Not does he fuck, we all know he fucks, the question I want to answer is whether he's any good at it.
Because on paper, this guy is great. He's a naturally kind generous person, he's fun, he's adventurous, he canonically has basically 0 hang-ups about anything sexual. He cares about people, but he wouldn't be weird or clingy if it was just a casual thing.
But IDK how to express this exactly, but to me, he just has the vibes of someone who is completely average in the sack. He's not bad, and you'd probably call him back if you hadn't met anyone else in the meantime, but no one is putting this man on their best fucks ever list. He's aggressively fine.
But my partner thinks I'm insane, and Ichiban is great in bed. So I'm coming to you, RGG fandom on tumblr, as the people who spend the most time thinking about the sex lives of Yakuza protags, to solve this debate.
So...
Is Ichiban Kasuga good in bed?
Best fuck of your life guarenteed
Not the best but pretty great
Fine, nothing to write home about
Not great
Actually terrible
Who is this man/No Yakuza protagonist fucks/Vanilla Essence etc
After the massive venture that was RyuHan, I am back to regular(ly irregular) unscheduled stuff :D Last month was RGG Online’s 3rd anniversary, and for that they celebrated it using Y:LAD, the one game that cannot be canon to RGGO’s timeline/universe. Why? Who knows, but their mindset seems to be that as long as Ichiban never physically appears in the Y:LAD stories, the barrier and space-time continuum between RGGO-Y7 and Y:LAD-Y7 remains stable :D
The main character is Nanba! I’ll be splitting this whole thing into 2 parts. Click on for the Prologue, Chapter 1-2, + Nanba’s Side Comments!
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Nanba’s comments on objects and places:
My weapon (Vinyl Umbrella) – “It’s my favorite weapon. To be clear, the endurance is quite low. But the biggest advantage is that you can find a replacement immediately.”
My armor (Clothes) – “It’s my favorite combination. I usually have the hood down, but when I pull it over, I’m in combat mode.”
Vending machine – “A valuable source of income for us. As you get used to it, you’ll generally know if coins have fallen before you look down to search.”
Mysterious stone [in-game item] – “A mysterious glittering fragment. By my intuition as a homeless person, I can tell . . . this is a good thing to take with you.”
Tricked-out dice [in-game item] – “In the homeless society, it’s illegal to deceive your companions. . . . But if you use this for someone other than your companions, it’s okay.”
Ijincho homeless shelter – “My headquarters. I don’t live here because I want to . . . I have a certain reason. Home is where you make it, even a place like this.”
Small restaurant – “A small restaurant run by Hamako-san. Well, it’s not cooking that’s being sold. It’s also a hideout of our party.”
Survive – “This is also our hideout. We received help thanks to the understanding master. But that master isn’t just a regular person . . .”
Nanba’s comments on people:
Ichiban – “A former yakuza who rolled in half-dead. He has a weird perm and his behavior is outlandish, but he’s strangely easy to get along with. You can’t hate the bastard.”
Saeko – “A strong hostess. She’s our only female companion. She huddles up together with us when sleeping and has nerves of steel. To be honest, I feel like escaping.”
Adachi-san – “The old man is a former detective. He foolishly rejected pension living and became a vagrant. But the strong sense of justice is truly that of a former detective.”
Blackmailing man [in-game enemy] – “We are socially vulnerable. We receive unprovoked violence. But I’ll do my best to fight the guy trying to steal money!”
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----
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PROLOGUE
|In the wake of the death of Nonomiya, the manager of Otohime Land, Kasuga and his party became friends with Mukoda Saeko. Pushing forward with the investigation, the death of Nonomiya seems to be related to Mabuchi’s hefty revenue source, ‘Yokohama Trading Company’—thus Kasuga and his party decided to sneak in as part-timers, and together with Saeko in preparation for the next day went to sleep in the hideout.|
Nanba: “. . . . . . It’s useless. I can’t sleep at all.”
