we're here."

---

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[ai-qa]

Scopaesthesia

With the surge from tipping over onto the ground just below I snapped back awake.  Looking around it seemed only a minute or two had passed.  Xhianei had fallen over with me, but was still sleeping like nothing happened.  It was remarkable how heavily she could sleep.

I smiled a little bit to myself before reaching for the thin blanket, pulling it back up over the both of us.  My bleary eyes blinked slowly, exhausted from earlier today.  I looked back up to the sky, to the cliffside just behind us, and listened intently to the noises of nighttime.

My mind was too tired to humor more than fleeting thoughts.

I rolled aside, grabbed my sister, and held her close.  In her sleep she responded accordingly, returning the favor.  It was a bit colder here than it was at home so the extra warmth was appreciated.  She appeared to agree.

Though, you know?  As my sleepy eyes blinked the last few times that night I-- I didn't really know why, but couldn't quite shake the feeling that we weren't alone.

---

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