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Yakmala: The Warrior and the Sorceress
“Add more muscles to the poster.” “David, you have the physique of a 50 year old pee wee soccer coach.” “I SAID MORE MUSCLES!” One evening, I went over to a friend’s place for a movie night, and he said, “So, what do you want to watch? Sci-fi? Horror? Fantasy? Bad fantasy?” Any loyal reader knows exactly what I picked, and that was how I was introduced to The Warrior and the Sorceress, which is…
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Yakmala: Barbarian Queen
Not quite sure where the extra barbarian came from.
I first became aware of Barbarian Queen in the distant days before Yakmala when I went to a friend’s house for a bad movie night. Remember when I complained about all the rapeyness in Deathstalker? Well, this one is so bad, my friend posited that the world of Barbarian Queenoperates entirely on a rape-based economy. Yeah… so that’s the kind of…
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Yakmala: Deathstalker
This never happens in the movie.
The 1980s was a wildly experimental time for pop cinema, due to all the free-floating cocaine and homoeroticism that had everyone’s brains in loops. Many subgenres rose and ultimately fell in this sweaty, coked up morass. The sweatiest of these subgenres was the brief vogue for laconic muscle-men loping through low fantasy worlds and lopping off the heads of…
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Yakmala: Catwoman
Her powers include forehead enlargement.
The 2004 Halle Berry vehicle Catwoman has been on Yakmala’s radar for a long time, but we’ve never had the courage to take the plunge. Spoiler alert: it’s just as bad as everyone says, if not worse.
Tagline: CATch Her in IMAX
More Accurate Tagline: Catch her in a giant cardboard box.
Guilty Party:This is probably unfair, but I’m blaming director Pitof for…
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New Satellite Show Episode 8: Xmas Office Party
The Panel gathers around the Yule log to tell tales of Christmas yore and delight fans with old standards and new favorites. The Yulemala classic “The Night They Saved Christmas” sheds new light on the origins of Yakmala. Peter O’Toole is honored as he…
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