----
Nanba: “Ugh . . . Saeko tempted me into drinking too much . . .”
???: “. . . What are you doing, Nanba?”
Nanba: “. . . . . . Adachi-san.”
Adachi: “Man, the way Saeko chugs liquor was amazing . . . I accidentally drank too much . . . So . . . did you come out to vomit too?”
Nanba: “No . . . I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep . . .”
Adachi: “Nervous? Even though you drank so much, you were nervous and couldn’t sleep . . . what on earth are you nervous about?”
Nanba: “. . . I’m concerned about Saeko. Maybe that’s why . . . I can’t sleep at all.”
Adachi: “You . . . didn’t fall in love with her, did you? Stop that, we can’t have a love affair within the group.”
Nanba: “I-It’s not like that! It’s just . . . well . . . I’ve never been together with a woman since I became homeless . . . That might be why I get nervous whenever a woman is nearby.”
Adachi: “When a woman is nearby, you’re nervous and can’t sleep . . . just like a middle school student.”
Nanba: “Shut up.”
Nanba: “Haa . . . but it’s difficult being sleepy but not able to sleep . . . what’s wrong with my body . . .”
Adachi: “. . . This is surprisingly serious. . . . We’ll be hanging out with Saeko from now on, it would be unpleasant if you continue being unable to sleep . . . Alright, it can’t be helped. Do you want to get used to a woman now, Nanba?”
Nanba: “Get used to a woman?”
Adachi: “Yeah. You can’t sleep because you’re not accustomed to women, right? Therefore, if you get used to socializing with a woman, you’ll be able to sleep soundly.”
Nanba: “Well . . . I know that, but where can I get used to a woman?”
Adachi: “Heh, at a cabaret club. A young woman sits nearby and talks, you’ll get used to socializing even if you don’t like her. Well, it costs money . . . but I found a nice and cheap club just the other day.”
Nanba: “. . . I think Adachi-san just wanted to go to one. But it sounds better than walking around without a plan . . . Adachi-san, lend me some money.”
Adachi: “Hehe, now you’re talking. Let’s go!”
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-END-
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CHAPTER 1
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Cabaret Woman A: “Ahaha! Adachi-san is so funny~!”
Adachi: “Hehe, is that so? Gahaha!”
Adachi: (Oops, not good, not good! I’m the only one enjoying myself here! We came to get Nanba accustomed to socializing with a woman, but Nanba isn’t comfortable . . .)
Nanba: “I’m . . . Na-Nanba.”
Cabaret Woman B: “I’m Ayu. Nice to meet you, Nanba-san.”
Nanba: “Ye-Yeah . . . nice . . .”
Ayu: “Fufu, maybe Nanba-san is nervous? I’m actually the same when meeting someone for the first time!”
Nanba: “Ye-Yeah . . . that’s right . . .”
Ayu: “Ri-Right . . . ahaha . . .”
Adachi: (Oh no, that Nanba. He’s so nervous and stiff . . . Even though the Miss is trying hard to find a topic, the air is dead because Nanba can’t speak . . . well, he can’t do it because he’s not used to being with a woman, but it’s also hard for the Miss to make conversation in this atmosphere . . . In that case . . . do I help out . . . ?)
Nanba: “. . . . . .”
Adachi: “Oi, Nanba! Don’t be nervous! Relax, relax!”
Nanba: “A-Adachi-san . . .”
Adachi: “Hey, Ayu-chan! Actually, this guy isn’t used to being around women. He feels nervous, so please be kind to him.”
Ayu: “Fufu, so that’s why you’re nervous. It’s so cute that you’re not used to girls ♪”
Nanba: “Cu-Cute? Me?”
Adachi: “Oi oi, Ayu-chan. The old man wearing glasses with such a thickly haired head isn’t cute~. Rather than him, aren’t I more cute?”
Nanba: “. . . No, that’s not true. I don’t think Adachi-san is even cute.”
Adachi: “What did you say? This white hair, bulging belly, aged face. Like a cute mascot, right?”
