Jul 9
need for my 6’3 bf to bear hug me and keep me trapped in his arms while i can’t move at all and he softly works his lips on my neck and ears and whispers how i’m gonna stay still and take it because i’m a good girl
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from Sweden
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from Japan
seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from Russia
need for my 6’3 bf to bear hug me and keep me trapped in his arms while i can’t move at all and he softly works his lips on my neck and ears and whispers how i’m gonna stay still and take it because i’m a good girl
“used to play a game when i’d date a guy, tally up all the girls that he fucked til i start to cry, i thought i found the antidote this time, i thought i found the antidote this time”
the cure by olivia rodrigo as a whole hits home, but the line above sticks out to me the most as a person that has steadily struggled with jealousy and ocd compulsions, someone who has found comfort in agonizing about hypothetical and past situations to feel a semblance of control over them because the anxiety levels were so high whenever i thought about them. i used to find myself purposefully seeking out information so i could justify my insecurities and project pain where i saw fit even if it didn’t need to exist there because i was so used to being hurt and left behind. i was so used to being replaced and abandoned and thought wholeheartedly that i wasn’t enough. even in the very consistent and supportive relationship i’m in right now i kept doing it. she’s right, love won’t be the cure. some sicknesses you learn to live with and adapt to.
such a good boy for admitting how much he needs to feel taken care of and doted on. precious thing, mommy will make sure all of your needs are met, don’t you worry.
also happy pride month to the bisexuals in a straight relationship just because you are dating someone of the opposite sex doesn’t erase your identity!! SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE WHORES THAT THINK OTHERWISE!
I AM BISEXUAL!!! ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE
i need you to understand that my jealousy comes from the deepest darkest parts of my mind. i fixate on your past because imagining there was someone else but you felt so deeply towards before me hurts. we all have a past, yes, but i am your first. your first everything. you choose me? what about her? what about everything you did together before? how much you probably thought about her the same way you think of me. it’s an excruciating thought process because i can’t separate what was then to what is now. i wonder if there are moments you think what if. and i wonder if i’m any part of that.
if i’m being honest i hope that after we die there is nothingness, because i can’t bear the thought of going somewhere and not finding you again.
whatever. can you pull me into your arms? can you let me rest there against you? let my head press down on your chest? so i can listen to your heart beat? will you rub circles into my back? will you whisper soft nothings? will you tilt my head back so you can kiss me gently but firm? let your gaze linger on mine when we pull away? hold eye contact with me while i melt inside? smile at me like i hung up all the stars in the sky? will you take care of me? will you stay with me when things get hard? will you understand me like nobody ever has? can you let me love you in the only way i know how? can i be unabashedly myself around you? can i smile with my teeth? can i show off my figure? will you help me get over my fear of candids? will you not judge me for my actions? can you show me how to trust you? can i let my guard down around you? will you allow me to be angry? will you allow me to be sad? can i talk to you about my late mother? can i tell you all the things that happened to me when i was young? will that help you understand why i am the way that i am? will you still love me even if i’m a wreck? will you take me to the ocean? can you? can you let me call you baby? can you let me call you daddy? can you be my best friend? can you be the love of my life? will you? will you stay with me? will you love me as much as i love you? can you show me it’s not difficult? will you show me it’s safe?
are you safe?
it’s 7:02 am and i’m thinking about how lucky i am to have someone like you in my life i can lean towards, that i can hold, and cherish. you make me laugh and smile on the days i feel the most helpless. your encouragement and support mean the world to me, because fighting the voices in my head alone sometimes isn’t enough to get rid of them. i need your voice to echo louder than the ones blaring in my head. i need you to outdo them, to help me tune them out, and you know how to every time. i don’t feel as lost having you there by my side. you push me forward and remind me that i’m not as doomed as i thought i was. i’m thinking about how i love you more than words can describe. i feel it deep in my chest and in my bones. i feel like i can conquer the world now that i’ve loved you, because loving you is one of the greatest things i ever did.