Nanba: “No! What mascot would have white hair, a belly and an aged face?!”
Ayu: “Ahaha! Surely there’s no such mascot~!”
Nanba: “Ri . . . Right? Haha.”
Ayu: “Nanba-san is so cute and funny! Are you an entertainer?”
Nanba: “No, I’m not . . .”
Ayu: “Eh~! Then you should become an entertainer! I’m sure it suits you!”
Nanba: “I-Is that so? Was I that funny?”
Ayu: “. . . Yes! I’d say about 30 points!”
Nanba: “No . . . isn’t that boring?!”
Ayu: “Ahaha! Nice tsukkomi~!”
Nanba: “Hehe . . . . . . thank you, Adachi-san.”
Adachi: “Heh, don’t worry about that. Do your best now.”
Adachi: (Alright . . . for now it seems I was able to create an atmosphere that’s easy to talk in. The conversation seems to have taken off and afterwards remained steady even without me.)
Drunk Customer: “What’s with that attitude! I’m a customer!”
Adachi: “Hm? What’s that?”
----
Waiter: “Customer! Please calm down!”
Drunk Customer: “Shut up! You seated such an ugly woman! Where’s my favorite woman . . . . . . oh?”
Drunk Customer: “Ooh, what’s that? A beautiful woman! Come to this seat, you!”
{The drunk customer grabs Ayu.}
Ayu: “Ow! Wait . . . please stop!”
Nanba: “. . . Oi, stop that, you drunkard.”
Drunk Customer: “Ah? What, bastard. Are you complaining?”
Nanba: “Just because you decided . . . doesn’t mean Ayu-chan likes it. Let go of her hand.”
Drunk Customer: “Heh, who’s going to make me—”
{Adachi steps close and twists the customer’s arm.}
Drunk Customer: “Ow . . . ow ow ow!”
Adachi: “Ayu-chan. Get away from here now.”
Ayu: “O-Okay . . .”
{Ayu quickly leaves.}
Nanba: “Nice one, Adachi-san!”
Adachi: “Heh, you were cool too, Nanba. So . . . how is it, drunkard? How do you find the pain of having your arm forcefully grabbed?”
Drunk Customer: “Damn it . . . I’ll get you back for this! I have a black belt in karate . . . I’ll make you regret going up against and attacking me!”
{Nanba and Adachi throw hands with the drunk.}
Drunk Customer: “Guh . . . you . . .”
Adachi: “Now! Nanba!”
Nanba: “Yeah! I reserved this for you!”
{Nanba punches the drunk one last time, making him collapse.}
Nanba: “. . . Phew. It’s unexpected for you not to do it, old man.”
Cabaret Club Ladies: “Kyaa! Amazing! So cool! The Onii-chan with glasses is strong~!”
Nanba: “. . . Hehe.”
Adachi: “Phew, let’s go back to our seats.”
Nanba: “. . . Yeah!”
----
Nanba: “. . . Iyaah~!! That was fun, Adachi-san!!”
Adachi: “That’s right. Wasn’t everyone head over heels for Nanba-san, the club’s hero?”
Nanba: “Now that you mention it? Ayu-chan’s eyes changed when looking at me after that . . . anyways, it was fun!”
Adachi: “. . . I was worried at first, but it seems you managed to get accustomed to a woman.”
Nanba: “Yeah! Thanks to Adachi-san for helping me out. I enjoyed talking with Ayu-chan because of you! I wasn’t nervous at all when Ayu-chan asked for my cellphone number at the end.”
Adachi: “Cellphone number?! Seriously?!”
Nanba: “But well . . . I don’t have a cellphone . . .”
Adachi: “That’s true . . . well anyhow, if you could talk to woman so much that she likes you, I think that’s okay.”
Nanba: “Yeah. I feel like I was able to get used to socializing with a woman perfectly! I think I can sleep well with this!”
Adachi: “Hehe, then let’s go back to bed.”
Nanba: “Yeah! Thank you, Adachi-san!”
----
Nanba: “. . . . . . I couldn’t sleep at all. I should have gotten accustomed to women at the cabaret club . . . so why?”
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-END-
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CHAPTER 2
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|Whenever Saeko is next to him, Nanba notices that he can’t sleep. Thinking that it was because he wasn’t accustomed to women, Nanba went with Adachi to get used to being in proximity with a woman. As a result, he succeeded in getting used to a woman, but for some reason he still couldn’t sleep until the next morning greets him . . . And then, the next night . . .|
Nanba: (. . . Seriously. I can’t fall asleep at all . . . it’s already the third day. It seems I can’t sleep even tonight . . . Yesterday I slept a little when I fainted at dawn, but I’m still fatigued because I slept so lightly and poorly . . . . . . . . . it’s dangerous to continue like this.)
Nanba: “Hey . . . Adachi-san. Can you come with me for a moment?”
----
Adachi: “Yawn . . . what’s wrong, Nanba? Should we go to the cabaret club again?”
Nanba: “. . . No, that’s not it. Actually, I haven’t been able to sleep even after we went to the cabaret club . . .”
Adachi: “. . . What did you say? You didn’t get used to women even after playing around that much?”
Nanba: “No, I don’t know . . . I don’t think so. Maybe there’s another reason why I can’t sleep . . .”
Adachi: “. . . I don’t want to talk here and be questioned by Saeko. Why don’t we take a little walk while we talk?”
Nanba: “. . . Sure.”
----
Adachi: “. . . But this is bad. Your body won’t last if you can’t sleep for three days, right?”
Nanba: “. . . . . . Yeah. To be honest, I still feel dizzy. I don’t think it’s strange that my mind is floating away . . .”
Adachi: “Are you nervous because you’re concerned about Saeko . . . ? If there’s a reason you can’t sleep other than not being accustomed to a woman . . . . . . it’s because you fell in love, isn’t it?”
Nanba: “. . . That’s wrong. I think Saeko is certainly cute, but I’m not in love with her.”
Adachi: “. . . . . . Then I wonder why.”
???: “Wa-Wait! Don’t touch me!”
Adachi and Nanba: “. . . hm?”
----
Slender Punk: “Hehe, you don’t have to be shy, Onee-san. You can’t sleep, that’s why you’re having a midnight stroll, right?”
Large Punk: “You’ll be able to sleep well if you hang out with us until morning.”
Saeko: “I’m saying I’m not looking for that kind of thing! You guys are sick . . .”
Large Punk: “What did you say? How about we kidnap you against your will then?”
Adachi: “. . . That kid isn’t one you can handle. You punks.”
Large Punk: “Ah?”
Adachi: “. . . That kid is our friend. Find someone else to badly pick-up.”
Nanba: “Oi oi . . . don’t agitate them too much, Adachi-san.”
Saeko: “Nan-chan . . . Adachi-san!”
Large Punk: “. . . Badly pick-up? What’s this, old man, you looking to start a fight with us?”
Adachi: “. . . Maybe. I’m sick of witnessing such vulgar language.”
Saeko: “. . . And isn’t it a fact that you’re bad at picking up girls? Try again after you’ve washed your arms and your faces.”
Nanba: “. . . Haa. I think I’ll go do that.”
Large Punk: “What did you say . . . both the woman and the old man looking down on us . . . Are you pissed off? I’ll show you pissed off!! Die!!!!”
{Nanba, Adachi and Saeko beat up the punks.}
Large Punk: “Guuh . . . you . . . this won’t be forgiven . . . remember this!”
{The punks run away.}
Adachi: “. . . Heh, there aren’t a lot of people who say that who are worth remembering.”
Nanba: “No! It’s not Saeko’s fault . . . it’s those punks from earlier . . .”
Adachi: “. . . By the way, why are you here Saeko? Couldn’t sleep?”
Saeko: “. . . Yup. Nan-chan didn’t seem able to fall asleep, I got worried about that and stayed up.”
Nanba: “. . . !”
Saeko: “So when I saw Adachi-san and Nan-chan going out, I was curious. Nan-chan . . . you can’t sleep, right?”
Nanba: “. . . Eh?”
Saeko: “You couldn’t sleep since the day I came, right? Isn’t it possibly my fault?”
Nanba: “No, th-that’s not the case . . .”
Saeko: “. . . really?”
Nanba: “. . . . . . Ye-Yeah. It was just by chance. A coincidence.”
Adachi: “. . . Hey, Nanba. Why don’t you talk to Saeko about it? Don’t hesitate from it, you’re friends.”
Nanba: “A-Adachi-san . . . . . . I understand.”
Saeko: “. . . What do you mean, Adachi-san?”
Adachi: “Since Nanba seems to be having difficulty saying it, I’ll say it. It’s true that Saeko is the reason why Nanba can’t sleep. It’s not like he’s looking at you with indecent eyes, but he gets nervous when you’re sleeping together.”
Saeko: “. . . Is that so. I’m sorry I never noticed, Nan-chan.”
Nanba: “No, Saeko didn’t do wrong . . . this is my problem.”
Saeko: “But . . .”
Adachi: “Heh, don’t worry about it, Saeko. It’s no big deal for a grown-up to not sleep for two or three days.”
Nanba: “. . . Yeah. Even when I was homeless, there were days when I couldn’t sleep.”
Saeko: “Oh . . . . . . okay. Then I won’t worry if you both say so! . . . But can I help Nan-chan sleep instead? It’s difficult seeing a Nan-chan who can’t sleep!”
Adachi: “Ooh, that would be appreciated. We were running out of ideas.”
Nanba: “I didn’t have the time to say it . . . but I actually need to pee . . .”
Adachi: “Haa . . . ? Then go quickly . . .”
Nanba: “I’ll be back in a moment!”
{Nanba runs off to do his business.}
Adachi: “Geez . . . well, while we’re waiting, can you think of a way for him to sleep?”
Saeko: “That’s . . . hmm . . . what’s good for insomnia . . . something like herbal tea or hot milk . . .”
----
Nanba: “That’s refreshing . . . I almost leaked there. Haa . . . why can’t I sleep when Saeko is nearby . . . even though I got accustomed to women . . . hm . . . it’s useless . . . my head is zoning out . . . as soon as I’m alone . . . the drowsiness . . . aah . . .”
Nanba: “. . . hm? A sofa . . . in such a place . . . it would be nice to lie down . . . but why’s the sofa . . . on a truck bed . . . I can’t go to sleep . . . but . . . just for a moment . . .”
{Nanba lies down on the sofa and immediately passes out.}
???: “Oi, let’s go quickly. Or those who are waiting at the wharf will turn numb.”
Suspicious Man A: “Hey, hurry up. You were in the restroom for a long time . . . !”
Suspicious Man B: “Isn’t that better than me shitting in the passenger’s seat? Stop complaining and let’s go.”
Suspicious Man A: “Tch . . . then drive fast.”
{The suspicious men get in the truck and start the engine.}
----
Adachi: “. . . . . . Who are those? Movers? They don’t look like civilians . . .”
Saeko: “. . . . . . Huh? Nan-chan?”
Adachi: “. . . Eh?! Nanba? Ce-Certainly not . . . where on earth is that guy . . .”
{The truck drives past Adachi and Saeko.}
Saeko: “. . . ! Adachi-san! The truck bed! I spotted Nan-chan just now . . . !”
Adachi: “What did you say?! Nanba is on that truck?!”
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-END-
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NOTES:
ナイスツッコミ= “nice tsukkomi”. When you point something out in a comedic manner, a witty comment in response to a joke. “Tsukkomi” refers to the “straight man” in a manzai comedy duo, in partnership with a “Boke” or “funny man”.
